Tori

The blacked out SUV rolled to a stop in front of a house in New Jersey. It wasn’t far from where Jay’s mom lived, but it still wasn’t what I expected from the man who lived here—Jay’s best friend practically from birth—Marcus Young.

I felt like I was looking at something out of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

For some reason, now that I was here, I was more intimidated to meet him than I had been to meet Jay’s mother, Sylvia, earlier that day.

Prior to meeting Sylvia, I had felt like a complete and utter wreck. All I kept thinking was what if she doesn’t like me? What if she thinks I’m not good enough for her son? I was afraid that she would only see what was on the surface—the spoiled, rich girl with her nose up in the air. Or at least that’s what I was used to people thinking about me. I knew, deep down, I was more. I just hoped she recognized it.

Fortunately, there wasn’t a single thing about Sylvia Santiago that was judgmental. Before I could even say hello, she wrapped me up in a big hug that brought tears to my eyes, seeing as how it had been so long since a mom had shown me that kind of affection.

“Perfect!” She announced to no one in particular, then proceeded to stuff us full of a smorgasbord of food.

That was it. Perfect. And then she moved on like I had been a fixture in her home for years, rather than minutes. That was more of a stamp of approval than I could ever have hoped for.

Once I was ready to roll out of my chair from the amount of food I had consumed, Sylvia gave me a tour of the house that Jay had bought for her. It was a stunning home that wasn’t too lavish, but was nothing to sneeze at either. It had five bedrooms in total. “Just enough to put some grandbabies in,” she said. I had to bite back my uncomfortable laughter at that comment. For as much as I’d love to have children with Jay, we weren’t there yet. It was a noble attempt on her part though.

What shocked me the most about being with Sylvia was how soft my bad boy was with her. It was obvious from the way they interacted, they were tight. I got the feeling he was used to protecting her and doting on her. The love between them was overwhelming and made me sad thinking about the man I left behind in Texas.

The saying “us against the world” definitely seemed to pertain to them based on the stories that were being told. Like the story when Jay was sixteen, his father showed up drunk one night and tried to break down the door. For as much as she detested violence, you could see the relief on her face when she spoke of Jay physically subduing him and getting him to leave.

My favorite stories, though, were more lighthearted in nature. Seems Jay was charming even as a young boy. Being a single mother, Sylvia often had to take Jay to work with her when she waitressed. Even though he was told to sit in a corner booth and stay out of the way, he always seemed to find a way to endear himself to the female clientele. His mom told story after story of him singing Michael Jackson tunes and then as he got older, making up his own rhymes to wow the ladies. It was cute and extremely endearing to hear tales of him as a child.

After several hours looking at pictures of Jay as a little boy and catching us up on her life, Jay whisked me away to meet Marcus.

Jay had told me several stories about Marcus and him growing up, but that was about all I knew. I didn’t know anything about him beyond when Jay got a record deal and moved out of the projects. I didn’t understand all the mystery surrounding Marcus, which was probably why I was so nervous. Then again, there was a lot about Jay that seemed a mystery.

Jay opening the car door broke me from my thoughts. He helped me down and held my hand as we walked to the door.

“This is quite a house,” I noted. I was trying not to fish for too much information, but curiosity was getting the better of me. I had grown up in fancy houses and been surrounded by money my whole life so that didn’t faze me. I was more interested in how Marcus made his living and afforded such extravagancy, especially since Jay had been so tight lipped about it.

“I guess.” Jay shrugged and rang the bell.

So much for my fishing expedition.

When the door opened, I was more than surprised to see a man in a wheelchair behind it.

“Yo, Marcus!” Jay leaned down, grabbed his hand and did the whole man hug, back pat thing.

“Who’s the pretty lady?” Marcus asked with a flirtatious grin after they broke apart.

I had to admit, Marcus was a good looking man. His hair was in cornrows. His eyes were an appealing brown, and he was stocky. His smile was striking. It was his best feature. I’m talking toothpaste commercial worthy.

