Chapter 19

 

 

 

 

 

I thought about how things would be in Misty Bay as I stared out the small plane window. I knew that it wouldn’t be the same. I was a different person than when I had left. I didn’t know what was in store for Dawson and me, but I owed it to him to try.

Drew had arranged for a car to take me wherever I wanted to go once I had landed. That surprised me. I had the driver take me to my house. I needed time to myself to regroup before I let anyone know that I was home, wherever that was.

I smiled when I saw my old white Honda sitting in the drive. I hated that car so much; I loved it. It was beautiful there that time of year. I could hear the ocean screaming my name. I took a deep breath, savoring the warm summer, sea air.

I moved the flowerpot, hoping the key that I had kept hidden was still there. It was and fell from the bottom of the pot, clinking when it hit the concrete porch. I opened the door and stepped in. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I didn’t feel how I had expected to feel. I mean, it still felt warm and inviting. It just didn’t feel like mine anymore. I looked around and noticed the thick dust around the furniture.

Confused, I looked toward the table. I had a whole stack of mail. Some of it was opened, and someone had been paying my bills. I was sure that it was Dawson. I would figure it up and pay him back.

“I wanted to make sure that you had electricity when you got home,” I heard Dawson say from my front door.

I smiled at him. He was so handsome in his uniform, and my heart ached for him. I couldn’t imagine what he had been through for the last almost six months.

“Hey, sheriff,” I quietly spoke. I walked toward him as he smiled back.

He wrapped me in his arms, and he felt so, I don’t even know how to describe how he felt. I felt like I belonged there, and I missed him.

“Are you home?” he asked. I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know where home was at the moment.

I didn’t answer. I just looked up to him, and he kissed me, softly. “I missed you,” he whispered to my lips.

“I missed you too. How did you know that I was here?”

“I didn’t. I come by and check your mail every evening.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Does Lauren know you’re here yet?”

“No. I didn’t tell anyone. I just left.”

“Did he let you leave?”

I didn’t want to talk about Drew. I know it was stupid, and Dawson would never understand, not after what I had told him, but I didn’t wish anything bad on Drew, and I knew that Dawson did.

“Riley!” Lauren screamed from the door.

I laughed. I loved that girl.

She squeezed me so hard that I thought my eyeballs would pop out.

“I can’t believe that it’s you. It is you, isn’t it?” she teased.

I couldn’t answer that either. I wasn’t Riley Murphy. I was Morgan Kelley. I only smiled. “How are you?” I asked.

“Better now that we know that you’re okay. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” she asked, cocking her hip and resting a fist on the side.

I laughed. “I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

“Well, after you get settled back in, you could cook for me,” she joked.

“I would love to cook for you,” I admitted. I realized at that moment I had missed the simple things in life. I did miss her waking me up at the butt crack of dawn, and her coming over and raiding my refrigerator for leftovers.

Lauren didn’t stay long, knowing that I needed time with Dawson. I told her I would call her later and gave her my Las Vegas number.

Dawson ran back to town and brought us Mexican food while I showered. The refrigerator had been cleaned out, and there wasn’t much to cook there.

I pulled on my Riley jean shorts and a t-shirt. My cell phone rang while I towel dried my hair and I had a feeling that it was Drew. I didn’t think that Lauren would be calling already. Looking down at the name, it was Drew...

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hi, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yes, Drew. I’m fine.”

“Are you with him?” he asked. I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“Yes and no. He went to get us something to eat. He should be back any minute.”

“Oh,” he replied.

“Drew, I don’t know what you expect from me.”

“I don’t know that either, Morgan. I guess I was just hoping that you would see things differently.”

“How could I ever forgive you?”

“I don’t know that you could, but I sure would like for you to try,” he softly spoke.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Why did this have to be so difficult? I should hate him. I should throw him out on the streets. That’s what anyone else would have done. Why couldn’t I?

“I have to go, Drew,” I said hearing the car door from the driveway close.

“Because he’s back?”

“Yes, and I have enough on my plate right now. He doesn’t understand why I would talk to you.”

