I gazed out the window in my office with a small smile plastered on my face. I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling I fell in love with Jazzy two nights earlier. After burgers, we made ice cream sundaes and pigged out in front of Sleeping Beauty, which much to her delight was both of our favorite Disney princess. We sang and danced around the living room. We took some of her stuffed animals and pretended we were dancing with the forest animals like Aurora did.

Surprisingly, Jay stayed through the whole movie. He even got up and twirled us both around at one point. It was hell on my hormones to see him be a down to earth, loving father who was wrapped around his daughter’s little finger.

The part that had choked me up the most was when I was leaving and she made me promise to come play with her again. She gave me a tight hug and a kiss on my cheek that melted my insides. Jay hadn’t been expecting her to stay the night, but Monica called and said she had other plans and needed him to keep her. I drove away in my car while both Jay and Jazzy stood on the front porch and waved to me. God, it was cute.

The distinctive sound of a Harley made me look down at the parking lot. I watched a bike pull in and park in Jay’s reserved spot. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against the glass to get a better look. The man driving was wearing his trademark jeans and a black t-shirt. There was no mistaking it was him.

Jay put the stand down on the bike and swung his leg over to dismount. Then he took his helmet off and set it on the bike.

Jerome and a couple of other guys joined him in the parking lot, and they started talking. His hands set on his hips, and he didn’t look too happy with the conversation.

Without thinking that I might be interrupting something, I picked up my cell phone and dialed his. I watched out the window as he reached into his pocket and pulled his phone out. He looked at the screen for a moment before going back to his conversation. That bastard! I couldn’t believe he was going to ignore me.

Just as it was about to go to voicemail, he held up his finger to silence Jerome and answered his phone.

“Yeah,” he barked out. Apparently, I had read his mood correctly. He did not seem happy at all. His terseness made me rethink the call. Maybe now wasn’t the time to try to lighten his mood. I really needed to learn to think first, before I just jumped and did whatever was on my mind at the time.

“T? What the fuck?” He said into the phone when I didn’t respond.

“Um…” I murmured.

“T? I’m kind of busy. Is there something wrong?”

“You didn’t tell me you had a motorcycle,” I said with an accusatory tone.

“Are you shitting me?”

“Um…” I murmured again. It would seem that wasn’t exactly the right thing to say to him. “Yes?”

I watched out the window as he walked several paces from the guys and kept his back turned towards them.

“Tori,” he said slowly, like he was trying to keep himself calm. “Did you seriously just call me to bitch at me about my bike?”

“Well… You didn’t tell me. And it’s kind of hot, Jay. I’m a little put out.”

He chuckled low into the phone. Apparently, his earlier snit was over. “Alright, baby. Let me ask you this, would it make you feel better if I promised to take you for a ride?”

I bit my lip and smiled. “Yes. I think it would.”

“Okay. We’ll take a ride one of these days.”

“No.”

“No? You just said—”

“I mean, no. I want to go now.”

Truth be told, my panties were damp just imagining my crotch pressed up against his ass and my arms tight around his waist while the engine hummed.

“I’m in the middle of something.”

“I can wait. It will take me a few minutes to walk downstairs anyway.”

He looked up towards my office window and I gave him a little wave. He shook his head and smirked.

“What are you wearing?”

“What do you mean? I’m wearing clothes. I don’t see how this game has anything to do with going for a ride.” Why did men always think about sex? Seriously.

“Stay with me, T. I need to know if you have one of those delectable skirts on, or if you’re more appropriately dressed for the bike.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. That made me feel stupid. “I’m wearing capris. I’m good.”

“Then get your sexy, little ass down here.”

“Okay,” I squealed before hanging up the phone. I locked my office door and raced for the emergency stairs. I couldn’t see wasting time waiting for the elevator.

I burst through the back door and practically skipped over to the group. All five guys looked at me like I was nuts. When I got in front of them, I did a little jump and clapped my hands together. “I’m ready!”

Jay just shook his head and looked at me like he was two seconds away from having me committed. The other guys burst out laughing.

“She is nutty,” Jerome said between laughs.

The rest of them all murmured their agreement. Whatever. I was excited.

“Can we go?” I cocked my hip and tilted my head to the side.

“Jerome, go get me my extra helmet,” Jay ordered. Jerome ran to the building and disappeared behind the door.

I turned towards the group and smiled wide. “So what are we talking about boys?”

“We aren’t talking about anything,” Jay corrected me.

“Gotcha.” I had learned there were some things that were off limits. When Jay was having private time, as I liked to call it, I shouldn’t expect answers. I was okay with that for the most part. We’d see how long it lasted though. I had a tendency to be a bit curious. Curiosity killed the cat, my mother used to always warn me. I never really grasped that concept.

“So Plado, I see you’re on the schedule to record next week,” I opted to change the subject.

“Sure am, sweet cheeks,” he replied and I bit my lip at the nickname he had bestowed on me. I didn’t think Jay cared for it. Like, at all.

“Well, I want to make sure I’m there when you do your thing. I’m interested to see what all this hype is about you,” I teased him.

“If you want to see my hype, I can show you right now.” He gripped his belt and made to undo it.

“Don’t even fucking think about it.” Jay slapped him upside the head and Plado laughed.

“Shit, Jay. You ruin all the fun.”

Thank God Jerome chose that moment to come back with the extra helmet. Jay was looking unhappier by the minute.

I slid the helmet over my head, trying not to think about how horrible my hair would look later. I turned to Jay and shouted through the helmet. “I’m ready!”