“Want you to meet Tori. Tori, this is my brother, Marcus.” Jay made the introductions, and I wanted to believe there was pride in his voice. Although that could have just been wishful thinking.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I held my hand out to shake his. In return, his hand wrapped around my outstretched one, but apparently that was too formal for Marcus because he promptly pulled me in for a kiss on the cheek that lingered so long it made me blush a little.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” he replied in a sexy tone.

Jay slapped the back of his head. “That’s enough of that. T’s off limits.”

“You ruin all the fun.” Marcus shot back good-naturedly and studied me with a thoughtful look on his face for a few moments. “That’s fine because there’s plenty of other pussy hangin’ around here for me to find a good time with. Even if she does look like a fine piece—”

“I’m warning you,” Jay growled at him.

Marcus held his hands up defensively and laughed. I didn’t think that was too wise given the negative vibes reverberating off of Jay. “Alright! Alright!”

Before Jay could respond further, he whirled around and wheeled out of the room.

“Heard a lot about you, Tori,” Marcus called to me as we followed him to an elevator at the back of the house.

“Really?” I replied out of shock. I didn’t expect that to be the case given the fact I didn’t know much about him.

“Really,” he confirmed as we entered the elevator. “Must say you’re prettier in person than Jerome gave you credit for.”

“Leave it to him to run his mouth,” Jay muttered.

“Jerome is a great guy, if a bit flirtatious,” I chimed in. “It’s too bad he’s not here.”

“Boys will be by later,” Jay said just as the doors opened. We found ourselves inside a very large, informal den where hardcore hip-hop music was pulsing throughout the room.

Walking inside, I audibly gasped at what I saw once I took everything in.

There were scantily clothed women doing lines of coke off mirrors on the large square coffee table. There was a girl getting fucked by two men in the far corner while at least half a dozen other people watched.

Stacks of money peppered various surfaces. Guns of all sizes were piled up on a table on the opposite side of the room. On another couple of tables there were random sized bags of various drug-like substances lined up. My lack of experience aside, I knew some of it was weed, cocaine, and ecstasy. I wasn’t sure, but I thought there might be heroin too.

There were three couches in a U shape in front of a wall mounted television. Sitting on the couch directly in front of the television, a man was getting a blow job while a game was playing on the screen. The woman between his legs was making god awful sounds as he choked her with his dick, and she worked herself between her legs.

It was all enough to make me vomit.

In that moment, I was so thankful Jazzy got sick at the last minute and couldn’t come on the trip with us. I really hoped Jay was smart enough not to bring her around this shit. He and I had never talked about what she was exposed to when she’s with him. It never came up and honestly, I didn’t think it was my business, but I definitely would have a problem with her being here. Hell, I had a problem with me being here.

For as hip and cool as I fancied myself to be, there was no way I could hang here for a long period of time. As it was, I was afraid to sit down for fear of what might be lingering on the cushions.

Jay had no problem though. He sank his ass into an unoccupied couch, spread his legs wide and assumed his lounging stance as I liked to call it.

Marcus wheeled into the mix and positioned himself in an open spot next to the couch that was across from ours. In between him and Jay was the guy getting sucked off. Talk about awkward.

Not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, I slowly lowered onto the couch next to Jay and sat with my hands in my lap. I tried, and I’m pretty sure I failed, to appear comfortable and not nearly as uptight as I felt.

I chanced a glance to my left just as the guy made noises like he was ready to blow and the woman gagged. I quickly averted my eyes and shook my head.

God, this all seemed so wrong.

Thankfully, the duo opted to move away from our group once he climaxed, and his dick was tucked back into his pants. A sick part of me was actually curious—had she been fortunate enough to get off as well? I shook my head wondering what was wrong with me for even thinking that way.

