Anna

December has always been a bad month for me. It’s the month my baby was due, and I was always so focused on this that Christmas never held any appeal. I had to fake my way through family get-togethers and hide my grief.

This year, it’s different. I’m still somber on this day, but I feel good about taking some time to remember my past, and having Wes by my side makes me feel so much stronger.

“Hey, guys!” Tae greets us for my appointment. It turns out, the photographer is here today, so we can do the tattoo and the pictures at the same time. “Are you still okay with being a part of the project?”

“Sure, as long as the picture doesn’t have my face in it.”

“No problem.”

“You can get my face. I don’t care,” Wes tells him.

“Great. Just remind the photographer. We’ll do the tattoo first and then the pictures. See that table back there?” He points to the door in the back of the room that I assume is a break room or office. A table with clipboards and pens has been set up next to it. “The lady from the gallery will have you sign a waiver, and then they’re using the break room to take the pictures, so you’ll have some privacy.”

We nod, and I’m grateful for the provision of privacy. Even if my ink will be displayed for strangers later, no one will be able to identify me.

“Okay, Anna. You ready?”

“Yes. Can Wes come back with me?”

His eyes soften. “Of course.”

He walks us back to his workstation. It isn’t exactly a room, more like a cubby with walls that don’t make it all the way to the ceiling yet still give us privacy from anyone walking by. The chair in the middle is similar to one in a dentist’s office.

Wesley stands by my side, holding my hand and smoothing my hair away from my face, as Tae readies his supplies. I tuck my shirt under the bottom of my bra, exposing my tattoo. This addition will be a slash across the four tally marks, turning the total number into ten.

Tae pulls his gloves on and then sanitizes my skin. The smell of rubbing alcohol hits my nose, and goose bumps erupt when the cold cotton swab leaves my skin.

I’m relieved the photographer isn’t in here right now. My emotions are close to the surface, leaving me feeling raw and exposed. Wesley moves closer to me, as if he can sense I need him. He leans down to kiss my forehead and then smiles, his expression half-sad and half-proud.

Tae somehow understands not to chat me up right now. Once the tattoo gun is prepared, he raises his eyebrows at me in question, confirming once again that I’m ready. I take a deep breath and nod.

The buzz of the tattoo gun gets closer, and then I feel the sharp sting of the needle dragging across my skin. I allow myself to feel the pain, not caring that a tear escapes my eye, and exhale as slowly as I can while he finishes the line.

One line doesn’t take very long, and before I know it, he’s wiping off my skin and applying a thin layer of ointment.

Tae’s dark eyes meet mine, full of compassion even though he doesn’t know the meaning behind the number ten. He just knows it’s important and emotional, and I love him for not asking. “You’re all set. You guys take as long as you need in here. Once you’re ready, just come to the back room for the pictures. I’ll tell them to let you in together.” He drapes a cloth over his supplies and leaves us alone.

Wesley pulls me into his arms and wipes my tears. “You amaze me with your strength every day.”

The lump in my throat is too big to talk around, so I give him a watery smile and croak, “Thank you for being here.”

“We’re a team, remember? I’m here for you, Anna. And we don’t have to take those pictures if you don’t want to.”

I nod, feeling stronger than just a second ago. “No, I want to. Let’s go.”

We make our way to the back room, Wes’s hand wrapped around my own.

There’s a pretty woman with bold makeup and funky jewelry manning the table. She smiles brightly at us. “Hi, I’m Suzanne. You guys here for the pictures?”

If she notices I’ve been crying, she doesn’t let it show. My smile is tremulous, but I nod anyway.

“Great! Thanks for participating. Here’s the waiver. There’s a line to make stipulations, like no face, et cetera. Hand this to the photographer, and he’ll review it with you. Are you guys a couple? Do you want to go in together?”

“Yes, that’d be great. Thank you.” Wes takes the papers from her and gives one to me.

We each fill out the paper and sign and then hand them back to her.

“No problem. I’ll let him know you’re ready.” She takes our waivers and disappears behind the door. After a male voice tells her to send us in, she opens the door wider and waves us in.

Anxiety speeds up my heart rate, but I take a deep breath and try to remember that it’s only a couple of pictures to help Tae. No one will know it’s me. And Wes will be with me the whole time.

My steps are slow, but I focus on Suzanne’s encouraging smile as I enter the room. Then, I abruptly stop.

It’s so sudden that Wesley nearly knocks me over.

“Anna? You okay?” Wes grabs my shoulders from behind me to help steady me.

But I can’t answer him. My body is suddenly paralyzed, my feet rooted to the floor, my eyes wide, seeing but not really understanding who is in front of me.

“Anna?”

Then, I feel Wesley stiffen behind me. “Oh fuck.”

That pretty much sums it up.

Oh fuck.

“Charlie, this is Anna and Wesley. Anna and Wesley, this is the photographer taking your pictures today, Charlie,” Suzanne introduces, looking curiously between us.

What are the odds that the photographer working for the art gallery showcasing Tae’s work would be Charlie?

Pretty slim, right?

But it’s Charlie standing in front of us, looking just as horrified to see me as I am to see him.

I wish I never would have fallen for a selfish liar like you.

His words from that night are as clear as when he said them.

I’ve come a long way since that night. The last time I saw him, I tried to apologize, but he wasn’t having any of it. He took my apology, threw it in my face, and ripped my composure to shreds.

Today, I’m not going to let history repeat itself.

