The rhythmic sound of rain disturbed Junior from his deep sleep. At first, he thought the waves were more intense than usual. When he opened his eyes the room revealed a thick blackness. The horrendous downpour outside became obvious. He raised up from the couch and rubbed his eyes. It didn’t help him to see better. Instead it caused tiny dancing stars cross his vision. He thought it was still early, but wasn’t sure of what time it was. Besides the obvious storm, all was quiet in the house. He thought Sam was still sleeping.
Sitting still and closing his eyes again, thoughts of the previous evening crossed his sleepy brain. He remembered the walk on the beach with Sam and the conversation they had. It wasn’t much, but the words were what mattered. His heart clenched at those words and at her expression when he said them.
They were only friends after all.
Is that all they would ever be? Is that all she truly wanted? Even if it wasn’t him, would she never want to love again? He didn’t want to be only friends, and the idea of that possibility caused frustration. He was in love with her, but he knew he might have to accept that friends might be all they would ever be. That would be a painful process for him.
His best friend came to mind. Chris, Sam’s deceased husband who she was still madly in love with and devoted to. Junior missed Chris, and in some ways, was also jealous that he had had the honor of Sam’s love. Since his best friend’s death, Junior knew she had struggled with healing and still hurt from it. He felt like a jerk for wanting to be with her, but he couldn’t control what his heart told him. He couldn’t control his soul. Maybe he should go home and leave her alone. Confused and unsure of what he should do, he felt like punching the cushions he sat on. He felt like going for a walk, but the thought of walking in a storm didn’t appeal to him.
He thought about checking on her to see if she was okay or making breakfast to surprise her. He tiptoed through the house and peeked into her room. Even in the dim light, he could see her bed was empty and was surprised to see she was gone. She must have had to go in early, but he couldn’t believe he didn’t hear her. He must have been more tired than he realized.
With the knowledge he was alone in the house and not knowing how long she had to work, he didn’t know what he would do for the day. He wished he would have thought to ask her before they went to bed what time she would be getting off work. It was raining rather hard so the beach was not an option. He didn’t have a car to go anywhere, although he could call a cab if he had to. Frustrated, he thought about going back to sleep so he wouldn’t have to think or feel. A deep depression began to settle on his heart.
“This blows,” he grumbled to himself.
***
Sam
Sam eased herself into a booth at her break and let out a heavy sigh. She was struggling with everything and it was wearing her nerves raw. Most likely those of everyone else around her, too. She was dropping things and getting orders wrong. She was forgetful. You would think she hadn’t a clue on what to do in a kitchen at all if you didn’t know her. She didn’t feel as if she knew herself. Thankfully, it wasn’t busy because of the dreary weather, but the rain was draining her. It was bringing her mood down to go along with everything else.
Steve walked up to her earlier asking if she was okay. His concern was obvious. She had been cleaning her area after making fresh bean salad and placing it in the walk-in cooler.
“I’m fine,” she lied to him. “I’m just having an off day. I’m sorry.”
She hated lying to her boss. He was more than a boss to her. He had become a dear friend since she had started working for him. She rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath.
God, please get me through this. I need Your help.
A moment later she heard a glass being set on the table and she opened her eyes to see Tonya sitting across from her. She could read the worry on Tonya’s face, too.
“So, you going to tell me what’s wrong or am I going to have to drag it out of you?” Tonya asked her with a slight grin.
Shrugging her shoulders, Sam answered, “I’m okay. I’m a little tired and having an off day.”
“Hmmm, so I’m going to have to drag it out of you, I see. Should I start the guessing game, then?”
“I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Because of who was in the house with you?”
“Don’t be silly. Junior was in the living room on the couch. He had nothing to do with it.”
“I thought you didn’t like to lie.”
Normally, Sam wouldn’t get irritated with Tonya’s bluntness, but it was starting to get on her nerves and she had to catch herself before speaking. Closing her eyes, she breathed and thought before saying another word.
“Okay, maybe him being here had something to do with it, but it’s not what you think.”
