“Hey pretty lady, did you miss me?” I hadn’t spent much time with Ma in the past couple of weeks, so I offered to take her out to dinner.

Of course I get to her house and she’s cooked a full meal.

“I always miss my boys when they’re not here with me.” Looking over her shoulder with a smile, Ma looked beautiful. “Haven’t seen much of you lately.”

I raked a hand through my hair which was well past due for a cut, but Jaya loved running her fingers through it so I kept putting it off. “Been busy with work.”

“And Jaya,” she added with a wide cheesy grin.

“Yes Ma, with Jaya.” She was fishing and I knew I wouldn’t get out of here tonight without a full interrogation. So I grabbed a beer and settled in.

“Put that beer back young man, we’re having my famous lasagna which means we’re having wine. Open the red,” she said, pointing with that wooden spoon that would forever give me and Garrett nightmares.

I poured us both a glass, picking at the olives she’d set out with cheese and crispy bread triangles. “What have you been up to Ma?”

“Sharon and I signed up for a Zumba class! It’s fun but, damn we work up a sweat!” She laughed and told me all about moving her hips in a figure eight motion that had caused a man to ask her on a date.

“You’re a beautiful woman Ma, of course he asked you out. But don’t be showing him your hip moves too soon, okay?” She laughed and shook her head, bringing salad to the table.

“Why not? I have needs and I’m not looking for another husband.”

I choked on my wine and glared at her. “Ma, please.”

“Fine,” she lifted her hands in a defensive gesture, looking far too innocent for a woman talking about needs. “Since you don’t want to hear about my love life, tell me about yours.”

I walked right into that, and her smug smile confirmed it. “Real smooth, Ma.”

She laughed with her whole body, dropping lettuce on the table as she scooped up salad. “Sorry but you walked right into that one. I do want to know what’s up with you and Jaya though. Sharon said she called three times last week and you were there. Plus, I hear you took her away for the weekend. Sounds serious.”

It was serious, at least I thought so. “I’m not really sure Ma. We do spend a lot of time together and I think she has feelings for me, but there’s something holding her back. I just wish I knew what it was.”

“So you love her? Still? Again?”

“Jeez Ma, ask the easy questions, why don’t you?” I shrugged, but it was my mother and she only wanted me to be happy. “I never stopped loving her. I left because I had to do it in order to achieve my goals. Goals I thought would lay the foundation for our life together.” It killed me that she didn’t see that. Refused to understand it.

“Did you ever tell her these plans were for your future? Did you even indicate you wanted a future with her?”

Shit. No I hadn’t. “How could she not have known? We’d been best friends since first grade, dated since eight grade. I loved her and wanted to marry her!” She knew all that, hell we talked about it all the time.

“That was the plan, yes. But then you show up one day and tell her you’re leaving. That the plans you both had made together had suddenly changed. From that she was supposed to get that not everything had changed, just mostly everything?”

The egg timer buzzed and she hopped up as though she hadn’t just thoroughly shaken my faith in the past, to pull the lasagna from the oven.

“Dammit, Ma!” How could I not have seen this all these years? No wonder she’d been so angry to see me. “She’s never going to open up to me fully, is she?” Was there even a point in trying to win her back? Maybe I should be happy with what we had, but goddammit I wasn’t. Jaya was mine and we belonged together. I would do whatever it took to make her see it. To make her believe it.

“Of course she will, it’s just…you need to understand something Colt. When you left, Jaya was devastated. And then when she-,” she let out a long breath and shook her head. “My point is that getting over you wasn’t easy for her so if she needs time, then you need to give it to her.”

I nodded and accepted the plate of lasagna she handed to me but my mind couldn’t help but linger on the interrupted sentence. Ma knew something that might help me get Jaya to open up to me, and I needed to get it out of her.

“Tell me Ma,” I began, but my phone rang and Ethan was on the other line. “We’re not done,” I told her and picked it up. “Yeah?”

“I need you out here in D.C. Colt. We have a chance for a long-term security contract assisting different DoD agencies in the field. It’s a big contract man.”

Shit this was it. What I’ve been working towards this for years. “I’ll be on the next flight out.”

“Good. I’m at The Jefferson, Ann’s already working on getting you a room.”

Shit. That meant I’d be there a few days. “See you soon.” I disconnected the call and gave Ma an apologetic look. “I have to go Ma.”

She nodded, already on her feet at the counter. “I figured. Take this with you, eat it on that fancy jet of yours.”

“Thanks Ma. Love you.” I took the glass container and turned away before I froze. “Ma, and when she what?”

“Huh?” I knew her well enough to know when she was being truthful and right now her expression told me she knew a secret I needed to know.

“Ma you said Jaya was devastated, and when she…, and then you stopped. Finish your sentence, please.”

She shook her head and slid past me to the door. “I’ve already said too much son. Now go on and have a safe trip.” With that she gave me a peck on the cheek and shoved me out the door.

I wanted nothing more than to get in my car and rush to Jaya’s house and demand she tell what apparently everyone else knew. But I couldn’t. this contract was everything I had worked for. It was part of the reason Jaya and I had split up in the first place. I had to do this, or it would be like spitting on the memory of what we had.

***

Unfortunately, when I got to D.C. there were enough details relating to the business deal to keep me there for a full week. It had been a very lucrative and productive trip but it had taken me too far away from Jaya for too long.

The first few days we talked every day. She told me about her day and I told her what I could about the goings on in Washington. By Wednesday she’d grown quiet and then withdrawn. When Saturday rolled around I was up early and calling the pilot to get me back to Chicago as soon as possible Then I received a call from one of our tactical leaders.

Chicago would have to wait because I was needed down in Mexico to help get a couple rich of college kids out of a cartel mansion. I don’t know what the fuck these idiots were doing deep in Sinaloa country, but I was sure they regretted it now. The trip took a few hours during which I tried to reach Jaya no less than six times, but she never answered.

Something was wrong, I just knew it. But there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it right now. So I turned off my phone, coordinated with logistics. I hoped it might have been Jaya manning the station, but again, it wasn’t. All I could do at this point was focus on getting two rich assholes out of Mexico without getting any of my men hurt or killed in the process.

Still it pissed me off. She could at least return my call and let me know she’s all right. But…maybe I’d read this all wrong. Maybe we weren’t both falling in love again. Deeper in love. Maybe I was the dumbass falling in love, while Jaya was out for revenge, or maybe just a fling. Was I her rebound from her life falling apart?

Shit! I hated this part of relationships, and it had never been this difficult between me and Jaya.

Why was it so difficult now when it had been so perfect before?

“Yo Boss, we need to get the hell out of here. Now!”

I blinked at Gabe’s harsh words and ducked into the jet. The sun hadn’t risen yet and we needed to get the fuck out of dodge before anyone realized their prisoners had been taken and no ransom would be paid.

Finally though, I was headed back to Chicago.

Back to Jaya.

And back to reality. Whatever that was for us.