Chapter Twenty-Seven
Two days after she’d killed a man she used sleep with, Toni was in full-on freak out mode. She felt like an unstable tower built haphazardly by a toddler. Each mismatched block represented one stressor. And the tower was wobbling back and forth precariously close to collapse.
She’d watched a man tasked with protecting her die.
She’d killed a man.
She’d almost been that man’s hostage.
There was a very scandalous sex video hanging over her head.
She had a douchebag ex to deal with.
Maverick was in the hospital.
She hadn’t seen Zach in two days.
She had a whole host of complicated feelings for a man to sort through.
She had a job waiting for her in Chicago and a business in Tennessee.
And to top it all off, she walked into the diner at six a.m. on a rainy morning to find a hole in the roof and a trickle of water that seemed to grow to a stream in no time. Well, great. What the hell was she supposed to do now? The diner was slated to open in an hour, and staff should be arriving within the next thirty minutes.
She grabbed a mop bucket and placed it under the falling water. At the rate it was pouring in, she’d need to replace it in twenty minutes.
Toni’s lower lip quivered and she stared up at the ceiling while blinking to ward off the impending tears. Last thing she needed was to bring any more water to this party.
The bell over the door jangled and Shell walked in. “Hey, To—oh, shit.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself. Watch your feet, it’s a little slippery.”
Ever the amazing friend and employee, Shell dropped her purse and jacket in a booth and booked it behind the counter. “I’ll grab some rags and get the lake cleaned up while you make some calls.”
The muscles at the base of Toni’s skull seemed to tense on the spot, causing a throbbing headache. “Any idea who to call in this situation?”
“Rocket has a construction company. I’d start there. If he’s not the right person, I’m sure he’ll steer you in the right direction,” Shell said as she spread some large rags on the floor to soak up the water. “Actually, call Zach. With that bunch, they tend to get testy if their woman calls another man for help. Even one of their brothers.”
“You can’t be serious?”
Shell laughed. “Don’t look at me like that. Just trust me. Call Zach.”
“I can’t bother Zach with this, Shell, he’s got too much going on. I haven’t even seen him in two days.” Toni ran a hand through her disheveled hair and tried not to scream in frustration.
“He hasn’t checked in?” Michelle looked up from where she was bent over wiping up the mess.
“I didn’t say that. He’s texted about a million times to see how I was doing. He just hasn’t been able to escape. Poor guy must be exhausted.” Zach had spent those two days bouncing between the hospital and the clubhouse, dealing with the fallout of Maverick’s rescue. It turned out Shark had been holding a woman captive, a woman who was in almost as bad shape as Maverick. The club had gotten Stephanie to the hospital and per Mav’s request, was taking responsibility for her, so now there was another thing on their overflowing plate.
“They all are.” Shell sighed. “Hate seeing them stretched so thin, but these guys are the definition of tough. They’ll get it all sorted.”
“And Zach is not my man, Shell. You know that.”
With a snort, Shell rung the rag out over an empty bucket. “Sure, girl, you just keep telling yourself that one.”
As she opened her mouth to fire back a sassy retort, the door bells jangled once again and this time not-her-man strode in, in all his masculine glory.
“Fuck, baby. Why the hell didn’t you call me?” Zach didn’t wait for an answer. As he walked toward her, he pulled his phone out. Holding it to his ear, he gave her a quick kiss then turned away. “Hey, man, Toni’s diner’s got a fuck of a leak in the roof.”
His voice faded as he stepped farther away.
Shell shot her an I-told-you-so grin.
“Shut up,” Toni muttered to Shell’s laughter.
“Rocket will be by in twenty to put a temporary fix on the leak, and once the rain stops his team will take a look and see how bad the damage really is,” Zach said as he returned. “Shell, stop cleaning. Got some prospects coming by who will get this taken care of.”
“Zach—”
“Oh good,” Shell said. “This would have taken the two of us forever.”
“Zach—”
“Yeah, babe, they’ll get it done fast so you can open up. You might be thirty minutes late or so, but you shouldn’t have to shut down for the entire day.”
“Zach!” Toni yelled, clenching her fists at her sides.
He tilted his head and gave her an adorable grin that she was tempted to smack off his face. “What’s wrong?” He sounded completely baffled.
“I don’t need you to manage this for me. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of this myself.” While that was true, he’d cut down on the stress and time suck by at least a factor of ten. She should be grateful. She was grateful; it made perfect sense for him to be the one to coordinate this. He had the connections; he had the contacts. It would be stupid for her to turn down his help.
It was just easier to blame it on his taking control rather than say, I’m terrified because I’m falling for you and I don’t trust my judgment when it comes to men. Please don’t do nice things so I’ll become more dependent on you than I already am.
No. She would not be saying that out loud to Zach or anybody.