Sure Jay’s parties tended to be a little out of control with drugs, booze, sex and women, and yes that was initially outside my comfort zone. This wasn’t a party though. It was more of an operation. Everyone knows growing up in Texas, guns are second nature—like baby oil on strippers. Even I knew how to use one. But these weren’t just glocks or pistols, or hell even shotguns. These were mostly machine guns and assault rifles. Heavy artillery.

What I couldn’t understand was how this could be business as usual for anyone, let alone Jay.

Marcus snapped his fingers, and a topless woman in a thong came to his side.

“Want a drink?” He asked us. Jay opted for a beer, and I just shook my head.

The woman sauntered off to get both men a drink.

I studiously tried to avoid watching anything that was happening in the room, without appearing to do so. I was sure I was failing miserably in that too, but the longer the seconds ticked by, the easier it was not to care. I tried giving Jay a look or two that showed my discomfort, but he either missed them or ignored them. A part of me was seriously ready to blow, but I didn’t want to insult Marcus.

“How’s business?” Jay asked. His arm went around my shoulders, and I felt my body stiffen at his casualness. It wasn’t like he was trying to ease my concerns and make me more comfortable. No, he was just trying to make himself more comfortable. There was no real affection behind the move that I could tell, and it pissed me off.

“Good. As you can see we got some new stuff going on.” He pointed towards the guns. “Got a new warehouse opening up soon. This shit will be gone when it does.”

Jay nodded and accepted his beer from thong girl. “Probably not smart to keep that shit where you sleep. You, of all people, should know the dangers of that.” He gave Marcus a pointed look.

“You think I don’t fucking know that?” Marcus returned heatedly.

“Settle down man. I’m just sayin’.”

“Fuck you. I know what you’re sayin’.”

Their words told me nothing, yet said everything. Jay might be comfortable here, but he didn’t like Marcus surrounded by the stuff he was choosing to be around. That made me feel a tad bit better, but not much.

“Got any new tracks laid down?” Marcus stroked thong girl’s ass cheek as she sat on the couch next to him.

Thank heavens for the subject change. I had a feeling things were about to get a little too heated between them.

“Nah. Been collaborating some. Producing Plado’s album,” Jay answered.

I gave thong girl a tight smile when she made eye contact with me. She returned the gesture, and I knew we’d never be friends.

“How’s Nessy doing?” Marcus asked and if I was stiff before, it was nothing compared to how tight my body locked after hearing her name.

“Fine. She and the girls are back on tour. I’ll probably head out to Atlanta for their shows there. Surprise the crowd. Got a kid that’s making a name for himself out that way that I want to check on.”

This was news to me, and the fact that he was going to be in the same city as her again had me fuming. If I could throw a tantrum and demand he either stay or take me with him, I would. As it was, I was trying my damnedest to trust him not to go there again.

Was it really so hard to include me when he was making his travel plans? Seriously. Not only was I his assistant, I was his girlfriend damn it!

“Just like old times, you and Nessy. Shit gets crazy when you two are together.” Marcus took a sip of his drink and stayed oblivious to the daggers my eyes were shooting in his direction. I couldn’t believe he would talk about that while in my presence. Even if he was somehow unaware of what went down between Nessy and me, it was rude and disrespectful.

“It’s not like that anymore,” Jay corrected him, and I was partially mollified.

I could have sworn I heard Marcus murmur, “We’ll see,” before he said, “so you’re pussy whipped now?”

“Fuck you,” Jay responded. “No bitch is going to pussy whip me.”

“So Tori here ain’t the only one you’re puttin’ the naughty on?” Marcus asked before I could interject my feelings on this subject. Which by the way were so not good.

“Hey sugar,” a busty blonde, dressed the same as thong girl, purred as she ran her fingers up Jay’s arm.

Where the hell did she come from? And what was she doing? I was sitting right there! It seemed as though I was invisible tonight.

Although a part of me was thankful that I didn’t get to hear Jay’s answer to Marcus’ question, thanks to this chick, the other part of me was pissed about that fact.

