Chapter Twenty-One
Anger was his first reaction. A deep, soul-staining anger. The kind of rage that made men do stupid things. Like commit murder. And if Shark was in the room, that’s exactly what would have happened.
The image of Shark fucking Zach’s woman would be branded onto his brain forever. And he’d thought getting the Hell’s Handlers logo burned into his skin was painful. It was nothing compared to the agony of watching a woman he cared about being fucked by his enemy.
He was so close to the edge, so close to losing it, he missed what was going on behind him. Then, the sound of Toni retching broke through the red haze, and Zach realized something was very wrong. For her sake, he used every bit of self-control he possessed and pushed the fury aside. He needed answers and losing his temper wouldn’t get them. At least, not without scaring the shit out of Toni.
Once he quieted the beast inside him, a few things became clear. First, was that the Toni in the video was a very young Toni. This was filmed years ago. Second, was that she looked drugged out of her mind. Glassy, unfocused eyes stared at nothing and she barely reacted to what was happening to and around her. And third, his Toni had her slender arms wrapped around her drawn up knees and was rocking back and forth on the floor. She was so freaked out by the video that there was no way that what had happened on it was something she’d been okay with.
He looked back over his shoulder. The video must have been on some kind of loop because it launched again. On the screen, Toni was naked and lying on a bed surrounded by three men. Shark was the only one Zach recognized, and he seemed to be running the show, but all three had the Dragons’ signature tattoo on their left hands. And all three had their fucking hands on Toni.
They groped, pinched, fondled, and made lewd laughing comments throughout. Toni’s eyes remained open, but she wasn’t an active participant. And for Christ’s sake, she couldn’t have been older than seventeen.
Fuck.
For some sick reason Zach couldn’t tear his gaze from the screen. Not even to go to Toni. She needed comforting and he needed answers, but it was as though he was trapped, weighed down by lead boots that wouldn’t let him escape the horror show playing out before him.
When it became obvious Shark climaxed, Zach’s fists curled and his nostrils flared. He was going to personally tear the man’s dick off. And he’d revel in every second of Shark’s suffering.
When Shark stepped away from Toni and some other fucker positioned himself between her legs, Zach hit his limit. With a roar, he slammed the laptop lid closed hard enough to crack the screen. Then he spun and froze at the sight of Toni.
His heart clenched as though a man’s fist was squeezing the life out of it. His woman sat in a devastated ball on the floor, eyes closed, with silent tears streaming down her face.
And she was his woman. She may not be ready to hear that now, but she’d get there. He’d make sure of it.
“Baby,” he said in a soft voice so as not to cause her any more upset. “Come on.” Bending down, he scooped her up. She jumped, but settled quickly, tucking her head under his chin. This was where she belonged. Right there in his arms where he could stand between her and the world.
That she didn’t fight him carrying her through the house and outside to the front porch was telling. Toni wasn’t a weak woman. She’d handled her parents’ unexpected death without blinking an eye. She took over the diner and house, settled well into a new area, and managed a bunch of bikers without a second thought. To see her so broken fucked with his head and sealed Shark’s fate. His raping buddies’ as well.
When he sank down to a rocking chair with her on his lap, she tried to pull away, but he held her close and rubbed a hand up and down her back. “Shh, just relax, baby.” All she wore was his T-shirt from the night before and he had nothing on but his jeans. The moment was quiet, intimate, peaceful, and after a few minutes she relaxed into him. It would have been a perfect way to spend the morning if they didn’t have a tough conversation looming over them like a dark storm cloud.
They sat in silence for a while, Zach holding her and gliding the chair back and forth with his foot.
“Can you tell me?” he asked after a while. The need to know more clawed at him, overshadowing the brief peace they’d found.
Toni nodded against his chest. “You know who my parents were. Very conservative, closed-minded, prejudiced against everyone who wasn’t exactly like them. Did you know they were terrified of your father?”
Zach huffed out a laugh. “I knew. They called the cops on him at least three or four times a year for stupid shit.”
Toni traced her finger over the Handlers’ emblem, scarred onto his forearm. “Yeah, they were convinced he was going to break in and rob us blind one night.” She scoffed. “They were paranoid like that about the entire MC or anyone who looked like what my mom called a hoodlum. Anyway, their views led them to keeping me on a very tight leash. Once I hit middle school, I wasn’t allowed to go to birthday parties, to the mall with friends, no after-school activities, definitely no dating. Basically, I wasn’t allowed any normal teenage activities. Friends weren’t even permitted at the house, and I could never go to their houses, either.”
