CHAPTER 20

 

Two Years Ago—Probably Not

 

Charis: Do you believe the sun will rise tomorrow?

Asher: Uh, yes, yes, I do. And now I suppose you want me to ask the obvious question.

Charis: What is the obvious question?

Asher: Do you believe the sun will rise tomorrow? I warn you, Sloane, if you say no, I'm gonna have to kick your ass out of the Sane Society.

Charis: Well, let's just say I'm skeptical.

Asher: You're skeptical. Oh, wait. Is this some shit from your class on formal logic? To show it's not logical somehow?

Charis: Actually, it is logical to expect the sun to rise tomorrow. Just not deductively logical. The statement "The sun has risen every day so far and thus it will rise tomorrow" uses inductive reasoning.

Asher: How the fuck do you see the sun not rising tomorrow?

Charis: Seriously, do I even have to say? I can think of dozens of things that could stop the sun rising tomorrow.

Asher: Could. It's a possibility. Not a likely probability though.

Charis: Same difference.

Asher: Not at all the same. According to quantum mechanics, there's a theoretical chance that I will spontaneously turn into a dodo bird. I am not going to spontaneously turn into a dodo bird because the probability that it will happen is almost zero. Thus, the sun will rise tomorrow, yo.

Charis: Mmm, I guess.

Asher: The bigger question is, who the fuck cares?

Charis: I the fuck care! Even a small probability can be scary. I want to know that I'm doing the right thing. How can I know it's right if there's a chance it's not the right thing?

Asher: Like right in what sense?

Charis: In the sense of going for a doctorate…deciding to do one thing and not the other…deciding to say something or not to say something…you know. Don't you doubt? Don't you wonder if you're doing the right thing? Like, like with Aura for example. What if you aren't meant for each other? Or with, where are you now, your third patent. Don't you worry?

Asher: Rarely. You have to take it for granted that you're fucking up.

Charis: Fucking up? Really?

Asher: You'll always fuck up. I'm probably fucking up right this moment. The world, the universe is a fuckup. So who gives a shit? Just do the best thing you can and call it good.

Charis: It's not that easy. The best thing is hard to see sometimes. If you do A, then B will happen, with its resultant problems, but if you do C, then D will happen with its own entirely separate set of resultant problems. It's all a mess. I'd much rather believe in absolutes. They make things simple. A is absolutely the right thing to do. That's what I believe.

Asher: Good for you. Believe whatever you want.

Charis: I will, dammit. I do believe in absolutes. I do believe in absolutes.

Asher: So do I, Dorothy. There is absolutely a hundred percent probability that you're cute scrunching up your nose like that.

 

Asher

 

WHAT I FIGURED WE'D DO THEN was shower, head over to my place, grab a bite to eat, and fuck each other spineless for the next five days.

All right, maybe that was a touch overambitious. It's not that I'm incapable of going slowly in a relationship. I definitely am. Hey, last summer I went for three weeks without fucking when Aura went to visit relatives in Wales, right? If I endured that, I could endure not pushing Charis too far, too fast.

Only someone had triggered my panic button.

I had this need to…cement my position? Stake my claim?

Charis's negative feelings about her body made me uneasy. Aura had burned me badly. I didn't think Charis approached Aura's level of fuck-upedness, but women were funny.

I'd learned a couple of key facts recently, namely, A) my friend had no idea how desirable she was, and B) Mel had nailed it about her carrying a torch for me—some kind of torch, anyway.

Maybe I didn't know her as well as I'd thought I did.

I wanted there to be no mistake in her mind about us.

Or in mine either.

Charis, however, had different ideas. She restored her clothing, threw me out of her bed and sent me home, saying she needed to clear her head without me around to cloud it. I was ordered not to call her or text her while we were apart.

Reluctantly I modified my plan, kissing her thoroughly at the door so she wouldn't forget our place.

"You've had the swoons for me for a long time," I reminded her when I came up for air.

"The what?"

"The swoons." I laughed as she swatted me. "A long time. A really long time. Those were your exact words."

What a long time meant in Charisspeak I wasn't sure, but I was thinking it might be several weeks that her pussy had been creaming for me—maybe longer, maybe even before I went underground to bond with Aura.

And all that time, I'd had no clue. It pissed me off that I'd had no clue.

"Yeah." She looked like she was regretting the words in question. Just another reason to solidify my stance. Char was the Queen of Doubts. She could doubt anything.

"So here's the deal. I want you to think of me as your primo source for all things sexual. I'm your orgasm godfather. When you need an O, you come to me."

"Yessir." She saluted. "But also…this thing…I mean, it's mutual, right? I didn't misunderstand you? You have the swoons for me, you're still attracted to me, true?" She sounded nervous.

