Chapter 8
Even on a usual day Sarah had no idea what to expect at work on Monday morning. Anything could happen even when she was off the clock. An investor pulled out. Stocks suddenly plummeted. A coup was staged in a country they did a lot of business with. Hell, one day some European businessman’s cat died and business came to a grinding halt for two days, sending Mr. Monroe into an agitated tizzy – and then, because he was such a good friend, he informed Sarah that the two of them were flying to Switzerland to attend this cat’s funeral.
She really didn’t know what to expect with Lucas around.
He came into the office a few minutes after she sat down at her desk, but they had barely made eye contact when Alisha approached Sarah with a question and Mr. Monroe commanded Lucas’s attentions. Thus they went about their usual work days without even so much as a polite greeting to one another. It helped that Mr. Monroe and Mr. Blackbourne spent most of those morning hours locked in a video conference call with only Alisha in attendance to take notes.
Besides, Sarah mostly worked for the missus those days. A missus who had a wonderful habit of saying way too much at the wrong time.
“Ms. Clayborn,” she said with that motherly effect to her voice that she adopted the moment she became pregnant, “I heard about what happened Friday. I’m so sorry. That shouldn’t have happened, and I’m going to talk to Damon about it.”
It took Sarah a moment to remember what happened Friday. Right. Russell. “Please don’t worry about it,” she said. “It wasn’t a big deal. Don’t know if you noticed, but the senior Mr. Monroe is not much of a threat to me any longer.”
Surely, Alice could understand that.
“Still, it wasn’t appropriate. Please let me know if it happens again.”
She nodded one last time, as if she had given herself permission to walk away from Sarah’s desk. Alice Monroe shuffled to her office to hold her own meeting with someone who had walked into the greater office. The receptionist took over from there.
Sarah paused for a moment before returning to her monotonous work.
At eleven, an inter-office envelope landed on Sarah’s desk. The nondescript woman delivering them around the office continued on without a word.
“Ms. Sarah Clayborn.” She was only vaguely familiar with it right now, but Sarah recognized Lucas’s handwriting right away. She glanced around the office before opening the envelope and peeking at the lunch instructions.
“I’ve secured us a private room for lunch down at Bell Jar’s. Please meet me there at your convenience between noon and 12:30.”
Sarah ran the paper through the shredder she shared with Alisha. The trash was wadded up and shoved into the bottom of the paper-only garbage.
She didn’t know if it was cathartic or not.
I need to tell him that nothing can happen between us. Not only was it grossly unprofessional considering their current work situation, but Sarah was in no emotional position to take on even a casual boyfriend. She wasn’t at Nigel’s level yet. He had been able to get himself out of bed the day after everything went to hell and go out and get a new job and a girlfriend in the span of one month. Sarah? She had pushed any feelings she had deep down into the pits of her ribcage and put on a straight face to brave the world with. Work went into one category. Play into another. There was a reason Angel came into existence. Sarah needed a convenient way to express her sexual desires while still being “herself.” The everyday Sarah couldn’t handle relationships after what Russell did to her.
So it should be easy to turn down any advances Lucas threw her way.
“I’m going to lunch,” she announced to Alisha at 12:05. “I’m meeting someone, so if Mr. Monroe needs something, can you take care of it?”
Alisha shrugged and only briefly looked up from the papers on her desk. “Sure. Who ya meeting?”
Sarah said the first name that came to her mind. “Nigel.”
“Oh.”
Yeah. Oh.
Sarah didn’t bother grabbing her coat when she was only going downstairs to one of Mr. Monroe’s restaurants. He and his wife owned a few of them now. Since meeting Alice, that part of the industry had switched over to the “Culver Hospitality Holdings” subdivision, based on Mrs. Monroe’s maiden name. It still felt strange to look at the directory in the elevator and see that instead of “MONROE INDUSTRIES.”
Bell Jar’s was a soup and sandwich restaurant that boasted grand views of the city regardless of whether people dined in the general gallery or in one of a few private rooms – rooms that were only offered because Mr. Monroe needed places to take meetings for lunch. Sarah was intimately familiar with both the menu and the décor thanks to all the meetings she worked through. At least working during her lunch hour meant her lunch went on Mr. Monroe’s tab instead of hers.
Lucas was already waiting for her in the most private of the rooms by the time Sarah found the hostess on duty.
