Over the last few days, Blake and Kyle have been busy working on their Why Not lists. Since I refused to let them see mine until they’ve finished their own, they won’t let me see theirs either. They claim if they have something cool on their list, I’ll try to steal it and make it my own. I can’t help but laugh at them even though they’ve ganged up against me and given me the exact same answers.

Whatever they list is fine by me, in all honesty. The consideration that goes into the items on their lists—the meaning behind those items—is what matters to me. Because this exercise is about more than squeezing in as many activities as we can before my time is up. Thinking about everything they want to do and achieve while they have time will keep them going long after I’m gone. They’ll finish seeing their hopes and dreams through to fruition—for me, for each other, and for themselves. They’ll have something to look forward to doing together, accomplishments they can be proud of achieving.

“I have to go out for a while. Will you be okay here without me?” Blake moves up behind me and wraps his arms around me.

Memories of last night immediately flood my mind the moment he touches me. Every night since my diagnosis, he has made love to me in ways that have lifted me to the stars and kept me there for hours. I’ve seen fireworks go off behind my eyelids and thought the heat from my body would set the bed on fire. Each night has been better than the last, to the point I can’t wait to go to bed at night just to experience the thrill only he can give me.

“I’ll be fine. Where are you going?”

“I can’t tell you—it’s a surprise. But if you need me for anything at all, call me and I’ll come rushing home.”

Before he can leave, I raise up on my toes and press my lips to his then wrap my arms around him in a warm embrace. He hesitates for a second, unsure of what’s on my mind, then his arms encircle my waist.

“What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours?”

“Just a promise I made to myself,” I reply.

While I watch Blake pull out of our driveway, my phone rings. I’m not surprised to see Leigh’s name flash up on the screen.

“Hey, Leigh, what’s up?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Let me think. Maybe that my best friend just suddenly took off work without a word, is on medical leave, and hasn’t called me to tell me what the hell is going on. I’m on my way to your house right now. Don’t you dare leave.”

“I’m here,” I chuckle. “Come on over, and I’ll fill you in.”

With a fresh pot of coffee set to brew, I don’t have to wait long before Leigh walks through the door. “Let’s hear it—and no holding back. I know you better than you know yourself, so I’ll know if you’re keeping secrets from me.” Then she stops and finally looks at me. “Holy shit. You’re gorgeous even when you’re bald. Do you know how hideous I would be?”

I can’t help but laugh. This is what my best friend does for me—she understands my crazy and meets it with her own. “Thank you. And no secrets, Leigh. I’ll tell you every detail.”

We take a seat with our full coffee cups in hand, and I recount everything that’s happened since the day I left the hospital without an explanation. When I finish talking, I realize neither of us has taken the first sip, and our coffee is already cold. So much has happened in such a short time. So much that has changed my entire life and everything I thought I knew about it.

“Shit, Grace,” Leigh says and wipes tears from her eyes before they fall to her cheeks. She looks around the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with me until she’s more composed. “I was not expecting to hear this news at all.”

“Me either. I mean, I knew it was a possibility later, but I just didn’t think it would happen as soon as I was diagnosed. Leigh, Blake and Kyle will need your help when I’m gone. I’m keeping my life insurance through the hospital, so you may have to guide them through the process when it comes time.”

“Grace, dammit. Don’t talk like that.” Leigh stands abruptly and stomps over to the microwave to heat her coffee. And avoid me.

“Leigh, you know as well as I do how life can turn on a dime. I can’t leave my family in the lurch if I get more bad news next month or the next.”

“How often are your scans?” she asks. Her back is to me, but her soft tone reflects she knows I’m right.

“Every three months, unless I develop new symptoms before then.”

“So we’re living from scan to scan, holding our breath until we know you’re stable.” She drops her chin to her chest and covers her mouth with her hand. Tears fill my eyes because I know my best friend is hurting as badly as I am.

“Leigh, you can cry. It doesn’t mean you’re weak,” I say as I place my hand on her back.

The contact seems to be all it takes, because her sobs break free and her chest heaves with her pent-up angst. She turns and wraps me in her arms, resting her forehead on my shoulder. I pat her back and start to tell her everything will be okay, but I stop myself before the words come out.

“I’m okay for now, Leigh. We still have time together. And in the next few years, maybe new treatments will be available or researchers will have a breakthrough. I’m not giving up hope yet, and neither are you.”

“You’re right. I know you are. But I’m just so heartbroken—for you, Kyle, and even Blake. And for myself. Have you told your parents yet?”

“No, I actually haven’t told them anything. I wasn’t about to tell them before I told Blake and Kyle, and especially not on Christmas Eve after not seeing them for so long. But I know I have to tell them now. I just hate to show up with a bald head and shock them.”

“Honey, they’ll be shocked and upset whether you have a head full of hair or not. If it makes you feel better, I’ll take you shopping, and we’ll find all the best scarves and hats for you to wear. You’ll need them to keep your head warm anyway.”

“So do Blake and Kyle. We can find them a few extra hats, too.”

“Why do they need them?”

“They shaved their heads bald so I wouldn’t be the only one people stare at when we go out.”

“That was Blake’s idea, wasn’t it?”

I nod and give her a small smile.

“Damn him. He’s making it impossible for me to stay mad at him.”

“Life is too short to stay mad. Or unhappy. Or anything else you don’t want to be.”