Shit. I immediately cupped her head and fixed her with a stare. "I'm a walking hard-on for you. The number of times I've had to talk myself out of a Charis Sloane-induced erection approaches infinity. It's not going away. Don't you ever forget it.

She sucked in her breath. "Okay."

I kissed her again till we were both panting. "That over there? Those teeny weeny orgasms? That was nothing. I have only begun to fuck you. You haven't even seen what I can do. I'm going to plow you till your eyes roll next time I get you alone."

"Geez, Norrell, you are such a…"

"Cretin? Barbarian? Caveman?" I'm not ashamed of who I am.

"Cocky bastard, actually. Not that I'm complaining." She looked at me through her lashes. (Holy hell, flirtation from Sloane? I felt like I'd won some award.)

"Even after I got it on with your coat?"

That had her cheeks reddening, but she shrugged.

That was something, at least. I wasn't as cocky as she thought, truth be known. Char wasn't like other women. Sure, she'd been attracted to me. But what the basis of that was, I had no clue. At any moment, she might decide I didn't live up to her hopes.

But if she liked what we'd done today…the mind boggled at what we could be together.

"You need to eat," I said, delaying. "You want me to fetch you some takeout? It's critical that you keep your energy up, being old and all."

Laughter bubbled out of her. "I'll order something." She stood up on her tiptoes and reached up to kiss my mouth, marking it the first time she'd initiated a kiss, and my heart officially imploded.

 

MY PLACE IS AN IMPOSING THREE-STORY Victorian building just off of campus past the Greek houses. I nabbed it with cash as soon as my tracking device brought in its first mil. Everyone agreed I was due an indulgence but most of my family thought the house was overkill.

For me it's all about the territory. Growing up in a crowd, you crave your own space. So I got me some space. Here I could have my whole family come visit and we'd be crowded but squeeze in fine. One day I'll host Christmas here, if I can ever get Mama to budge from her kitchen.

Aura was perpetually telling me the place needed fixing up, and I was glad now I'd never let her take out her decorating urges on it. It had, in my view, charm.

Which was to say it was drafty, creaky, and smelled like old wood.

For whatever reason, Char hadn't been here very often. I woke up Wednesday morning resolved to get the place up to snuff for her.

I dismissed the fleeting thought that this was a woman who wouldn't notice if she was squatting in a cellar. I wanted her here a lot, and I wanted her comfortable.

Before I started cleaning, I went through the shit ton of messages waiting for me. Somewhere in there, a new text came in from Karl.

 

Karl: You and Charis cool now?

Asher: Looks like it. What, so you proposed to Aura yesterday just for me and Sloane?

Karl: Sure, why not.

 

I was expecting it, but it still blew me away. I took a minute to absorb it all. At the end of the minute, I was feeling even more kindly toward my brother.

 

Asher: Are you really planning to marry her?

Karl: Might as well. Aura's sure nice to fuck. Not sure I'd keep doing it as long as you did.

Asher: Jesus, Karl. It's your life. Just keep her away from Char.

Karl: Hey I got your back. Not saying a word about your new squeeze.

Asher: WTF are you talking about?

Karl: Pic of you and a "woman" arguing on the street. Aw, shucks you guys are so cute together.

Asher: Don't tell Char, she hates having her picture up on social media.

Karl: No problem from my end. But people are asking who's in the black coat. Good thing her face doesn't show.

Asher: Who's asking you about it?

Karl: Family

Asher: Shit. Char will get skittish if they start in on her. Give us a few days of peace, will you, and don't tell them it's her I'm involved with?

Karl: Lips are sealed, not my business who you're fucking

Asher: Don't talk about Char like that

Karl: Or what?

Asher: Or I'll clobber you with a can of coffee grounds before I cram it down your throat. What the hell?

Karl: Wooing, then

Asher: I am the fuck wooing her so fuck off

Karl: Will your kids have your Detroit mouth?

 

I grinned.

 

Asher: NOYB. How are your teeth, BTW? Did I knock any loose?

Karl: Nope. I'll show you how to do that if you want. For next time.

Asher: I may just take you up on that.

 

The next text I paused at was from someone I didn't know.

 

Unknown: Hi there Asher. I'm a friend of Winona's.

 

I wavered. Generally it's pointless to reply to personal messages from individuals I don't know, because nine times out of ten, it's A) some miscellaneous babe, or B) an attempt at a business connection from someone I don't care to do business with.

My instincts told me to ignore it, but the sender had mentioned my sister, and I wanted to finish all other business so I could move on to spring break—i.e., Sloane.

I left it at: Then you know my email. Contact me that way.

The email came minutes later. I should have trusted my instincts, because it included a full length photo. The woman's name was Elianna, judging by her photo she was candy I would have jumped on back in high school, and she hoped to see me at my sister's party.

