NINETEEN
NIKKI
“Oh, my God, Nikki!” Dani gasped once we were outside of the club and walking back to the ZTS house. “I can’t believe what you just said to Derek Anderson! I mean, what you just said to your professor!” She shook her head as if she still couldn’t make sense of it. “I mean, I heard the words coming out of your mouth, but I still can’t believe you said them!” She continued to shake her head, her eyes still wide. “You accused him of sleeping with his students!”
“Well, it’s probably true,” I muttered.
“So what? You actually said it to his face!” She took a deep breath. “I seriously can’t believe you said that!”
Actually, neither could I. The words had sort of just spilled out of their own accord. And now, looking back on them, I wished they hadn’t. Derek was definitely not someone I wanted to pick a fight with, because when it came down to it, he could win much more easily than I could. In this case, he pretty much held all the cards.
“Shit, I hope he doesn’t take it out on my grade in the class.”
“Did you see his expression?” Dani continued with a raucous laugh. “He was totally shocked!”
“He’s going to fail me, I just know it,” I responded as I shook my head and wished I’d been able to curb my tongue. Now I was scared to death to know what our relationship would be like moving forward. I was beyond sure that he wouldn’t take what I’d said kindly. I’d seen the shock in his eyes and then his total irritation as his friends started to laugh at him. Oh, man…
“No, he won’t,” Dani responded with a frown. “Come on, he started to smile once the shock wore off. I don’t think you pissed him off. If anything, I think you amused the hell out of him. You know as well as I do that he’s not used to anyone talking to him like that, especially not an undergraduate!”
“I didn’t see him smile.”
“You’d already turned around at that point.”
I sighed deeply. “I hope you’re right.” The last thing I wanted to do was piss Derek off to such an extent that my grade might be in jeopardy.
“Dude, he looked at you like he wanted to pounce on you right then and there!” Dani continued. “Bet we know who’s going to be in Professor Anderson’s dreams tonight.”
“I don’t even want to give that thought life,” I muttered, my heart still racing in shock over what I’d said to him and the possible consequences.
“Oh come on, you know you think he’s hot. How could you not?”
I shook my head. “I’m not attracted to him.”
“I so don’t believe that.”
“No, seriously, I’m not,” I insisted.
“Why the hell not?”
I shrugged as I tried to pinpoint the reason. “He’s just too … too …” Hmm, why wasn’t I attracted to him? Well, it wasn’t so much that I wasn’t attracted to him … I mean, I could admit that he had total bedroom eyes and a smile that made you want to smile, but … “He’s just so cocky, and he’s just … too cool for school,” I finished, sounding every bit as stupid as I felt.
“What does that even mean?” Dani asked with a frown.
I shook my head. “I don’t know, but suffice to say I don’t want to become another head mounted on Derek Anderson’s wall of women.”
“Wow, that was pretty poetic!”
“Ha ha,” I grumbled as I shook my head and wondered how much trouble my big mouth was going to get me into. “Let’s drop it, okay? This whole subject is totally stressing me out.”
Dani nodded as her eyes glassed over again with a faraway expression. “Luke and John were pretty damned cute too.”
“Yeah, they were,” I answered, although my mind was elsewhere—namely on why exactly I was turned off by Derek. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t turned off by him. In fact, most of the time, I actually liked the guy. Well, when he was being engaging and charming, anyway. I definitely didn’t like him when he was telling me I looked like I was working the corner …
“God, Nikki, I want to do that again—I want to flirt with hot ass guys! Let’s go to another club.”
“Take it easy, tigress,” I laughed as I patted her on the back. “Baby steps. If we do this too fast, we just might wind up in something that we’re not ready for.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Two reasons,” I answered but then silenced myself, trying to keep the smile from my mouth.
“Oh, my God, not again,” Dani groaned. “I’m so sick of the string theory, I could throw up.”
“I’m just playing with you,” I answered with a laugh. “But I do think we need to take our time. We need to master all the lessons in the handbook and we are nowhere near that level yet.”
Dani nodded. “Well, you’re the head bitch in this dog and pony show, so what’s next?”
“We let tonight sink in and continue to build our self-esteem and confidence. This is just one night in many, my dear.” I took a deep breath. “Remember what Jane said about being patient?”
