The church is packed.

Seeing my mother mixed in amongst the crowd makes my stomach churn with acid. We were so close when I was growing up. Then, as soon as I made one mistake, she let my father slam the door in my face.

The mournful look that clouded her eyes that night has been clung there ever since.

I’m sure that, up here in the front of the chapel, my father is picking me apart. I bet he’s found forty new ways I’ve disappointed him in the last forty minutes. Then again, I’ve been disappointing Dad for twenty-eight years, why would today be any different?

Glancing out over the quickly filling pews, I can’t help but smile. There’s no mistaking who’s here for the groom and who showed up for the bride. Down the right side of the opulent church are some of the stiffest, most overdressed guys I’ve ever seen. You’d think there’s a convention for accountants with all of the gray suits. Hell, even half the women are wearing pantsuits and dresses with little white blazers.

Why are they dressed like a GAP ad? Like they’re trying to make a bland rainbow of beiges and grays. I can only imagine how interesting the conversations on that side of the aisle must be. Not that you’d even think there were any happening from everyone’s stiff posture and hushed tones.

Meanwhile, Julia’s friends and family are wearing so much color they look like when you left your crayons out in the sun, and they all melted into a bright pool of neons and reds. Even over the sea of laughter and carrying-on, the individual voices of a few of the women and men are filling the entire church with their jokes and stories about their kids.

If Parker’s side is a GAP ad, then Julia’s half of the church is like Times Square where all the ads are flashing and competing for your attention at the same time.

I’ve gone to church most of my life. I’ll admit, in my adult years I strayed more than I should have, but I still go for services at the holidays. In all my years, I’ve never seen a church like this one. The beams arching over each other on the ceiling and the stained glass windows must be at least twelve feet tall. The organ player interrupts my thoughts as she starts playing the wedding song. Down at the end of the long, red carpet is Julia and her oldest brother David.

When I first met Julia, I had the biggest crush on Dave. He was so much older and cooler than anyone we knew. Julia used to swat me when I went to her apartment because I'd follow him around from room to room whenever he was home.

It looks like it's a good thing I didn't get my wish back then. David is what my grandmother would call stout. With a big, round belly and little beads of sweat cresting his brow, I think I dodged a bullet.

Julia has everyone mesmerized in her brilliant white gown. The way her skin is glowing, with a rosy hue against the snowy fabric of her dress, is hypnotic. She’s never looked more beautiful.

Originally, she wanted to wear something she would call modest, but you and I would call one step up from a paper bag. After hours of indulging her being laced up in what looked like curtains and doilies, I talked her into wearing the sweetheart neckline that fits her perfectly.

The thing I loved most about her dress is the long train with tiny light pink roses embroidered down it. She looks like a princess.

Wiping away a few tears, I'm surprised by how emotional I am. I've never been one to cry at weddings, but here I am hoping my mascara doesn't stream down my face in black rivers.

In a lot of ways, this is like the end of our youth. Julia always seemed older than her years anyway, but now that she's getting married, it feels more and more like I'm just wasting my life away while she is off establishing hers.

I can't help but worry that soon this will all mean the end of our friendship too. I'm sure it won't be long before she and Parker start a family, and then who knows how often we'll see each other anymore. I should be the one walking her down the aisle and giving her away to Parker. I’m going to be more affected by it than anyone else.

She looks nervous, and I know it's because of all the eyes on her. I would love everyone watching me, but Julia is trembling a little as Parker holds her hand. She gazes into his eyes, and I watch as her shaking hand steadies and her breathing slows. When the two of them are together, it’s like the outside world ceases to exist. Whether they’re standing across a party from each other or standing hand-in-hand with hundreds of sets of eyes upon them, they only see each other.

Will I ever meet anyone who can eclipse everything like that?

My father is droning on and on. My feet are tingling from standing in one spot for so long. I’m pretty sure I've lost consciousness a few times. Finally, he says the words everyone is waiting for. "You may now kiss the bride."

Parker sweeps Julia into his arms and kisses her softly as a murmur of approval and some clapping pops up from the crowd. They’re kissing like the final scene in a movie, just when the credits start to roll, and you know that somehow, that couple will be in that much love forever. The trials and bickering every couple goes through will magically pass them by, because they are frozen in a passionate moment no one can ever take away from them.

I didn’t think people really kissed like that in real life. Now I’m starting to think maybe it’s just me who hasn’t. I pull my fingers down from my lips, so I don’t smear my lipstick.

You’d think since the wedding is over, the stressful part would be done. Time to relax and dance. But no, now we have wedding pictures to take.

Besides, this is Julia’s day, so an afternoon of photos and posing is worth it for her happiness. Not to mention that between the professional hair, makeup, and the stunning gown Julia chose for me, when am I ever going to look this good again? She just better send me a copy of my best picture so I can crop it down and use it for my online dating profile. Who knows, maybe my picture from this wedding will help me find the man I walk down the aisle with.

But I’m not holding my breath.