“I’m not thinking anything like you think I’m thinking. I’m thinking you aren’t dealing with certain feelings that need to be dealt with.”
“That may be the case, but honey, right now isn’t the time or the place for me to talk about it.”
Tonya waited to see if Sam would say anything else. After a minute, she eased up.
“Sam, I love you. We are more like family than being born from the same mother. I know you. I’m sorry, but I can tell when something isn’t right. You know I’m here for you. It isn’t your heart, is it?”
Shaking her head, Sam said, “No, I feel fine. I went to the doctor last week and everything checked out great. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do.”
“You need a few days off. You are working too hard,” Tonya suggested, sounding more concerned than before.
“Okay, Mom,” Sam sighed. “Maybe, I do. I don’t know.”
“Yes, I think you do. I’m the boss and your best friend, so after today I will make sure I’ll get your shifts covered for the rest of the week. You aren’t allowed back here until next Monday.”
As soon as those words left her mouth and before Sam could object Tonya left the table. Sam watched her walk into the back, more than likely to tell Steve.
“This is just great,” she mumbled to herself. “Exactly what I don’t need. More time alone with Junior and our emotions.”
She felt guilty for feeling that way. She truly did care a great deal for her friend. If she was completely honest with herself, she would be able to admit how she was feeling. She would be able to properly deal with the fact that seeing him lying on the couch when she got up made her feel things she didn’t want to feel about another man. No matter how much she would like to be held and kissed and loved again, she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready for that pain again and thinking about Junior in that way scared her. Her desire for him terrified her.
God, please get me through this day, and if you don’t mind, please let me know what I’m supposed to do.
I’m here right beside you, child. You can stop worrying. I have everything under control.
Smiling to herself when she felt God’s presence with her she felt a little better, despite her stubbornness and desire to be in control.
She stood from the table and went back into the kitchen. She hadn’t even walked the few feet to the grill when Steve walked up to her and asked her to walk with him. She thought she already knew what it was about. She looked at the cook and he shrugged. Having no choice but to follow him, she did as he asked. She knew Tonya must have told him something. She started to get angry by the time the office door closed.
“Sam, are you okay? Is your heart okay?”
The same questions Tonya asked her.
“I’m sorry, Steve, I’m just having an off day. I’ll get through it without too much havoc, I promise.”
“I worry about you, dear. I think of you as a friend. I want you to take the rest of the day and the rest of the week off. We will be okay, no worries.”
Not surprised, but she still couldn’t help but stand there looking sheepish.
“Are you sure? I can get through today.”
“I’m sure, I’m sure. It’s pouring rain and it’s slow. We will be fine. Now, go home and rest and come back Monday next week.”
Part of her didn’t know what to think or say. She thanked him and he hugged her before she left for the day. It looked like she was on a vacation she didn’t ask for. Junior would be happy about it.
Sam walked out of the office with mixed emotions. When she stepped through the kitchen door that led to the dining room, she saw Tonya watching her.
“Hey Tonya, Uncle Steve is sending me home. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Don’t be mad, okay. I love you.”
“I’m not mad. I’ll talk to you later.”
Running to her car, trying but failing to not get soaked, Sam remembered what God told her about ten minutes ago. He had everything under control.
***
Marion
Marion’s heart was breaking for Sam. She knew how hard it had been for Sam since Chris had been killed. Counting the accident in South Carolina and the heart problems before that, the poor child had been through some painful and hard times. Marion had been right beside her through the biggest part of it. Sam just didn’t know it.
She rode with Sam through the storm on her way home. In the passenger seat, she watched her drive and could see the confusion and dread written on her face. The young and beautiful soul deserved love in her life again. She was scared and understandably so, but she needed to let God work and take care of everything. Over the past year, Marion helped her more than she thought she could. She had seen Sam grow and heal and move forward in life and she was very proud of her. Marion knew deep down Sam wanted to be loved. She wanted to be held and protected like anyone else. She was scared of losing and hurting again. She needed to believe and have faith and break those thick walls down before it was too late. Before she lost the chance to have what God wanted to give her. What was right in front of her and waiting at home.