“Did you tell him?” he asked. He didn’t have to say anymore. I knew what he was asking.

“Yes, Drew, but I will tell you about it later. I have to go.”

“I love you, Morgan.”

“Drew,” I said. I couldn’t say it back. How could I?

“You don’t have to say anything. Goodbye, Morgan.”

“Bye, Drew.”

 

Dawson and I ate out on the deck. I loved my deck. I missed my deck and the views of the endless ocean. I wasn’t as hungry as I’d thought and folded the wrapper over my half eaten burrito.

“Come here,” Dawson requested, moving to the glider.

I went with him, and he wrapped his arms around me. I loved his smell, his protective feel, and the security that only his arms could give.

“We need to talk, Ry,” he said, tracing my fingers with his.

I didn’t feel right being called Riley anymore. I know that was what they all knew me by, but it seemed so superficial now, like a lie. It was a lie. That wasn’t who I was.

“What do you want to know, Daw?” I asked. I owed it to him to tell him anything that he wanted to know. I just didn’t know if I was ready to disclose it.

“I mostly want to know if I’m losing you. I don’t care about the rest. You have no idea how hard these last few months have been. All I could picture was you being hurt, and I couldn’t find you.”

“I don’t know where we stand right now,” I told him honestly. I was done with the lies, and I didn’t know. I didn’t know if we could go back to being Dawson and Riley. I wasn’t Riley.

“You’re not seriously thinking about going back to him, are you?”

I know that it shouldn’t have. He had a right, but it pissed me off. “No, but I’m not going to lie and tell you that the feelings aren’t there. They are Dawson, and I don’t expect you to understand. I know that it sounds absurd, but I can’t help it. He’s not the same Drew that I ran away from.”

“Why? What changed?”

“I don’t know, Dawson. He was different. He cared.”

“How can you say that, Ry? Six years. Six years he did horrendous things to you. You do remember that, don’t you?”

“I’ll never forget, but people can change.”

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots,” he stated. I snorted. I had told Drew that exact same thing.

I thought about telling him the whole story, about how it came that I would end up married to Drew Kelley and that I had more money than ten people could spend in a lifetime. I didn’t. I’m not sure why. I guess I just didn’t feel like we were there yet.

Dawson announced that he was going to head out around nine, and I was surprised but glad. I thought for sure he planned on spending the night. I didn’t really want him to, but I wasn’t going to tell him no.

I walked him out to his car, and he leaned against it, pulling my hand to come to him. He traced his thumb along my jaw line, and then moved his finger, tracing my scar. I kept both my hands on his chest, but not opened, they were clenched, almost like I was afraid to touch him. I wondered if it was because I felt like I was betraying Drew.

“You’re making this really awkward,” I smiled up at him.

“Are you waiting for me to kiss you?” he asked with the boyish grin that I also loved about him.

“Well, since you were planning on it anyway, you may as well.”

He leaned in, and I moved up on the tips of my toes. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t, if that makes any sense at all. He held the back of my neck as his tongue parted my lips and entwined with mine. I couldn’t help it. I moaned into his mouth after a moment or two. He felt so right. Was he though? He was before I forgot who I was. Why was it different now?

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered to my lips before pulling away. I didn’t want him to let me go. I wanted to tell him not to go, but I didn’t. I took a step back and slid my hands into the back pockets of my shorts.

I thought about calling Lauren but decided against it. Why did it feel different? Why didn’t I feel like I did before I left. I would have called Lauren anytime day or night, but now I felt like we weren’t that good of friends and we had drifted apart or something... It was probably just me. I guess I was reading more into it than I should’ve been.

I walked back into the house and right out the back door to the deck. I missed the beach. I hadn’t walked along the shore in months. I made my way down the rocky terrain and sat down in the still warm sand. That too didn’t feel the same. The ocean was more of an enigma, like it thought I didn’t belong there, like I had abandoned it too. Why was I having such a hard time being there? This was my safe haven, the only place in my life that I felt wanted. I knew what it was. I just hated to admit it. It was Drew Kelley. I let him get into my mind, and even worse, my heart. I was such an idiot.