Dani groaned. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well, we need to put that lesson to use.”
“I’ve tasted the flavor of what it means to be a femme fatale, and I’m addicted,” Dani said as she smiled broadly at me. “Thank God you found that notebook! I can’t even imagine how bad this breakup would have been without it.”
“I can,” I grumbled as an image of Brandon shot through my head and I had to exorcise it fervently. “We still have a long way to go,” I added, wanting to be the voice of reason. It was too soon to get caught up, too soon to think we were ready to unleash our new skillset. We needed more time.
“Yes, that’s true,” Dani agreed. “At least tell me it felt good to tell Derek off?” she asked. “Because I gotta tell you, after that, you are my new mentor. That was beyond amazing.”
I thought about it for a split second. “Yeah, it felt pretty damn good,” I answered with a broad grin. “But I’m just hoping my loose lips didn’t just sink my ship.”
***
NIKKI
As I walked into my Feminism in Literature class, I was nervous. This would be the first day I would have to face Derek after I’d seen him at the club and said what I had to him. It was also the day our term papers were due, so my nerves were already a jittery mess to begin with.
When I walked through the double doors, I noticed Derek was standing behind the podium, busily poring over his notes. Pleased he hadn’t noticed me, I hightailed it to the back row and sank down into the chair which only happened to be as far away from him as was possible. Then I pulled my baseball cap lower on my head and tried to shrink into my sweatshirt as best I could. Yes, I’d traded my hot-girl-wardrobe in for my sweats. I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible.
“Afternoon, everyone,” Derek greeted the class with a handsome smile. Yes, handsome. I had to catch myself as soon as the thought crossed my mind. Why in the hell was I thinking he was handsome? I had no business thinking about him along those lines. I had no business thinking about him at all …
After ten minutes, I noticed with chagrin mixed with relief that he hadn’t looked at me once. Maybe he hadn’t recognized me in my hat? While I seriously doubted such was the case, by the end of the class, it was pretty obvious that I no longer existed to Derek Anderson. Well, if his lack of eye contact was any indication. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt completely deflated by the fact. If anything, I should have been happy that he hadn’t eyed me with daggers and had, instead, chosen to ignore me, but then I thought maybe that was a harbinger of what was to come. Maybe he was so angry with me that he was going to pretend like I didn’t exist, along with my grades?
Or maybe you’re worrying way too much, I chided myself. Panicking isn’t going to do anything to help the situation.
“Hopefully you haven’t all forgotten your term papers were due today,” he said as he glanced at the clock above our heads. “Please drop them into the box at the end of the table on your way out.”
Everyone immediately stood up as the sounds of backpacks unzipping, folders opening and shuffling papers filled the air. I already had my paper in hand because my plan was to be the first person in line to drop it off so Derek wouldn’t have to notice me any longer than I’d have to notice him. I stood up, my backpack already hanging over my shoulder, and took the steps two at a time, nudging out a few students who tried to get in my way. I was determined and no one was going to stop me.
I threw my paper into the wire basket at the end of the table, my eyes firmly fixed on the double doors which represented escape. As soon as the paper was in the basket, I hurried forward, tasting the freedom of the hallway the closer my feet brought me to it.
“Nikki, I’d like a word with you,” Derek said, his words echoing through me as my stomach dropped to my toes. I felt like I was stuck in tar as I stopped walking and then turned around to face him. But he wasn’t looking at me; instead, he was smiling at each student as they made their way to the basket to drop off their papers.
I continued to stand there with my heart pounding against my ribs as I wondered what lay in store for me. Was he failing me? Was he going to ream me for speaking to him the way I had in front of his friends? Was he going to send me to the dean? Was it even possible for him to send me to the dean for a comment I’d made outside of the classroom? Was he going to expel me? ’Course, he couldn’t do that without the dean’s approval … so did that mean he had the dean’s approval?
I was so overcome with worry about what I was soon to face that I didn’t even realize Beau was standing in front of me and trying to get my attention.
“Hello,” he waved his hand right in front of my face. “Earth to Nikki!”
“Oh,” I said as I blinked a few times and then felt the flush of embarrassment stain my cheeks. “Sorry, I was zoning out,” I said with a little smile even though I couldn’t say I was happy to see Beau and wondered why the hell he was talking to me in the first place.
