Tori

Handing the money to the cab driver, I thanked him before climbing out of the car. It was an overcast day, and the gray in the sky lent itself to my increasingly agitated mood.

When I woke up after only a few hours of sleep and realized Jay hadn’t come back to his mother’s house, I tried his phone again. And yet again, it went to voicemail. Overplaying a wounded bird, I got up and showered in order to track his ass down and demand he talked to me.

I looked up at Marcus’ monstrous house like it was Mount Everest, and I was a determined climber. The significance of confronting Jay and letting it all hang out, was not lost on me. Today was a make or break kind of day. It had to be.

I rang the bell and waited for someone to answer the door. I looked down at my watch. It was nearly nine o’clock in the morning, so I wasn’t betting on anyone in the house being wide eyed and bushy tailed this early.

Trying the door, I found it unlocked so I let myself in. Maybe not a smart move given the amount of artillery stored there, but at that point I was past caring. I was on a mission to find Jay and slap some sense into him. Let someone try to stop me.

A quick glance along the main floor proved unhelpful. It didn’t appear as if much time was spent up here except in the kitchen. That left the upstairs, where I presumed the bedrooms were, or the den downstairs.

I took the stairs down to the lower level where everyone had been last night, figuring it was the best place to start. A lone man sat on a chair in the corner smoking a joint. Upon closer inspection, I saw he had a house arrest bracelet around his ankle. He stared at me with dangerous eyes, but I couldn’t worry about him. I looked over the bodies that littered the various furniture and floors looking for Jay, but came up empty.

The sliding doors leading out towards a patio were open, so I chose to look there next before heading upstairs. I gingerly stepped around people passed out on the concrete. Scouring the pool area, I stopped in my tracks when I spotted him.

I walked on leaden feet to where Jay had clearly passed out at the side of the pool. He was on his back with his head hanging over the edge of the pool. His arms were spread wide—one over the water, the other out to his side. He was completely nude, save a towel barely covering his dick. Whiskey bottles and beer bottles were scattered around him, and a fucking naked woman’s head rested on his bare thigh.

“This is just great,” I muttered and shoved my sandaled foot into Jay’s ribs harder than some would find necessary. I, however, thought it wasn’t nearly hard enough. “Wake up, asshole.”

He grumbled and groaned, but didn’t open his eyes. His hussy did though.

I turned towards her, grabbed her by her ratty, overly dyed black hair and pulled her off Jay. “Time to get moving, skank.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” She shrieked.

“Showing you the door. Go get dressed and find yourself some dignity. Only skanks sleep naked next to men they barely fucking know. And only whores fuck around with someone else’s man.”

“He didn’t seem too committed last night?” She gave me a catty grin and crossed her arms under her huge, inflatable boobs. Why men always gravitated towards fake breasts was beyond me. Half the time they were overdone and just plain ridiculous.

“That’s between him and me. Now get out of here before I kick your ass.”

She laughed at that. “I’d love to see that.”

“Don’t tempt me. I’m not in the mood to deal with hoochies.”

Her laughter was cut off when Jay sat up and groaned. “I bet he’ll want me here. Won’t you, honey?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Jay glared at her before looking over at me. “T?”

“Yeah, asshole.” I crossed my arms and tapped my foot waiting for him to realize the severity of this situation.

He looked back at the woman and then down the front of his body. His eyes widened and his head shot up to look back at me. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

I let out a mirthless laugh and shook my head. “I have a feeling it’s exactly what it looks like. I’d ask if you used protection, but it doesn’t matter anymore because you won’t be putting that thing anywhere near me,” I said pointing to what lay under the tiny towel.

I needed my sarcasm and flippancy to cover up the fact I was crumbling inside. If I could have, I’d have curled up in a ball and cried like a baby at the realization that he cheated on me again.

I turned on my heel and dashed through the house and out the front door. I looked around helplessly and shouted, “Fuck!” when I realized I had let the cab leave like an idiot. I should have known better than to think this was going to have a happy ending. He wasn’t answering last night because he was too busy fucking other women, not because he was mad at me. Silly me for being foolish again and thinking this would work out.

