Chapter 3
The first big thrill came whenever a man lowered every sexual defense and made himself available to Sarah. The second came when he kissed her, touched her with severe intent, or otherwise made his physical needs for her known with an open invitation to do as she pleased.
The other thrills came later. Right now, Sarah was enjoying the second thrill and the way it fueled her self-destructive desires.
No man in this club went into a private room with a woman and walked out before fucking her. No man. Or at least no men Sarah had witnessed. They certainly didn’t get away with that with her. From the moment that door closed, she went into a mode she never wanted to walk away from.
Angel helped get her there, but it was Sarah who enjoyed most of the benefits.
So even though Sarah wasn’t surprised when Lucas kissed her, she still fed off that thrill that took her to another plane of hedonistic existence.
She didn’t care about his motives. That was his business. She was here to have a good time and reset her poor brain so she could go back to work Monday morning. Maybe the way she went about it wasn’t the healthiest, but she rationalized that it was better than drinking or taking up some of the more addictive drugs that were ubiquitous among the rich. The Monroes didn’t partake in those kinds of illicit activities, but Sarah knew how to easily get them. She could go down that harrowing direction whenever she wanted.
Besides, sex was more fun. What was better than setting her sights on a man and getting him to want her back? Men, even the rich, powerful kind, were surprisingly easy. Back when she (unfortunately) dated her boss’s father, she thought his fancy in her was only because of easy access. Yet when Sarah decided to take her sexual fate back into her own hands, she was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to get almost any man she wanted to fuck her. As Angel, of course. A blond wig, fancy lingerie, and enough makeup to transform her face was enough.
“No funny business, right?” Lucas pulled his lips away from her solely to ask that question. Darn. Sarah’s hand had been on the fast track to his zipper. One of her favorite parts was discovering how quickly she could get a man hard. “I don’t like being lied to.”
Did he need more convincing even after kissing her? Sarah needed to wear more enticing lipstick. “No surprises that you couldn’t possibly like, sir.” She pulled her coat off, letting it drop to the floor and obstruct her way to the only couch in the room. I wore the perfect underwear tonight. Lace caressed her ass as it sashayed away from Lucas’s hungry blue eyes. “I’m not asking for anything except your time and undivided attention.” She knelt against the couch, one hand pulling down the right cup of her bra. If a breast and a hard pink nipple couldn’t get this man all over her, then perhaps Mr. Lucas was a lost cause and Sarah was better off setting her sights on someone else. “And maybe some pleasure. I’d hope that feeling is mutual.”
To be fair, she had come on fast and strong. Perhaps it wasn’t a shock that Lucas approached her cautiously, even though his tense muscles flexed beneath his – loosening – suit. He started with his tie, which quickly joined Sarah’s coat on the floor. “I knew I was asking for trouble when I came to a place like this. Just thought I’d have to work a bit harder to find a date that didn’t want money.”
“And what if I did?” Sarah’s bra strap fell down her shoulder. She briefly checked her wig to make sure the pins would keep it in place should Lucas decide to get extra handsy. “Would this be worth that five grand?”
Lucas didn’t answer that with anything but a smirk. Sarah decided that was a yes.
“Don’t you want to come touch me?”
“You don’t waste any time.”
“Because I know what I want.”
He fingered the fallen bra strap, his heavy gaze never leaving her visage. Most men would have divebombed straight into her cleavage without a care for the woman possessing it. Sarah didn’t usually care. Having someone go against the usual almost made her care.
“You sure do.”
“Stop thinking about it and do it.”
“Do what?”
Sarah matched his devilish smirk. “Whatever you’re thinking about.”
“Oh, Angel, if you knew what I was thinking about, you wouldn’t look at me like that.”
“You might be surprised.”
Did she need to bend over and stick her ass in the air? Did she need to rip off every single piece of clothing – on both her and him? Did she need to finger herself to get her point across? Because the longer Lucas teased her, the more she wanted him.
“Have a seat.” She hopped off the sofa and gestured for him to take her place. While he removed his jacket and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, Sarah continued, “Then I’ll do anything you want.”
“Anything?”
“Within mild moderation.” She grinned at the prospect. “Very mild.”
Lucas sat, legs spread open and hands to himself. “Dance for me.”
Sarah raised her eyebrows. “Hm?”
“Entice me, Angel. Show me what I get if I decide to pleasure myself with you.”
No way. This man had already made up his mind. He intended to fuck her, use her, however he approached it from his point of view. Asking Sarah to take it a step further insinuated he merely wanted to drag it out a little more.
Maybe he had performance issues. Maybe he simply wanted to amuse himself.
