I look up from where I’m seated next to Whisper on the couch to see Ghost has returned and I can’t help the smirk sliding across my face. The big guy does me proud, wearing the gift that Whisper has given him, even though it was Phoenix who had picked it out for her. But I don’t need to tell the big man that… just yet. He thinks he’s wearing it for Whisper and that’s a good thing he’s doing.
"I really should tell Ghost he doesn't need to wear that ugly Christmas sweater," Whisper murmurs discreetly to me, her hand covering her mouth. "When I told Phoenix to purchase him something warm and manly, I was thinking along the lines of his clothing style he likes to wear. I had no idea she was going to buy him a red knitted sweater with an upside down snowman on the front with a 3D plastic carrot for a nose and green tinsel for hair, with two big blue balls on the front. Blue balls… get it? I really should say something. She even sent me a text earlier requesting me to have a selfie with Hazard and Ghost."
Now I’m covering my mouth with the back of my hand trying to hide my laugh. Phoenix is just begging for payback from those two.
"Edge, it's so embarrassing what she's done. Hazard and Ghost must think I'm very tacky.” I bet they’re questioning her taste, but they’ll never tell her.
“Great idea! I think I might go have a selfie with the two of them,” I mutter behind my hand.
"Edge, they're your friends," she scolds me sounding a little concerned about my lack of empathy for their predicament."
"They're big boys, if they didn't want to wear your gifts, they would make up some excuse," I remind her. It is the fucking funniest thing Phoenix has gotten away with. "They want to please you, but the look on their faces when they unwrapped their gifts, followed by the looks they gave each other—priceless."
“Edge!” she says giggling.
“It’s Christmas, it’s the time for giving, plus it’s too fucking funny.” Ghost got off lightly. Hazards’ blue knitted sweater has written on it: When I Think Of You, I Touch My Elf. Now I’m really not gonna tell my club President today that they weren’t Whisper’s idea. He too thinks Whisper is getting in with the whole Christmas theme gift-giving. I think everybody is trying not to laugh at the two of them. All I know is Phoenix had better run the next time she sees Hazard because it’s going to be game on, whether Slade likes it or not.
“By the way, have I told you how beautiful you look in that red cocktail dress Miss Catherine bought for you?” I want nothing more to take her up into the bedroom and show her how much I love what she’s wearing. Tug her ponytail out of her hair and ravish her.
“About five times,” she smiles, her eyes lower hiding the same desire. She’s shy about showing too much affection in front of the room of people.
Just then Mathias walks into the room dressed casually in jeans and a smart collared long-sleeved shirt. He looks a lot healthier than the last time I saw him. His mother is beside him—the resemblance is undeniable. He's gently guiding her by the elbow, but I feel it looks more like a show of support.
She's a beautiful older woman dressed in cream slacks and a purple silk blouse. She's gripping a couple of gift bags.
Boxer and Doc Evelyn greet Lily, and there almost seems recognition in his mother’s eyes when they land on Boxer.
Joel, Lincoln, and Hazard are the next to step into their path, slowing them down. But they sure as shit keep looking over at this couch as though distracted from the introductions. Joel and Lincoln in that order give Lily a hug and kiss on the cheek, bringing their focus back to them. There appears a familiarity between them the way she responds as though they too have met prior.
Maybe they’ve stopped by Mathias’s hotel?
Lily's beauty catches Hazard's eye. He's giving her a swift up-and-down and likes what he sees. I roll my eyes. He appreciates a classy looking woman.
Joel leans in and says something to Lily and Mathias that I can't make out, but it's enough for Hazard's eyebrows to shoot up, his head jerks back, and then he swings that shocked expression around to me. He quickly shuts it down when he sees the what-the-fuck look on my face.
I find Ghost watching me and then he’s stalking over to the fire and busying himself with the logs.
What the fuck?
Doc Evelyn and Miss Catherine, each carry a tray laden with glasses and drinks distracting me from making a bee-line for Ghost or Hazard and asking them ‘what the fuck is going on?’
Miss C pauses as she passes Mathias and his mother, turns back with an oh-my look on her face while the tray of clean empty glasses starts to dip on a one-way trip to sending them all smashing on Ghost's floor.
I shoot up from the couch seeing the disaster about to happen and make a dive for her arm, but Ghost is quicker than me, snatching the tray away from her relaxed hands.
“You all right Miss Catherine?” His deep voice booms with concern.
What the hell just happened to her?
“Ahh…yes”—one bony hand rests against her heart—“dem bones of mine be playin’ up,” she replies, her eyes shift to where I’m now standing near Mathias, and then they shift back to Mathias and Lily, who are both standing, staring at me.
“Have I grown another head or something?” I joke, but I want this staring contest to stop.
They both blink and I thrust a hand forward and shake the Norwegian’s hand. Mathias cocks his head on the side as though examining me while he’s pumping my arm up and down.
“Merry Christmas, to the both of you.” I nod my head at his mother because shaking her hand didn’t seem right. “You must be Lily.”
Then things got weird. Mathias yanks me forward and gives me a strong bear hug, his muscled arms holding me tight. I instinctively want to push him away, but something stops me. Maybe it’s the way he lets out a deep breath like he’d been holding onto it. Perhaps it's a Norwegian thing?