Jay’s hand wrapped around my arm and spun me around. He grasped the towel around his waist and any other time I’d be totally enamored by his beauty. Right then, I was so far from that point.

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed at him and pulled from his hold.

“Listen to me. I didn’t fuck that bitch. I swear.” His eyes pleaded with me, which might have made a weaker woman cave in. Not me though. I was standing up for myself once and for all.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Jay. Actions speak louder than words and that back there said it all.”

“I swear on Jazzy’s life I didn’t fuck that bitch.”

Taken aback by his vehement tone, for a brief moment my resolve wavered. Jay was a good father and there was no way he’d swear on his daughter’s life if it weren’t true.

“Then what did you do with her?”

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and looked away. That was all the answer I needed.

“Tell me, Jay. You owe me that much.”

“It was just a blow job. She wanted me to fuck her and I said no.”

He might as well have kicked me in the stomach for the way I felt after that admittance.

“So what? You’re Bill Clinton now? Sexual relations don’t include head?”

“Now isn’t the time for you to be funny,” he warned.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. I’ve given you all of me. I’m not sure what else I can do. I turned my head after the Nessy thing and accepted your apology, but I can’t accept what you did last night. You know how I feel about commitment. Seeing you passed out with that slut after the things you said was like having someone stab me in the heart. It hurts like a son of a bitch. I won’t let you subject me to that again. I shouldn’t have to live a life where I’m afraid it’s going to happen again. This is me, Jay. If I wasn’t enough for you, you should have been a man and said so.”

“I should have never done you like that. I get that, but I come from the streets. I could never make you happy.”

“Bullshit! You do make me happy. You just choose not to see it.” On a roll, I couldn’t stop the word vomit that came from me. I purged everything that had built up inside of me since the Nessy incident. “Don’t I deserve to be your only one? Don’t I deserve to be special? God damn it, Jay! Don’t I deserve that much from you? I’m sick of feeling like I’m not enough for you.”

“Fuck, T. I don’t know what you want from me. Even if I tell you that you’re enough for me and that you are special, you aren’t going to believe it.”

“What I want is for you to stop playing with my heart, Jay. When it’s just you and me things are great. You show me affection and treat me like a queen. But when you’re with your boys,” I pointed towards the house, “you make a fool out of me. Flirting with girls, telling everyone that I’m nothing but a piece of ass. It’s like you’re trying to drive me away, and I have to admit you’re doing a good job of it.

“I just want you to love me! Is that too much to ask? For you to feel like you can’t live without me? Because I sure as hell don’t want to live without you!” I ended my rant with my chest heaving and tears rolling down my face. I tried to remain stoic, but there was no hiding how affected I was by his betrayal. I let the devastation rocking me at the moment all hang out. It was as real as it gets.

Jay reached for me, but dropped his hand when I stepped back. “I’m sorry, T. I don’t know how to make this right. Just because I wanted the perfect life, doesn’t mean I know how to have it. I’m really good at sabotaging the good shit in my life.”

Jerome pulled up to the front of the house, and I decided it was time to end this. There was no going back after the death blow Jay delivered to our relationship.

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me,” I murmured. “You can’t make this right. I need to save myself from the heartache you keep giving me. Goodbye, Jayson.”

I sprinted over to Jerome standing in the doorway of his car watching us. “Will you take me back to Sylvia’s and then to the airport?”

He looked between me and the fast approaching Jay before he said, “Yeah. Get in the car, sweetheart.”

I rounded the hood just as Jay made it to us.

“You even think about leaving with her, I’ll kick your fucking ass,” Jay threatened his friend.

“Bring it, Jay. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but if the lady wants to leave I’m going to let her leave. Why don’t you go find your clothes and go after her like a real man would? Right now you just look pathetic.”

I was floored by the way Jerome was talking to Jay. Not only were they friends, but Jay was his boss. He never showed him disrespect. Like ever. I was thankful for him sticking up for me.

“Come again?” Jay said so menacingly that even I shuddered with fear.

“Last night I saw you frontin’ on her. I tried to warn you then. You didn’t want to listen. Now you have to deal with the repercussions of fucking over a good woman. I love you like a brother, but Tori deserves better than that shit you shoveled at her.”

