Chapter 19

Greer

He’s waiting for me on the other side of the door. I don’t have to see him to sense it in my bones anytime he is near. Even knowing what I do now, my body craves his touch. My heart and mind have been in a tug of war since the second my eyes landed on him in the shadows of that stage.

Lawson Hall is a liar.

Every single memory of the last few months has been built on a lie. A farce.

I was an end to a means for him.

So fucking stupid, Greer. So fucking stupid.

I insert my key and twist the knob, preparing myself for the gut-wrenching truth to come out.

Lawson spins on his heel as I enter my apartment. For a brief second, I meet his eyes before taking in his full appearance. His hair is disheveled, his tie loosened around his neck, and his shirt is wrinkled beneath the pristine black suit that I recognize from the Giorgio Armani collection.

The suit fits him perfectly, obviously made exclusively for him. It’s exactly what I would have chosen. Sophisticated, elegant, commanding… everything the most sought after architect in New York City should be wearing.

I swallow the lump in my throat and force my gaze to his. He’s frozen in place, staring at me with a raw look of sorrow. My heart skips a beat, emotions swelling inside my chest.

Treacherous heart.

“Joshua, what are you doing here?“

His face twists into a grimace at the use of his first name. “It’s Lawson. To my family, to my friends, to anyone that knows me, it’s Lawson.”

“Well, I’m not sure I count in that category since I don’t really know you.”

“Yes, you do. You know me better that anyone, Greer.”

“Stop!” I throw one hand in the air and fling my clutch across the room with such force, it pops open and the contents spill out. My phone hits the floor, and his eyes dart to it then back to me.

“You got your phone.”

“Yes, I went by my office.”

“Did you get my messages?”

“I refused to open them.”

“Greer, let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. I think I get the picture clearly without dredging up the details. If it wasn’t clear to me at first, it certainly was after I saw your design. The tranquility of the gardens, the massive area for the children, the general facility layout—it was like reading my own mind. Not to mention the extraordinary attention to detail on every single angle, placement, and architectural piece. From an Urban Planning standpoint, your ideas were unmatched. As a matter of fact, they are the best I’ve ever seen.”

“Greer—” He steps forward.

“No.” I wrap my arms around myself protectively and stumble back. Even in my wool coat, a bone-chilling sensation washes over my skin and I begin to tremble. “I tell you this honestly. With each submission deadline, I gravitated toward yours. We had endless conversations on the ability to meet Dad’s demands. That’s what we were doing that weekend I spent with him. We worked tirelessly to outline what would fit into his vision. Because of anonymity, Jonas decided to assign names to each firm, and he went with a Star Wars theme. Your firm was given the name ‘Destroyer’. Now, I can’t help but think of the irony to the name, knowing how I felt tonight.”

He flinches, opening his mouth again, but I don’t let him speak.

“I can’t say for sure, but if the construction financials pass inspection, Morris Construction and Development will win the proposal. You will be the most sought after architect in this country. Palmer Laboratory will lay the groundwork for your future fame.”

A fire of righteousness builds in his eyes, and he stalks to me, caging me between his body and the door.

“I’m a Hall. My mom was a Morris. My grandparents built that company from the ground up. Uncle Rob joined them, Mom joined them, and eventually, Dad became a partner when he married Mom. As a little boy, all I wanted was to be an architect at the company my family built. I was driven by success, greed, and notoriety. Being on top became my purpose in life—”

“Congratulations. Goal achieved.”

“Goddammit, Greer, stop this shit. You have to listen to me. I’m giving it all up, leaving it behind. Clay is working with me to get out from under my obligations. I’m quitting, going out on my own. When I say it was my purpose in life, I had no idea what that meant. Because the real purpose in my life walked into a hallway to help a stranger, wearing pink sweats and the most blinding smile I’d ever seen. She put an ice pack on my hand with the sweetest of intentions and turned my world on axis.”

It’s my turn to cringe at the memory of that night. My eyes slice to his hand, which is flattened against the door.

“How’d you find me? I’m rarely linked to Palmer Enterprises; only a few people know the relation.”

“Does it matter?”

“Not really, but I’d like to know how to prevent this from happening to me in the future. I don’t want to make a habit of falling for the hot guy across the hall.”

A low, ravage growl escapes his throat, and his face flashes with the familiar possessiveness I’ve come to recognize. “Don’t fucking say that shit. There will never be another guy across the hall for you.”

“You don’t get to make that assumption, Lawson. Pretty sure your friend Kyra is waiting for you to return to your other apartment, seeing as how you uprooted your life with your dedication and need for isolation.” The words sear my tongue, thinking of the stunning blonde from earlier tonight.

“Kyra’s a greedy, social climbing bitch that doesn’t know how to take rejection. Everything she said to you tonight was a lie. She’s nothing to me, never was.”