As the darkness took over the night sky, I stayed on the beach. I didn’t feel any better sitting along the sands of the shore than I did in my house. I blindly made my way back up the rough terrain. It was pitch black dark, I couldn’t see one white sneaker in front of the other.

I showered and decided to dust and clean my forgotten, neglected house, trying to keep my mind busy. Hopefully, I could tire myself out, enough to sleep, rather than contemplate. I didn’t want to think anymore. I just wanted it to stop. It wasn’t going to work. I knew this when my cell phone rang. I debated before answering when I saw Drew flashing across my screen.

I took a deep breath and answered, plopping on the couch.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Can you talk?”

“Do you mean am I alone?”

“Yeah, sort of. I hate the thought of you being in another man’s arms or anyone else kissing your soft lips.”

I blew out a short puff of air. This man was impossible. “I’m alone.”

“What are you doing?”

“Cleaning house. What are you doing?”

“It’s eleven o’clock, and you are a millionaire times a hundred or so. You don’t have to clean house.”

“I’m cleaning because I need to occupy my mind, and that’s a lot of money, huh?”

He laughed. “Yeah, it is. What’s on your mind?”

“Stupid you.”

“You’re thinking about me?”

“Not the way you’re hoping that I am,” I lied. I was thinking those stupid thoughts. “I was just thinking about this place they call skid row in LA. It’s the largest stable population of homeless people in the United States. I figure you could probably make a few friends.”

Drew laughed even though I didn’t say it lightly. That was exactly where I should have sent him.

“I heard that Derik was in pretty bad shape,” he commented, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I went to see him before I left.”

“You did?” he asked a little shocked.

“Yeah, I think that I may be just a little demented. I took great pleasure in seeing him in pain. Did you go see him?”

“No, I’m afraid that I would take great pleasure in that too.”

“You did the same thing, Drew, only worse.”

“How can I fix it, Morgan?”

“I’m not sure that you can. I don’t know what to do. I have Dawson here, who loves me and has always treated me like I was a princess with the utmost respect. And then I have you, who for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I would even think about, but I am.”

“Are you in love with him?”

“I am, Drew, but it’s different from the way that I’m in love with you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I just feel different in his arms than yours.”

“Don’t make me picture that. Did you sleep with him?”

“Today?”

“Yes, I’m sure that you did when you were away for almost two years.”

“I didn’t sleep with him today. Did you sleep with Skyler?”

“Today?” he asked a stupid question.

“You’re not funny.”

He laughed anyway. “Yes, I did, but I haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a year. The last I heard, she was engaged.”

“Because she got tired of waiting for you to get rid of me?”

“Exactly that.”

“Did you do the same things with her that you did with me?” I didn’t know why it mattered, but I wanted to know.

“I’m not going to lie to you anymore, Morgan. No, I did not. It was just your normal boring sex, and even back then, I fantasized about getting back home to you. What about you? Did you and Dawson?” he asked, not saying any more than that. I knew what he was talking about.

“No, but do you want to hear something really messed up?”

“Probably not, but go ahead.”

“I used to beg him to do those things to me. How fucked up is that?”

“Pretty fucked up. Did he?”

“No. He wouldn’t dare. He cared too much. You never went down on me,” I boldly stated for whatever reason.

“I know, and God do I wish I would have. Did he?”

I smiled at his comment. “Yes.” That was all that I was going to say about that. I knew he didn’t want that image.

“You know that night when you told me to do that. I almost shot my load before I ever touched you.”

I laughed. “Stop talking about it. You’re making me wet.”

“Dammit, Morgan, did you have to go and say that?”

“Sorry, let’s stop talking about sex.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to know why you couldn’t love me before.”

“Because I’m an idiot, and the old saying that money is the root of all evil is very true. That’s what I wanted, and I felt like you were standing in my way.”

“I was, but I didn’t even know it at the time.”

“I know, and you were nothing but an innocent victim who got pulled into a sticky situation.”

