Phoebe was pretty sure she couldn’t breathe. He was so close, his lips hovering over hers. All it would take to push him away or draw him closer was a simple raising of her hands, but she was caught. She knew what was right. Push him away. Don’t let this happen. Don’t let the last man to seriously kiss you not be James. Don’t.

But another voice seemed even louder in her head as he slowly moved toward her. Bring him in. God, don’t you want to know how it feels to have this man kiss you? Don’t you want his hands on you? Don’t you want to show him how worthy he is? Of love, of affection, of protection.

One kiss. Just one. Soon she wouldn’t see him. He would be as lost to her as Jamie was, and shouldn’t she have this one kiss?

His lips touched hers and she was through with arguing.

He’d kissed her before but it had been an awkward thing. He’d been tentative and given her too much time to think. Jamie had inevitably come between them, but this was different. His hands came up and caught her face, holding her still for his long, slow discovery. The word stuck in her head as he moved his mouth across hers. Discovery. Something new and fresh. Something with potential.

She was discovering him.

Her hands came up as though drawn to his body. She found his lean waist and did what came naturally. She explored over the soft cotton of his T-shirt as he caught her bottom lip between his teeth and gave her the gentlest nip. She shivered, though it wasn’t from the cold. Her body was hot, but then she was always warm around him.

His tongue demanded entry and she opened her mouth, feeling his triumph as he surged inside. He moved closer, placing himself firmly between her legs and letting her feel everything he had to offer.

His cock. Oh, god, that was his cock rubbing against her core. Her skirt had pushed up, and she could feel the denim of his jeans on her thighs. He moved in, spreading her legs further as his tongue glided along hers. Her body was melting. So long. It had been so damn long since she’d felt this electricity running in her veins.

“I told you I wanted to eat you up. Sweet. I knew you’d be so damn sweet.” The words rumbled along her lips before he devoured her mouth again.

She let herself feel for the first time in forever. Feel the strength of his body under her hands, feel his heat, let her heart beat in time with his, let her mind sink into the experience.

The first time she’d seen him, she’d thought that the universe wasn’t fair to hide such a coward under pretty skin and gorgeous eyes. When he’d shown up with that coffee, she’d poured it out. She’d gone home and cried and hated Ten for sending her. Why hadn’t he let her go? She’d been happy fading away.

Slowly, she’d come to know the real Jesse Murdoch. She’d come to think of herself as protecting him, not spying.

His hand was on her waist, moving down, and she thought about all the times she’d put him off. She could have been doing this with him for months. She could have been in his arms, in his bed. In the moment, it seemed like a silly thing to have given up on.

So good. His mouth felt good and right on hers. And that big hand of his felt really good as it moved on her thigh.

Too good. “Jesse, we can’t do this here.”

He shook his head and his hand moved up again, fingers teasing at the edge of her panties. “Everyone else is busy. No one’s going to bug us. Let me in. Just a little. I’ve wanted you for so long. Just a little, baby.”

He kissed her again, stopping the weak protest she wasn’t even sure she wanted to make. She gave over to him, his tongue plunging inside as she felt his fingers close to her core. She ran her hands up the strong muscles of his back and wanted to get rid of the material between them. Skin. She wanted to run her hands over his skin and really feel his heat.

“You want me.” He whispered the words as his fingers found the folds of her pussy.

“I shouldn’t.” Doubt started to creep back in. She shouldn’t want him because she’d promised to love one man for the rest of her life.

“Your pussy says differently, baby.” He groaned a little as he slid a finger up through her soaked pussy.

Pure pleasure swamped her senses, consigning her every good intention straight to hell. This was why she’d stayed away from Jesse Murdoch, erecting wall after wall to keep them apart. She’d always known that this man could blow through her every defense if she let him.

But the thought of never seeing him again…she couldn’t fight. She had to have this one beautiful moment with him. One physical memory to go with all the good days and nights she’d spent with him.