I suck in a breath, a new chill sliding down my spine. “You heard her?”

“Yes, it took every ounce of self control to listen to her insane attempt to get into your head. It was a calculated play to manipulate your emotions.”

“Does she know about us?”

“No, but she knows about winning, and that was her attempt to get to your dad through you.”

“Seems like you have a lot in common then.”

“Don’t.”

“Why are you here, Lawson?” I repeat my initial question. “My guess is, next Monday, you will be a multi-millionaire. You got what you wanted. Now, you can move on.”

“I told you I gave it up. You are all that matters to me.”

I close my eyes, trying to block out the closeness of his body, the softness of his voice, and the urge to have his arms wrapped around me.

Betrayal.

Lies.

Deception.

The three words roll in my head, and I find the courage to press for the inevitable truth. To hear him admit his intentions so I can break the insane connection consuming me.

“Tell me, Lawson, am I everything you expected? A pampered princess that lives off Daddy’s money? A spoiled little rich girl whose social status is the most important thing? You move in, flash me your million-dollar smile, turn on the charm, and I fall at your feet? All the while, you can pretend to be interested in my life so you can use me?”

His face clouds with anger, his eyes flashing with irritation. “I fucked up. Any preconceived notions I had were erased the instant I met you. I was not a good man, but you changed that. The money, notoriety, the fame—none of that matters anymore. The only thing that matters is you.”

“You expect me to believe that?” I shove his shoulder with enough force to allow me to duck under it and escape his closeness.

“God, Lawson, do you think I’m a complete idiot? Give me some credit. I don’t matter to you. I was a means to an end.” I get to the entryway to my kitchen and grip the countertop, needing the support. Waves of memories fly through my mind, and I suck in a breath to try and stop the emotions bubbling up.

Be strong, Greer. Get him out of here and then you can break down.

I spin to face him again, channeling every ounce of strength I can find. “You knew about my dad, and you knew about the money. What else did you know?”

“Nothing. Every day, I lived with the guilt, tearing myself up inside trying to find a way to tell you. When I figured out I was in too deep, I tried to leave you. Exposing the dirty details of the man I used to be was my best tactic. But I couldn’t do it. Because that man no longer existed.”

“Do you expect me to feel sorry for you? You’re a liar, Lawson. A scammer. You’re the kind of predator my friends and family have protected me from my whole life. There’s a reason I’ve remained anonymous in my dad’s world. The reason is people like you.”

Guilt and shame settle on his face. His eyes grow wide behind his glasses.

“Maybe I am an idiot. Those glasses, do you wear them often?”

“Not until I met you,” he admits.

“So, I am an easy target. Lavish dinners on rooftops, unexpected visits to my job, a romantic trip to your cabin in Connecticut, all complete with false promises of a future. I’m not sure what your goal was, but you certainly achieved it. You got me to share the most intimate details of my life, incorporating them into your project design. Meanwhile, I’m the chump falling in love with a man who isn’t real. An added bonus is you got laid. I certainly didn’t make you wait long. That must have been a relief.”

The guilt and shame fade, and his expression takes on a thunderous rage. He closes in on me in three steps, wrapping one arm around my waist and using his other hand to tilt my chin to face him.

“Stop fucking talking. You’re going to listen to me now. Everything about us has been real. There were no false promises because every single word I spoke was a vow. I am going to take care of you. Your money doesn’t matter because I will work myself to the bone to provide for our family and our future.

“And don’t ever say I got laid again. Every single kiss, touch, and memory of our making love is seared into my brain. The project design means nothing to me. The only reason it is as spectacular as it is, is because of you. When I walk away from it all, the whole world will know Greer Palmer was the inspiration. There is nothing I won’t do to gain your forgiveness. There’s a long way to go for me to regain your trust, but I’ll spend the rest of my life striving to prove to you that you are my life.”

“Why would you think I’d ever give you the chance? It’s over between us.”

“Because I love you, Greer. I love you with every fiber in my soul. You own me and you always will.”

The tension in my body starts to diminish, and my strength weakens. Tears sting my eyes as his words sink in. A piece of me fell in love with Lawson Hall on that rooftop months ago, and the rest of me has been falling every since.

And now he’s given me what I’ve longed to hear.

As if he can read my thoughts, he lowers his mouth to mine, cupping my chin a little tighter.

“I love you. Looking back, it started when you took me to that café and showed me this city through your eyes. I love that you have no reservations and give with your whole heart. I love that, anytime my eyes land on you, my chest tightens with such force it rocks me. I love that you are smart, sensitive, compassionate, and care so deeply that anyone in your presence falls to your grace. I love you so much, and every time I look at you, I know my life will be filled with beauty. There are so many more reasons, Greer, but the point is, it’s not over between us. It can’t be, because I can’t survive without you in my life. A man like me falls in love, it’s forever. And you are my forever.”