Clearly speechless, Jay watched as Jerome and I got in the car. With the engine running, I looked out the side window, refusing to meet Jay’s haunted eyes. As we drove away, I forced myself not to look back. Nothing good ever came of looking back.

* * *

Jay

I slammed the door to the SUV and ran up to my mother’s front door.

“T?” I screamed out as I looked through the different rooms for her.

She couldn’t leave without talking to me. I knew I was an ass of extreme proportions, but I had to tell her I loved her. It was the one thing I didn’t say this morning, and I hoped that once she heard it, it would be enough and she’d rethink her plan to leave me.

Tearing up the stairs and through the bedrooms, I found nothing. Not Tori. Not her bags. Not even a stray piece of makeup.

Shit. I missed her. Wondering if I could catch her at the airport, I headed back downstairs and was met with the sight of my mother looking angry enough to spit nails.

“Sit,” she demanded from her spot in the living room.

“I’m not a kid that you can boss around anymore. I have to get to the airport and find Tori.” I headed towards the front door, but she stopped me again.

“Jayson Curtis Santiago, I said sit.” Her tone was the one that dared you to mess with her. It was the same one I used on people today. “That girl is gone and you have no chance of getting her back if you don’t sit and listen to your momma.”

Just as defiantly as I would have when I was younger, I stalked into the living room and threw myself into the chair. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but then again, neither were most of my moments the last few days either.

“I didn’t raise you to treat women like this. Then again, maybe I didn’t raise you as well as I thought I had. It seems those bad influences surrounding you growing up sank in more than I wanted to admit. This isn’t my son I’m staring at.”

I rolled my eyes and went to stand up. I was thirty-seven years old. I didn’t need a lecture.

“Where do you think you’re going young man? You’re going to sit your ass in that seat and listen to me.”

“I’m too old for this shit,” I murmured.

“You’re never too old for me to take you across my knee, boy. I’ll always be your mother and you’ll respect me no matter the fact you don’t want to hear what I’m saying.”

“Fine.” I sat back in my seat and crossed my arms, readying myself for whatever she was going to say.

“How would you feel if a man treated Jazzy like you are treating Tori?”

“I’d kill him,” I answered honestly. If any asshole threw my baby girl aside for a piece of pussy, I’d make him wish he never laid eyes on her.

“Then why would you consciously hurt that girl? Do you not love her?”

I bit back a curse and looked towards the ceiling. I didn’t want to admit this to my mother before I had a chance to tell Tori. There was nothing I could do to get out of it though. My mother was a determined woman. I took after her in that respect.

“Of course I do.”

“Then why aren’t you acting like it? I taught you what it meant to love someone. You respect them, treat them the way you’d want to be treated, and you never stop showing them they are the most important thing in your world. You show them their feelings mean something.”

“She deserves better than the dark shit I’ve lived through. We’re from two totally different worlds,” I argued.

“That doesn’t excuse your behavior. You’re worthy of her love, Jayson. Love is blind to how you grew up, who your friends are, and where you live. Love sees only the heart and soul of whom it belongs to, and your heart is just as pure as hers. Tori loves you for the man you are. She doesn’t care about your past, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it either. It’s what made you the man whom she fell in love with. You need to embrace your past and the adversity you overcame to get to where you are today.”

“It’s easier said than done, Ma. I fucked it up with her.” It was a weak reply, but it was all I had. My mother always made sense, and it always pissed me off when I was proven wrong.

“You need to let the other women go. Especially if you’re just using them to prove something to yourself, which I suspect you are. Find Tori and show her you’re the man she thinks you are. You’re going to have to work hard to earn her forgiveness. But when she gives it to you, you’ll see it’s divine.”

She stood and walked to the side of my chair. She leaned over and kissed my head. “I love you, son. Next time you come visit, you better have that girl and my granddaughter with you. I wouldn’t be opposed to a grandbaby on the way either.”

I let out a low chuckle and shook my head. Fuck, but I loved my mom.

She was right. It was time I was the man I wanted to be. The one who made Tori believe in me in the first place. I just hoped it wasn’t too late to salvage our relationship. There was no way I could go back to living my life without her, regardless of what she thought.