“Must have been tough.” As she spoke, Zach snaked his hand under her T-shirt and stroked her soft hip. It seemed to have the desired effect as she stayed pliant and relaxed against him.
“Did this hurt?” She drew a circle around his scar with her index finger.
“Like a sonofabitch, babe,” he said, giving her hip a gentle squeeze.
That got a small chuckle out of her. “Once I hit high school, I rebelled. Hard core. Sneaking out, smoking, drinking, having sex. I refused to have anything to do with the diner and I specifically chose a rough crowd that my parents despised. Looking back on it now, I see how stupid and disrespectful I was, but I was so angry at them all the time. And I was young and unequipped to make wise decisions.”
“How did they respond?”
“Well, now, through the eyes of an adult I can see I was craving their attention, understanding, and acceptance. Basically, I just wanted them to love me, even if it meant yelling and punishments. At least I would have known they cared. I got none of that. They basically washed their hands of me. Stopped trying to discipline or parent me because they felt I was a lost cause.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. When I was sixteen, pretty close to seventeen, I went to a Gray Dragon’s party with some girl who’d dropped out of high school. That’s where I met Eddie.”
“Shark?”
Toni nodded and shifted, sitting straight and turning until she straddled him. “I want to be able to look at you while I finish this.”
He tilted his head and nodded. “Okay.” He’d never turn down a chance to have her draped over his body.
Her gaze was searching, like she was anticipating some specific reaction from him. Acceptance? Or maybe she expected him to react like her parents did and reject her. That would never happen. No none deserved to be judged by the mistakes of their youth. Hell, Zach had done his share of things he wasn’t proud of and would rather forget. “Whatever it is you have to tell me, baby, just spit it out. It’s not going to change the way I see you.”
She gave him a sad smile and placed her hands on his chest. “You say that now, but you saw the video.” A small shudder ran through her. “That wasn’t even the worst of it.”
Fuck, it was going to be near impossible to keep from reacting negatively, but he had no fucking choice. “Why don’t you tell me the rest, sweetheart?” Keeping the anger hidden no matter what she told him would be imperative. She had to learn she could trust him with her secrets. With whatever shamed her.
“Eddie is about a year older than I am and he dazzled me from the first moment I met him. Handsome, a smooth talker, sexy. He was everything my parents hated in one male package. I fell hard and fast. At first, it was exciting. We went to wild parties every night. Four out of the five school days per week I was either hungover or absent. I didn’t even make it halfway through my senior year before I dropped out. By then, I’d missed so many days the school had refused to graduate me. The angry teenage me sure as hell wasn’t going to repeat a year.”
Well, that explained why she wasn’t fazed by the party at the clubhouse.
“Eddie wasn’t the first guy I’d slept with by that point, but he was the most…adventurous.” She sighed. “You sure you want to hear all this?”
Fuck no. “Yes.” Zach sounded like he’d swallowed shards of glass. Hearing about any Toni had been with would be torture, but listening while she talked about sex with Shark was like having his toenails ripped out with a pair of rusty pliers.
“All right. At first, it was exciting and hot and if I’m being honest, I loved it. I found out that—this is so embarrassing.” She looked up for a second then took a deep breath. “I discovered that I like sex. Really like it. Wild, rough, a little taboo, I was into it all.”
This conversation was worse than having his skin peeled off, but he knew there was a reason she was revealing all of it. And it was probably going to get worse before it was over.
“So, at first, that’s what it was. Partying and sex. I was drinking like a fish, doing drugs, the works. I hardly spent any time at home and I think my parents were relieved by that point. I’d caused so much trouble it was easier to pretend I didn’t exist.”
“I don’t remember anything about this. I don’t think my parents ever mentioned it.”
She shrugged. “Well you were away by then. In the army, right?”
He scratched the morning stubble on his chin. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t home. So, what happened?”
“Eddie started to rise up the ranks in the gang. He was making a name for himself by being ruthless with anyone who crossed him. All he wanted was to move up higher on the food chain. He wanted to run the gang one day.”