She forewent the hostess’s directions and showed herself back to the room. Lucas stood when she entered, but Sarah sat down before the man had the chance to pull her chair out for her. None of that bullshit today.
“Cobb salad, no dressing, with a bowl of soup of the day,” she said to the waiter the moment he entered. Both waiter and Mr. Blackbourne exchanged glances before the waiter walked back out with the menus in his hands.
“You know what you want, hm?”
Sarah shrugged, glad for the large table keeping a healthy distance between her and Lucas. “I come here a lot. You get to know what you want after the familiarity settles in.”
“That’s… an astute observation.”
“I’ve done some reading up on you, Mr. Blackbourne.”
He sat back with a start. “Jumping right into it.”
“I only have an hour for lunch. I don’t want to waste any time.”
“I see.” Good. She had made him flustered. Sarah knew coming in that she needed to have the upper hand. This included catching him off guard and making him forget whatever flirtations he intended to hurl her way. “What have you been reading about me?”
His posture was defensive. Arms crossed. Brows furrowed. Leaning back with both feet planted firmly on the floor. Only distraction was that his legs were obnoxiously wide open like the other night in The Dark Hour. Almost an invitation for a woman to crawl between them and have her fun.
And I did have fun. Damnit.
“I read up on your marriage.” What else was she going to do with her Sunday evening after he left? Sarah took that bath she had promised herself and scrolled for miles through her phone, reading everything she could about Lucas Blackbourne’s ill-fated marriage to Jill Blackbourne. “You were only married for five years.”
“Not bad for a kid who got married shortly after turning twenty-five, eh?”
Sarah remained unresponsive.
“Look, I don’t regret my marriage, even if it didn’t end well.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s no point. It’s over. It was not… an amicable split. Part of the reason I fought to keep it out of the press.”
“I see.”
“Do you?”
“What can I say? I was curious if everything you said about being unattached was true. For all I knew, you were saying that to get me to sleep with you again.”
“I’d hardly call what we did sleeping together.”
“It’s a euphemism.”
“I’m aware.”
“Look.” This really wasn’t going his way, was it? Sarah would have smiled in self-satisfaction if it wouldn’t piss him off more. “It’s over. In the past. Finished. I have never lied to you. You, on the other hand, have deceived me from the start.”
“What are you talking about?”
Lucas gestured to her as if she wore a disguise. Again. “Do I really have to say it?”
Sarah sighed. “I do not agree that I deceived you. I certainly did not intend to deceive you. But if you feel as if I did, and that bothers you… I’m sorry. Like I said, I was under the presumption I would never see you again.”
“Well, you have. And I would like an explanation.”
“An explanation of what?”
Again, he gestured to her.
“For fuck’s sake.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying a lot lately.”
Was this guy for real? Why did he care so much? Why? So what if he fucked her? What did it have to do with anything? They clearly weren’t ashamed of it. Sarah had made it clear she was not interested in dating, let alone a relationship. So what if it was kinda embarrassing that she had dressed up in a persona and seduced him? Honest mistake. They should be adults about this and move on before they really did embarrass themselves.
“Why did you do that?” Lucas asked. “Why did you go about things that way?”
“I told you,” Sarah was quick to growl back at him, “I had no idea who you were, let alone that you would be working in the same office as me. If I had, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I’m serious. You want to know what I was doing? You’re a brilliant Princeton graduate, Mr. Blackbourne. You tell me what I was doing.”
“I’m no psychologist.”
“And?”
He leaned forward, the ice in his eyes cutting Sarah deep – not that she would let it show. “And I really don’t get you.”
“There’s nothing to get, Mr. Blackbourne. I have my personal life, like you have yours. Our personal lives happened to cross a week ago. We’re both professionals, aren’t we? Can’t you handle working with a woman you recently slept with?”
“I can. I’ve done it before.” That was candid. “I’m no angel, like you, Sarah.”
“So clever, Mr. Blackbourne.”
“I can work quite well alongside women I’ve known intimately and keep it professional. Including women who begged me for my cum.”
Sarah’s diamond-built shield faltered.
“Yeah. I remember.” Great. She had let him get smug. “But you know who I can’t work professionally with, Ms. Clayborn?”
She did not respond.
“Women who get in my head. You have, Sarah. You’ve taken up residence in my brain ever since we first met in that club. It got ten times worse once I realized who you were.”
