Willow

 

“I don’t give a fuck what you write about. Just get it out.” Andy’s reddened face glistened with sweat. His eyes never paused on mine, he just talked to the room at large.

I watched my boss fumble around his office. He was out of sorts; not grasping that we still had three days to print. I hated what he’d become. It made me sad for him. “Andy,” I said. When that didn’t get his attention, I moved to stand. He still didn’t acknowledge me, and I considered walking out and leaving him to his own demise, but I cared about the paper and my stories. I’d found my purpose in talking about other people’s passions.

“I have to go,” he said, looking off and to the right.

“What are you looking at?” I rounded his desk, and approached him.

“Can you, uh . . .” Sweat beaded on his upper lip. His eyes darted from side to side, as if he didn’t know where to look.

“Andy.” I clasped his elbow, turning him to face me. I waited, allowing him to see that I wasn’t leaving until I said what I had to say. “I know what you’re doing—what you’re going through,” I said, and softened my voice. “I want to help, if you’re willing.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He yanked his arm out of my hold. The burst of anger hadn’t surprised me.

“You’re all over the place. You don’t even know what day it is.”

Before I could even get another word out, he pushed me up against his desk without using his hands. He leaned so far into my face, that unless I wanted to kiss him, I had to lean back. His chest, mid-section, and thighs pressed hard into my front, making me shrink, even though I had enough adrenaline pumping through my body to probably throw him to the ground. I swallowed hard, considering my next words. His hot breath covered my face. I winced at the smell.

“You keep your nose out of my shit, and do your job. Unless you’re offering what I think you are, stay the fuck out of my way.” His nose touched mine, and my eyes nearly crossed looking directly into his.

“I’m not offering anything. I’m worried about you.”

He pushed forward one last time, knocking me into a sitting position on his desk, his body pressing between my legs. “Just get the stories out, Willow.” He eased back and walked out of his office.

I brought my shaky hands to my mouth, shocked that Andy had forced himself against me. My breaths came out in short pants, while I attempted to calm myself down. I knew going into it he’d be angry, and I also knew he could be an asshole when he wasn’t high. But I hadn’t expected to fear him.

I breathed out a sigh of relief that he was gone, and hung my head. I didn’t want to work with him anymore. I had offered to help him, and he’d basically assaulted me—not to mention the sexual harassment he’d insinuated. That bastard was too far gone for me to handle, and I wouldn’t. I’d start looking for a new job as soon as possible.

 

***

 

“Hey, girl. You just hanging out today, or looking for the next sucker to spill his guts?”

Steele had caught me off guard and I burst out laughing. He and I had become somewhat more than acquaintances—almost friendly. I liked him. I wasn’t sure what he was going to think about why I was there, but I hoped he’d help me anyway.

“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you for a minute.” I glanced around the gym, noticing only a few people lifting weights. No one was in the cage, so my uneasiness lightened a bit, knowing I probably wouldn’t see any of the guys I’d already interviewed, or Conner.

His eyes narrowed with curiosity. He nodded and said, “Sure. Let’s walk back to my office.”

Steele stepped aside, allowing me to enter the back room first. I nodded my thanks as I passed by him. I still hadn’t decided whether I was going to tell him everything or not. But I needed to be able to protect myself, and short of purchasing a gun, hand to hand was my only option. I took a seat hoping to calm my nerves.

“What’s up?”

“I noticed you guys don’t have very many women who train here.”

“I don’t discriminate, if that’s what you’re implying.” He found a rubber band on his desk and stretched it out, before twisting it around his wrist.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry—that’s not what I was implying.” I took a deep breath, working up my courage. “Do you guys train women? Like self-defense type of stuff?”

“Why would you need self-defense?” He wasn’t playing my game. I’d known before approaching him that he’d be inquisitive, but I hadn’t planned on him coming straight out and asking me.

“It’s good to know how to protect yourself. I’m not good with weapons, and I live alone.”

He leaned forward, placing both his arms on the large desk calendar in front of him. I tried to not look away—it was the first sign of a lie—yet I couldn’t help but focus on Payne’s name in big block letters in one of the squares. I guess he had another fight coming up.

He rose from his chair and walked to the door. At first, I thought he was going to refer me to a gym down the street, but he didn’t. He closed the door, then leaned his back against it, crossing his arms. He looked stern. His legs stood shoulder width apart as he considered his next words.

“What happened, Willow?”

“Nothing happened. I just—”

“All right. Here’s the thing . . .”

I sat in silence as he approached me. He was careful, like he was trying to be sensitive, even though he was about to be brutally honest. “If someone has touched you, that’s something you need to share. I say that because, first and foremost, the asshole who touched you will be dealt with. After that happens, you need to go to the police and file a report.”

“No, I swear, it was nothing like that. He just—he has problems. Bigger problems than any of us can help with, and well…things got a little out of control. He didn’t touch me, but that particular situation made me think about how vulnerable I am. How I should be prepared, just in case.”

“Who is it?” His clipped voice surprised me.

“I’d rather not say.”

“Do I know him? Was it someone from the gym?”

“No. I promise.” I placed my hands over my heart.

He studied me so long, I regretted even asking him now. Maybe I should have just asked Gage to show me a few moves. He would have never asked this many questions.

“I believe you,” he finally said, blowing out a loud breath. “I don’t have a specific class or anything like that, but I’d be willing to do something a couple of nights a week.”

Relief rushed through me. “Thank you.”

“I’ll text you the dates. Bring Lena if you want.”

“I appreciate this so much.” I hugged him and he seemed surprised at the contact. “Seriously, thank you, Steele.”