“You’re so fucking wet for me.” One finger slid through her labia and worked its way up to her clitoris. “Do you know how many nights I dreamed of this? How many nights I lay awake and thought about getting you underneath me? I wanted you to take my cock, Phoebe, but I thought I was too rough for you. I’m not too rough for you, am I?”

“God, no.” Not even close. She needed more. He was playing with her, but it had been so damn long, she felt like she couldn’t wait. She moved her hips, trying to get him to press down harder. She was close. She could feel the orgasm shimmering right on the edge of her consciousness. Just a few hard strokes and she would come.

It had been so long since she’d come.

She felt his free hand tug on her hair, lighting up her scalp and making her gasp. It didn’t hurt exactly. It was just enough to get her attention.

His face was enough to let her know he meant business. Sweet Jesse’s face had turned hard and demanding, his sensual lips curled in the sexiest little smirk. “No, sweetheart. Do you remember when I said this was going to be my way all the way? I’ve danced to your tune since the moment I met you, but this is where I rule. You want what I can give you, you better get used to following the rules, and rule number one is you obey me. Spread your legs wider.”

This wasn’t the Jesse she knew, but she’d sensed him under the surface. When she’d thought about him at Sanctum, she’d seen him like this. In control. Masterful.

She didn’t have to think. She merely had to obey and pleasure would be given to her.

Shit. She’d been reading way too many of Serena Dean-Miles’s books. She spread her knees wide, giving him access as he brought his fingers up. They glistened from the arousal coating her pussy. He stared at them for a minute before sucking them into his mouth, his blue eyes rolling back in what looked like pure pleasure as he sucked them clean.

“So goddamn sweet. Behave or we’ll have trouble. I know you think I’m an idiot, but I can handle you. I can make you fucking beg for me.”

“Please, Jesse.” Her whole consciousness was focused on one thing. This moment. This man. Everything else fell away. It was so easy when he was in control.

“Yeah, baby,” he growled against her ear. “This is going to please Jesse. This is going to make me feel so much better.”

He pushed aside her panties and two fingers worked inside her pussy as his thumb found her clit.

Her vision went blissfully fuzzy as he fucked those big fingers inside and worked that sensitive pearl.

“You’re so tight. You would feel so good wrapped around me.” He worked her, taking her higher and higher.

Everything tightened as his thumb worked perfect circles around and over her clit. Closer and closer and closer until she snapped and pleasure swamped her system. A tidal wave crashed over her, and she panted as she tried to get her breath back. She let herself curl into his body. His free arm held her up or she would have been a puddle of goo on his desk.

Every muscle felt relaxed and loose. Warm. She was warm when she always felt so cold. She would be even warmer with Jesse on top of her. Now he would lay her down on the desk and bring them together finally. All that heat between them could be quenched.

God, she was going to miss him.

Jesse kissed her forehead sweetly as he drew his hand out of her pussy and straightened her soaked undies. “Baby, tell me who you work for. You can tell me.”

The words didn’t penetrate for a moment. He used a soft voice and she could almost fool herself that he was saying something sweet. “What?”

“Who do you work for, Phoebe? It’s time for you to tell me the truth.” A touch of hardness entered his tone.

Phoebe forced herself to push away. Between the orgasm and the drugs that had run through her system, she felt so weak. It didn’t stop her though. She got to her feet, her knees shaking a little, and looked at him. His hair had gotten longer in the last few months. When he’d come to McKay-Taggart, he’d worn it in a purely military style, but now it curled over the tops of his ears and brushed over his brows. Blond and blue-eyed angel.

Who had just practically fucked her for information.

“Why?” Tears threatened. It had been a beautiful moment and he’d ruined it. Their last moment. The only one she could carry with her and he’d ground it into the dirt.

All of her life there had only been Jamie. She’d suffered through pawings when she was in foster care, but she’d managed to avoid what happened to a lot of girls in the system. She’d learned to defend herself. She’d only ever been intimate with two men, and one of them was dead and the other had just wanted information.