Sarah could work with that. She may not be a professional stripper, but she knew how to use that stripper pole erected on the side of the room.
She swung around twice, her hair scraping the floor whenever she lowered herself far enough. Lucas looked on with mild amusement, fingers interlocked above his lap, elbow propped up on the arm of the sofa. Sarah decided to command more of his attention by lowering both bra straps and popping open the front of her lingerie.
The bra landed on his lap.
“Very nice,” he muttered. “You certainly look like you’re worth five grand.”
She chuckled. “Is this all you want? To look at my naked body?”
“It’s certainly a good start.”
“I would hope it’s only a start.”
Sarah was too far away and the room was too dark for her to see what affect her stripping had on his body. But there was one way for her to get closer and look.
She released the pole and sauntered toward him, the movements her stilettos provided forcing her breasts back and forth. Lucas’s gaze only redirected from her face whenever she stepped forward with her left foot.
“You’re going to fuck me,” she said with renewed determination. Sarah’s knees slipped against the couch, hands gripping the back and body looming over Lucas’s. “I don’t care how you do it. I don’t care how many times you do it. You’re going to fuck me.”
Her breasts grazed his chest until she pushed herself – and them – farther up. Lucas only had to tilt his head slightly down to find his face in her cleavage. “What if I have a small dick?”
What a strange thing for a man to say. “You don’t.”
“What if I want to fuck your ass?”
“Then fuck my ass.”
He pursed his lips. Lips Sarah should have been kissing. “I’ve never met a woman who gets off on casual sex as much as you do.”
“Sometimes,” she began, teasing the sides of his mouth with the tip of her tongue, “it takes the right man to draw this out of a woman.”
Fingertips she hadn’t tracked touched the inside of her thigh. Sarah shuddered, her lover’s other hand cupping one of her breasts. “If I told you to take out my cock and fuck me right now, like this, would you do it?”
“I’ll do anything you tell me to do.” Tell me to do that. Go ahead. Tell me to fuck you. She loved it when the men she picked up took their liaisons as opportunities to let their fantasies run wild. Because that was the core of Sarah’s fantasy to begin with. Use me for whatever you want. It’s why I exist. It’s why I created Angel. “I’ll suck you off right now.”
“I’m sure you would.”
She opened the rest of his buttons, nails scratching down a chest of fine, dark hairs. Some were so fine she didn’t know they were there until she touched them. How could she notice when the sheer amount of muscle and bone lurking behind his chest made her quiver in anticipation? This man was nothing but untapped power. The thought of him using that strength to fuck her, to surge into her until she was begging for his mercy… ah! What the hell was he waiting for?
“Do whatever gets you wet and me hard.”
She wanted more solid orders than that, but at the same time, Sarah had a grand imagination. Besides, he wanted to get hard? She knew the perfect way to make that happen.
Sarah slipped back down to the floor, hands rubbing the man’s thighs before tackling his zipper. By this point, she was fairly good at guessing whether or not a man wore boxers or briefs. I’m guessing… boxers. Close. Boxer-briefs were a fair compromise on that bet.
“Your eagerness is certainly noted, Angel.” Ahaha, his composure was quickly slipping away. How could it not, when a woman he had met in a club was pulling his half-hard cock out of his pants and putting her mouth all over it? Holy hell, if I really were an angel, this cock would damn me for eternity. It was deceptively average at first clutch. Then, as she worked the increasingly rigid shaft with her hand and darted her tongue over the tip, it grew.
And grew.
“That didn’t take long.” How could he be sarcastic right now? What kind of self-control was this asshole practicing to not fuck the back of her throat? Because that’s what most men did, once they realized Sarah was willing to do her part on the receiving end. Her gag was almost legendary by now. The fact that nobody at the office would ever guess mousy Sarah knew how to get her throat fucked without choking only made it hotter – and her disguise more impressive.
If I suck him well enough, I’ll get what I want. She was already halfway there.
Yet Lucas remained a passive participant as he received what Sarah hoped was the blow of his life. She put everything she knew into play: the stroking, the nibbling, the licking, and the sucking. No man could deny a woman licking the length of his shaft and moaning as she came into contact with his generously sweet precum as it dripped against her lips. Especially when that woman was mostly naked and fluttering her sleepy bedroom eyes at him.
The harder he became, the harder it was to swallow his girth. Perhaps it was for the best he wasn’t trying to orally fuck her, but it played with Sarah’s preconceived notions of what men like Lucas were about in the bedroom. Or, in this case, the private room of a sex club.
“Enough.” He pushed her back by the shoulders until her mouth was off him, her saliva smacking her chin from the quick force of it. “Get up here and kiss me like a proper lady does.”