“It’s really no big deal,” he said. “I’ve got Rocket on speed dial and he doesn’t mind.” Zach shrugged. “Easy fix.”
“Okay, but make sure he tells me how much he charges for an emergency call.”
Zach snorted. “Sure, baby. I’ll do that.” His phone rang so he kissed her on the forehead and walked off, completely unaware she was about two breaths away from a nervous breakdown.
One hour and fifteen minutes later the floor was dry as a bone, the roof was patched, and Rocket had refused a single penny from her for this or his upcoming appointment to install a more permanent fix. When she’d asked his rate, he’d given her the stink eye and muttered something like, “Family don’t fuckin’ pay, babe.”
Bikers!
All a bunch of macho alphas who drove her crazy. It might have also been true that the gesture warmed her heart and gave her all sorts of fuzzy family-love feelings. By now, it was no secret to the club that she’d had a less than stellar family life growing up. Being so accepted by Zach’s MC family was a really wonderful feeling. She found herself wanting that connection as much as she wanted Zach.
They were getting ready to open, just thirty minutes late as predicted, when Zach found her in her office. “Good to go, beautiful,” he said as he plopped down in the empty chair on the opposite side of her desk, sending a thrill through her traitorous body. What woman wouldn’t love being called beautiful by a hot biker?
He looked delicious, as usual, in his leather cut and faded denim. His T-shirt was dotted with rain from helping Rocket, but thankfully the storm had waned to a drizzle.
“How’s Maverick today?” Toni had visited him twice and he seemed stronger each time.
“Better. Giving the nurses hell, but being that he’s Mav, he manages to make them all fall in love with him while he’s being a giant ass pain.” Zach kicked his booted feet up on her desk and crossed his ankles. “How are you doing?”
“Good. Good. I’m good.” Toni shuffled some already organized papers around on her desk and looked anywhere but at Zach’s hypnotic blue eyes.
“Baby,” he said, in a tone that let her know he didn’t believe her for a second.
He could read her so easily and it both excited her and scared the pants off of her. Which at least explained why she couldn’t seem to keep them on around him. “Really. I’m doing fine.”
“Ah, fine. Women’s favorite word and man’s worst nightmare.” He winked as he spoke.
Toni couldn’t help but laugh. He had a point.
“I’ve got an idea. I shouldn’t be any later than six tonight. How about I bring my woman some dinner from Vincenzo’s and we eat it in bed? Naked.” He bobbed his eyebrows up and down.
His woman.
There it was again. That phrase seemed to haunt her at every turn. They hadn’t discussed anything about their relationship, yet everyone assumed they were a couple. Assumed she was his.
She couldn’t be his. Nine-to-five, safe automobile, picket fence, sophisticated wine tasting parties. That’s what she was searching for. An alpha biker who worked with his fists, rode a Harley, and went to parties where people fucked against the side of a building was not what she was looking for. It was too dangerous. Too close to the past.
It was not happening, no matter how much her body craved what she’d only ever experienced with Zach.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t find it with someone else, right? Just because she was looking for a sedate and serious man didn’t mean the sex had to be boring, did it?
“Oh, I’m not sure, Zach.” It sounded like the perfect way to close out the past few shitty days. Good food, plenty of wine, and Zach. Not much more a girl could need.
“No? Not in the mood for Italian? How about Mexican?”
“No, that’s not it. It’s just, um…” Excuse time. “I’ve got so much to do here. So much to get in place before I leave.”
“Before you leave?”
“Yeah, you know that. School starts up again in Chicago in a few weeks.”
“Leave Tennessee? To go back to Chicago? Where your asshole ex is? Fuck, Toni, we haven’t even had a chance to discuss how to deal with him yet. And you’re still planning on leaving?”
Per Zach’s instructions, she’d written to Chris and told him she’d be back by the three-week deadline he’d given her. At the time, Zach told her it would give them enough time to come up with a plan to keep that video off the web without her having to go back to Chris.
“I can handle all that by myself, Zach.” Liar, liar. She didn’t have the first clue how to get herself out of that mess. “Now, more than ever, I want to help kids like me. Kids with screwed up families that are on the verge of making horrible life altering choices.”
“You’ve never once even considered the idea of staying, have you? So, I was just, what? A little something to amuse yourself with while you were on an extended vacation?”
“No, Zach, that’s not—”
He shot to his feet and rounded the desk. After yanking her to her feet he sealed his lips over hers in a kiss that almost made her forget everything she’d just said. Her nipples puckered and her panties were soaked five seconds in. She needed him like she’d never needed anyone else, and that alone was enough to make her break the kiss and step back.
“Tell me,” he said, his face a mix of lust and fury. “Tell me that you feel anything close to this with one of those pencil-pushing suits you date and I’ll let you go.”
She couldn’t, of course. She’d never felt anything close to it with any man.
