The front door opened just as I reached the front walk, and Sylvia stepped into the doorway. The look of concern on her face was almost my undoing. I swallowed hard past the unshed tears that were rapidly building behind a lump in my throat. On the car ride back to her house my anger subsided, and an overwhelming sadness took its place.

I was humiliated by the way Jay acted. The way he alluded to the fact I was just another one of his groupies—nothing but another piece of ass—hurt worse than I could have imagined. He meant everything to me, and I was beginning to wonder if I meant as much to him. Knowing that this could possibly be a one way type of love made pain pierce my heart.

We had never declared we loved each other, but I had believed he felt the same way about me that I did him. How could I not with the way he treated me when we were alone? I had always assumed that the way he sometimes joked in front of his buddies was just that—joking. I never really let that stuff get to me because I knew at the end of the day he would be himself with me. Now I was second guessing that mentality.

What he said tonight was anything but a joke. Jay truly believed the fact that we grew up differently was a deal breaker for us. I couldn’t agree with that. I believed in love enough to know that those things didn’t matter.

“You okay?” Sylvia asked as I made it to the door.

Not wanting to speak and betray how devastated I actually was, I just nodded and gave her a small smile.

Jay must have told her about the fight and that I was heading back. The last thing I needed was pity from anyone, especially his mother. It was embarrassing enough to know Jay and his friends were probably laughing about me after I left Marcus’ house.

Then again, the one person who could give me any insight into Jay was the woman who raised him. She knew him better than anyone. It was a compelling argument in favor of confiding in her.

“I’m okay,” I forced out around that damn lump.

“Jay said you weren’t feeling well.” She reached out and felt my forehead for a fever. Then her hand slid down my cheek to cup it tenderly.

That’s when I lost it. Ugly tears streamed down my face as sobs wracked my body.

“Oh dear,” she murmured after she enveloped me in a warm embrace. I hadn’t had this type of motherly affection in far too long. I found myself craving it with a desperation that was surely unhealthy. I clung to her like my life depended on it. I never thought of myself as an overly needy person, but my current display was proving that theory wrong.

“What’s the matter, Tori? You’re not sick. Are you?” She asked softly.

I sniffled and shook my head, but said nothing.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside.” Sylvia shuffled me through the front door and into the family room, where she settled me onto the couch with a fluffy blanket, a box of tissues and a cup of tea. It helped soothe my frayed nerves a little, but not much.

“Tell me what happened,” she prompted.

I sniffled and took in a shuddered breath. “I’m not sure if I can talk about it with you. No offense, but Jay might not like me talking about our problems with his mom.”

She waved off my concerns. “My son doesn’t know what’s best for him most of the time. Besides, this is about you. It’s pretty obvious that you need to get this off your chest. I know better than anyone how hardheaded my son can be.”

She listened in earnest as I gave her the history of how Jay and I met, the Nessy incident, Monica’s accusations, how lately I have felt like Jay was two different people—one with me and one when we were with his friends—and about how closed off he was about his life. I ended with how blindsided I had been when we got to Marcus’ house.

“That boy…” She trailed off and shook her head looking disappointed. “Let me tell you a story, sweetie.”

“Okay.” I curled up on the couch and waited.

“Jayson had a tough time of it growing up. I was all he had, and he was all I needed. I went out on two dates with his father when I was eighteen. Such magnetism he had.” She gave a sad smile, and her eyes took on a cloudy look like she was remembering something bittersweet. “I fell in love right away. He was everything I had grown up wanting in a man.

“Living in Harlem and growing up with my grandfather who was both Latin and a devote devout Catholic, I had a strict upbringing. So when I turned eighteen and found Darnell, I went against my family’s wishes and saw him anyways. Long story short, I learned the hard way that I should have listened to my family. On our second date, when I wasn’t ready for sex, he raped me.”

I gasped and grabbed her hand to show her support. How awful. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me child. Out of that hideous experience came something beautiful. Jayson was everything to me. Still is. When I found out I was pregnant, my family disowned me for being soiled. Everything I did from that point forward was for my son. I wanted to give him a good life. I wanted him to know love and learn how to be the kind of man I had originally thought his father to be. Never once did I look at him and regret my decision to have him. Never once.

“That doesn’t mean it was easy. I did the best I could, but money was tight. We lived in the projects surrounded by drugs, pimps and violence. I sheltered him from it for as long as I could, but once he turned fifteen I noticed a change in him. He became angry and drifted. His grades started to slip and he began hanging out with a dangerous crowd. When Marcus got shot, it was the wakeup call Jayson needed. He went back to focusing on his music and got his GED. He turned his life around.”

She paused and took a sip of her tea. I could see the sadness take over her features as she suddenly appeared older than she had earlier.

“Jay never told me about his past. Not until he mentioned some of it tonight. I had always assumed that he rose above it all, like he alluded to.”

“I suppose he would keep that from you.”

“What does that mean?” I said more defensively than I should have. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”

She shook her head and gave me a light laugh. “You’re fine. What I meant was you’re a good girl. All class and poise. Of course he didn’t want to share his sordid past with you. Part of him is ashamed that he behaved so poorly and did things he could have spent years in prison for. My guess is Jay wanted you to look at him as he is now. Successful and caring. There’s no shame in that. I truly believe he would have eventually shared his past with you.”

“I want him to trust me. It hurts that he doesn’t.” I lowered my head and picked at the blanket trying to contain my emotions.

“I’m sure it does. You need to understand though that he hasn’t had the best track record with women. The few he’s tried to make a future with have all crumbled under the pressure of being with him, one way or another. It isn’t easy to love my son. I know this because I do love him. Unconditionally. And I can say without a doubt that when he loves you back, it makes any shit he throws your way worth it in the end. You just need to be strong and stick by him. He’s anything but perfect and he’s going to screw up. As are you. The question is, are the good times going to be worth all the bad times? Only you can answer that for yourself.”

