CHAPTER 26

 

 

One Year Ago—Safe

 

Charis: Do you believe in emotional polarity?

Asher: So I'm guessing this isn't anything to do with the earth's magnetic charge at the poles.

Charis: Nope. I'm talking about happiness and sadness, love and hate, fear and comfort, that kind of thing. Some people think you need one emotion to experience its opposite. So, do you?

Asher: Sure, sounds reasonable.

Charis: Oh, it is. But I think it has to be balanced and it's usually not.

Asher: Explain.

Charis: Well we learn when we're kids that if we trip and fall, we won't be safe. Safe only has meaning for us after we trip and fall, right? We learn what fear is and then we crave safety.

Asher: Right.

Charis: But then we spend all our time staying safe. We never let ourselves trip and fall again. And that's maybe going too far with the safety lesson. Maybe we'd be better off with a more balanced approach. Say, letting ourselves trip and fall once a year or something. Just to see if maybe there's another lesson there.

Asher: O-kay. And all of this pertains to what exactly?

Charis: I like being safe.

Asher: And?

Charis: I'm just saying.

Asher: All that convoluted shit was to say you like being safe.

Charis: Yeah.

Asher: Fucking pulling teeth here…are you saying you'd rather be unsafe?

Charis: No, well, I don't know. It's just sometimes…you don't know what to do and you get scared and so you stick to the safe route. And other times, you think, if you just take that leap, choose the dangerous route, things could be kinda sorta awesome. But then you realize it's stupid.

Asher: Take the leap.

Charis: No, I don't think so. Because ultimately I know it's stupid.

Asher: You're way overthinking things.

Charis: Yeah, probably…

 

Asher

 

"MAYBE I DIDN'T THINK THIS through," Charis said humbly.

Too late.

Yeah, I had no sympathy. No amount of humbleness on her part could make me not be pissed about this. Talk about a radical shift in mood. "Maybe you didn't."

"Well, sorry. I didn't know Mel was going. Look, Asher, there's no reason they have to know we're involved in this thing." Charis played with the rim of her orange juice glass.

We were at the kitchen table, eating breakfast in sleep clothes. Clothes we hadn't slept in, because we'd slept naked.

I'd awakened from our epic first fuck night spooned against her with morning wood and a grin that wouldn't stop. When she stirred, rubbing that baby-soft skin against me, I'd gone and slipped inside her a few inches before my dopey brain processed what I was doing, and with some fairly comical panic withdrew before I was too far gone to stop myself from thrusting.

In. Fucking. Sane.

Where was a chlorine mnemonic when you needed it?

There was no thought of protection. No thought of Aura. Just went right in as if I'd been barebacking with her for years.

Fuck. This fucking-your-best-friend thing was dangerous.

And the sensation of her wetness against my bare skin lingered even after I got the condom. It made that morning fuck even hotter. All from behind, with me connected to that pretty little ass. I also whispered in her ear funny things because I wanted to feel her laughing while I fucked her.

A kind of amazing morning.

We'd decided against day clothes with the idea of spending a day in bed together. Between bouts of hot sex, the plan went, I'd work in bed with my tablet and she'd read. The point was, not leaving the bed except for absolute necessities, eating being one.

And now she had to ruin it at breakfast.

I wanted to shake some sense into her. First she committed us both to going to my sister's party on the basis of matchmaking for our relationship-averse friend, and then she decided we'd go as single people?

My formerly brainy girl had lost her ability to reason.

"Why don't you want people to know about this thing?" I said through clenched teeth.

"They'll quiz us and say embarrassing things."

"Sloane, that's a crock of shit."

"No, it's not. Your family is ruthless and unrelenting. You know they'll put us on the spot."

"They're nice people. They won't do that."

"Sure they will."

"False."

"True. You know it's true, Asher. I don't want them implying I'm…"

"You're…?"

"Cradle robbing! Okay?"

I expressed my annoyance that this was still an issue by knocking my mug loudly on the table. "They wouldn't."

"They would too. Mine do."

"When?"

She waved her hand. "Whenever they see you, they talk about your boyish youth. And then they start right in on what a fuddy-duddy I am. No, really, they do. It's like, hello? Do you even know me?"

"My family is different." All right, they might mention it. But everyone in my family was crazy about Charis. No one would give her a hard time. "Who the fuck cares anyway?"

"Me. Especially if Mel does it."

I considered telling her Mel was the one who'd pointed out my blindness to me. Then again, I wasn't sure if Mel was for or against an Asher/Charis relationship. "Maybe Mel won't be there."