I walked out of the gym feeling determined. More people had shown up while I’d been in his office, but now that he’d agreed to help me, I wasn’t so worried about looking out of place. I didn’t even mind seeing Conner kickboxing in the corner. Gage whistled from the opposite side, making me smile. I winked at him and stole one last glance at Conner. He’d stopped his regimen all together. I continued walking, but glanced back at him one last time, right before I walked through the exit.

The next day, I called in sick to work. I wasn’t ready to see Andy; having no way of knowing if he’d be high, or just coming down again. Either way, I wasn’t in the mood. I’d just finished folding my laundry when a text came through.

Steele: You free today?

Me: Sure.

Steele: I’ll be around the gym later. Come in, and we’ll get started.

I finished my chores, anxiously awaiting my first lesson. I’d decided not to tell Lena. I knew she’d only worry, and until I found another job, it was best to keep my problems to myself.

Gage held the door open for me as I approached the gym. “Hey! What’s up, girl?”

“Not much. Thought I’d get a workout in after a long day of working,” I lied.

“Silly girl. You’re supposed to workout first thing, that way you’re not tired. If you’re going to slack, you do that at your day job.”

I laughed. Of course he felt like that. “Don’t they teach the phenomenon of women in schools anymore? We can do it all, and do it well.”

“I think I skipped that class.” He hugged me. “Good luck!” He walked away with his gym bag over his shoulder. I faintly heard him whistling as the door closed.

I stood just inside, second-guessing myself the whole time. Now that I wasn’t joking with someone, restlessness set in. The gym was quiet. Gage must have been the last one out. I turned back toward the door, thinking I could just text Steele that something came up, and never return again.

What in the hell am I doing here? So, what…am I going to become a fighter now? Shaking my head, I forced myself to get over my self-doubt, deciding I wasn’t a punk. I wasn’t going to give up on defending myself. Even if I never used it, it was a good thing to know.

“Hey.”

“Oh!” I jumped, more from my nervousness than being frightened. “You scared me.” I’d been so inside my own head, I hadn’t noticed Conner walk in behind me.

“Sorry,” he whispered as he slid past me. His shoulder bumped mine softly, almost as if he’d done it on purpose but tried to make it seem like an accident. It was cute…if that was what he was doing. I watched him walk with purpose to his corner, take off his shirt, pull his earbuds out, and tap his phone.

I wondered what kind of music he listened to. Probably metal.

Steele came from the back with a pile of towels. “You ready?” he asked, placing them in their bins.

“As I’ll ever be.” My anxiety skyrocketed with each word. “I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be in the gym,” I said softly, nodding toward Conner.

“We’ll start slow.” He glanced at Conner, then back at me. “Lena didn’t want to come?”

“Maybe next time.”

He studied me, then looked over at Conner again, who was doing a steady repetition on the boxing bag. Steele silently gave me a chance to elaborate, but I didn’t. Once he realized I wasn’t going to, he started out by having me stretch.

“I’m not an instructor or anything, but I feel like the first step in self-defense is being prepared. Having a plan if someone were to attack, knowing your surroundings, paying attention to your gut, and always having an exit plan.”

“Got it.” I finished the stretch he was demonstrating, and stood to my full height.

“No matter what situation you find yourself in, always yell loudly and push back. This will allow someone to hear you in your time of distress, but more importantly, it will let the attacker know you are not an easy target.” He pushed his arms out in front of him in demonstration. “Do everything with a purpose. If you’re at the point of putting your hands on someone, you can’t be gentle about it.”

He signaled for me to try to push him as he approached. I did, but I didn’t do it with enough force. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. We’re learning here. Do it again, but this time, try to actually push me down.” I pushed again, this time doing as he’d instructed. He rocked back on his heels.

“Good.” He walked around me in a circle. “Okay, so once you’re in that position where you have to defend yourself, you should know where to target. You’ll want to hit the sensitive areas, and need to be quick and efficient.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” I yelled, and he narrowed his eyes.

I heard a faint chuckle from the corner of the gym, and looked over at Conner in disbelief. I’d never even seen him grin before. The sight of him laughing melted me on the spot.

Steele eyed Conner, then settled back on me. I could tell he wanted to laugh too, but he held his composure. “Eyes, nose, ears, neck, and groin. You won’t have a lot of time, so you need to be sure the places you hit make an impact.”

He demonstrated an eye gouge, a punch to the nose, some weird slap to the ears, and a kick to the groin. I mirrored his movements, slow at first. After twenty minutes of repetition, I felt like I was actually learning something. We stopped to hydrate, then got right back into the swing of things.

As I continued the tactics he was teaching, I became comfortable in the way I was taking to the movements. I could feel Conner’s attention on me, which caused tingles to break out all over my body. But I remained focused. I wanted my time spent with Steele to be productive because I might need the moves sooner rather than later.

“If the attacker is in front of you, use your palm like this,” he pushed his palm up in front of my face, “and strike as hard as you can in an upward motion.” He spun me around and grabbed me from behind. “If he is behind you, use an elbow.”

“Like this?” I used my elbow to strike near his face. He must not have blocked my blow, as I heard him grunt, then felt a loss of his heat from my back.

“Damn.” He coughed.

“Oh my god. I’m sorry. I thought you were ready.” I put my hand on his back, trying to ease the pain.

“It’s fine. I thought you were going to go for the ribs.”

“Dumbass,” Conner said as he stilled the bag he’d been punching. “You told her to go for the face.”

“You want to train her?” Steele scowled at Conner as he rose to his feet.

My breath sped, and my heart leapt in my chest, half hoping he would, yet praying he wouldn’t.

“Nah, I’m bouncing. See you tomorrow.” He packed his bag, slung a T-shirt over his shoulders, then turned to leave. “Later, Willow.”

His abrupt exit left me wanting more. More of what exactly? I wasn’t sure. I just knew I frowned when he left, and I didn’t smile again, even after I was home for the night and watching reruns of my favorite sitcom.