“Why didn’t you just pay me to keep your secret? There are so many other ways that you could have handled it. I would have been more than happy to leave my life in West Virginia.”

“I was pissed, selfish, irritated as hell that you were screwing everything up. I don’t know how to answer that, Morgan. I looked at you like worthless trash who was going to be handed everything that I worked so hard for.”

“What about the whole virgin thing? Was that something that Mr. Callaway requested too?”

“No. That was my own sick way of humiliating you right from the beginning. I wanted you to know what your role was to be.”

“Wow, Drew.”

“I know, Morgan. I don’t deserve you anymore than I deserve to breathe, but I can’t get you out of my head. I’m so madly in love with you; I can’t stand it.”

“What about the whole baby thing? Why would you even think about bringing a baby into a mess like that?”

“Mr. Callaway,” was all that he replied. It was enough. I could see Mr. Callaway demanding that he give him a grandbaby.

I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t know where I belonged. I was a fucked up mess, and there was no easier way to put it.

Drew and I talked until one in the morning. I told him that I wanted to know where my mother was and that I wanted to see her. He didn’t attempt to talk me out of it, and said that he would talk to Mr. Callaway and try to find out where she was for me.  He told me that he loved me before saying goodnight, but I couldn’t say it back.

I lay awake for the longest time. I could hear thunder in the distance and see the flashes of lightning. My bed felt good and comforting, and I thought about Dawson. He was always in my bed here. I thought about Drew too, wondering how it would feel to have him in my bed here in Maine. I knew that would never happen, he wouldn’t be welcomed in Misty Bay, and would be lucky to make it out alive had he showed up there. I wondered how much Lauren and Star knew. Did Dawson tell them about my marriage to Drew?

I woke a couple hours later to an angry summer storm. The rain was beating against my window, and the wind sounded like it was going to rip the roof right off of my house. That wasn’t what woke me though, well, it may have helped, but I woke because of Drew. I was bent over his desk, and he was playing with me while he conducted business. He spanked me in between calls and would sensually dip his finger inside of my throbbing core every time he rubbed away the sting from his hands.

My eyes popped open with the loud crack of lightning, followed by the roar of thunder. I lay still for a few minutes, staring out at the blustering storm. I had my own storm going on and could feel the dampness in my panties.

Stupid vagina, never on my side.

I rolled to my back and slid my panties off. I figured if I were going to do it; I may as well do it right. I spread my legs and ran my finger through my slippery pussy. It was wet, and it wanted to be fucked. I moaned as I ground my hips into my fingers.

Ah fuck…

I rolled to my stomach and moved my hips up and down into my fingers until I was calling out to Drew in pleasure. Why it had to be him, I didn’t know. It just was. I know that it should have been Dawson. It wasn’t that Dawson wasn’t amazing in bed or that Drew was better. It was more of the chemistry that Drew and I shared that Dawson and I didn’t. I couldn’t explain it if I tried. That’s just how it was.

 

<><><> 

 

I smiled when my old Honda started right up. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I was sure that Dawson started it, and maybe even drove it to make sure that it was running when I got back.

 

“Good morning. Welcome to Reminiscent,” the too chirpy young girl said from behind the counter. I had been replaced. “Would you like to try one of our new lemon muffins,” she asked in an adenoidal voice that already annoyed the hell out of me.

“No, thanks, I’m here to see Star. Is she here?”

“Yes, she’s in her office. I’ll go get her for you.”

“That’s okay. I know the way,” I smiled and walked past her.

Star was sitting at her desk painting her nails some tropical pineapple color. I smiled when I saw her. “Still hard at it, I see,” I said, leaning against the threshold and crossing my arms.

“Oh my God. It is true,” she exclaimed, jumping up, and frantically blowing on her wet nails so that she could hug me.

I hugged Star as she put her arms around me, wet fingers, sticking straight up. “I can’t believe you are here. Sit down. I have a million questions to ask you,” she rattled off.

