Blake is still sleeping on the couch, but we stay up later and later each night. With Kyle out of school for winter break, spending time with Blake is easier. There’s less pressure on us while we wade through the murky waters of our marriage with Kyle around as a buffer. Blake seems sincere when he compliments me, whispers sweet words like he used to do long ago, and flirts with me.

But my heart is torn. The betrayal is so hard to move past. I’d mourned our marriage when I first learned about Tammy. I cried, I screamed, I threw our pictures and shattered the frames into millions of pieces—jagged edges that matched the remnants of my heart. Then I sought out a counselor to help me face the future. The changes, the uncertainty, and the inevitable days when I’d think all was lost.

I was ready to face loneliness. Hopelessness. Sadness.

Now he’s pushing me to the verge of hope again. I don’t know if I can take the disappointment if he fails me again. Though she’d never say, “I told you so,” my counselor did warn me this could happen.

“What if you learn you’re still in love with your husband?” she asked.

“No way,” I insisted. “That man is not the man I fell in love with or the man I married. I’m only concerned about Kyle. For my son, I’ll endure the nausea looking at Blake causes me now.”

“You’re walking a fine line, Grace. I just want you to be prepared either way.”

At that time, I thought I was ready. Ready to let go and move on. Ready to let him have his happily ever after with her, knowing she’d soon leave him for someone else. Then he went and threw this curveball at me, making me care about him again. Making me feel as concerned for his future as I am Kyle’s.

“Mom, do we have to go?”

“For the hundredth time, yes. Now, grab their presents from under the tree, and let’s go.”

The tension in the car is thick as we drive to my parents’ house. It was never inviting to begin with. It felt more like a museum—cold, quiet, and unfeeling. No life to be found or felt, only priceless belongings that were more important than the people forced to live there. I doubt much has changed for the better—but I have to try.

Blake parks in their driveway and turns his face to me, the engine still running. “Are you sure you want to do this? We can still leave if you want.”

“Look, guys, I don’t really want to be here any more than you do. Let’s try to make the best of it and see what happens.”

Blake and Kyle flank me on the front porch, and I ring the doorbell. The chimes echo throughout the enormous house. The housekeeper opens the door and shows us to the library. The tree is professionally decorated, and expensive Christmas trinkets line the mantle over the fireplace. Along the tops of the bookshelves, lighted houses create an idyllic scene.

“Make yourselves comfortable. Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin will be right with you,” the housekeeper says then closes the door behind her.

Perfect. They have to make a grand entrance and remind us of our place—the one beneath them. Kyle steps behind me, and I sense him go into protective mode. Then Blake moves closer beside me and takes my hand in his.

“We’ll do this together, Grace. If it gets too hard for you, I’ll take the brunt of their resentment myself.”

“They don’t mean shit to me. If they start on my mom, I’ll give them a piece of my mind they’ll never forget. Neither of you has to do a thing,” Kyle adds.

I smile, my heart warmed by the care my guys show for my well-being. But… “Thank you both for looking out for me, but just relax. There’s something I need to talk to my mother about in private, so don’t start a brawl. If our conversation ends badly, we’ll leave and think no more about them.”

“You’re talking to her alone? Does she know this?” Blake asks, surprised and slightly appalled.

“Yes. I know what you’re thinking—she doesn’t deserve my time—but this is important to me.”

The door opens, and my mother comes sweeping into the room with all her grandeur. For all her pomp and airs, she stops cold when she sees Kyle.

“This can’t be—”

“That’s Kyle, all right. He’s a senior this year,” I reply.

“Oh my God.” Her hand covers her heart as she realizes how much time has passed, wasted. “I can’t believe you’ve gotten so big.”

“Yeah, that’s what happens after ten years,” he replies.

I don’t correct him for speaking to her that way because I want her to understand she can’t run over him, and she has no power over him. To my surprise, she simply nods.

“You’re right, Kyle. We’ve been fools. I’d like a chance to get to know you now, though.”

“I guess it couldn’t hurt. Unless you’re mean to my mom. Then all bets are off, and someone will hurt a lot.”