I cursed Winona to hell and back.

I deleted the email, making a mental note to avoid her party with a ten-foot pole.

Last text was from my mother. She'd been calling or texting me every day since the breakup under the impression I was lovelorn.

 

Erica Norrell: Are you happy?

Asher: Yes, Mama

 

Done.

Nope, damn. She must have been stalking her phone because the phone sounded moments after I put it away. She was texting, not calling. It was Mama's latest thing; she'd been telling everyone proudly she was a "texter." Word from Mel was she'd even started sending her grandkids texts, including my baby nephew.

 

Erica Norrell: I know you'll find that special lady.

Asher: Yes I will

Erica Norrell: Anytime you want to just come over, you can.

Asher: I know, Mama

Erica Norrell: Are you eating well? Do you have enough socks?

Asher: Yes

Erica Norrell: Your sister's friend Hunt is having a birthday party Friday. It's a secret. Did you know about that?

Asher: She's only been sending progress reports every day.

Erica Norrell: I think you should go. You need to get out in the world again.

Asher: I just might.

 

That was, of course, a lie. My mother is fond of little white lies like that from her children. She says they show we honor her.

 

Erica Norrell: You can't hole up depressed forever, honey.

Asher: I know, Mama. I'm fine, I promise.

 

Like that would work.

Right. I should have known my family would be on my case to find a new Aura until I got it into their skulls I wasn't looking for one.

Only one problem. I was with Charis, but we hadn't exactly gone over the details of our relationship.

She was mine. I was claiming her, whether she knew it or not.

Beyond that, I wasn't sure. I knew what I wanted, but it all hinged on her. And she was currently the unknown in this equation.

Charis the chum, Charis the family friend, I knew. It was the Charis who gave me her passion I still had to figure out.

She may have sent me away to think, but I had a feeling it was more than that. Risks terrified her. She could talk herself out of driving through green if she thought it was about to turn yellow.

I had no intention of giving her time to doubt what we were doing.

 

I HAD MY MORNING RUN, TOOK a quick shower without washing my hair—I foresaw dust in my future—then stripped down to my briefs and got to work.

By mid-afternoon, the house was shiny. I'd swept up every visible trace of my ex-girlfriend into cardboard boxes that were now stacked into a pile in the foyer, ready to be delivered to her place. What with Aura's "engagement" to Karl, I didn't know if it was still necessary to convince her we were over, but it couldn't hurt.

I suppose I should have felt some melancholy while I was handling Aura's panties and hair conditioners, but all there was was relief her stuff would be gone when Sloane came over.

I'd also called a furniture store and had them deliver some items.

First and foremost was a new bed, because no way was I going to make love to Charis in the bed I'd shared with Aura. The idea seemed disrespectful to Charis and Aura, both.

The old bed was a hand-me-down from my pre-LLC days. I chose to upgrade to a firm sleigh bed. Firm mattresses are better for fucking because A) better bounce and B) edge fall is a thing.

Then I cleared out a room full of boxes, set up what little exercise equipment I had there, and ordered some fitness machines, mats, and even some dance stuff I'd once seen at Sloane's parents' house.

I called the fitness equipment supplier and made it worth their while to deliver the next day. The dance place snottily told me what they thought of my expectations of their installing a sprung floor that week.

Yeah, I may have gone a little overboard.

I may also have overdone the spoiled-rich-asshole thing. I mean, I didn't think I was spoiled, but cash was not a problem now and I was throwing a lot of it around today. All because I wanted Char to have all the workout stuff she wanted right there at her fingertips.

Selfless? Not exactly. I wanted us to spend as much time together as possible doing intimate shit.

Making up for lost time.

I was a fucking saint, though, in the way I held back from texting or calling. When dinnertime rolled around, I considered that the end of my exile and showered again, got shit ready and drove to her place.

Without giving her warning. It was a betrayal of the UFC, but I considered our friendship code had already been compromised at that point. I didn't want her on her guard.

I almost used my key to her apartment, but decided not to push it and to send her a text instead. I'm here.

I kind of expected snark, but the door opened in seconds. She let me in with raised brows, returning a warm smile not to me, but to the phone she was thumbing.

"Hold…on," she said distractedly.

Somehow I didn't think she was studying my text.

I scanned her critically. She'd gone back to the usual conservative, body-disguising getup, a peach-and-gray striped polo shirt and gray cords. Wow, could you get more ugly? I choked on a laugh.

Her chest had a smooth profile. Knowing now what lay under that shirt, I could only conclude a bra was busy flattening those jaunty nipples. The thought of shoving the shirt and bra out of the way and exposing her immediately brought my cock to attention.

You'd think fucking her was all I'd thought about all day. Not true. Less than half.