“How are you, Star?” I asked. It was good to see her. She looked exactly the same, not that she shouldn’t. It hadn’t been that long. It was just different, me being there and all. It just felt, surreal I guess, kind of like I was a different person. I left there as Riley Murphy: Riley Murphy, who hated Drew Kelley. I came back as Morgan Kelley, in love with her husband. What a fucked up situation. Star wore the same thick braid down her back, her free flowing skirt, a patchwork vest, and her customary Jesus shoes.

“Forget me. How the hell are you? Is it true that you lost your memory?”

“Yeah, it’s true. It’s so strange, Star. I thought I would gradually start to remember. It didn’t happen that way at all. I saw Dawson, and it was all just there. I knew him, and everything else from the time I was around three.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“You couldn’t. It was crazy. I don’t know any other way to explain it.”

“Dawson has been beside himself. He spent hours and hours on the phone or on the computer trying to find you.”

“I feel horrible about that.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t even know him let alone that he was looking for you.”

“How much did he tell you, Star?” I wondered if he had told her about my abusive husband and that I had run from him.”

“You know Dawson. He didn’t say much at all. He would never say anything that you told him in private, but I have a pretty good idea. I have known all along that you were running or hiding from something. I witnessed one of your nightmares in the hotel, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember, but you never mentioned it.”

Starlight shrugged her shoulders. “I figured if you wanted me to know, you would tell me. How are you and Dawson?”

I took a deep breath and slumped in my chair. “Stressed,” I admitted. “I’m not really the same Riley that I left here as.”

“What does that mean, Ry?”

I grunted and shook my head. “I’m kind of in love with my husband for the first time in our marriage. I’m so confused, Star. I’m still in love with Dawson too, and I know that he’s the wise choice. I just can’t stop thinking about Drew, and it’s really absurd. He wasn’t the most pleasant husband.” Boy, was that ever putting it mildly.

“Are you staying?”

“I’m not sure yet. I kind of think I need to step away from both of them to be fair.” That made absolutely no sense at all. Drew didn’t deserve a second chance, let alone being fair to him. Dawson, however, did deserve all of my love. He had never been anything but good to me, and I knew that he loved me.

“What’s fair to you, Riley?” Star asked with a warm expression. It felt good to talk about it with someone. I just didn’t know how much I was willing to disclose.

“I honestly don’t know.” I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy. I felt like I cheated on Dawson, but then again, I felt like I cheated on Drew.

Star and I talked for over an hour until her new annoying employee got busy and needed help with the lunch crowd. We talked about the shop and the new girl, who I was sure, was good. I guess I just felt a little replaced. I wasn’t sure that I was going to come back anyway, although Star told me that I always had a job there. She really did appreciate all that I had done. The business was established and making a good profit, thanks to me.

I walked out with her and said hello to a few of the locals. My friend, John, from the beach was there, and I talked to him for a while before heading out.

I walked across the street and the two blocks to the police department. I hesitated at the door.

What the hell are you doing, Morgan?

I quickly pushed open the glass door, before I turned and ran down the sidewalk like the maniac that I was. Matt the deputy was sitting across from Dawson’s desk with his feet propped. He was laughing and telling Dawson a story about his son. Dawson stood up when he saw me. It freaking broke my heart. He looked at me as if I were the only thing in his life that mattered.

“Go write some parking tickets or something, Matt,” Dawson demanded.

Matt said, “Hi, it’s good to see you, Riley. I’ll just go bug Starlight for a while and eat some doughnuts. I’m too nice of a guy to write tickets,” he teased, dismissing himself.

“Hi,” Dawson said with a smile.

“Hey, Sheriff,” I smiled back.

“You hungry, want me to order some lunch?” he asked, always thinking about me.

“No, I had a pastry at Star’s.”

“Then how about supper?” he asked with that damned grin that melted my heart.

“You can come for supper, but I’ll cook. I’m going to the grocery store before I head back. I couldn’t say home. What the hell?

“Normally, if you showed up here I would kiss you about five times,” Dawson grinned.

“You can kiss me five times.”