“You’re obviously protective of her. That’s very admirable. She and I have had our differences, but I hope this visit is to put all that behind us.”

“It is. It’s a chance for all of us to heal and hopefully have a better relationship in the near future,” I reply.

“I would love that,” my dad says as he enters the room.

The housekeeper announces that dinner is ready, and we file out of the room toward the dining area. We take our seats, and the awkwardness fades away as the food fills our plates and stomachs. Though, the butterflies in my stomach still flutter from just thinking about the conversation I’ll soon have with my mother.

After dinner, Blake, Kyle, and Dad retreat to the study, Dad’s separate room that could be a cool man cave if Mom would let him redecorate it. It’s the only room in the house where Mom allows him to enjoy his pipe. The three of them will play pool and get acquainted while Mom and I sit in the enclosed sunroom to talk alone.

“How have you been, Mom?” I ask when we’re seated.

She looks at me thoughtfully, like she’s seeing me for the first time. Maybe she is—our interactions have been brief and stilted for years. We’ve spent almost as much time apart as we have together. “I’m glad you came. I was afraid you wouldn’t. I wasn’t even sure you’d take my call.”

“I was surprised to hear from you.”

She nods and seems uncomfortable. “Life has a funny way of knocking you flat on your back when you least expect it.”

Don’t I know it.

She stands and moves to the window, looking out at the lights and snow. “One of the ladies from my country club just experienced the worst thing I can imagine. She watched her daughter die right in front of her. Another car hit them head on, and they were pinned inside their car. She couldn’t move to help her daughter, and her daughter died before they reached the hospital.

“I realize I’ve wasted a lot of time we could’ve spent together being angry with you over something so trivial now. Kyle is a wonderful young man, and you and Blake are still happily married after all these years. Despite the odds against you with your young age and starting out with a newborn, you’ve built a happy home and a wonderful life. I’m so sorry, Grace. We’ll never get those years back, but I’d like to make the rest of our lives the best we’ve ever known.”

“I’d like that too, Mom. What about Blake? Are you finally ready to accept and include him in this family?”

“We are. I know you haven’t touched your trust fund once in all these years because of your anger toward me. The balance has grown considerably—your father has made sure of that. But we’ve also set up accounts for Blake and for Kyle, with no stipulations and no strings attached, except that your name is on the accounts along with theirs. All of you will be cared for if you accept it. I’m not trying to buy your forgiveness or your love. I’m simply trying to do what I should’ve done eighteen years ago.”

She walks to the table and picks up three beige envelopes.

“Here are the financial documents for each account. Your father and I arranged it so we have no control or say-so over the money. No hidden power struggle and no games. Just a sincere apology.”

I stand and take them from her hand. Then I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her, thankful she offered this olive branch and saved me from having to ask for help in getting Kyle off to college. She starts crying and wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “Thank you for doing this. It means more to me than you know.”

We take our seats again and continue chatting, sharing events that we’ve both missed out on. She seems like a completely different person now, and I can only pray she remains this benevolent in the days to come.

When we walk back inside the house, I slide the documents into my bag and consider how much this gesture will help Kyle while he’s away. How much of a burden it relieves from Blake and me. When we rejoin the men, we exchange gifts and have an extra plate of dessert with coffee by the fireplace.

Everything feels so right and peaceful, I almost forget that nothing actually is.

“That went better than I expected,” Kyle says on our ride home. “Grandpa is actually a pretty cool old man.”

“I agree—and I’m surprised,” Blake replies. He turns to look at me before speaking again. “How’d your conversation with your mom go?”

“It was good. She told me why she broke down and called to invite us over.” I retold the story of her friend’s daughter and how Mom would feel if anything happened to me before we’d made amends.

“So, Mom, since Dad already got his present, what are the chances I can open mine tonight?”

---

The glimpses I’ve seen of the woman I first fell in love with are more frequent and more potent the more time we spend together. The times I see this side of her, I feel so much the worse about what I’ve done to us, and I wish so fucking badly I could take it all back. Every last minute of it. There’s nothing I want more than to make her forget it all happened—to give her everything I never gave her before. All of my love, all the time, for the rest of our lives.

When did I suddenly realize this? When did I decide I’m in love with her again?