“Sup?” Jay lifted his chin toward her and waited for a reply, which was not the smart thing to do at the moment. He was on the fast track to being castrated before the night was over.

“What’s your poison tonight?” She asked him and made to sit on his lap.

“Excuse me?” I butted in and leaned over his leg, halting her progress. My patience had officially worn thin.

“Poison,” she reiterated. “You want to join in too sweetie? I don’t mind a little three way.”

“Wow,” I murmured as my eyes widened. This was the first time I had been propositioned by a slut wanting in Jay’s pants. Normally, they waited until I turned my back. Although there were the scant few who tried to hook up with him in front of me.

“Not now, Sheila.” Jay gave her a hard look to which she looked disappointed. Then she exited the room on a strut.

“Sheila?” I asked him. I did nothing to hide the irritation in my voice. I was beyond livid, and he needed to know that.

“Yeah, so?”

“How do you know her?” My eyes narrowed in a clear warning.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” He downed his beer and with the flick of a finger another one showed up. It didn’t surprise me that I hadn’t noticed someone waiting in the wings to serve him. I had long since lost track of all the people moving in and out of the room.

“That’s just great. What if I weren’t here? Would you have taken her up on her offer?”

The thought of that skank sitting on Jay’s lap made my stomach clench. Just imagining his hands on her and what they would have done together was making my head spin. I was losing control of my temper way too fast, and it was about to explode.

“Fuck this.” His arm left from around me. Instantly, the air between us turned frigid.

“Do you want a private spot to talk?” Marcus nudged thong girl. “Lulu, show them where their room is for the night. They can talk there.”

“Not necessary,” Jay bit out. “Come on, T.”

He grabbed my arm and dragged me up the stairs to the main floor of the house and outside to the front stoop like I was a petulant child. I stopped on the landing and pulled my arm from his grasp.

“Stop!” I yelled when he tried pulling me again.

“You’re leaving. I’m not dealing with your attitude anymore.”

“My attitude? You have got to be kidding me! That bitch was practically rubbing on you like a cat in heat right in front of me and all you did was tell her not now! Let’s talk about how fucked up that is!”

“You don’t get the right to question what I say or do. You knew who I was going into this. You knew I didn’t want a relationship.”

“So that’s it?”

“Yeah.” He crossed his arms and gave me that hard look he always gives to people he’s trying to intimidate. I so did not think so.

“That’s just great. Way to give up like a coward, Jay. Things get real for a brief moment and you close down. Don’t you think I deserve more than that?”

“It’s always got to be about you, doesn’t it? What about me, T? Did you ever stop to think about what it feels like for me to come here and see my boy runnin’ guns and sellin’ drugs? Did you even bother to consider how it would feel for me when you turned all high and mighty princess instead of being down with supporting me? You think I couldn’t tell you were judging everyone back there?”

“How the hell was I supposed to know any of this? You never tell me anything! I had no idea Marcus was in a wheelchair, let alone why he was disabled. I had no idea any of the stuff he’s into. You should have told me so that I wasn’t blindsided when I came in here.”

The fact that we were having this conversation was beyond comprehension. His initial reaction was to close himself off, and I wasn’t sure if I could help him break that cycle. I had my own problems that I focused on, and it was so easy to let that behavior slide. I always said I’d tackle it the next time he did it. Now here we were arguing over something that should have easily been settled.

“Bullet in the back severed his spine. What he’s got going on is dangerous shit. I watched my boy go down that night. It would have been me if I had been five minutes sooner.”

“What?” I breathed. “You said you grew up wanting more than the street life.”

“Wanting and doing are two totally different things.” He gave me that hard stare again and I fought the flinch my body wanted to make. I had to support him. Not be turned off by his past choices.

“Why don’t you try to help him get out of this life?” I asked. “It seems to me that if you love someone enough you try to help them no matter what.”

