“Couldn’t you find something more appropriate to wear? You’re in God’s house, young lady,” Pastor John, or Dad as I call him, hisses at me as we set up for the dress rehearsal.

Looking down over my outfit, I think I did pretty well actually. My violet V-neck blouse isn’t too low-cut, and my black skirt kisses my knee. Okay, so maybe the shoes are a bit much. Five-inch heels do feel out of place in a chapel, but they’re just so cute, I had to. Anyway, what does he care? I’m a grown woman, not a child.

Arguing with him won’t get me anywhere. Instead, I stare at the runner on the floor and count the seconds until this wedding rehearsal is finally over so I can go back to seeing my father only twice a year. Christmas and Easter.

“Okay, so does everyone know where they need to stand? Where’s the groom?” Dad sweeps the church for Parker. My father’s gaze stops as he spots him over by a massive stained glass window. The husband and wife-to-be are oblivious to the world around them as they murmur to each other.

“Parker! There’ll be plenty of time for all of that after the run-through. Stand over here, my boy.” He points to the floor in front of him. “Come keep me company up here.” His focus changes to the entire crowd as Parker makes his way over. “All right, let’s do the run-through. The sooner we do this right, the sooner everyone can go home.”

People scurry to follow my father’s directions. Everyone does. There’s something about him that makes people move when he tells them to. Making my way to the back of the church, I’m thankful to have a few minutes away from his overbearing presence. Since I was a kid, I’ve been watching him give sermons and guidance to entire congregations of people who have hung on his every word.

Now, whenever I hear him speak about God’s love and forgiveness I just think about how much of a hypocrite he is. Even though it has been more than eleven years since I’ve lived under his roof, memories of how he kicked me out at seventeen have never faded with the passage of time. The flashback licks a burning trail of pain over my mind.

“John! We can’t kick her out onto the streets!” Mom sobbed while I stood there glaring at my father.

“She isn’t staying here, Shirley, and that’s final!” His voice made the picture frames shake.

Sure enough, she spent the entire night calling her sisters and brothers until Aunt Jill agreed to take me in. The way she tirelessly fought to find me a safe place to stay, I knew Mom didn’t want to see me leave. Too bad she never used any of that energy to fight for what was right with my father. In our house, he laid down the law and we obeyed. She was no exception.

My father casting me aside hurt, but it wasn’t a deep cut. By seventeen, I’d long known we would never see eye-to-eye. However, when Mom watched me pack my things, it turned all of my sadness into rage. I’d never understand how any mother could sit in silence and watch their child be cast away, yet that was exactly what she did.

Refusing to utter a word to either of them, I packed my bags and waited on the front porch for the station wagon with the wood panel veneer down the side to come pick me up. Mom never gave me a hug goodbye. My father refused to look at me. I just slipped into the car and didn’t even watch as their house grew smaller in the passenger seat mirror.

I didn’t look back then, and I’m not going to waste my time looking back now.

Giving my head a shake, I focus on the cute blond man with gray eyes holding his arm out to me so we can make our way down the aisle.

Walking down the aisle, I avoid my father’s disapproving stare and instead focus on the speech I have to give in a few nights. As Julia’s maid of honor, I have to sum her up in a sweet, funny, and touching way. The truth is, I still have no idea what to say. Not because she isn’t sweet and funny, but because writing this speech is like I’m writing the final chapter on our friendship and I’m not ready to close the book yet.

Taking my place on the left side of the altar, I watch as the bridesmaids make their way down the aisle. I need a cigarette. Please don’t let Dad blather on and on tonight. Sometimes I think the real reason that man joined the church is because he loves the sound of his voice filling a room. Having people stuck in their seats, unable to get away from him was just a bonus.

I know that’s not true. My father’s passionate sermons pop into my head. Back when I was still in his good graces, I used to watch him practice them in a full-length mirror. Back then, I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. Now that I have, we couldn’t be farther apart. Glancing over at him, I’m relieved his focus is on Julia making her way down the aisle instead of my apparently scandalous clothes. It’s always better when we each do what we both do best: ignore each other.

When Julia asked me if I’d mind my father marrying her and Parker, I was stunned. I know her family was in my dad’s congregation, and she grew up with his weekly sermons, but she also knows better than anyone how much bad blood is between us. I mean, Julia was always my impossibly perfect friend, so I never did tell her why he kicked me out, but it didn’t raise any questions with her. Just goes to show how much he and I were always fighting even before he turned his back on me in my darkest hour.

The night he found out I was pregnant.