“Zach, that isn’t the point. The plan has always been for me to return to my life in Chicago.” She scrunched her nose as it began to tingle, warning of the incoming flood of tears.
“Why? Because you’re too chicken shit to admit you want me. Too scared to take a risk. You’re so afraid I’m going to turn into a monster like Shark that you can’t even think about giving us a shot?”
She staggered back a few steps as his verbal slap stunned her. God, the truth hurt. And even worse, it sounded ridiculous. But he was right. She was scared. So scared.
“That’s not it, Zach,” she lied. “My life is in—”
He cut her off with an outstretched hand. “Just stop, Toni. If I have to hear you say your life is in Chicago one more time I’ll lose my shit.” He stalked toward the door. “Go. Go back to Chicago. Go back to a job that’s not what you thought it would be and your boring fucks. See if I give a shit.”
The door slammed behind him and Toni sank into her desk chair. He seemed to take all the life out of the room with him.
Why was she fighting this so hard? Toni wasn’t weak. Ever since Mark dragged her away from Shark’s gang, she’d worked her ass off to become a strong woman. Being able to handle any situation thrown at her was something she prided herself on. Yet, here she was, running away from something that could be amazing. It was like she was still that seventeen-year-old girl, fleeing from her mistakes.
But she wasn’t that girl anymore. Hadn’t been that girl for a long time. And Zach certainly wasn’t Shark. In fact, it was pretty damned insulting of her to even consider the two similar in anything beyond the fact that both had dicks.
It was time to get real and stop bullshitting herself. She wanted Zach. Hell, she was halfway in love with him.
From her desk, her phone started ringing. It was Mark’s ringtone. Her uncle just might be part psychic, somehow knowing she needed an ear.
“Hi, Uncle Mark.”
“Sweetie, what’s wrong? What the hell did that biker do to you?” Mark sounded as though he was getting ready to charge through the phone.
Despite her somber mood, she chuckled. “Why do you think something’s wrong? All I said was hello.”
“Sweetie, I know you better than anyone. You think I can’t tell your mood by your voice? You’d be wrong. Now, what’d he do?”
With a sigh, she slumped back in her office chair. “He called me on my bullshit. Made me think about what I’m doing with my life. And he asked me to stay with him.”
Her announcement was met with silence.
“Uncle Mark?”
“If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it to the death, but I think I’m starting to like this biker of yours. You need someone to give you a swift kick in the ass.”
This time, Toni’s laugh was loud and full, but it turned into heaving sobs in a flash. Before she knew it, the whole story tumbled out, including the video and threats from Chris. It took quite a bit of convincing, but Mark agreed to let her handle it herself as long as she swore on her life to come to him if she needed help. By the time she finished recounting the story, Mark was looking at plane tickets and Toni felt pounds lighter.
“Well, I wanted to hate him, but I don’t think I can do that. Toni, he sounds like a good guy.”
“He is.”
“So, what’s really holding you back? And don’t say it’s working with troubled kids, because you know what? There are troubled kids in Tennessee, too. You should know.”
Toni snorted out a laugh at his snarky comment.
“I’m serious, sweetie. You don’t have to be a counselor. There are plenty of other avenues to explore if you want to play a role in helping at risk youth.” She could hear the click-clack of the keyboard as he made good on his promise to visit soon.
He had a really good point. Later, when her mind wasn’t stuck on thoughts of Zach, she’d dedicate some serious thought to finding other avenues of working with at risk youth. “It’s not the job. At least, the job isn’t the major reason. Zach’s right. It’s fear.”
“You need to talk to him, sweetie. Let him assuage those fears for you.” Andrew’s voice filled the line. He was such a gentle soul. Kind and patient. Good for her dominant and often impatient uncle.
“Isn’t that why I’m talking to you? So you can rid me of my fears.”
Both men laughed. “Sure, we could say all the right words, but you need to hear them from your man. And from inside yourself. So, get off the phone and start introspecting,” Mark said.
“Thanks for the non-advice,” she said as she kicked her feet up onto the desk. “Bye guys. Love you.”
“Love you too,” they said at the same time.
After hanging up, she closed her eyes and breathed, trying to find some peace. She owned a thriving diner, with a fantastic staff working for her, had made some great new friends, and owned a home that had a view of the most gorgeous sunsets. And that was on top of having a really great man who clearly wanted her. What was really waiting for her in Chicago? A job she’d hoped would be so much more than it was, a shoebox apartment that cost more than her mortgage, a few friends she’d never really let in, and a psycho ex-boyfriend. Mark and Andrew didn’t even live there anymore. They’d moved away six months ago when Mark opened a new branch of his law firm in New York. Sure, he still traveled to Chicago frequently, but he could just as easily make a trip to Tennessee.
Even without all the great reasons to stay, Zach should be reason enough.
She dropped her feet to the ground as the magnitude of what she’d just done hit her.
Shit. Had she just ruined everything?