Jay let out a humorless laugh. “So naïve, T. You really did live in an ivory tower growing up. I’ve tried so many times to talk sense into that fucker. He finally told me to shut up or stay the fuck away. I’d never be able to live with myself if I walked out of his life and then got the call that he went down.”

“Understood,” I murmured. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this? What’s the point in hiding it from me?”

“Honestly? I wanted to see how you’d react. This is how I grew up, T. Guns, drugs, hookers—they were all around and I dabbled in all of it. Sold drugs so my ma had help paying the bills. Shot at assholes who thought they were harder than me. And I thrust my cock in dirty pussy for years. Is that what you want to hear?”

I couldn’t help the flinch that resulted from that admittance. Maybe I was better off in complete ignorance of where he came from. Not having to deal with the ugly truth seemed a lot easier at the moment. I didn’t like thinking of him doing any of that.

“That’s what I thought. I’ve been waiting for the day when you wake up and decide your time with a brother from the wrong side of the tracks has been fun, but you’re over it. No one thinks we go good together. Everyone, including your family, looks at you and thinks you either want my money or you’re slummin’. Which is it, T? ‘Cause it’s always one or the other.”

“That’s fucked up and you know it. So what if no one thinks we match. What matters is what we think. Until this recent drama, things have been good between us.” I was now on the defensive. Him demeaning what we shared just pissed me off.

“Maybe it’s best we leave things that way then. I don’t want to deal with these headaches. I sure as fuck don’t want to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“That’s no way to live, Jay. You need to have faith in us. You’re what has the power to ruin us. No one or nothing else,” I argued.

“So you’re telling me that if I was still living in the hood with a glock tucked in my pants, you’d still be interested?” His tone was taunting, like he was daring me to argue this point with him.

“Honestly? If you had walked into Lace with ten dollars in your pocket and struck up a conversation with me, I’d still have talked to you. If you had pursued me the way you did, I still would have gone to breakfast with you. As long as you were you. Not the guy in front of me with a giant chip on his shoulder. I don’t care where you come from, Jay. I just care about you.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Wow. What little faith you have in me. You honestly think it’s all about money and prestige with me? Have you not been paying any attention these last few months?”

“So if I couldn’t take you shopping—buy you Hermes and Jimmy Choos—give you champagne and a fly ride, you’d still be standing where you are?”

“I never asked you for any of that. I didn’t need my own Bentley. Jeff’s was serving its purpose.” Jay bought me a Bentley to replace Jeff’s just last week. It was a great surprise, but one that wasn’t necessary. I’d drive a fucking Honda and still be happy sleeping next to him at night if that’s what life had in store for us.

“You didn’t protest too much. Took all that shit I’ve laid at your feet.”

“Oh my God! Do you hear yourself? I’m sorry, but I always thought it was common courtesy to say thank you and accept a gift graciously instead of throwing it back in someone’s face. You need to decide if you truly believe this crazy shit you’re spewing,” I shouted, beyond done with this conversation.

Jay said nothing. Just stared at me with cold eyes.

“So what’s it going to be?” I took a step closer to him, but his belligerent stance never wavered. I placed my hand on his forearm, but he shook me off.

“Your bags are still in the car. The driver will take you back to my ma’s. I’ll see you later.”

Ouch. That hurt far more than I wanted to think about. Tears swam in my eyes, and I had to blink a few times to clear them enough that they wouldn’t spill down my cheeks. Even in my anger, I could feel that cutting deep.

“What happened to the sweet, loving Jay from this morning when I was saying goodbye to my father? Huh?”

Again he said nothing.

“Fuck you!” I felt my chin quiver as I said the words. Hurt beyond belief, I stormed to the waiting SUV. Sometimes in life you have to retreat and come up with a new strategy. I’d take this opportunity to do just that. Tomorrow I’d fight to get him to see reason. Hopefully, by then, he’d wake up and stop being such an ass.