The waiter entered with Sarah’s cobb salad and a cup of the soup of the day. Broccoli and cheddar. She had no appetite for either.
“I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend. I’m asking that you let me get to know you.”
“Carnally, I’m sure.”
“Oh, Ms. Clayborn, we’re already there. Or have you conveniently forgotten how you sucked my cock? Because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget.”
This wasn’t any definition of fun any longer. Not that Sarah was having fun before, of course, but now she felt like a chimp trapped in a cage, going crazy, ready to throw some serious shit.
“I haven’t forgotten.”
“Give me one good reason you won’t date me.” Lucas rethought that. “That has nothing to do with work.”
“All right. You want a reason? Because I’m not interested in dating anyone. I’m not at a point in my life where I can realistically date someone, even casually. I’m sorry you got caught up in me letting off some steam, Mr. Blackbourne. You’ve seen me at my job. It’s incredibly stressful. Mr. Monroe makes sure I get very little rest when I’m on the clock.”
He remained silent.
“I don’t want to date you. I don’t want to date anyone. This also leaves out casual sex between us. I would not feel comfortable with that. I don’t regret our circumstances meeting, Mr. Blackbourne, but I will not pursue something that I feel is detrimental to my mental health. I should hope you would respect that.”
He sat up. “I do. I wanted an explanation, that’s all.”
“You’re not used to being told no. You’re the kind of person who needs to understand why someone told them no.”
“Is that so wrong?”
“No, but it’s bloody annoying.”
Lucas’s mouth twitched. At first, Sarah thought it was a sneer, but when he turned laughter into a fake cough against the back of her hand? What the hell? He thinks that’s funny?
“Didn’t know you were British, Ms. Clayborn.”
“Half-British,” she said, maintaining her straight face. “Mother’s side.”
“See? Learning more about you already.”
Sarah stood up, leaving her food untouched. “Sorry to make you buy my lunch when I don’t intend to stick around. I must be going.”
He stood up as well. “Wait.”
She wasn’t going to wait. What was the point in waiting? This man was going to stall her until she fell for him. Sarah had seen it dozens of times under the employment of Damon Monroe. She certainly did not intend to become a woman who fell for those rich playboy tactics.
“I really must be going.”
Sarah turned, one step toward the door.
“Sarah.”
He didn’t quite bark her name, but the command was there. I’m not your dog, Mr. Blackbourne. Yet she stopped.
Why?
Her whole body shivered. Quivered. From head to toe her skin was brushed with the paint of arousal, as if it were last Saturday night and she saw this man through nothing but a sexual lens. God, did I want him. That lust for him was forced underground over the past week. The fact he was still interested in her enough to show up on her doorstep to ask her out hadn’t swayed her, but the lust was still there.
“I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m sorry.”
She turned, the full force of her strength propelling her toward Lucas Blackbourne. “Excuse me?”
Her nose almost touched his. Breath as hot as the ire raging within her blasted against his face. Still, Lucas remained unfazed. “I have nothing else to say, Ms. Clayborne. I’m sorry. For everything.”
How dare he.
All her professionalism went out the window. Sarah smacked that man’s cheek as if some outraged woman somewhere paid her to do it. Yeah. Me.
His face only slightly turned away from the impact.
“Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. About anything.”
Her trauma and whatever way she dealt with it was not for Lucas to comment on. Let alone to know about! Even Nigel barely understood the extent to which his sister pushed herself into unhealthy scenarios. If anyone thinks it started with sex, they’re naïve. More like drink. Lots and lots of drink. It was all she practically did while at her mom’s house the month after the miscarriage. Jack Daniel was practically her boyfriend for that whole month.
After Russell’s role came to light? She had never been so shitfaced since a frat party in college made her wake up in a stranger’s house – and the stranger had no idea how she got there.
“I have never intended to anger you or make you feel uncomfortable, Sarah.” So why did he continue to lord over her? “But I clearly have done so. My apologies. I won’t bother you again, unless it’s strictly for work.”
“Please do so.”
“Don’t worry about lunch. I’ll have it sent to the office so you can eat it there, away from me.”
“Away from me.”
Something sounded so final in his voice. This was it. He finally got the clue. Sarah wanted nothing to do with him or his unfounded pity. They had nothing. No relationship. No grounds for one. They had hot sex on a whim one night, before they knew who the other was and how it would affect their lives one day. Life was one crazy coincidence after another. That’s all there was to it.