Sarah didn’t know what that meant, but she would guess it was something like hopping in his lap and going fuck-crazy on his mouth. Which was what she wanted to do, anyway.
He grabbed her ass and squeezed as hard as he dared, bringing her pelvis forward and sliding his cock against her clothed slit. Groaning, Sarah focused on both bruising his mouth with hers and slipping her fingers between her lingerie and his cock. Pull this over here. Bring my hips forward. Find the head of his cock… oh, oh…
She didn’t mean to whine on his lips. She wanted to crash her tongue against his and taste the back of his throat – make him taste his musk on her lips. But experiencing the wide head of his cock pushing into her did something to her that she hadn’t felt in much, much too long.
Lucas didn’t say anything. Didn’t growl, didn’t hiss, didn’t chuckle or sigh. All he did, while Sarah struggled to process the sensation claiming her, was firmly grab her hips and shove her down onto his cock.
She was forced to take every inch of him like that, however many inches that was. I can’t tell. I don’t know. How the fuck do I count? What the hell is an inch? 2.2 centimeters in the motherland! Fuck my damn cunt, it’s both amazing and terrible! Amazing how intense it was inside of her. Terribly not a permanent part of her – which might have been for the best.
Sarah enjoyed it best when it hurt a little. It reminded her that she was alive. That pain was also a part of pleasure. That even though she hurt inside, she could still experience something that made her hot enough to come.
“Fuck me,” she muttered on his lips.
“You fuck me first, Angel.”
No, no, too difficult to lift off his cock and then lower herself again. To do it quickly enough to get herself off? Impossible! Why was he making her do all the work? Why was she the one clinging to the back of the couch and fucking him when it should have been the other way around?
That’s what she thought, until he grabbed her from beneath the legs and tossed her onto the far end of the couch.
Sarah didn’t know what she had done to unlock the savage man inside of Lucas. Maybe it was her magical pussy or that eagerness he continued to praise. Maybe he finally got with the program and realized that, no, there really were no strings attached to this hookup. Either way, he was finally on top of her, surging between her legs as his cock opened her up more and more with every thrust.
He groaned into the crook of her neck. She cried out in that twisted pain and pleasure that gave her the easiest high to get off on. She didn’t care if he kissed her, nor did she care if he came inside her without regard for protection. That was part of the thrill, wasn’t it? The ultimate one she sought at the end of a long night of seducing and enticing.
Lucas said things to her that were neither romantic nor respectful. Sarah would never remember the details later. Only Angel cared about being called exactly what she was.
What did Sarah care about? Sarah cared about taking this man for all he offered.
No one should mistake this one-night stand for the epitome of grand romance. Nor should it be seen as anything but two people coming together for as much fun as they could pack into a few minutes. For Sarah was under no disillusion she would see much more of Lucas after he came. His mannerisms and the way he interacted with her until now suggested he was going to forget her as soon as his balls emptied.
Fine with her. She’d forget him too. By Monday, she’d be back to being Sarah Clayborn, overworked and often ignored. Too busy to give a shit about some bigshot with a big dick.
At least he knew how to use it.
“Are you going to come for me, Angel?” He sounded as lascivious as the sounds coming out of Sarah’s throat. Lucas had her pinned beneath him, his cock impaling her below while his arms wrapped tightly around her torso. Sarah was trapped in all the right ways, consumed by him, at his utter, fearless mercy. “If I fuck you hard enough, will you come all over my dick?”
“Yes!” She was drunk off the control he exerted, his strength continuing to build as his body drove him to climax. “Fuck me harder!”
Sarah orgasmed as soon as his cock slammed into her again. She didn’t hold back the shouts of pleasure wracking her or the greedy way her body squeezed his. What was the point of this night if she didn’t tempt fate?
“Holy shit, Angel.” The only reason Lucas slowed was because his cock was too swollen to continue its onslaught. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were after something.”
How did he know?
“Fuck me. That’s your God damned game.” He pulled out.
He pulled out!
Sarah was still in the midst of her orgasm when she was suddenly without the man making it happen. No matter how she attempted to bring him back down – and into – her, he remained back, hand jerking his cock as his eyes glazed over.
She sat up as soon as she had her wits again. With the scent of sex threatening to knock her out, she wound herself around his lap and helped him reach his peak.
“Oh, shit.” Lucas kissed her right before the first burst of heat hit Sarah’s abdomen. “You fucking devil.”
He continued to bruise her cheek and throat with his lips, his tightening fingers grasping her shoulders, channeling his orgasmic energy while his cock thrust against her hand. He wants me. Sarah kept her hand on his shaft even after the last of him hit her bare skin. How much is this man holding back right now? Deep down, she knew she would never find out. She tried not to care.