Dawson did just that. He kissed me with four quick pecks. I counted. His fifth contact with my lips wasn’t just a peck. He rested his lips on mine and ran his tongue around the opening of my closed lips. I parted my lips, and he accepted the invitation. Damn was he ever a good kisser, of course my lady parts had to agree.

We kissed for two maybe three minutes before he left my lips and trailed my jaw line with his lips. His spellbinding hands found their way to the bare skin beneath my shirt as my head dropped back on its own accord. My breathing became shallow, my heart felt full, and my panties dampened.

“Jesus, Daw.” I finally said pulling away. I was about ready to bend over his desk.

He snorted and kissed me one more time. “I’m sorry. I just can’t get enough of you.”

“I’m going to get out of here before I start taking my clothes off,” I teased, stepping away from him. “I’ll see you when you get off.”

 

Lauren showed up while I was putting away my groceries. She pulled one of the bananas loose and sat at the table. I sat with her, and we talked about more than I had planned. She too knew that I was in love with two men, maybe I was just fishing for someone to make sense of all of it for me. I needed someone to tell me what to do. Unfortunately, she couldn’t give me the magic answer either.

“Does Dawson know about Drew?” she asked.

“Yes, he knows. We don’t really talk about it though. I think he’s afraid of me not choosing him.”

“You can’t keep them both, Ry.”

“I know, and Dawson makes the most sense, and I do love him.”

“But?” Lauren said, knowing that there was a but.

“But, I don’t know, Lauren. Drew and I are just different. It’s so… I don’t even know how to describe what we have.”

“Intense?”

My eyebrows rose. “Yeah, that undeniably fits.”

“Are you staying in Misty Bay?”

“I don’t know that yet either. I want to find my mom and visit her, maybe just get away from everything for a few days.”

Lauren was so easy to talk to, and I knew that what I said to her would go no further than that table. I didn’t tell her everything. She knew that Drew was abusive to me before she knew that my mother left us, and I told her about how I was raised in poverty but didn’t tell her about the money. I still didn’t know how to process that one.

Lauren abruptly had to go when Dawson got there dressed in jeans looking way too fine to someone who hadn’t had sex in almost two weeks. I wasn’t sure about the look the two of them exchanged. Was it pity? Was it relief? I assumed that the two of them had spent a lot of time trying to find me.

Dawson grilled burgers outside, I made roasted and garlic potatoes, and corn on the cob. We sat on the back deck overlooking the immense ocean. We didn’t talk about anything serious. I think he was avoiding it as much as I was, and we both spoke of nothing but trivial day to day events.

I wondered all night if he were planning on staying. I wanted him to, and I didn’t want him to. That was the state of my fucked up mind. I wanted him to take me to bed and make slow passionate love to me, just like he would have before. I also wanted him to leave so that he didn’t do just that.

I didn’t have to worry about it when my cell phone rang, and Dawson looked down seeing Drew’s name displayed on the screen.

I gave him an apologetic smile when I answered.

“Hey, can I call you back in a little bit,” I answered.

“Why, Morgan?” Drew asked cautiously. He already knew why. He was just playing dumb or hoping that his intuitions were wrong.

“I have company right now.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You do know that you’re still my wife, don’t you?”

What a dick…

“Really, Drew?” I asked.

“I’m sorry, Morgan. Don’t pay any attention to me. I just hate the thought of you in his arms.”

“I’ll talk to you later,” I said hanging up. I didn’t want him to tell me that he loved me with Dawson sitting there with his head down right in front of me.

I dropped my phone on the table and shook my head. This whole situation was unbelievable. Dawson stood and took me in his arms.

“You know that I love you, don’t you, Riley?”

“Yes, Dawson. I do know that, and I love you too.”

“I’m going to go,” he said, shocking me a little. Was this how he was going to fight for me?

I looked up at him confused. His eyes looked just as mixed up as mine.

“I know that you’re going through a tough time right now. I also know that it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to beg you to choose me. I’m trying my best to give you your space, and let you work through this, just know that I’m right here, and I love you.”