So why did the thought of this song and dance ending suddenly make Sarah feel… less?
It was that damn sexual tension hanging between them. The tension she tried to deny when he called it out the day before.
Oh, no. It was real. Sarah wasn’t dreaming about his cock because he was a convenient stand-in for a sex dream. She wanted him. It simply wasn’t a good idea to have him.
Sarah and good ideas? They didn’t get along.
Who kissed who first? Oh, who the bloody hell cared?
It certainly was not as one-sided as it had been the night before. Last night, Sarah had been a passive participant in that kiss. Now? Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her tongue searching for his as desperately as his wandered her mouth for hers. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me! Was that a command, or a desperate plea? Sarah was in trouble, regardless. No, no, no, this is bad, this is wrong. That was the rational side of her. The irrational, sex-starved side? Wanted her back on the table and this man between her legs.
“You’re killing me,” he muttered between kisses. Sarah lost her damn mind and unzipped his trousers. Without thinking about it, her hand slipped inside his boxer-briefs and grabbed his hardening cock. “You’re killing me.”
Sarah’s back didn’t end up on the table, but it found the nearest wall within five seconds.
“Don’t play games you don’t intend to finish.” His voice rumbled through her, like his cock continued to swell in his hand. “I swear to God, Sarah. If I don’t fuck you again…”
“Mr. Blackbourne.” Where had that husky breath come from? “You’ve never fucked Sarah before.”
“My place or hers? Or does she want me taking her here in a damned restaurant?”
Precum dripped down her palm. Sarah closed her eyes and sighed, imagining this man banging her against a restaurant wall while other well-to-do people dined outside, talking of private schooling, the latest fashions off the runway, and what to do about mistresses who gabbed too much.
“Right here.”
In a perfect world, Sarah would have received her cake on a platter and wolfed it down in the same instance. Wham. Bam. Orgasm. This man’s thick cock back inside her, getting to work at getting them both off. Give it to me for real this time. She didn’t want it on her chest. Didn’t want it on her face. Not on her ass and not down her throat.
But her own zipper was barely down and both of their buttons undone when Lucas cursed against her throat and pulled his cock away from her.
“I don’t. Have. A. Condom.”
Each beat pounded against Sarah the way this man should have been pounding her. “So?” she hissed back at him. Didn’t stop you last time!
“So unless you’ve got one, we need to raincheck.”
Was he fucking serious?”
Apparently.
Sarah was left against the wall, clothes disheveled, thighs wet, and brain in overdrive. Lucas shoved his hard cock back into his trousers with a twisted sneer on his face. Really! Not even gonna get a blowjob, was he? Last Sarah checked, she gave real humdingers.
“For all you know,” she spat, “that was your only chance.”
Lucas said nothing as he zipped up. “I’ve got my reasons.” Before Sarah had the chance to spout off at him, he kissed her again, slowly, allowing his tongue to take its time tangling with hers. His hand beneath her chin was a nice added touch. “Thanks for the thrill, though.”
His wan smile and the wink that followed kept Sarah from getting angrier. “Bastard,” she whispered, looking away. “You wanna talk about embarrassing? I just now embarrassed myself.”
“I’m the one who has an erection to deal with.”
“Would’ve taken care of that, you know. I don’t have carpal tunnel yet.”
“I don’t want anything but the real deal. I won’t be able to stop myself.” Lucas sat on the edge of his chair, pulled out his wallet, and withdrew a business card from that. “Anything else you offer isn’t good enough. Yet.”
Scoffing, Sarah pushed herself off the wall and hurried to put her blouse and trousers back in order. “I get it. You’re punishing me for teasing you. Fine.”
“I’m not punishing you for anything. I told you, I have my reasons.”
“Hope I get some answers at some point.”
“Here.” Lucas handed her his card after writing something on a white corner. “It’s my personal number. For the love of God, call me after work so we can arrange something.”
Sarah snapped the card out of his hand and shoved it in her inside jacket pocket. “I need to go. Seriously.”
“Then go. Before I lose all self-control and do something we both may regret.”
Sarah spared him one last look of unbridled longing before grabbing her purse and getting the hell out. One last wall came down inside her. The compartments were blending together, and soon the stoic and put-together Sarah Clayborn would no longer know what the hell she was doing. Who gave Angel the right to bleed into her everyday life like that?