“Hmmm.” I pressed my lips into a thin line and considered her words. For as upset as tonight made me, I knew I could eventually get past it. I loved him and when things were good, they were really good. I had no doubt that Jay and I were meant to be together. I believed in fate and even though it could be a bitch and a whore wrapped in one, it had still brought him and I together for a reason.

“I think I should call him,” I said with a bite of my lip. The thought of him telling me off when I tried to make things right between us had me filled with fear. Fear that the damage caused tonight couldn’t be undone.

“That’s a very wise decision.” She patted my hand and stood up. “I’m going to go to bed. Give you some privacy.”

I watched as she walked towards the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. She turned back at the last second and stared at me for a moment.

“Tori? I want you to know that I’m overjoyed knowing my son found you. Make him happy and love him the way he needs. I promise you won’t regret it.”

With that she was gone.

Taking a deep breath to calm my wild nerves, I dialed his cell number. After a few rings it went to voicemail. “It’s me. Please call me. I don’t want to leave things like this. I miss you.”

Dread built in my stomach. He never ignored one of my calls unless he was in a meeting or doing something important. And even then he always texted me right away to let me know he was busy.

When a text didn’t come through right away I went upstairs and got ready for bed. Sliding in between the sheets, I tried him again, but it went to voicemail again. This time I hung up without a message.

Deciding I was going to wait for him to come back, I picked up a book and tried to pass the time. It was late, but I was determined.

* * *

Jay

My phone vibrated in my pocket, breaking my concentration for the second time, and I cursed.

Shit, this bitch was sloppy.

“Check your teeth, bitch.” I grabbed her hair and pulled her off my cock. Saliva coated her mouth and chin. “Either finish me off or get the fuck out.”

I needed to forget about T. Too bad this blow job wasn’t making that happen. I found myself imagining it was her mouth in order to get off. It kind of negated the reason for the blow job in the first place.

“I want to fuck you,” the girl between my legs whined and tried to stand.

“I told you that shit isn’t going to happen. Now either suck me off or I’ll find someone who will.” If this girl honestly thought playing with a sloppy blow job was going to entice me into fucking her, she was sorely mistaken.

She stuck her lower lip out in an unattractive pout, but then went back to work on my cock when she realized I wasn’t changing my mind.

Apparently, something clicked in this chick’s brain ‘cause now she was focused, and her suction was dead on. I grabbed her fake blonde hair and guided her up and down, seeking out my release.

My balls tightened and so did my grip on her. Within minutes, I came down her throat.

Sagging back in the chair, I closed my eyes as shame washed over me. I had just done what I swore I wouldn’t do again. Fuck.

The girl stood and ran her finger down her cleavage. Her hair was tangled. Her makeup was running down her face, and she was high as fuck. “You sure we can’t fuck?”

“Positive. Get the fuck out.”

I tucked my softening dick back in my pants. Elbows propped on my knees, I bent my head forward in defeat. My hands went to either side of my head and cursed loudly. “Shit!”

Inside I felt dead. Empty. Full of self-loathing. What made matters worse was that that blow job left me completely unsatisfied.

Pulling my phone from my back pocket, I saw two missed calls from Tori’s cell phone. Double fuck.

I activated the voicemail and put the phone to my ear.

“It’s me. Please call me. I don’t want to leave things like this. I miss you.” Her soft and hesitant words were like a swift kick to my balls. I was such a fuck up. I disconnected the message and curled my fist so tightly around the phone I was sure it was going to break into small pieces.

Marcus chose that moment to approach me. Being in the open area with the rest of the party, I knew he saw what just happened with that bitch.

“Feel better?” He asked with a strange look on his face. I could have sworn it was disappointment, but I chose to ignore that and instead flipped him off.

He sighed and shook his head. “You’ll never change.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” My irritation at my own actions was transferring to him.

“I’m talking about Tori. From what I heard she’s perfect for you in every way. She holds it down for you. She takes care of Jazzy. She takes care of you.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is, what I saw in her just in that short time she was here reinforced that. She’s a gem. I waited until I could see the two of you together before I made my judgment.”

I crossed my arms and gave him a self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah, tonight was a great example of what a gem she really is. Wasn’t it? She came into your house and looked down her prim little nose at you. How could you say she’s anything other than a stuck up bitch?”

It went against everything inside of me to call Tori that, but it was exactly what she acted like tonight. It was everything I’d feared she’d be when she met Marcus. It just proved that we’re from two different worlds.

“Any woman worth anything would come in here and question the way I live my life. Would you really want a bitch who thinks all this is normal?” He motioned around the room filled with all different forms of illegal activity and debauchery.

“Then why were you sayin’ all that shit about Nessy and other pussy in front of her? Were you trying to piss her off?” His words were contradicting the way he acted earlier.

“No, I was trying to piss you off. I knew you’d front and act like she wasn’t your one and only. I was disappointed when you proved me right. Do you remember what you said to me that day in Rucker Park when we were little?”

I gave him a confused look. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what he was getting at.

“You said you were going to make something of yourself. Be more than the other assholes we grew up with. And you did. But you also said you were going to find a woman who was beautiful, smart, and funny. Someone who would support you and that you could spoil. She’s that girl, Jay. You hit the jackpot with her. You just need to open your eyes and realize it before it’s too late.”

“I’m street and she’s country club. I don’t see how it could work.”

“I don’t know what to tell you man. Take some time and think about it. The extra bedroom is here for you if you still want to stay.” He handed me a bottle of whiskey and rolled away.

A bottle of whiskey later, I was no closer to figuring shit out so I went on to a second bottle. Maybe I’d find my answer at the bottom of this one.