“You’re amazing.” How did those words come out when his lips were lazily drawing circles around her nipples? “Serves me right for falling for your seductions so easily.”
“I have no idea what the problem is.” Sarah lowered him down onto the couch, his seed dripping down her stomach and staining her thighs. Seriously. Look at this cock. Still hard and glistening from both of their orgasms. “You need to relax, though.”
She would help him. Whatever his issues with intercourse, they clearly did not exist when she had her mouth on his cock. Nope. Definitely didn’t exist when he managed to come again, only this time deep, deep in her tightening throat.
***
Her phone had blown up with a hundred messages by the time she got in the back of a cab and returned to her hotel.
“CALL ME PLEASE when you have a moment!” “Seriously, I’m dying here. I can’t access one of the folders.” “What’s the password for the Blackbourne reports????”
Sarah sighed, thumb smashing against Alisha’s number while her other hand pulled her wig off her head. The cab driver glanced at her in his mirror, but did not comment on her ensemble. When in New York… “Sorry I’m only now getting back to you,” she said the moment Alisha picked up. “I’ve been busy.”
“Oh my God, you’re saving my ass! Seriously!” Alisha’s squeal of relief forced Sarah to hold her phone away from her ear. “I’m supposed to have the updated files to Mr. Monroe by five in the morning, but I lost the password for the files. Do you know them?”
While Sarah walked her through logging into sensitive business information, she gently folded Angel’s wig and pulled the pins from her natural hair. It would need a thorough washing and combing that night if she didn’t want to look like a wreck on the train back home tomorrow. There were a lot of things she needed to do in order to not look like a wreck.
Usually she took her time unwinding back into her true self. She’d order a little room service after a night out seducing men and engaging in risky, casual sex. Watch something flippant on TV. Touch herself, if those men hadn’t done the job. Slowly strip Angel’s lingerie and take the wig off last before dipping into a hot bubble bath. By the time she got out, she was usually ready to go back to being Sarah Clayborn, boring executive assistant. Sometimes that went as far as catching up on work in her hotel room while Law & Order played on the TV.
Tonight she was forced to go back to being Sarah before she reached the hotel. Alisha was off the phone once Sarah was in the elevator, making eye contact with an older woman who looked her up and down as if she were a pricy escort. Lucas thought I was. Sarah fluffed her straight, flat hair and averted her eyes toward the mirror in the elevator. Her makeup looked ridiculous without the wig.
Probably because the makeup and lingerie belonged to Angel. It was her look. Her “come fuck me” look. Sarah didn’t have those attributes. Without the wig, she was an imposter.
She needed to take her mind off work and Lucas. Once she was in her room, makeup off and dressed in the one pair of pajamas she brought with her, Sarah sat at the table by the window and called her brother back home.
He answered before the first ring, as if he sensed her calling.
Once, seemingly not so long ago, she and Nigel had been so close they never had to say a word to one another. A nod of the head, an arch of the eyebrow, and a sigh of the lungs was all it took to say “Fuck this. I need help. Give me a hug. Isn’t this some bullshit? Sounds like our mother, doesn’t it? Our boss is at it again. You wanna take this or should I?”
As of late, however, that was gone. Trust was dismantled between them. Nigel had done something so heinous in order to protect his sister… yet Sarah could not bring herself to condone it. There was no condoning pushing someone down a flight of stairs.
Sarah didn’t care if Russell had threatened to kill her. Nigel should have told Mr. and Mrs. Monroe immediately.
This was also the same brother who learned the truth of Sarah’s miscarriage before she did. He had kept it to himself. To protect her.
“Hey,” Nigel said. “How’s New York?”
Sarah never told him what she was doing on her weekend getaways. He wouldn’t say anything even if he did know, though. The only judgment Sarah would feel was the one burning behind his eyes as he looked upon his sister’s life and wondered why the hell he had bothered to go through all that bullshit to protect her.
“It’s fine. Settling in for the night. What are you up to?”
“Just got home from game night. Carly’s here. We’re going to bed soon ‘cause she has to work tomorrow.”
Something tightened in Sarah’s chest. “How’s she doing?”
“Good, good.”
They were silent for a minute. Occasionally, Sarah heard the murmur of the TV or her brother’s girlfriend’s voice in the background. As happy as she was for her brother’s newfound love, she couldn’t help but be… a little jealous. A tad. A bit. Not enough to make her swallow the green down her throat, but enough to nick the skin covering her heart.
Deep down, she wanted someone to hold her like Carly held Nigel.