“I just wanted to ask you what you’re doing later,” he said as he eyed my sweats with what looked like a total lack of appreciation. “Slumming it today?”
“Ha ha,” I answered as anger started to brew inside me. Was this jerk really asking me out? After dumping me on my ass without so much as an explanation a few weeks ago? Who the hell did he think he was? And he was making fun of my outfit on top of it?
“So?” he asked, after the silence stretched between us.
“So what?” I responded.
“So, what are you up to tonight?”
“I’ve got plans already,” I answered, even though it was a lie. Although I wasn’t dressed the part, I immediately shielded myself with my femme fatale training, wanting nothing more than to deflect his advances with a few smart-mouthed jabs. But then I remembered I needed to drop the anger. Seductresses didn’t get mad, they got even.
“Okay,” he started with a frown. “Tomorrow night then?”
“I’ve got plans then too,” I answered with an embarrassed frown and shrug like it wasn’t my fault my social calendar was so full.
“Then the weekend?” he asked, his tone of voice beginning to sound less sure of himself. That was when it dawned on me that the jerk actually thought I would want to see him! Even after what a total asswipe he’d been!
“I’m actually busy over the weekend too,” I finished with a smart smile. “And I’ve got plans all next week and the week after that. In fact,” I continued as I cocked my head to the side and pretended to think about it. “My schedule is booked every week and weekend from here on out until… yeah,” I shrugged. “Until the end of the year.”
“Really, Nikki,” Beau started, shaking his head. “That’s cute, but …”
“All right, Beau Bright,” Derek suddenly interrupted as he approached us. “It doesn’t look like the lady wants anything to do with you, so why don’t you just retreat with your tail between your legs and go and lick your wounds in private?”
Beau shook his head, but saying nothing, he started for the double doors, no slack in his jaw. After they slammed shut behind him, I turned around to face Derek and found him standing right in front of me, his arms folded across his broad chest as he regarded me with a cool smile. We were the only ones left in the classroom.
“Hi,” he said as his smile widened.
“Hi,” I answered, clearly surprised by his pleasantry. I didn’t know what else to say so nothing but silence blared between us for at least a few seconds while I waited for him to come out with the fact that I’d been expelled.
“So, you definitely have some balls saying what you did to me the other night,” he started as my heart turned over and then started pounding.
“Yeah, well,” I answered as I wondered just what I should say to him. Part of me wanted to tell him off, but there was that sticky little subject known as my grade that kept me from telling him exactly how I really felt. “About that …”
“For the record,” he interrupted. “I was in trouble with the dean because I refused to teach Sonama’s class over the summer,” he explained. “Not because I was banging graduate students.”
I couldn’t hold his gaze because I was so embarrassed. “Not that it’s any of my business,” I said, feeling like I was shrinking into the floor.
“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “But I thought I should be able to defend myself at least on that one point.”
“You really don’t have to do that,” I started, but he silenced me with a shake of his head.
“I know the reputation I have,” he said. “But, for whatever it’s worth, I’ve only dated one graduate student, and it was a huge mistake,” he continued, and I felt two inches tall that he was even explaining this to me. He really didn’t have to because I was right—it wasn’t my business. “But that ended a while ago, and I would hesitate to even call it dating,” he finished.
“Derek, you don’t have to tell me all this,” I said, silently wishing he would stop because I was so embarrassed, I was sure my face was bright red. And I didn’t imagine femme fatales were used to getting embarrassed.
He nodded. “I know, but I wanted to set the record straight. Definitely don’t want my students thinking poorly of me,” he added with a laugh.
“I don’t,” I started, completely shocked that he seemed to be taking all of this in stride. In fact, if I hadn’t known better, I would have said he seemed to be in a downright happy mood.
“And there was one other thing,” he interrupted me again.
“One other thing?” I asked, gulping down the feeling that his anger was about to make itself known.
“I took it upon myself to look into your file, and it seems you’re an English major,” he began.
I felt my heart leap into my throat. “Please don’t let what happened at Hardigan’s affect my GPA or my major,” I begged him. “I really want to go to graduate school, Derek, and I realize that I said something I shouldn’t have, but please please please don’t take it out on my future!”