I smiled and kissed him. “Thank you, Dawson.” I was glad that he was giving me my space. I don’t think I could have handled two of them pleading their cases.

Dawson left me with a kiss, and I dialed Drew back.

“You know, you’re kind of a dick,” I said as soon as he said hello.

“Yes. I have been told that a time or two. Did your boyfriend leave?”

“Shut the hell up.” I demanded. I almost said that he wasn’t my boyfriend, but I really wasn’t sure what he was. I left that part out.

This became my routine for the next nine days. I would spend my days with Star, and then Lauren when she got home, then Dawson, and Drew would call every night. I did have dinner with Dawson and his parents a couple of times, and once at his house. He never stayed at my house, and I didn’t stay at his. He wasn’t even trying to get past second base. I was sexually frustrated and was tired of taking care of things myself.

Dawson came over on Friday night, and we barbecued chicken with Lauren and Joel. I knew I had drank too much beer and was feeling it. I even sent Drew a text lying to him. I told him that I was going out with friends and would talk to him the next day, not wanting him to call with everyone there. I was getting laid. I needed to get laid, and the evening make out sessions with Dawson weren’t helping.

Lauren and Joel left around eleven, leaving Dawson and me alone on the deck. We stared attentively at each other while he sat at the table, and I leaned against the banister facing him.

“Take me to bed, Dawson,” I said in a low raspy voice.

He came to me and took me in his arms. “Are you sure, Ry? I don’t want to pressure you, but I would love nothing more than to do just that.”

“I’m sure,” I assured him shoving my tongue down his throat.

He led me to my room. I felt awkward around him and wasn’t sure what to do. Thank God he picked up on it and took matters into his own hands, or took me into his hands, I should say. He lifted my shirt over my head, and I slid out of my bra. He softly kissed around my chest and to my nipples giving them both much needed attention. I moaned as his hands slowly unzipped my jean shorts. I was with him one hundred percent. My mind was on nothing but the sensations he was causing throughout my entire body. That is until we were both naked in bed.

Dammit, why didn’t I just turn my cell phone off? I knew it was Drew. Dawson looked over to my phone and then back to me with a lost look. I didn’t answer it, and continued to kiss him, trying to regain the passion. It worked briefly until my phone rang again. Dawson knew that he had lost me, and the hunger along with it.

He rolled off me with a heavy sigh. I didn’t stop him and lay beside him naked staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry, Daw,” I said. I didn’t know what I was apologizing for, I guess everything. Mostly for making this so difficult for him, he didn’t deserve any of it.

Dawson rolled over and kissed me. “Me too, Ry. Me too,” he said and removed himself from my bed. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said, getting dressed and leaving me alone.

As soon as I heard the door close I grabbed my phone.

“What is your fucking problem?” I asked, angrily as soon as I heard Drew’s voice.

“I can’t sleep,” he replied.

I laughed. What else was there to do? It was funny. It was a funny sick fucking joke.

“Why?” I asked, pulling on my panties and a nightshirt.

“Because I haven’t talked to you today. I needed to hear your voice. Were you in bed already? Why didn’t you answer?”

“Which of the ten times are you referring to?” I asked, eluding the question.

“All of them. Is he there?”

“No. Drew, he’s not here. You ran him off.”

“Good. Did I run him off in time?”

“You’re such a dick.”

“And you’re avoiding my questions. Did you sleep with him?” he asked, bluntly.

“No, Drew. I did not, thanks to you. Now I’m going to have to take care of it myself.”

“You know there was a time that I would have spanked you for that.”

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t reply. I wanted him there doing just that. What the hell was wrong with me?

“You want that, don’t you, Morgan?” he asked in that dominating tone. I have no idea what was conspiring in me, but my core throbbed like mad at the tone of his voice.

“Yes,” I rasped a breathy reply.

“Come for me, baby.”

My fingers had already found their way through the elastic of my panties, and I let the stupid bastard talk me through one hell of an orgasm. It was settled. I was surely losing my mind. I should have been put into a straitjacket and locked up.