“You look terrible,” Edith said as she walked into her apartment. “And look at this place. Where is my friend? What have you done with her?”

“I decided to take a couple of days off, that’s all.” Ana sighed.

“Off of work or off of life?” Edith put her hands on her hips. “Because I can tell that you’ve done nothing other than eat take-out and let your dishes pile up.”

“I’m all caught up on Netflix and I happen to like take-out.”

“What’s going on with you? You haven’t returned my calls.” Her friend narrowed her eyes. “You met up with Winston last weekend, didn’t you? What happened? Did he hurt you, because if he did, I’m going to find—”

“No, no!” Ana put her hands up. “It’s not like that.”

“Something happened though.”

Ana didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about it.

Edith held up a paper bag. “It’s double chocolate. Get the spoons and start talking. I promise you’ll feel better once it’s out”

Ana nodded. “Okay.”

Once they were comfortable, spoons in hand and a couple of mouthfuls down the hatch, she told her about the evening. All about going back with Kane and her panic attack. She skipped the part about the orgasm Winston gave her though.

“He rescued me and then told me he no longer sees me as a friend. He told me he has feelings for me.”

Edith stopped, spoon halfway to her mouth. “What did you do?”

“What I always do … I panicked.”

“And then?” Spoon still poised, eyes wide.

“I ran. I need to get away when I’m in the midst of a panic attack, it’s the only thing that calms me down. I went back the next morning but he was gone.” She sounded completely depressed. She felt completely depressed.

Edith finally ate the melting dessert. “Why did you go back? Had you changed your mind about starting a relationship with him?”

“No … I can’t be in a relationship. I’m not ready.” She shook her head.

Edith burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“I hate to break it to you, hun, but you already were in a relationship. There was nothing fake about the two of you from the start. You can be in a relationship … you were in a relationship.”

“Yes, as friends.”

“Bullcrap. I told you that a man and a woman can’t be friends if they’re attracted to one another and I still stand by that.”

“We were faking it.” Even as she said it, she knew she wasn’t being entirely true.

“Faking it, my ass. It was very real. The way you looked at him and the way he looked at you back. Friends don’t look at each other like that. They certainly don’t have heated kisses. Okay,” Edith cocked her head, “you still haven’t told me why you went back the next morning.”

“I went to apologize.” Ana looked down at the spoon in her hand. “I did a terrible thing. A selfish thing.” She swallowed hard. “I asked for sex. I wanted to use him for my own pleasure. I ruined everything. Doctor Brenner was right, friends don’t have sex with each other.”

Edith laughed again. “Really now? You really believe that you were selfishly looking for a thrill. Did it never occur to you that you might have been looking for a way to get closer to him? To deepen your relationship? The fact that you’re so cut up about it reiterates that you’re in way over your head.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I was looking for a cheap thrill. I let him touch me and … it was so darned good.” Her whole body flushed at the memory.

“Touch you?” Edith’s mouth dropped open. “As in … did you go to happy town?”

“I so did.” She couldn’t help but smile. “It made me want more. I’m selfish and terrible and a horrible friend.”

“You’re right, you are a horrible friend.” Edith laughed when Ana widened her eyes. Edith must have seen the horrified look on her face because she quickly added, “Not to me.” She sighed. “To Winston. You’re a bad friend because the two of you aren’t friends. You understand that don’t you? It’s not a bad thing that you want to have sex with him, he just needs you to own up to your feelings for him first.”

“I’m not ready for all that.” Ana grit her teeth, feeling frustrated.

“You are, hun, you so are. Have you ever stopped to think why you couldn’t let that Kane guy get anywhere near you, yet you let Winston take you to happy town and even went so far as to want to have sex with him? You just need to get over yourself and admit to your feelings.”

“Doctor Brenner says that I haven’t given myself permission to move on. I want to so badly, but,” a tear slid down her cheek, “I just don’t know if I can. I think I’ve ruined things with Winston anyhow. He won’t even read my texts, let alone reply to them. I’ve screwed up big time.” More hot tears fell and she wiped at them.

“The guy is mad about you. Absolutely crazy. He’ll come around. You need to have some patience. There’s something else I need to ask.”

Ana sucked in a deep breath. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

“Did you tell him what happened that night?”

“Sure, I may have left out some things, but he knows most of it.”

“What things?” Edith asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Things I don’t like talking about.”

“You told him about John?”

Ana nodded. “Sort of. Not everything. I barely knew him when we spoke.”

Edith’s eyes narrowed some more. “Did you tell him about ...?”

“I didn’t tell him everything. I guess there’s more he needs to know.”

“I’d say.” Edith shook her head. “Give him some space. I’m sure he’ll start responding to your texts.”

“What if he doesn’t?” She could hear the worry in her voice.

“Then go after him.”

Ana nodded, she wiped her eyes. “I think I might just do that.”