Tori

Exhaustion was a bitch. I hadn’t slept well in days. Not since all that shit went down last week in New York with Jay.

I returned on a last minute flight to Dallas and even though I knew it was for the best, I was both surprised and disappointed that Jay didn’t try to find me. No, that didn’t happen until two days later when he knocked on Kim’s door for a good half hour before he finally gave up and left.

That was the longest half hour of my life, listening to him bang on the door and call out for me. My heart wanted so desperately to open the door and let him back in, but my head kept me from making the mistake of forgiving him again.

Twice more in the last week, Jay tried to beat down Kim’s door. Which was why I was in the process of moving in with Jeff. That way Jay couldn’t get to me.

I knew he’d eventually move on and forget about me. My heart would most likely break all over again when that happened, but I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.

I kept my phone turned off, but whenever I did power it on it was flooded with texts and voicemails from him. I didn’t listen to or read any of the messages. I deleted them and then shut it off again.

Setting the box down on the floor of my new bedroom, I plopped down on the bed and took stock of my life. It was rather depressing actually. No job, no car, no place of my own. I had some money though so that was something. Living with Jay, I had saved up a chunk of change, but I wasn’t ready to do anything with it until I could come up with a plan for my life.

When I got back from New York, I had gone into the office and cleared out my desk. Keesha begged me not to go, but in the end she agreed it was for the best that I didn’t work with Jay. Of course, then the traitor told him where to find me. Or at least I assumed she did, considering he knew just where I was.

After quitting, I went back to Jay’s house, packed up my belongings, and waited for Jeff to show up with a truck. With a meaningful sigh and a heavy heart, I left the Bentley he bought me and the rest of my life with him behind.

I grabbed the remote to the stereo in my room and started the Madonna playlist I created the other day. Nothing like a little Madonna to get through a breakup. “Borderline” started and I turned the volume up in order to hide the tears that were sure to follow whenever I thought about how bad Jay had hurt me.

Lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling I sang my heart out, cried into the baby blanket I had unearthed from its box, and wallowed in self-pity.

Soon it would be dark, and I could turn out the lights and lay in the dark. That was my favorite time because Jeff or Kim always thought that I was sleeping so they left me alone. Just the way I wanted it.

Their good intentioned attempts to keep me preoccupied or to get me to talk were well and good, but it wasn’t what I needed. I needed to be alone. I’d snap out of this funk eventually, but I had to do it in my own time.

“Tori?” Jeff’s deep voice talked over the music. I jumped, slightly startled since I hadn’t heard the door open. Reaching for the remote on the bed next to me, I paused the music and rolled on my side to look at my cousin.

“We need to talk,” he said carefully. I could tell by his tone that whatever it was wouldn’t be good.

Sitting up, I pulled the hair from my face and nodded. Even that small move felt like so much to my tired body.

He walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. His large hands engulfed mine and squeezed. “I got a call from your father’s doctor. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but he passed away earlier this morning.”

I watched in a suspended state of numbness as a lone tear tracked down Jeff’s sad face.

Knowing this moment was coming and having it actually here were two completely different things. I didn’t think my heart could take much more heartbreak. It was as heavy as a lead filled balloon as it was.

My body stayed frozen, and Jeff looked worried when I didn’t even blink.

In that moment, I wanted to curl up and die too. Everything just seemed to be too much for me to handle, and I didn’t want to deal with any of it. I wanted it to all go away.

“Tori. Honey. Please say something. You’re freaking me out.” Jeff squeezed my hands again, and I woodenly looked down at them.

“Is she okay?” Kim asked from the doorway, but I couldn’t tear my gaze off our entwined hands. The warmth of his skin was all I felt. Every other part of me was cold. So very cold.

“I think we need to call the doctor.” I vaguely heard him say.

“I’ll get the phone number,” she replied, but it sounded like white noise.

“Tori, stay with me,” Jeff urged.

“What the fuck?” I thought I heard Keesha say, but that was crazy. Why would she be there?

“The doctor’s on his way. It’s a good thing you warned him to be on standby,” Kim said off in the distance.

“He’s a family friend and knew her father well,” Jeff replied. “Tori? Can you hear me?”

“Did we know she was going to take it this bad? She’s practically catatonic.” There was Keesha again. I wanted to turn my head and look to make sure it was really her, but it wouldn’t move. My eyes just stayed fixated on my hands.

“It’s that jerk’s fault. She was already in a fragile state. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time,” Jeff cursed.

I really wanted to tell him not to blame Jay, but I couldn’t. I felt even more drained than I already had. Finally able to force my body to move, I laid down and closed my eyes. Why wouldn’t the pain just go away?