"I thought you said she was going."

"Might go. It depends on Esteban. He's at a convention in Spokane. Last I heard, if he can get away and she finds someone to watch the baby, they're going. Otherwise…"

"Well whether she's there or not, I'd just rather people not know what we're doing yet. Think about it, Asher. Are you looking forward to the questions and to having to give long, drawn-out explanations about how we happened to change our relationship right when…never mind."

"Who cares when we did it? I don't have to explain anything to anyone."

"No, because you'll charm them and turn the tables on them like you always do. But I'm not made that way."

"So you let me handle it."

"Say again? Let you talk for me?"

Clearly that did not compute. Aura would have had no problems with my doing the talking for both of us. I sighed.

"Sloane, you're making this way too complicated. We tell them ahead of time and warn them not to say shit about it under threat of desertion."

"Sure, then later on they all call me for the real scoop. And you know they'll gossip with each other. I know you Norrells. Ryanna will probably be a sweetie about it. Everyone else will make a fuss. There is no minimizing this."

"There's no hiding it, either," I countered. "Like you said, it's my family. They know something's up. They suspect I'm with someone, just not who it is. You want me to have to make up a story about somebody who doesn't exist?"

She actually stomped her foot. "No. I just don't want them to know about us yet. Not until…" She tapered off and looked away.

"Not until…?

"Not until we've had a little more time with this."

Aha.

That was an evasion if I ever heard one.

"Karl already knows it's you," I pointed out.

"But he hasn't told the others, you said."

"Aura might mention something." Though in all honesty I doubted my ex would volunteer the fact that she'd been usurped in my affections.

"I don't think so. I think the best thing is to not say anything and just act normal, like we normally do."

Fuck. Char was in stubborn mode and not budging, no matter how reasonable the argument.

Clearly there was more to this than she admitted.

I leaned back, locked my hands behind my neck, and studied her. She began to fidget, ripping apart pieces of bacon. I noticed her eyes flashing down at herself.

The gesture reminded me eerily of Aura.

Her clothes?

There was a clue there. I needed to think like a woman.

Fail.

While we sat there, I texted Joel.

 

Asher: Why do parties stress out females? 3 top reasons.

Joel: 1—Cleaning before 2—Not enough food 3—Cleaning after

Asher: I meant females who are not hosting the party. i.e., guests.

Joel: There is only one reason. Competition from other females. Everything boils down to that.

Asher: Dude you're brilliant. How did you become so wise?

Joel: ma gran aunts

Joel: sisters cousins in laws nieces

Joel: weddings baptisms birthdays

Joel: reunions christmas memorial day

Joel: july 4 labor day easter graduations funerals

Asher: please stop now

 

I put my phone away and twiddled my thumbs for a minute, thinking. Then I had a sly thought. "What are you wearing for the party?"

She shrugged.

"Change of plan. We're going shopping," I decreed. "Right now."

She looked startled. "Why?"

"To get you a party dress."

"Oh." She eyed me curiously. "I actually have a party dress."

"You do?"

"I've only worn it to every holiday party for years."

"I can't picture it in my mind."

She crossed her arms, and who could blame her? The Platonic Shutter over my eyes had really made me blind—for years. I could recall her smiles and jokes and the things she'd done, and I knew her general style, but not specific outfits.

"It's fancy, though." She clicked her tongue. "I was just gonna wear pants." Though she seemed nonchalant, I noticed her biceps clenching. She was doing her fist thing again.

"I'd like to see you in a dress," I said casually.

"You know what, Asher, I've changed my mind. There's an easy solution to all this. We won't go to the party."

"Oh, no, you don't, not this shit. We're going, Sloane. I just have to figure out why you have your panties in a twist."

"It's stupid. They'll fuss no matter what we say, because of your breakup…" She flattened her lips, staring down at herself again. "That'll be the real thing on their minds. You and Aura were the big show. It'll be all about you guys. And if…I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what my problem is!"

I put down my cup. "Are you worried that Karl and Aura will be there? It's not a sure thing. You know Karl's unpredictable."

She shrugged. "I just don't see the need to draw attention to me when everyone will be interested in you and Aura. And if Aura's there and they see her and they see me…oh, never mind."

Aura.

Damn. This wasn't about Charis trying to avoid pointed questions about our girl swap. Or even the age difference.

This was Charis not being secure in her body.

Not wanting to be compared with Aura.

Shit.

Not this again.