Jesse’s eyes were colder than she’d ever seen them as he stared at her. He made no move to hide his erection. “I’m doing what you did. I’m working a relationship to make an operation go more smoothly. Wasn’t that more pleasant than being deprived of food and water and human contact until you’re willing to talk?”

“I didn’t do this to you.” Anger invaded her system. The reasonable, rational side understood that she was at least partially angry with herself for being such a complete idiot. She’d ruined everything. She’d cheated on Jamie and it had felt so good.

Damn him, but two minutes on a desk with Jesse Murdoch had been better than all the sex she’d ever had with her husband. Her sweet, strong, brave husband. She should have been happy with what they had.

Stupid. She was so fucking stupid. She’d been Jamie’s wife and now her body was a convenient tool for Jesse to play like a Master.

Jesse stared at her while he sucked his fingers into his mouth again.

And that infuriated her. She pointed a finger his way. “You don’t get to do that.”

His eyes were hot on her. “Yeah, I do. This right here, this is mine. I got you hot so this is mine and I’ll do what I want with it.”

“No, it’s mine.” She couldn’t stand the way he was staring at her, sucking his fingers into his mouth. It had been hot before when she thought he’d meant it, but now she knew it was all an act and his fingers were nothing but ten little whores that went to do his bidding. Damn it. He didn’t deserve to taste her. “You give it back.”

It had been a long time since she’d felt this anger rising. She’d learned to channel it, learned to take that violent street-rat core of her being and suppress it. It was showing up again. Humiliation wasn’t something she handled well.

Years had passed and she’d shoved down everything. She’d shoved down every time she’d had to play mousy and take Taggart’s eye rolling. She’d buried her rage deep when they’d all laughed about how weak she was. She knew they weren’t really being mean about it, but it didn’t matter. She’d felt weak for years, and now she wanted every single one of them to know how strong she was—especially the man in front of her.

He stopped, his eyebrows rising. “Baby, I’m not sure what you want me to give back.” A sexy smirk hit his face. “But I can get you to make more. It’s obvious you’re not ready to talk yet. Hop on the desk and I’ll get my mouth on you. Then we’ll see if you’re ready to talk. You should know I can do this all day.”

“I didn’t do this to you.” She had to stay calm. She couldn’t lose her shit. Not now. Psycho Phoebe, as Jamie and Ten had called her, was gone and she was never coming back. Reason. That was what Franklin Grant had taught her to use. “I didn’t treat you like this.”

His hands came down and his shoulders squared as though he was ready for battle. “You damn straight did. You played me. You played me hard and well. You had me panting after you and then you pointed a bullet straight at my fucking heart. Do you see the irony, Phoebe? I was falling for you and you were here to kill me.”

“I was here to watch you. I was here to figure out if you had turned.” The one good thing that could come of this was she got to ask a couple of questions. “When you were discovered, you were hundreds of miles away from where they buried the bodies of your team. It took an Agency team another year to find the burial site. Why wouldn’t you tell them where the bodies were buried?”

He flushed slightly and his hands clenched. “I didn’t know. They didn’t give me a map. They drugged me and shoved me on the back of a donkey or some shit and sent me on my way to the next torture hole. Is that what you wanted to know? Really, you should have just fucking asked or you could have read the Agency’s reports, but you already did that, didn’t you?”

She couldn’t give him any more than he already knew. Her stomach was churning where just moments before she’d been happy and relaxed. God, she wished he’d never opened his mouth. “You were on the tapes.”

His expression didn’t change at all, but she could see the way his skin flushed. God, she hated doing this to him, but he was making it impossible for her to go back to being Phoebe Graham. Jesse would never have treated her the way he just had if she’d been able to stay Phoebe Graham. “You mean the ones where my unit…my friends were executed? Are you talking about those tapes? Yes. I was on the tapes and I looked perfectly fine with the experience, didn’t I? I should be damn glad those tapes never made it out of the Agency’s vault or I would have been on every news station as the grinning idiot who watched his friends die and he wasn’t even tied up. Did you watch those tapes, Phoebe?”