“Tori?” Kim whispered in my ear. “Please sweetie, open your eyes and talk to me.”

I shook my head.

“Well, that’s something,” Keesha muttered.

“The doctor’s here.” I heard Jeff say.

There was shuffling and murmuring, followed by an unknown voice talking to me. I barely heard anything that was said though. I was just so damn tired.

And then blissfully, the darkness took over…

Swimming towards the surface of the dark lake, I gasped for breath when I hit the surface. I looked around, but it was dark. I couldn’t see anything. My limbs felt heavy and tired. I began panicking until I heard Kim’s voice. I grabbed onto it like a lifeline.

“Maybe we should call Jay.”

“Absolutely not,” Jeff objected.

“She’s right,” Keesha interjected.

“I won’t let him near her after the way he broke her heart. I knew he was no good for her,” he replied.

“No,” I croaked out. The sound of my voice was so hoarse I almost didn’t recognize it.

My eyelids fluttered open, and the low light in the room made me wince. Suddenly, I realized I had a massive headache. I pinched my eyes shut and fought the nausea rising in my stomach.

“Tori?” Jeff asked. I felt the bed dip and his strong hand rested on mine.

“No Jay,” I whispered.

“Okay, sweetie,” Kim’s soft voice came at me from the other side of the bed where she sat.

“I don’t agree,” Keesha argued.

“You heard her. She doesn’t want him! Leave it alone,” Jeff yelled at her before speaking to me again. “Just rest, Tori. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

I forced a nod and let the darkness pull me back under. I liked it there. Nothing hurt there.

* * *

Jay

The room was packed full of bodies. I had no clue who most of the people were. I just knew they all wanted something from me, whether it be sex, money or fame.

I had just helped close out the Delicious Divas show in Atlanta as a surprise to the fans. The crowd ate it up.

Nessy did too. That bitch had been circling ever since she heard Tori left me. Her blatant tactics to get my attention were annoying the shit out of me. Why I messed with her for as long as I did was beyond me.

All I wanted to do was go home to Tori. I missed her smile and her touch. Most of all I missed the way she made me feel. I guess the saying was true—you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. And wasn’t I a sorry bastard for having to learn that one the hard way?

I always considered myself an intelligent man, until I was stupid enough to fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me. All because I was dumb enough to listen to the haters naysaying, and selfish enough to believe I could take whatever I wanted without caring who I hurt.

“Want to do a body shot?” Nessy asked from her perch on my chair’s arm.

“No,” I answered curtly.

“Come on, Jay. Let me make you feel good, baby. I’ve missed you.”

“And I miss Tori. Get it through your thick skull.” My jaw ticked with anger at her for pressing the issue and forcing me to admit that to her.

“I can help you get over her if you’d stop sulking long enough for me to see to your carnal needs. You’re a man who needs to feel powerful. I can submit to you anyway you need.” Shit, this bitch was relentless.

“Leave it, Nessy. You’re this close,” I held up my thumb and forefinger together, “to pushing me past my limit of tolerance for dumb ass pussy.”

She gasped and sputtered. “I can’t believe you’re talking to me like that.”

“Believe it, bitch,” Jerome spoke from his seat across from me. “Even I’m through with watching you throw yourself at him.”

My phone rang, and I flipped it over to see it was Keesha.

“Yeah,” I answered.

“You need to get back here.” Her tone was urgent, which immediately raised a red flag.

“Is it Jazzy?” I asked her worriedly.

“No, it’s Tori.”

I stood up abruptly, knocking Nessy right on her ass and headed into the hall where it was quieter. “What happened?”

“Her dad died. It’s ugly, Jay. Her cousin had to call a doctor in to give her a sedative. She was like a damn statue.”

“Get me a flight out of here ASAP.” I stuck my head into the dressing room long enough to flick my fingers out to Jerome, who got up and headed towards me. I started towards the exit, knowing he’d follow, and continued talking to Keesha.

“You need to know something. Her cousin doesn’t want you there and neither does Tori. She woke up long enough to say so. The only reason I’m telling you at all is because she needs you.” Keesha’s declaration made me pause on my way out of the coliseum.

“She won’t see me,” I admitted. That was one of the reasons I even came to Atlanta. I thought I could give her some time before I made another approach. “Fuck! They aren’t going to let me in.”

“Has that ever stopped you before?” She asked, and I could have sworn there was a smile in her voice.

“Fuck no.”

“Then come home and get your girl. I’ll talk to Kim. She’ll side with me when it comes time to convince the cousin. I think they’re sleeping together so she should have some pull where he’s concerned.”