“He’s in charge now.”
She nodded. “I’m not surprised. It’s where he was headed. Anyway, as he got more power, he got even crazier and wanted to share me with his friends. The guys who ran the gang at the time. It’s part of their bylaws. If you want in the very tight knit and elite inner circle, you had to have a woman and had to share her. It’s so fucked up. Back then, I was so stupid and thought I was in love. I went along with it for a while.” Her eyes closed and tears leaked out. “I thought it wouldn’t be so bad. That it would make him proud of me. Make him love me. For about six months I was nothing better than a drugged-out gang slut.”
Zach wrapped his arms around her, as much for himself as to soothe her. She’d been carrying this around, beating herself up for years. “Shit, babe, that’s not true. You were young. Underage for fuck’s sake. And I saw that video. You were fuckin’ zonked. There’s no way you could have consented. It was rape, babe.”
“You think that video was bad?” She hopped off his lap and paced the length of the porch. “I’d done it all before, Zach. And stone cold sober. I took the drugs willingly. I agreed to everything they wanted. I never said no or put up a fight. I was so screwed up and looking for any kind of attention. Even if I ended up completely losing myself in the process.”
He stood. As much as he hated hearing about other men getting their hands on her, it was even worse to see her self-hatred over it. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, stopping her with his hands on her shoulders. “Baby, you were too young and fucked up from parents who didn’t do right by you to handle making those kinds of decisions. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were in a shit circumstance that led to even more shit. And you got out.”
Wait. She did get out, didn’t she?
The Dragons didn’t just let people out. “How did you get away from them? They don’t just let people walk away from the gang.”
“By the end, my relationship with Eddie was no longer fun or sexy. The guys got rougher each time, none of it was ever about me. It was just a game to them; humiliating me, passing me around. Seeing who could be the biggest man. By that point I was too afraid to leave. I started using drugs more because it gave me an escape. My Uncle Mark came to visit. He’s my mother’s brother. He couldn’t believe I wasn’t living at home and my parents had no idea where I was. Somehow, he found me and literally carried me out of there. It was the night that video was made. I don’t know how Chris got his hands on it. I didn’t even know I’d been recorded.”
Zach’s head was spinning with a million questions. He gripped Toni’s upper arms. “Wait, that video was from Chris? The suit?”
She nodded. “He said he’d send it to the school where I work and send it out on social media. He said it’d go viral in a matter of hours. I have three weeks to get back to Chicago before he posts it. He doesn’t actually want to be with me. Just wants me to convince my uncle to advance his position at work. He’s nothing but an opportunist, and a desperate one.”
“Fuck. That fucking piece of shit.” Zach spun away and raked his fingers through his hair. Could this situation be more fucked up? “Okay. We’ll deal with him. No one else will ever see that video. I promise you. Now how did your uncle get you away? Because, baby, no one leaves the Dragons in one piece.”
Toni looked startled. “I have no idea. I was pretty messed up back then, and it took me a long time and a lot of therapy to straighten myself out. I don’t think I ever asked, or really even thought about it.”
“We need to call him.”
Toni grabbed his arm, panic in her eyes. “No! Chris said if I mentioned anything to Mark, he’d post the video immediately.”
Zach snorted. “Fucking piece of shit isn’t going to do anything. I’ll talk to your uncle. Convince him to keep quiet and let me handle it. We got this, okay?”
“We?” she asked.
“Yeah, we.”
For the first time since he’d walked out of that bathroom he was treated to a genuine smile from Toni. “Okay.”
“Okay, I need to call Copper.” As he pulled his phone out, Toni’s hand landed on his arm.
“Wait. Did you say Shark was the one who took Maverick?”
Shit. He had blurted that. Club business wasn’t for open discussion, but Toni had just bared her soul to him. He owed her something in return. Something to show the same level of trust. “Yes. And we’ve been spinning our wheels for days because we have no idea where to find him. Shark’s definitely grown some teeth, because no one is talking no matter how much pressure we put on them. The gang’s all but disappeared. No one’s been at their headquarters since before Mav was taken. We’ve got fucking nothing.”
Toni’s eyes widened and her grip tightened until her nails pricked his forearm. Her mouth opened but no sound came out.
“What, baby?”
“I know where he might be,” she whispered.