He started clapping as he smiled down at me. “Well, bravo, for that moving little display,” he said. “Methinks you should have been a drama major.” I didn’t say anything so he continued. “Not to worry—I’m not in the business of fucking up my students’ futures. And, yes, you’ve got a very high GPA,” he continued with a shrug. “A 3.75 isn’t too shabby.”
“I can’t afford to have it drop,” I pleaded with him. “I want to get into a good graduate school. Please, Derek, tell me I can make it up with community service, or I’ll clean your house every week for the next however long, whatever you want!”
He started to laugh. “Calm down, Nikki, Jesus! Talk about jumping to conclusions!” He continued to chuckle as I eyed him with confusion. “I would never dream of upsetting your very good grade point average, and I have no interest in playing the role of roadblock to your grandiose aspirations towards a master’s degree, is it?” he eyed me with a smile. “Or a PhD?”
“Master’s,” I answered as I then took a deep breath.
“And no offense, but I can’t imagine you’re very good at cleaning,” he continued as he shook his head. I wasn’t sure what gave him that idea, but I wasn’t going to fight it because he was right, I wasn’t exactly good at or interested in cleaning. Instead, I eyed him with confusion as I tried to understand what the hell was happening.
“Okay, I have to admit I’m totally lost.”
“What are your plans for this summer?” he asked, further throwing me for a loop.
“Um,” I started. “I don’t have any.”
“Well, unluckily for me, I had lavish plans that included traveling to Thailand, but those aspirations were shot to hell by the dean.”
“Okay,” I said in a way that said I wasn’t following him and had no clue why he was going on about summer.
“Instead, I will be taking over two of Sonama’s classes and offering one of my own.”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, wondering if he was just trying to illicit my sympathy.
“Not as sorry as I am,” he answered with a sigh. “Anyway, my point in telling you all of this is that I have an opening for a teacher’s assistant position over the summer, and I’d like you to consider taking it,” he responded as I felt my mouth drop open. “It wouldn’t be a paid position, but it would look very good to potential graduate schools.”
“Um, what?” I asked as shock rode through me.
Derek laughed. “What part of that whole exchange did you not get?”
“You want me to be your T.A.?” I repeated, my voice sounding as doubtful as I felt. “After I accused you of sleeping with your students in front of your friends?” He nodded.
“When you put it that way, it does sound pretty bizarre, doesn’t it?”
I just nodded because I still wasn’t convinced that I wasn’t just dreaming all of this. “But I’m only an undergraduate,” I argued. “Don’t T.A.’s have to be graduate students?”
“In general, yes,” he answered but didn’t seem very concerned about that fact.
“So?”
“I tend to like to bend rules,” he answered with a shrug. I had to admit that his statement didn’t surprise me. I had a feeling every rule that came Derek’s way got bent.
“I’m not going to comment,” I said with a quick smile. “But what I will ask you is why in the world you would want me to be your T.A., especially after what I said to you?” I cleared my throat. “Forgive me for being stupid, maybe, but somehow that just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.”
He shrugged. “Simple. You aren’t afraid of me. You speak your mind, and I appreciate that. And, furthermore, you’re incredibly bright and I can see the love you have for literature by the heated conversations we’ve had in class and by all the assignments you’ve turned in thus far.” He took a deep breath. “You do realize you have a straight A in this class so far?”
“You haven’t read my term paper yet,” I answered with a nervous laugh.
“True, but at this point, I probably don’t even need to.”
“Don’t tell me that!” I responded, faux offended. “I put a lot of work into that damn thing!”
He chuckled. “I was kidding.” Then the laugh died on his lips and he just stared into my eyes for a few seconds, making me feel decidedly uncomfortable because his was the expression of a man who was about to kiss me. What bothered me even more, maybe, was the realization that if he did try to kiss me, I wasn’t going to stop him.
“Think about it, and if you could give me an answer by the end of the week, I’d appreciate it.”
“Sure,” I answered as I thought about how this conversation had gone in a direction I never could have imagined. He gathered his things and started for the double doors as I walked alongside him. “Thanks, by the way,” I said when we walked through the doors. “It means a lot to me that you think I’m qualified for the position.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” he answered with a handsome smile. “Take it and you’re basically going to be my grunt.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.