“Text me the flight details and make sure a car is waiting on your end to take me to her.” I started moving again, and Jerome followed.

“I’ll meet you at the airport. You’re going to need me.”

I hung up and brought Jerome up to speed on what was going on.

“Shit. I’m coming with you,” he said as we filed into the car.

“You don’t have to,” I assured him.

“Tori needs us. Let’s go.” He gave the driver directions and we were off.

“Thanks, man.” I wasn’t one to normally get mushy with the boys, but I appreciated how much he cared for Tori. And even though he took her from me, I was grateful he had taken care of her the day we had our falling out.

“Do us both a favor and bring our girl home. We all miss her.”

I shook my head and laughed. That was my goal.

* * *

Kim looked uncomfortable when she saw Keesha and me walking up to the front of Jeff’s house. I almost wanted to laugh, but this was definitely no laughing matter. At Kim’s request, I had very impatiently waited another day before coming to get Tori. She wanted Tori to have a little more time to adjust. She also thought it would give her more time to convince Jeff and avoid a confrontation. I was reluctant to agree, but Keesha insisted we do this right. Whatever that meant.

“We good?” I asked Kim when we stopped in front of her.

She shook her head. “Jeff still refuses to let you see her.”

“Fuck him. She’s mine. I’m going to take care of her whether he likes it or not.” I pushed past her and opened the door.

“Get out!” Jeff shouted at me from his place on the couch. He slammed the newspaper he was reading on the table and stormed towards me.

I crossed my arms and braced myself, but he was smart enough to stop just shy of where I stood.

“She doesn’t want to see you. Not after the shit you pulled. You don’t even deserve to see her,” he continued shouting.

“You’re right. I don’t. But I love her and I’m going to be there for her regardless of what you want. I’m not leaving here until I’ve seen her. Let her throw me out. That’s fine.” He didn’t know I planned on staying regardless of what she said. I’d save that for later.

Something worked behind his eyes for several moments before he relented. “If you hurt her or I don’t like what I’m seeing, I will have you removed. She’s fragile right now and I don’t want you making it worse.”

“Fine. Where is she?” I’d agree to anything at that point just to fucking see her already.

He led us up the stairs and to a room at the end of the hall. He opened the door, and I walked past him into the room. It seemed tranquil enough with its pale blue color. There was a large bed in the center of the room and just beyond that by the window was Tori sitting in a rocking chair.

“Tori? Baby, I’m here.”

The sound of my voice made her turn and quick as lightning she was out of her chair running towards me.

“Jay,” she said on a sob. Her body collided with mine, and her hands gripped the front of my shirt. As soon as she was in my arms, she lost her shit. I had never experienced anyone cry so hard in my life. Her body bucked so hard at one point that it caught me off guard, and I had trouble keeping us upright.

“Let’s give them some privacy,” I heard Keesha say and then the click of the door latching.

“Shhh. It’s okay, baby. I’m here now.” I kissed her head, picked her up and laid her on the bed. She clung tightly to me as I positioned us against the pillows.

Pulling her tightly in my arms, I held her as close I could with her head on my chest and her arm around my waist. I wished like hell that I could absorb her pain through each tear that leaked onto my shirt. I hated how absolutely helpless I felt. There was nothing I could do to make any of this better for her.

Eventually, she cried herself to sleep as I rubbed her back, stroked her head and kissed her lightly on her face. Once I knew she was out, I carefully extracted myself from her and left the room. I walked far enough down the hall so she wouldn’t hear me before I punched the wall and shouted, “Fuck!”

Keesha and Kim came running up the stairs followed by Jeff. All of them had worried expressions on their faces.

“She’s sleeping,” I assured them. The last thing I needed was that fucker calling the cops on me. “When’s the funeral?”

“Tomorrow. I tried to get Annabelle to push it back a couple days so Tori would be okay to go, but she refused. I don’t think she wants her there,” Jeff answered.

“I bet she doesn’t. That bitch isn’t going to take away Tori’s last chance to say goodbye to her father. Fuck her. What time’s the funeral?”

“Ten o’clock. What are you thinking?” Now the fucker was on my side? Whatever. I’d take it.

“When she wakes up, I’ll talk to her. She’ll make it there if I have to carry her into the church in a damn robe. You girls make sure she has something nice to wear in case she’s up to it.”

“I like him,” Kim said with a dreamy sigh that made Jeff give her a censuring look.

“I got a couple calls to make and then I’ll be back. One of you stay with her while I’m gone.”

I ran down the stairs and outside to make a few calls. I needed to hurry and get back to my girl. For as shitty as this whole situation was, I was determined to have it bring us closer together. I needed her back, no matter what it took to get her there.