Not that she noticed my predatory attitude. She acted oblivious to my presence.

I closed the door behind me a bit too hard, my good humor fading. Who the fuck was she texting like that, and how could she ignore me?

I stalked her across the floor until she slowed with awareness. Because her hair was up in a ponytail and I was looking, I saw the goose pimples break out on her neck. Abruptly my jeans felt too tight.

Sneaking up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her to a halt, inhaling at the base of her neck. That smell. Oranges and earth and…bleach?

I looked around, taking stock of the apartment. For once it was organized and spotless. No papers or bags of pistachios or any the usual clutter. I had the feeling if I went into the kitchen I'd see gleaming surfaces and a sink free of dishes.

I was stoked. "You cleaned for me."

"Yeah, well…I didn't do it for you. " She stood still for my nuzzling, clutching her phone, then abruptly turned and gazed up at me."Okay, dammit, I did."

I staggered back melodramatically, taking her with me. She yelled and when we landed on the floor, she was on top of me.

Perfect position for a hello kiss.

I didn't let her raise her head until I'd had a chance to remind her, with plenty of tongue, that kissing me was the fucking bee's knees.

"Why'd you fall down?" she demanded breathlessly as we got to our feet.

"You looked like a panicked chipmunk, Sloane. Am I really that scary?"

"Chipmunk!" She shoved and kicked me.

I caught her fist. "A hot, sultry chipmunk, swear to God."

"What are you doing here anyway? I didn't know you were coming over."

"I knew you'd be a wimp about this. I'm taking you back to my place. I'm feeding you. Pack stuff for overnight."

"What, for…what do you mean?" The panicked look was back. "Hey, where's my—gimme that!"

I'd swiped her phone and I was scrolling through her texts. To Joel, damn his ass.

 

Charis: Thanks again for feeding me the other day

Joel: No prob. How's it going with Asher?

Charis: Fine. Wait, what do you mean by that?

Joel: You and Asher

Charis: What me and Asher

Joel: Not you and Asher?

Charis: Asher exists and I exist. Your point is?

Joel: OK be evasive. Then I don't have to act sensitive and shit around you guys.

Charis: Of course you don't.

Joel: Yeah I believe that.

Charis: When did you become so cynical, not trusting people?

Joel: I trust my mom, gran, bro and cousin

Charis: So you're saying you can count on one hand the people you trust.

Joel: More or less.

 

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why are you flirting with Joel?"

Her jaw dropped. "Who, wha?"

Now I felt like a fool. I still wasn't used to these possessive feelings. Her not telling Joel we'd started something put me on edge. I returned her phone and took out mine to text Joel. Stop bothering Sloane. She's busy.

Joel's reply, filled with irony, had me smirking. Glad I don't have to act sensitive and shit.

"Go on, get packing. Why didn't you tell him we're a thing, Sloane?"

She started pulling out her dresser drawer. I liked how she'd just did it without giving me sass about being bossy or anything. But then she turned slowly around.

"Are we a thing?"

I couldn't read her expression. "This is why I knew I should have taken you home with me yesterday."

"Taken me home?" She covered her head with her hands. "I'm not a stuffed animal. No, wait, what are you saying? I didn't know we were public with this. I don't even know what this is!"

Just as I feared, her time to reflect hadn't done us any good. I opened my mouth but my phone alerted me to another text, this one from my sister.

 

Mel: Rebound any?

Asher: ?

Mel: You look like Dad before he retired in that tan coat.

Asher: Stop being cryptic. Busy. What's up.

Mel: Busy with black anorak lady?

Asher: Uh what?

Mel: Karl won't say who she is. But he knows. I know he knows. My sister sense tingles when we talk.

Asher: Who who is?

Mel: Come on, I had like three people retweet the pic to me. They thought it might be you but didn't recognize the woman. It was totally you.

 

I pretended ignorance.

 

Asher: My pic is all over social media?

Mel: Isn't that what I said? Some woman they said isn't Aura. Kissing was mentioned.

Asher: It was j—

 

"Don't tell her it's me."

Charis grabbed the phone. She'd been standing on the sofa, peering over my shoulder. Now she fell on her ass, cupping my phone protectively. "Don't say anything to Mel, for heaven's sake."

"Mel knows you."

"But she obviously didn't recognize me. This coat is relatively new and the picture must have cut off my face or something. Whew."

Her relief was highly irritating. "So? She knows we're friends who hang out a lot."

"And discuss kissing?" Her hands covered her nose. "No, it's too weird and embarrassing. I don't want Mel lecturing me about how young you are. I don't want this thing public."

"We had a public conversation."

"But that was before this thing."

"This thing."

"Yeah, this thing."

I put the phone away. "I think it's time we discussed this thing. At my place."