I look from Charlie to Suzanne and then shake my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

Miraculously, my feet become unstuck and actually cooperate with my wishes. I bolt out of the room. I wave a hand in the air when Tae’s confused voice shouts my name. I head right out of the tattoo shop and onto the street before rounding the corner of the building and leaning against the stone wall.

I catch my breath and wrap my arms around my middle, trying my hardest not to have a meltdown.

I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.

I hurt Charlie, so he lashed out at me the last time I saw him. He hurt me because I’d hurt him. But that doesn’t make him a bad person.

One mistake doesn’t define me.

I repeat all of these things, reminding myself of my hard-won self-awareness.

It doesn’t make the trembling stop.

“Anna! Where are you?”

Wes rounds the corner, eyes frantic and then relieved when he sees me.

“It’s okay, Angel.” He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me so tight. I let his strength seep into me. “I love you, Anna. Let’s go home.”

“But I didn’t even pay Tae for the tattoo.”

“We can pay him later. Besides, he was more concerned with you than his money.”

“I can’t believe Charlie’s the photographer, you know? Never in a million years did I even think to check and see who the photographer was.”

“Me either. Sometimes, the world shows us how small it is. But you don’t have to deal with him. I’ll apologize to Tae about dropping out of the picture project.”

“Thank you. I just…can’t.”

“Let’s go home.” He tucks me under his arm, and we make our way down the parking lot when footsteps approach behind us.

“Anna, wait!”

That can’t be. I peer over my shoulder and see Charlie a few steps away from us.

Wes shoves me behind him to face my ex, muscles coiled tight, hands flexed into fists.

“Don’t you fucking talk to her.” Wes’s voice is quiet, his warning clear.

He’s my protector right now, and while I’d love nothing more than to see him pummel Charlie, a fight is the last thing he needs. I lean against his back, reminding him that I’m right here.

“I just need five minutes.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you spew more hate for even five seconds. Just turn around and go back to your day. I know everything now, and Anna doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you treated her last time.” Wes is vibrating with tension.

“Okay, I deserve that. Last time, I was rather…harsh.”

Wes barks an ugly laugh. “You think?”

I feel him take a threatening step toward Charlie, and I tug at his T-shirt.

“Come on, let’s just go,” I whisper. I’m completely drained from this day already, and it isn’t even noon.

Wes nods and then practically wraps himself around me. I might chuckle if I wasn’t so desperate to leave. Not that I think Charlie will physically assault me. His words though, they have the potential to hurt, and short of covering my ears with his hands, Wes can’t stop me from hearing them.

“Wait, please!” Charlie shouts.

Then, Wes realizes I can still hear him and presses one side of my head into his chest and actually covers my other ear with his hand. He must be afraid I’m going to end up like I did the last time—practically catatonic in my shower. My eyes prick with emotion for the lengths he’s willing to go to protect me right now.

My hearing is muffled, but I can hear Wes growl something that sounds like, “Don’t,” to Charlie.

Charlie’s reply is lost to me, just a hum of male voice, but it makes Wes stop and loosen his hold on me. Not enough to let me see Charlie, but enough to let me hear his words.

“What did you say?” Wes asks.

“I want to apologize.”

Wait, what?

“Well then, fucking apologize.”

“Come on, just give me five minutes. You can come and be her bodyguard if that makes you feel better. But I just want to talk to Anna. I think it will do us both some good to clear the air.”

Wesley looks down at me, worry pinching his brow. “You don’t owe him anything,” he mutters.

He’s mostly right. But I’ve wanted to apologize properly to him for the last ten years. “I know, but maybe he’s ready to hear my apology.”

“You don’t need his forgiveness to be happy, Anna.”

“I know.” I’ve already forgiven myself. And I am happy. “But maybe it’s fitting that we talk today. Maybe I can make peace with my past.”

“You want me to come?”

“Yes. I’m not sure you’ll be able to stand leaving me alone with him.”

He blows out a breath. “I just don’t want him to hurt you.”

“He can’t, Wes. I’m okay. I promise.”

He softly kisses my lips and then lets me go. I step out of Wes’s arms and stand in front of Charlie, facing him. The cold December air hits me all of a sudden, and I shiver. I ran out of the tattoo shop without my jacket. Wes steps closer to me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

Charlie’s as gorgeous as ever, eyes so blue that they look like the ocean. Those eyes study me—serious and sad this time, not full of hate, the way they were at Green Briars.

He glances at Wes’s hands on my shoulders and then sees the ring on my finger. We’ll still get tattoos once we get married, but Wes wanted me to have a ring, too, because he wants everyone to know I’m his.

Charlie nods, understanding, and puts his hands in his pockets. “At Green Briars, you were brave enough to approach me and apologize. My reaction was…” He looks down and shifts his balance from foot to foot. His eyes meet mine again, looking so much like the boy I knew years ago. “I’m not proud of the things I said to you that day. I’m sorry.”

I nod, emotion clogging my ability to speak.

“Do you want to get coffee? Or just…go back inside Skin Colored? We can talk in the break room for a minute. If you want. Which, you probably don’t want, so that’s fine. I’m just…going to head back.” He flashes a nervous smile and starts backing up. “For what it’s worth, I’m happy you have someone so…protective. Take care, Anna.”

Then, he spins on his heel and jogs out of sight before I have a chance to say anything.

Wes warily looks at me, unsure of my reaction. He raises his eyebrows. “Well, that wasn’t what I expected.”

“Me either.”

“Do you want to go talk to him?”

“I think maybe we should get our pictures taken after all.”

“Yeah?”

I nod.