“What an asshole,” her doctor announced.

“To be fair, I did puke on him.” Ana still felt appalled at what had gone down.

“Still.” Doctor Brenner shook her head, looking shocked. “He just left, without making sure that you were okay first?” She cocked her head. “That’s just plain wrong. Maybe you were having an allergic reaction, or maybe you were,” she made a noise that gave away her exasperation, “I don’t know … diabetic and going into shock. He simply left. What an ass. I say good bloody riddance.”

“I’m not diabetic and I certainly wasn’t having an allergic reaction. Maybe he was right to throw down that fifty and hightail it out of there. At least, that’s what the staff told me had happened once I came to.” She felt her cheeks heat at the memory. “I woke up a few minutes later on the floor of the manager’s office. I was in the recovery position with a wet towel around my forehead.” She felt her cheeks heat just thinking about it.

“Oh good!” Doctor Brenner’s eyes shone with concern. “At least there are some good folks in this world.”

“You don’t understand.” She covered her eyes with her hand for a moment. “The manager was on the phone with 911 at the time … yep … the emergency services.”

“No!” Her therapist drew out the word, then she chewed down on her bottom lip to stifle a laugh. “I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s terrible. What did you say?”

“I told them I was fine … because I was fine. They wouldn’t believe me at first but I managed to convince them that I’d fainted. They made me promise to go to the emergency room. I feel like such a failure.” Ana felt her eyes fill with tears. “I’m never going to get over what happened.”

“You’re not a failure,” Doctor Brenner said the words with such conviction that for a moment she was tempted to believe them. How could she though?

“Didn’t you hear me, doc? I puked all over him.”

“Who says they want marriage and a family on the first date? I’m surprised he didn’t propose. I might have reacted in much the same way.” She rolled her eyes. “If you don’t mind me saying, that guy sounds a bit strange. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Brett’s just an analytical type personality through and through, the guy knows exactly what he wants. I can’t blame him, he was just being honest.” She sighed.

“He was a bit of a jerk though … he sounded like a jerk to me. I’m surprised he didn’t make you fill out a questionnaire before he let you sit down.”

Ana sniffed back her tears and smiled. “I suppose he was a bit of a weirdo. I wouldn’t put a questionnaire past a guy like him. He probably saved that for the second date.”

Her therapist looked at her pointedly. “This was a tiny hiccup. You’re making huge progress, the last date you went on you had an attack as soon as the guy introduced himself to you and you didn’t even manage to get out of your car on the one before that. I think you would’ve been fine with this Brett guy if he hadn’t mentioned the M-word.”

It was true. Ana had felt pretty okay until that moment. Why did he have to mention marriage? Why did he ask her if she wanted children? “You might be right. I can’t risk it though. I just wish there was some sure-fire way to … to get better.” She felt bad saying it. Move on … get over it … It felt too much like forgetting her past. Forgetting someone who had meant everything to her and a time in her life that she had never been happier.

Doctor Brenner looked deep in thought for a few moments. “What about role-playing?”

Ana felt herself frown. “Role-playing?” she repeated, hearing the skepticism in her voice.

“Role-playing. Don’t you have a really good male friend or maybe a colleague? Go out on a couple of fake dates ‒ go through the motions. It’s a proven fact that desensitizing works on patients suffering from phobias.”

“It’s not like I’m afraid of snakes … or heights. It’s not that simple.”

“It is though. Your fear works in much the same way as someone else’s fear of snakes. Dating, and particularly the thought of a relationship, triggers your panic attacks. Sure, there’s more to it but I really feel you would benefit from some fake dating, if you will. So, do you have a male friend or two you could enlist?”

Ana shook her head. “Carl has a girlfriend ‒ it would be wrong to ask. Pete and I have been friends since we were kids, he’s more of a brother.” She shrugged. “We’ve been out tons of times … I’m very comfortable with him. My friend Edith has a younger brother, but …” she pulled a face. “That’s eeww … he’s six years my junior.”

“It wouldn’t be for real though.”

“Still,” Ana said. “I can’t. He has pimples and still lives at home with his parents.”

“Yikes, okay, I understand.” Her therapist closed the file on her desk. “We need to try to come up with something though. A friend of a friend then … Something casual and relaxed. You need to go through the motions.” She pushed out a breath. “You need to have some fun but without any real date pressure. The fun part is the most important. In fact, I prescribe it.” She pulled out a pad and wrote on it, signing the bottom before handing it to Ana.

She took the paper and laughed. “That’s the strangest prescription ever.”

Written in the middle of the page were two words.

Her doctor turned serious. “It’s what you need, Ana. You need to give yourself permission to have fun and in so doing, to ultimately move on.”

“I want to ...” her voice was thin. Her throat suddenly hurt because of the choking feeling resulting from all of the emotions inside of her. She meant it. For years now, she wished it could happen. Unfortunately, she was beginning to think it might be impossible.