I think I’ve known all along and tried to fool myself into believing the grass was greener elsewhere. The slower I try to take things and allow our relationship to progress naturally, the harder it is for me to deny my thoughts and feelings. I’ve been out of our bed for far too long.

But she can’t believe my sudden change of heart and direction from only my words and confession. And I don’t blame her. If I’d found her with another man, I’d be in jail right now. Trusting her again would be out of the question, and that’s part of my hesitation of going all out and telling her how much I love her. It’s why I’m not pushing harder for us to be a true couple again just yet.

I know I wouldn’t trust her if the roles were reversed, so how can I expect her to trust me again so soon? What kind of relationship can we have with no trust? Or if she’s suspicious of me every time I go out of town for work, if she questions my every phone call or text, if she decides I’m not worth the constant worry my infidelity caused her…

Maybe I’m getting way ahead of myself here. She has been more attentive, but she’s given no indication that she wants to stay together and work out our problems. She’s not the kind of person who would just throw eighteen years of marriage away, but then again, I’ve already done that for her.

Now I need to find out what’s in her mind and in her heart. Especially after our visit to her parents’ house. The fact that she even agreed to have Christmas Eve with them is so out of character for her, I’m still not sure what to make of it. Why did she agree to see them again after the way they’ve treated her? Why would she suddenly want to see them again? What was the secret conversation with her mom about? What were those three envelopes she had in her purse when we left?

Am I paranoid for thinking they were plotting against me?

When I pull into our driveway, Kyle is still hounding Grace for his Christmas presents, and she’s still pretending she didn’t get him anything.

“Come on, Mom. You know you don’t want to wait until tomorrow. You can give it to me now and sleep late in the morning.”

We walk in, and Kyle heads straight for the den. I get the fireplace going while Grace disappears upstairs, most likely to get his gift.

“Dad, can we give Mom her gifts tonight?”

“You can give her the one from you. I want to give her mine when we’re alone.”

“Cool.”

After the fire is roaring again, Grace joins us, carrying two large boxes. I rush to take them out of her arms. The boxes are long and wide—and heavy.

“Babe, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve carried these down for you.”

Her eyes meet mine, and the sadness in them is like a punch to my stomach. I haven’t called her “babe” in forever, but it just flowed effortlessly from my tongue. As if nothing had ever changed between us.

“It’s okay. I managed to carry them upstairs and wrap them when I bought them. I’m stronger than you think.”

“I know you are,” I say sincerely.

When I put both boxes in front of Kyle, Grace smiles and takes one away. His face drops, and he looks disappointed. Grace laughs and shakes her head. “Cut it out, you big baby.”

Kyle’s grin breaks free, and he throws his head back in laughter. “That look never has worked on you.”

“Not when you’re faking it. I can tell when you’re really sad and when you’re trying to pull a fast one.”

She looks at me and inclines her head toward the couch. “Sit down so you can open yours.”

“Mine? But I thought the patio and fire pit were my gifts.”

“They are, but this is just a little something extra.”

I do as she asks because I’m too confused to argue. The presents have been in her bedroom for a while, since before I started working from home. That means she got them before she confronted me about Tammy.

Why would she do that?

She puts the box in my lap and steps back to watch both of us open them. Kyle’s vigorous tearing of wrapping paper catches my attention, and I can’t help but smile at how thrilled he is. The boy is as big as me, and he’s still like a little kid when it comes to Christmas.

“Mom, you are the best!” He jumps up with the still half-wrapped package under one arm and loops his free arm around her. “Thank you.”

They turn to me, his arm still draped over her shoulders, and wait for me to unwrap mine. So I tear off the paper and stare incredulously at the picture on the box.

“My God. I haven’t done this in years. Are you two plotting to kill me?” I laugh and open the box.

“Are you kidding, Dad? This is a top-of-the-line snowboard. We are gonna own those slopes!”

Grace kneels and pulls a small, flat box from under the tree. “Here you go.”

Kyle opens it without a moment’s hesitation, pulls out an envelope, and begins to pump his fist in the air. “Yes! Yes!” He grabs Grace again and kisses her on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.”

