Junior
Junior placed his hand on Sheila’s back as they walked toward the hotel. They had spent another day together enjoying the scenery and walking on the beach. When they arrived at their floor and in front of her room, she looked at him and smiled that smile that had controlled him the entire day. He wasn’t tired of it and doubted he ever would be. He wanted to speak, but he couldn’t seem to form words. Instead, he admired how she looked with her hair flowing loosely over her shoulders. Neither said anything but gazed into the other’s eyes instead. Both were having similar thoughts but neither knew how to voice them. Before he could react or think she parted her lips and moved forward. He didn’t resist.
Their first kiss was unreal for him. The way she felt when she leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck was like nothing he had ever felt before, and her kiss was beautiful. The only problem for him was that thoughts of Sam bombarded his mind the second it happened. He did his best to not think about her as Sheila was obviously showing her interest in him. He tried not to take away from the moment, but it dwindled anyway and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
“Wow,” she gasped when they parted and she looked into his eyes.
He grinned and responded, “That was amazing.” He truly hoped she didn’t ask if he wanted to go into her room. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to resist, but he knew two things. One, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything with Sam in his head and more importantly in his heart. Two, it wasn’t something God would want him to do. He was surprised by that major detail, but it was there and it was growing stronger.
“Umm,” she began and sucked her lips in. “I’m not usually like this. Honestly, I’m not, but do you want to come inside?”
Junior almost caved when she looked at him with desire in her eyes and the way she was fidgeting. She was obviously as nervous as he was. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him, but it would be wrong. He had to wait a little longer to be one hundred percent sure going to bed with her wouldn’t be something he would regret.
“I would love to, but…” pausing, he caressed her arm and enjoyed how soft she was. “I don’t think going this fast would be right for either of us.”
He could see the disappointment in her eyes and she looked away for a couple of seconds.
“I understand and you are right, it would be. I’m sorry I asked.”
“Don’t be sorry, Sheila. Please, trust me when I say I am having the exact same feelings for you right now. You are incredibly beautiful and I’m very attracted to you in every way. Please, believe that. I just…I’m just not the kind of guy who wants to jump in bed with someone at the first opportunity is all. I want to keep talking to you and spending time with you, and if anything physical happens between us I want both of us to be sure it’s the right thing to do. Am I making sense?”
She smiled and he could tell she was starting to breathe smoother. Looking at him she nodded and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him again.
“Thank you,” she whispered in his ear. “Most men wouldn’t have done that. It really means a lot that you respect me that much.”
He pulled her into him and felt her melt in his arms. He couldn’t explain how grateful he was that what happened between them didn’t turn into something more uncomfortable.
“You’re welcome, and thank you, too.”
Pulling back, but remaining against him she gazed into his eyes and asked, “Why are you thanking me?”
“Because you understand, and well,” he couldn’t help but laugh lightly, “because you wanted to spend that sort of time with me.”
“Wow, you really aren’t like any men I have ever known. I’m liking you more and more.”
They both laughed and the air between them became lighter and more comfortable.
“I have one more day before I have to go home. I would like to spend it with you, if you want too.”
She grinned and placed a hand on his chest. “I would like nothing more. Breakfast tomorrow?”
“Yes, I would love that.”
“I’ll call you when I get up and tell you to get your butt in gear, then.”
Laughing, he said, “Okay. Sounds good.”
She leaned forward and softly kissed him again. When they parted, she whispered another “Thank you” and went into her room. He stood looking at her door for long seconds before turning away and slowly shaking his head. Sometimes he was baffled and amazed at how things happened in his life. The past ten minutes was certainly one of those times. When he went to bed, he thanked God for giving him the strength to not act on his initial wants and desires. He thanked Him for giving him the courage for doing the right thing. As sleep took him over he thought about two things—maybe the right woman was in his life, and not knowing which one it could be.
***
Their last day at Cape Cod together held moments that seemed meant to be. Feelings were becoming obvious and neither wanted to hold them inside, but for the most part they did. They both got up early that morning and Sheila called him and made him laugh. He said he was ready and waiting for her call.
They enjoyed breakfast together and talked about their lives that waited for them when vacation was over. He told her he would be going back to work and that even though he liked his job, after a week with her at the beach it would be hard going back. She grinned and her eyes sparkled. For some reason, her freckles appeared to stand out more. He thought he was most likely imagining things.
She told him more about what went on in her neck of the woods and that she would feel the exact same way. She said being a nurse was very rewarding, but at times extremely stressful and hard to deal with.
At the end of the evening, during dinner together both agreed to talk after they got home. They exchanged numbers over the table as they sipped a glass of wine together before heading back to their rooms. After the bill was paid and they walked out of the restaurant, she didn’t look at him. Instead, she placed her hand within his and sighed.
“Are you okay?” he asked her.
Nodding, she said, “I’m fine. Can we take a walk on the beach before we go back?”
“Sure. That would be nice.”
Junior didn’t know what was on Sheila’s mind. He didn’t think about what time it was nor did it matter. He wasn’t on a schedule. As long as he was awake and checked out by eleven o’clock the next morning he would be okay.