Forever.

The single word that meant so much just five days ago now becomes the harshest of realities. For weeks, I wondered if he felt the same way, if the depth of his feelings were as strong as mine. When I told him I loved him, it was life-changing, exposing my soul in a way I’d never regret.

Because he gave me forever.

And I believed him.

Tears stream down my cheeks, and the last bit of resolve dies. The tug of war between my head and my heart calls a truce. I let go of my sanity and give into the passion. All clarity and reason evaporate, so that the only thing I can think of is having Lawson one last time.

I should pull away, demand he leave, and start the long process of healing. Instead, I lift on my toes and crush my mouth to his.

He stiffens as I fight to slip my tongue inside. “Greer—”

“Stop fucking talking,” I hiss, stepping away and pushing the jacket off his shoulders. It doesn’t even hit the floor before I’m gripping his shirt and splitting it open, tearing it from his body.

His face is frozen, almost scared, as I continue my assault on his clothes. My hands fly around, yanking his belt until it’s soaring through the air and popping the button on his pants until I can rip his zipper down. He remains still, even when his boxers fall, exposing him fully.

I don’t quit, my goal on one thing and that’s getting him inside me. My emotional pain fuels me, driving me to the brink of insanity as I undo my coat and throw it off. The zipper on my dress won’t cooperate, my haste causing me to snag it on the fabric.

“Fuck it.” I yank as hard as I can, destroying the five-thousand-dollar couture gown I adored hours ago.

I hear him gasp at the sight of the satin panties adorned with crystals along the strings. The fact that I bought them for him creeps into my head; I knew they would drive him crazy.

They aren’t going to survive this either, I decide, ripping them from my body, the crystals pinging on the floor.

When I’m standing in only my shoes, he comes out of his trance. He barely has time to brace before I’m on him again. Like a madwoman, I leap up, locking my arms and ankles around him, and swiveling my hips until his cock is teasing me. Without warning, I slam down. He grunts, and I scream as a shot of pain scorches through me.

His hands clutch my ass, trying to stop me, but I can’t. Not now. I throw my head forward, my teeth finding skin, and sink down. He roars, finally coming alive, thrusting up and giving me what I desperately need.

His fingers dig into my flesh, and the cold steel coats my back as he crashes me into the refrigerator.

“Goddammit, Greer, slow down,” he demands.

“No,” I reply through gritted teeth.

There are two thumps followed by the brush of his thighs against mine as he kicks off his shoes and remaining clothes. I squeeze my legs, spearing my heels into his lower back until he hisses.

His hips pound into me… once… twice… until I take over, riding him roughly. My body is strung tight as I use him to chase my release.

His mouth comes to my ear. “Baby, stop. This is not us. Let me love you.”

I shake my head violently, barely hearing his groan when my forehead knocks his jaw.

“Greer, please, slow down. Stop this,” he soothes. The softness threatens to penetrate the anguish.

I draw back to face him. “Either you fuck me or get the hell out.”

Understanding falls over his features, and he rams into me roughly. “Is this what you want?”

“Yes!” I yell.

He drives into me over and over until I lose myself in the feelings rippling through me. My fingernails score along his shoulder blades, feeling the skin tearing underneath. He hitches me up, hitting me so deep I whimper.

Then we’re moving, him balancing me as I clutch to hold on. A small sense of panic sets in when we enter my room. Being in here is too much. It’s too intimate, holds too many memories of better times.

Times when I thought we had a future, a foundation that would lead to more.

Lies!

It was all lies!

Realization seeps in, but I push it away, determined to stay in the zone.

I claw harder. Even when my back hits the bed, I don’t ease up.

“Greer, stop!” Lawson’s sharp bark does little to stop me. “Look at me!” His command is so strong, I open my eyes and bite my tongue to keep from crying at the raw apprehension in his expression.

“Baby…” he starts.

I unlatch my death grip on his waist, my legs falling to the side, the shoes clanking to the floor. In a swift move, I scramble away, rolling to my stomach and perching my ass in the air. “Fuck me,” I repeat, again, glaring over my shoulder and provoking him.

I see it as it happens. His control slips, his eyes building with a fire that tells me I’ve finally sunk in. He grabs my hips, crawls onto the bed, and pummels into me with such ferocity that I feel him everywhere.

My toes curl… my body quakes… my mind clears…

Every bone in my body quivers with each thrust. It’s coming, building from the depths inside me, and I know I’m going to shatter when it hits. His hand slides around my hipbone, down my crease, and finds my clit, circling gently.