I grab my beanie knit hat and matching scarf from my room, and Leigh and I head out for a few hours of retail therapy and girlfriend time. When we’ve finished our rounds at the mall, I have several bags of hats, scarves, and other types of head coverings that I can’t even remember the names of for all of us. Leigh drops me off with a kiss on the cheek and a demand for a standing weekly girls-only date so she’s not left out of the loop.

When I walk inside, I find Blake pacing back and forth across the length of the den, so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t even hear me come in.

---

“Penny for your thoughts,” Grace says from the doorway.

I stop mid-stride and lift my eyes to meet hers. She’s wearing a cute little hat, puffy on top with a big bow on the side, and she’s eyeing me from under the brim. She still takes my breath away with her beauty—inside and out.

“I’m thinking I love you. And I couldn’t wait for you to get home. And I’m very curious as to how you’re going to react. I hope you love it, but you can tell me if you hate the idea.” Then I notice all the shopping bags hanging on her arm and rush to take them from her.

“I’m all ears. What do you have in mind?” She moves into the room as I drop the armload of bags onto the couch.

“I’ll show you.” I roll up the sleeve of my shirt and expose the colorful tattoo I had inked while she was out shopping. Her mouth drops open, and her eyes grow wider. “Do you know what it means?”

She shakes her head. “Only the line underneath. ‘Until the end of time.’ What are these symbols? The one in the middle looks like a heartbeat on a heart monitor strip. The watercolor shades behind the symbols are gorgeous, Blake. Those colors really make the shapes jump off your arm.”

The watercolors give the symbols their shape and definition. The black outline of each symbol is connected to the next, showing the continuous cord that binds them. “The first one is a cross, that stands for faith. In my case, it also represents Grace. You, Grace. The second one is the heartbeat symbol from an EKG strip, it means hope. The last one is an open heart, and it means love. Faith, hope, and love for everyone else. Grace, hope, and love for me. Until the end of time.”

“Blake, I can’t believe you got a tattoo. You’ve never wanted one before.”

“I didn’t, and I really can’t have visible ones because of my job. But I’ll wear this one like my badge of honor.” I hesitate, suddenly nervous to suggest my idea to my wife. “The tattoo artist said he can get you in this afternoon—in case you want to get a matching one.”

I hold my breath, unsure of how she’ll react. I’m not even sure she wants something permanently inked on her body that also connects her to me. I’m positive I don’t deserve it if she does. But I’ll never regret my constant reminder. I’ll never lose the love of my life like I did before. She’s forever in my heart, on my mind, and in my soul. This colorful ink is to let the rest of the world know who owns me.

“You had me tattooed on your body? Permanently?” She sounds so shocked, so amazed, so pleased.

“I did. It was on my Why Not list, almost at the top. So I thought, why not get it done today? No time like the present, right?”

“Absolutely. You made an appointment for me?”

“Not exactly. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to be saddled with a permanent reminder of me. But I may have asked him about getting you in today if you decided you wanted one too.”

“I do want it, Blake. I’d love to have one just like yours. Faith, hope, and love—that’s what keeps me going.”

“Can you get a tattoo while you’re on chemotherapy drugs?”

“Technically, I’m supposed to wait because of the chance of infection. But I’m early in my regimen, and I’m a nurse, so I’ll take good care of it. I know others who have broken the rules and gotten one.”

“We can wait. I don’t want your arm to get infected and cause problems.”

“Everything has risks, Blake. I’m willing to accept the risk, especially since I’ve only had two treatments. I’ll have to be extra-careful soon enough. Let’s have some fun now.”

Although I’m reluctant, Grace is insistent and threatens to drive herself if I don’t take her. I love her spirit and how she laughs in death’s face. But now I’ll watch her even closer to make sure she stays as healthy as possible for as long as possible. She’s out of the car and nearly skipping toward the door before I can turn off the car and get out.

“Hey, Gary. I’m back with my wife, after all. She wants the same design.” I walk up and shake his hand, having already explained her medical condition and what this couple’s session means to us.

“You must be Grace. This guy wouldn’t shut up about you. You’re even prettier than he described. I’m thinking you should dump this guy and run away with me.” Gary is an older man with the personality of someone who never meets a stranger. Apparently, he’s also a huge flirt and wants to steal my wife away from me.

“Don’t make me have to kill you with your own tattoo gun, Gary.”

“That’s cold, man.” Gary shakes his head with a chuckle. “Have a seat, pretty lady, and show me where you want me to caress your skin with my ink.”

Grace giggles and slides into the chair. She holds out her left arm, the opposite side from where her breast cancer is. “Put it in the same spot as Blake’s so we’ll match when we hold hands. His right to my left.”

“I can add my name in here if you want.” Gary winks at her then cuts his teasing eyes over to me.

“Maybe next time. Let me think about where I’d want it,” Grace replies.

I think Gary’s face actually just turned red.

An hour and a half later, Grace and I pull into our driveway, and she’s still staring at her new adornment. Gary gave us strict instructions for keeping it clean and dry, but I know Grace will double the efforts to avoid any problems.

“I love this, Blake. After all our years together, I never thought we’d do something so impulsive as getting matching tattoos. But it feels right, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does. We should’ve done this a long time ago. No more waiting. No more regrets. Right, babe?

“That’s exactly right. Thank you for suggesting this. It’s perfect, and it’ll feel good marking that off the list, won’t it?”

“Absolutely. There are a few more things I want to mark off my list soon. I’m working on them, so get ready to move fast.”

“I’m all yours, and I’m ready to move at lightning speed.”