It was a beautiful Saturday evening at Cape Cod. The air owned a perfect coolness, not chilly and without the dampness the heat could add on. As they held hands, Junior glanced up into the night sky and took in the stars. He could see a few scattered clouds but the view remained just as lovely.
When they reached the beach they both removed their shoes; the soft and cool sand felt wonderful beneath their feet. Junior noticed Sheila wasn’t as talkative and wondered again if she was okay. Obviously, something was on her mind. He hoped he hadn’t done anything wrong. After another moment of silence, he stopped and held her hand to keep her from continuing. She looked in his eyes and smiled. The way the softness of the moon rested on her skin was immaculate. He had to take a deep breath and almost shook his head to gather his thoughts.
“Are you all right?” he asked her. “You’ve gotten very quiet.”
She reached up and gently placed a hand on his cheek and softly caressed it. She could feel the stubble on her palm and it lightly tickled her, making her smile broader.
“Yes, I’m very good. Thank you for asking.”
“Okay, I was getting worried that maybe I said something that upset you at dinner.”
She leaned into him and rested her head on his chest and inhaled his cologne.
“You are so sweet,” she whispered. He could barely hear her; she spoke so softly and the sound of the waves were mingling with her words.
He took a finger and placed it beneath her chin and lifted her face so he could see her. He didn’t know what overcame him, but it happened before rational thinking could set in place. His head lowered and their lips met. Softly, but hungrily they allowed themselves to taste the other. His hands held her face and she moaned into his mouth. Feelings rapidly coursed through them both as the emotions they had been withholding throughout the day were coming to surface. It was a magical and passionate kiss. One they knew they wouldn’t get to enjoy for possibly a long time, if ever again. When they finally parted, their breathing was ragged and they had to stand apart and compose themselves. Finally, they joined hands again and continued down the beach.
“Can I ask you a question, Junior?”
“Of course. You can ask me anything.”
He could barely see her expression beneath the moonlight, but he could tell she was thinking before the words spilled out. He waited patiently.
“First, I want to say that I believe what you told me last night, when I asked you in my room, and again I truly appreciate it, but is there someone else? Do you have someone in Torrington?”
He was caught off guard and wasn’t sure exactly how to answer that. No, he didn’t have anything with anyone back home. He could be completely honest with her about that. What he wasn’t certain about sharing was how he had feelings for his best friend’s widow for a long time. Not wanting to wait to answer, because that would make her believe something that wasn’t true, he gripped her hand gently and told her carefully what happened between him and Sam.
“Honestly, no, I do not have a girlfriend or a fiancée or a wife. I don’t have a relationship with anyone.”
Before he could continue, she asked, “Why did you hesitate?”
“Because I want to say something carefully and as honest as I can. You deserve that.”
Stopping again, she looked up at him and replied simply, “Okay. I’m listening.”
“One of the best friends I have ever had in my life lives in Florida. Her name is Sam. The other best friend was her husband who was tragically killed a little over a year and a half ago.”
She gasped, “I’m so sorry.”
They began walking again and she leaned into him as he told his story.
“His name was Chris and he was an incredible guy. Never in a million years would I have ever done anything to hurt what they had together. I loved him like a brother and cherished her just as much. I held a secret inside me that not a single person knew about. Not a soul, especially not him.”
He wrapped an arm around her and she let him. He was grateful she didn’t interrupt even though she probably knew where his story was going.
“The secret was that I had been in love with her as well, but I knew nothing would ever come of it. They were perfect together. When he died it nearly destroyed her and it devastated me, too. Somehow, even with the health problems she has, and that’s a whole other story, we managed to get through it, but not together.”
She stopped and pulled on his hand, motioning for them to sit.
“What happened?” she asked once they were comfortable and she was watching him. He stared out at the ocean and took in the complete beauty of everything God was gracing them with. He knew it was an amazing sight to see, as was the beauty who sat beside him. He looked at her and continued.
“Well, she chose to move down to Florida to be with her best friend Tonya. It wasn’t an idea I liked, but it was her choice and her life. Deep down I understood being able to get away from the area where she and Chris had lived and formed so many memories. It had to be hard on her. Plus, her friend Tonya had an uncle or someone who owned a fine restaurant and he gave her an opportunity that she didn’t want to pass on. She’s a chef. I forgot that part. Anyhow, she lives down there now and it has affected our friendship in a way, or at least it certainly seems that way.”
Taking his hand again and wrapping it around her shoulders, Sheila asked, “What do you mean by that?”
Taking a deep breath and knowing he had to say everything, he kept going.
“Before she left I was honest with her about my feelings. It didn’t go bad, but it didn’t go good either. She still moved and we don’t talk as much as we used too. I feel like everything, especially me telling her that, has hurt our friendship.”
“Are you still in love with her?”
He thought before answering. “Honestly, I don’t know. I still care about her, of course, and I always will, but I’ve finally realized recently that I need to move forward in my life. I need to do things to make me happy. I need to know that I can have someone in my life to love, too.”
She turned and rested her chin on his shoulder. Looking up at him he turned and was blessed with a look in her eyes that in time he thought he might be able to get lost in.
“That’s a big part of why you couldn’t sleep with me last night, isn’t it?”
Nodding, he answered, “Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being an honest man.”