He hands the envelope to me, and inside, I find a certificate for reservations at the premiere snowboarding slopes in northern Vermont. In one week. In a two-bedroom suite.

“It says the reservations are for four. Are you coming with us?” I ask Grace.

“No, I can’t. That’s my long weekend at work. I’m covering for a friend one day. So, I thought you two could go and take Wes and Alan with you.”

“Perfect! Dad, can we do that?”

“Sure,” I reply to Kyle but keep my eyes trained on Grace. She fidgets under my scrutiny. She’s hiding something.

“Okay, have a seat, Mom. I want you to open your gift.”

Kyle wrapped the small earring box inside several other boxes, each bigger than the previous. He finally stopped when he reached a box big enough to hold a window air conditioning unit. Weeding through all the boxes and paper takes Grace a while to find her actual gift.

When she finally opens the small velvet box, she is shocked speechless. One hand covers her open mouth, and tears spring to her eyes. She swallows back a sob as she continues to stare at them.

“Kyle…Blake…you shouldn’t have.”

“Are you kidding? My mom is the best, so she deserves the best. Try them on. Let’s make sure we got your size,” he jokes.

She takes them out, tears still shimmering in her eyes, and carefully replaces her current earrings with the diamond studs. When she looks at them in the mirror, she can no longer control her emotions. “They’re gorgeous. And they fit perfectly.”

She turns and hugs Kyle, thanking him for the thoughtful gift. I stand and wait for my turn, eager to have her in my arms and to feel her willing embrace against me again. She looks at me when she releases Kyle and stretches her arms toward me. I step into her space, and she wraps her arms around my neck. My hands glide around her waist until they meet, and I draw her entire body into mine.

“Mmm, Grace,” I murmur into her ear. Then she melts into me a little more as her body betrays her attempt at self-preservation. She tries to hide how much she’s affected by me, how badly she still wants me, until we touch. Then she can’t hide what she really wants and needs any more than I can.

“Thank you for these. They’re gorgeous.”

“You are gorgeous, Grace. These diamonds can’t hold a candle to you.”

“Still such a sweet talker.” She releases me and wipes the tears from her eyes. “I still can’t believe you got me diamond earrings.”

“You’ve always wanted them. We figured it was about time you got them,” Kyle replies.

“I wish I’d gotten them for you years ago. But I’ll focus on spoiling you so much more in the future.”

She quickly hides the sadness in her eyes. But not quickly enough to hide it from me.

Satisfied with opening his big gift, Kyle leaves Grace and me alone on the couch. The fire and the twinkling tree are our only light. My back is against the armrest, and her back is against my chest. My arms are around her, and I realize we feel so right together.

“I love my earrings. Thank you.” Her voice is soft with a hint of sleep.

Maybe if I keep holding her, keeping her warm, she’ll fall asleep in my arms tonight.

“Kyle picked them out. Getting those for you was very important to him.”

“He’s the best kid. I don’t know what I’ll do without him when he leaves.”

That reminder makes me flinch involuntarily. My muscles tense, and my heart skips a beat before it starts jackhammering against my ribs. She misinterprets my reaction and tries to get up, but I lock my arms around her.

“I don’t want you to go. Stay with me tonight.”

“Blake, why even pretend now? You’re gone as soon as Kyle is gone. We both know this act won’t last much longer. You got caught up in pretending nothing has happened and fooled yourself into thinking you were happy with me again. But the minute reality hits home, as soon as Kyle’s gone, you’ll be gone too.”

“Yes, I messed up. I got lost, but I’m not pretending about anything now. This isn’t an elaborate act I’m all caught up in, Grace. But I am trying to give you time and space to work this out in your mind. This is the marriage I want—that I’ve always wanted. This is the bond I want us to have. This is the couple I want us to be—sharing everything, doing everyday things together, spending time together every chance we get. You have to see my intentions are true and feel my love for you is real before you’ll believe my words. Let me show you, babe. Stay here in my arms tonight. Just let me hold you.”

She relaxes against me but doesn’t respond. She doesn’t need to, though. I already know what I need to know.

She isn’t ready to accept the rings I bought her yet.