Jay pulled me into his body for a quick hug before releasing me. He straddled the bike and I climbed on behind him like it was second nature. A small part of me was concerned that I would make a fool out of myself in front of all these hot guys.

The engine roared to life and I gripped Jay as tight as I could as we rocketed off out of the parking lot. Winding through the streets on our way out of town was slightly boring, but once we hit an open stretch of road it was exhilarating. The only thing that would have made it better was having the wind through my hair as we raced down the road. Sometimes safety could be such a drag. Necessary or not.

When we neared the Dallas Arboretum, I patted his abs to get his attention. My father used to take me to a secluded spot that overlooked Botanical Gardens and White Rock Lake, and it had great views of the Dallas skyline. Once I had his attention, I pointed off in the direction I wanted to go. We continued this way for another mile or so until we touched upon the place. I gave him a thumbs up and he pulled over and turned the bike off. We both took our helmets off and climbed off the bike.

I ran my fingers through my hair and caught him watching me with a slightly hungry expression. Like maybe he wanted a mid-morning snack and I was just the thing to satisfy him.

“So, what’s the significance of this place?” He asked as I led us to where I knew there was a boulder we could sit on.

“My dad used to bring me here when I was younger. It wasn’t so overgrown and…” I looked around trying to come up with a good word to use for how rundown the area had become. “Dirty then. Here,” I gestured towards the boulder.

We both settled on the rock and took in the scenery. Even in its rundown state, it was still a beautiful view. So serene and breathtaking. Memories came flooding back to my mind making me feel nostalgic and a little sad. I fought the urge to cry, choosing instead to focus on the good of the past rather than the bad of the present.

“How old were you?” Jay asked after several long minutes of silence.

“From the time I could walk until a year before my mom died. We used to stop at the store and get bagels or pastries and bring them up here. He’d drink coffee and I’d drink chocolate milk. Or sometimes we’d come up here to watch the sunset. It depended on how busy he was. It was a great bonding experience. Something we both could enjoy.”

We continued to sit in silence and watch the city.

“You should bring Jazzy up here,” I suggested. Even though the idea of sharing my special place hurt a little, I knew his little girl would thoroughly enjoy her time up here with him.

“I couldn’t,” he started, but I stopped him.

“I want her to have those memories, Jay. That little girl adores you. She deserves this. And you deserve to give it to her.”

“Thank you,” he whispered and his fingers laced with mine.

I looked over at him and my breath caught at the intensity of his gaze. Something was working behind his eyes, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. All I knew was it made me feel hot and flustered.

His hands lifted and settled on either side of my head. “You’re fucking beautiful. You know that?”

I shook my head as much as his hold would allow.

“You are,” he reaffirmed before his head descended and his mouth covered mine.

The kiss was unhurried. He took his time, savoring me and tasting me. I lost myself in it. In him. By the time he broke away, my arms were wrapped around his neck, holding him to me.

Neither of us said anything after that. We just turned and watched the boats pass by on the lake.

The more time I spent with him, the more jumbled my feelings were becoming. What made it the hardest was not knowing exactly where I stood with him. I mean, sure, if I asked him to sleep with me again I knew he would. But that wasn’t really what I wanted or needed.

I needed a man to stand by me and support me. I needed someone who was more than just a lover. If I could take the friendship side of Jay and mix him with the sensual side, it would be perfect. But the way things stood with him not wanting more than a few sexual interludes, I was afraid we’d lose our friendship altogether and that scared me. Because I truly valued having him in my life. The last thing I wanted was to ultimately resent him when he failed to deliver everything I needed from him.

And that was the crux of the issue. I wanted something I couldn’t have. I wanted it all with him. I knew he could give it to me. He was the one who was holding himself back. I just didn’t know why because he always held himself back.

“Where do we stand, Jay?” I asked quietly. I couldn’t keep holding my feelings inside. That wasn’t who I was and it wasn’t who he was used to me being.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

“All this kissing and touching and sweetness, I don’t know what to do with it. It’s confusing me. I don’t want what we have to be ruined by our hormones. I value your friendship and I love how close we’ve become. I feel like you’re one of my best friends. I don’t want to lose that.”

“You’ll never lose it, baby. You’ll always have me. I promise you that.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you aren’t just beautiful outside, but inside where it counts. You make me laugh when I’ve had a shit day. You put silly shit in my office that makes me smile knowing you care enough to put in that effort. You make my girl giggle when you give her the sweet that she’s never really had. But mostly because sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I won the damn lottery. You hold it down, baby. That makes you special.”

I felt my face burn with his words. I bit my lip and turned my head to hide the tears building in my eyes. It wasn’t me who was special. It was who I was with him. He brought out a side of me that had been dormant for far too long.

“If it will make you feel better, T, I’ll keep myself in check. You won’t need to worry anymore.”

I nodded and blinked back the moisture clinging to my eyelashes.

I felt deflated knowing that we probably just had our last kiss, but I needed the clarity of having a nice line drawn in the sand. The life I was building for myself was one that I looked forward to and I couldn’t let the fact that we were in different places in our romantic lives threaten the stability I had started becoming accustomed to. Even as my heart was breaking, I knew it was the right thing for us to do.

“We need to head back. I got stuff to do, baby,” Jay said softly.

I softly agreed and let him help me off the giant rock. We walked in tandem up to the bike. Once we mounted it, I held on tightly not wanting the moment to end.