I erupt, yelling into the room as every nerve ending tingles and my heart feels like it’s going to race out of my chest.

He keeps going, pumping until one orgasm turns into two… into three… I can’t stop trembling, taking his attack.

“Don’t stop.” It’s a desperate plea.

He thunders into me from behind, driving relentlessly. My head starts to spin, and I grow dizzy, clutching the comforter and writhing against his ruthless brutality. The sounds of heavy breathing and skin slapping echoes around my room, but unlike so many times before, the noises aren’t filled with passion and unbridled desire. Tonight, they are a void, neither of us climbing to the edge as one.

The means to an end.

Our end.

I throw my head back, pressing into him with a punishing rhythm, using him for one last piece of ecstasy. Every muscle in my body constricts, spasms taking over as I splinter apart, giving myself to him once more.

He growls his own release, my sensitive walls feeling his dick grow, twitch, pulse, and release inside. He slows, his hand sliding from my clit, up my stomach, and stopping at my heart. He presses his weight along my body as he lowers over me, kissing along my back.

I squeeze my eyes tight, one tear escaping, and I wipe my cheek against my comforter. He expertly curls around me, twisting us into the spooning position, and yanking the covers over us.

His chest heaves against my back, his own heart beating erratically. “Did I hurt you?” he asks into my hair.

“No.”

“Never again, Greer. Don’t do that to me ever again.” He starts kissing my hairline.

“Okay,” I offer, spent and emotionless.

We lay together, him holding me as my mind comes back down to earth. I need space.

“Where are you going?” He presses me tighter against him.

“To the bathroom and to get some water. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll get the water.”

“No, stay. I’ll be right back.” I untangle my body from his and reach for my robe. When I get to the bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror and feel the lump forming in my throat.

My once perfectly styled hair is now wild and untamed. Pink scruff marks cover my cheeks and neck from his stubble. There’s a large hickey on the side of my breast that I have no recollection of how it got there.

This morning, I would have giggled at the image reflecting back at me. But now, I’m hollow. Hurt crashes down upon me at the fact that this can’t happen again.

I have to get away. Being around him only weakens me more. He says that I own him, but the truth is that he owns me.

I quickly wash my face and throw my hair back into a ponytail, thinking of what to do next. Before I can stop myself, I grab a bottle from my medicine cabinet and pour out two pills.

He’s braced on an elbow, watching the door when I exit. I shuffle to the kitchen and get two glasses of water, dissolving the pills into his.

When I get back to my room, he’s propped up on the headboard, all the pillows behind him.

I know this move. He expects me to lay on top of him, to fall asleep curled into his body like we’ve done so many times before. The lump returns to my throat as I hand him his water and crawl in.

“Greer, we need to talk about this. Sex is great, but that wasn’t sex. At least, not the kind of sex we share. You’re not fooling me; it’s written on your face. You’re retreating. I can’t let that happen.”

“Not now, Lawson. I can’t take much more tonight.”

“Baby, I know that, but I can’t let you go to sleep with any doubts in your mind.”

“I’m going to have a lot of doubts for a long time. Talking about them isn’t going to make them magically disappear. Can we discuss this later? Can you do that for me?”

His determined expression softens, and he nods, swallowing his water in one gulp and placing his glass on the nightstand. “I’ll do anything for you. If you want to discuss it later, we will. But tell me you believe me when I say I love you.”

The words sting even more than before, and I avoid his eyes, sliding down next to his side. “That is one thing I do believe, Lawson.”

He turns off the bedside lamp and positions me on top, cocooning me to him. We remain silent except for the low sound of his lips kissing my forehead. I pretend to sleep, waiting for the pills to kick in.

After what seems like forever, his hold grows slack and his breathing becomes labored. I wiggle free, stopping a few times to make sure he’s completely out. He doesn’t budge.

I tip-toe to my bathroom and turn on the light, cracking the door so I can see my way around my room. Quietly, I shuffle between my dresser and closet, pack a bag with necessities, and change into jeans and Lawson’s NYU sweatshirt. He wore it yesterday, and the scent of his cologne lingers.

When I’m done, I take one last look at him in my bed sleeping peacefully. His chest rises and falls with each breath, and my eyes roam over every inch of his exposed flesh. A chill coats my skin, missing the warmth of his embrace. Pain slices though my stomach, and I force one foot in front of the other, leaving the room.

Suddenly, a thought pops into my head and I wonder if slipping him two sleeping pills was a bad idea. What if he has an adverse reaction?

I find his phone in the pocket of his jacket lying on the floor and send a quick text to Clay. I then grab my own phone and clutch off the ground, slipping his key off my keyring.

By the time I reach my door, tears are flowing freely. Agony I didn’t know was possible weighs on my chest as my heart finally splinters into a million pieces.