We were like that as kids. People told their mother that it wasn’t right even for twins to be so inseparable. Luckily, their mother didn’t buy into the incest rumors. She let her children share a room until puberty, after which they were given adjacent rooms with a door connecting them. It was an unspoken vow that they could go through that door whenever necessary. Well, that vow remained until Sarah went through it one evening and found her seventeen-year-old brother losing his virginity before she had the chance to try out sex for herself.
They were too old for that now. Maybe if society and culture weren’t a thing. Maybe if people didn’t already make more incest jokes about them when they both worked for the Monroes. They thought themselves terribly clever when they went to the same school, took the same courses, and earned the same administration degrees. They thought the world was theirs when Mr. Monroe hired them as his executive assistants shortly after they graduated. Their mother’s connections in the business world had made that happen. She couldn’t help them when they turned against themselves two years later, however.
Elizabeth Brown-Clayborn only found out her daughter had been pregnant when Sarah took a leave of absence from work after her miscarriage. Before that, the only people who had known were Nigel and then Russell… and Russell’s bodyguard, apparently. Sarah could have lived her whole life without knowing that man was responsible for the death of her child.
When the truth came out, more than a few people were made privy to the embarrassing, traumatic information.
“When will you be home tomorrow?” Nigel asked, cutting into their mutual silence.
“Hopefully around four.”
“Ah.” He went back to being quiet.
Sarah was happy to have the silence. Simply knowing that her brother was on the other line, ready to talk to her whenever she was ready, was enough to alleviate the bad thoughts coming up in the back of her mind.
Then he spoke.
“I… I hope he’s taking good care of you, sis.” Nigel cleared his throat. “I’ll talk to you later. Ja yeop.”
He hung up after saying one of their made-up words for farewell, a phrase that had existed as long as ja lub ke. They hadn’t said “I love you” since the night Sarah found out the truth about her miscarriage.
But that wasn’t what shocked her the most. Rather, she was surprised to discover that her brother thought she was seeing the same man every time she went to New York. Perhaps it’s not so farfetched. She turned off her phone and placed it face down on the table. He must know I’m up to something like that. Part of the danger of their relationship was how easily they communicated their thoughts and feelings without ever using words. He knows I’m up to something sexual. It was almost quaint that Nigel assumed she was seeing the same man.
Did he think the man was a sugar daddy? Or a real boyfriend she was testing out before going public with him? How deeply did he think about it?
Sarah picked up the TV remote and changed the channel. One of the cable shows was nothing but the usual tits and ass.
Fuck. She didn’t want to be reminded of sex so quickly. While her body was more than satisfied after her quick hookup with Lucas, the rest of her pined for another round, for more attention, for a clarification on what he meant by “So that’s your game.”
Ahaha. Like she needed clarification. The man thought she was trying to get knocked up by a rich baby daddy.
So what if she was?
Sarah leaned back in her chair and folded her hands over her stomach. She had barely known she was pregnant – had barely accepted she was pregnant – when it was over with one of the worst pains of her life. Only later did she find out she woke up like that because Russell had drugged her and bade his bodyguard to beat her bruised and a little bloody. The miscarriage was intentional. Leaving her potentially infertile was another nice big fuck you to her agency and bodily autonomy.
Part of her spiral into self-destructive habits was intentionally leaving herself open to an “accidental” pregnancy. Her doctor had told her the odds were so slim she should never get her hopes up. But what if? What if she could take control of that part of herself again? What if she could have that normal life that was ripped from her in such a heinously violent way?
She didn’t care about the father. He was a pawn in her search for control. A fun fling to enjoy on her road to recovery. If Lucas got her pregnant, Sarah would be content with never seeing or hearing from him again. She didn’t want his money.
What she wanted was to be empowered, and she didn’t care what toxic hell she swam through to get there.
Those bastards took it away from me. She stumbled away from the table and collapsed on the bed, hand still on her stomach. They took away my choices. They stole my right to decide what I wanted.
They fucked up me.
Sarah prided herself on how easily she controlled her emotions. It was one of the reasons the Monroes paid her so handsomely: always obedient, helpful, and devoid of reactions to whatever they got up to. Still, she knew how unhealthy it was to bottle up her negativity, her trauma, her screams into the void that made her human.
So every weekend in her final pursuit to purge herself of what made her human, she allowed herself to cry. To howl. To sob. To scream into her pillow that she was worthy of love and respect.
Nobody knew about these outbursts. Nobody except God.
And as soon as she cried it out? Back to the Sarah everyone knew and appreciated. Quiet, docile Sarah.
She hoped Lucas never thought of her again. It was best if nobody remembered Sarah Clayborn and her problems she didn’t ask anyone to care about.