Did she watch the tape where her husband had been executed? “No.”

Ten wouldn’t allow it. He’d threatened anyone who might have shown it to her with a painful death, and Ten’s people had believed him. She’d heard about the tapes. In every single one, Jesse Murdoch had been present with a smile on his peaceful face. At the time she’d been certain he’d done it to save himself, but she knew him now. She believed what he’d told the agent who had debriefed him in Germany. “How much heroin did they give you?”

It was the only explanation. Despite their “pure” Islamic beliefs, most jihadist groups made their money off heroin. Everyone with a brain knew terrorists had very little to do with real Muslims.

“Enough that I had to do some hard rehab afterward. Tell me who you’re working for, Phoebe. I don’t want to have to escalate this. I was tortured by the best. I don’t want to do that to you.”

The very fact that he would threaten it pissed her off. Especially when she knew damn well he wouldn’t do it. Months and months with the man had proven that he had looked into that abyss and turned from it. Jesse Murdoch would protect and defend, but he would never torture.

Well, except in the sweetest way.

“Really?” She took a step forward. “You’re going to torture me the way they tortured you? You’re going to dope me up and kill a few of my friends and try to make me believe I did it?”

It was what they’d done to him. She’d read his file. It read like a damn horror novel, though at first she’d thought he was just really good at crafting fiction.

Jesse stopped, his arms falling to his sides and his eyes narrowing. “No. I won’t do it and you know it. I don’t need to. I know an Agency operative when I see one. Well, when I stop thinking with my dick, I do. You bastards. You’re why we were taken. Do you think I don’t know that?”

“What?”

He huffed a little, like he didn’t believe her question. “Sure, you didn’t know.”

“What are you talking about?”

His lips curled just slightly. It was the cruelest look she’d ever seen on his sweet face, and her heart ached because she’d been the one to put it there. “They targeted my unit, Phoebe. It wasn’t random. They were looking for an operative code named ‘the spider.’ The Agency was embedding operatives into troops.”

Her stomach dropped. “No. That’s not true.”

No one could have known. No one would have told. Jamie had been caught in a random act of terrorism. It hadn’t been their fault. No way.

Ten would have told her.

She’d been the one to come up with the concept. Ten had argued against it. Violently. He’d told her it would put the soldiers in the unit in danger, but Jamie had liked the idea. He’d been the one to talk Ten in to trying it, and it had failed spectacularly.

Was she the real reason Jesse Murdoch had spent all those months being tortured, his soul being ripped apart?

“Phoebe? Baby, are you going to pass out?” He immediately dropped the tough guy act and his arms went around her just as her knees went weak.

She hadn’t eaten all day and the drugs were making her loopy. No. She was fooling herself. The guilt was making her sick. Had she done this to both Jamie and Jesse? She felt herself being hauled into strong arms.

“Do I need to get a doctor?” He pulled her close and it felt so good to be in his arms.

She wanted to pretend the last several hours hadn’t happened. She let her head drift to his shoulder just as she heard the sound of a helicopter. Distant at first, and then she watched in utter horror as it dropped into view, blocking the sight of the Dallas skyline.

Her eyes widened as she saw a tall, lean man standing on the foot rail, a SIG in his free hand and a grim look on his face. He nodded and the chopper rose again, likely to set down on the roof.

“What the hell?” Jesse turned. He had caught a glimpse of the chopper before it rose. “Was that a traffic copter? I don’ t think they’re supposed to get that close to the building.”

She shook her head. “No. You need to tell Taggart to let me go and lock the doors. If he lets me go, I think everyone will be safe.”

She clung to Jesse for one second longer because her time was up.

Ten was here.