He sure is glad to see me. "Okay big guy." I pat him hesitantly on the back, giving him whatever he needs so that he can step the fuck back. “You all right, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He releases me with a look that borders on embarrassed for what he just did, but at the same time, it meant a lot to him to do it. I can feel that from him.
He looks over at his mother who—what the fuck? Is she crying?
"Great to meet you...” I pause because I don't know Mathias's last name, so I go with what I know. "Lily." I don't know what else to do in this odd moment, so I take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze, trying to ignore the silent tears, because sure as fuck I don't know what to make of it all.
She really is a stunning woman with Mathias taking after her in looks. They have the same hair color and eyes. I can’t judge her age. She’s definitely older than she looks. Mathias would have to be close to my age, surely?
"Dallas…" she says my name so softly in an American accent. Why doesn't she have an emphasis like her son? I don't even remember telling Mathias my first name. Maybe he knew it from Cezar?
Boxer is standing beside me now, with what feels more like a show of support for what? I got no fucking clue.
My eyes seek out Ghost again to see if he knows what the fuck is going on and he just gives me a shrug, which I find hard to believe because he's Boxer's right-hand man and Boxer appears familiar with Lily.
I look back to Boxer who is having one of those telepathic conversations with Mathias. Something is up. Boxer is definitely in on whatever the hell is going on.
I walk back over to my woman and sit down beside her on the couch. I possessively pull her in closer to me, protecting her. And fuck me if the two of them aren’t walking over towards us. It appears they have tunnel vision only for us.
“Whoa!” I hold both hands up. “What the hell is going on? You two are looking at me like I’m prime steak.”
Boxer is following on over with Doc Evelyn who isn't able to hold onto a perfect poker face.
“Jesus!” I mutter under my breath. She’s in on it, too?
Joel and the BFF are standing by the tree, trying their hardest to look anywhere but at me.
Not them, too?
I lock onto Hazard. “You know something?”
“I didn’t, but I think I do now. I was in the dark as much as you. I only just eavesdropped on the inner sanctum,” he rumbles, a bit pissed off, which doesn’t bode well when Hazard gets all growly like a bear.
Whisper hasn't said a word. I look at her, and she has a tear sliding down her cheek. I instantly think she's in pain.
“Babe, what is it? Are you hurting?” I’m looking at her for signs of distress, but there aren’t any.
"No, I'm fine." She wipes the rogue tear away. "I just ask that you listen to Lily and Mathias, can you do that for me?
“Yeah... I can do whatever you need me to do because it’s you who’s asking.”
“Edge, it’s going to be okay,” she reassures me, her hand sliding into mine.
Well, fuck. So it’s not a bad thing?
I’m confused.
“Okay, what are you all withholding from me, because I’m starting to lose my Christmas joy and I’m about to take Whisper up to her room away from you lot because I’m beginning to think somebody spiked the first round of eggnog a little too heavily.”
“Dallas Dupré?” Lily’s eyes growing rounder and wetter.
“Yes.” I mean what else am I gonna say?
“William Dupré’s son born on the twenty-eighth of February?” her voice quivers as she runs a shaky hand down the arm of her blouse, as though trying to calm the tremors.
"Unfortunately." My temper is gonna rise unless I get some fast answers. "Look, if somebody doesn't tell me what the fuck is going on—"
“I’m your… mother… Lily.” Her words come out hesitant and slow, as though she doesn’t want to spook me.
Her words shut me right-the-fuck up.
“Oookaay. I thought we were going to hit him up with that Christmas surprise a little later on, but now is good,” Mathias says under his breath looking up through thick lashes at me, where he’d been studying his feet, his hands clasped tightly together.
Lily's small shaky hand reaches out to touch me, and I flinch in response to the movement, halting the connection. She looks, hurt? I don't know what the fuck my body just did. I'm getting a lot of white noise in my head because I sure as fuck don't think I heard correctly.
What the fuck did she just say?
My eyes narrow, all my concentration channeling into this woman standing before me. Every person and everything in this room, but Whisper, fades away.
I heard mother.
What the fuck?
I lean forward, my elbows resting on my thighs. My heart beats to a new solo in my ears as blood rushes forward.
Mother?
My brain has jumped ship pulling a blank. I look at Mathias and cock my head on the side. Is he my brother? And then I look back at this woman whose lips tremble so delicately. She truly believes the shit she's telling me, and Mathias looks like he's on board with the whole family-fucking-reunion.
Boxer takes charge. “I think we all need to leave you alone with Mathias and Lily for a little chat. I’ll take Whisper with us to give you some privacy.”
Fuck that!
“Whisper can hear whatever they have to say”—I jerk my chin in the direction of mother and son—“although it looks like she already knows.” I’m not letting my girl out of my sight. If this is such a happy moment, then I want her sitting right on this couch beside me.
Is this the real reason why Whisper has been nervous to see Mathias again?
“Babe, you been holding out on me?” I say without looking at Whisper. I think it would hurt me to know she had been.
“Not really. I only found out about an hour ago, and I don't know much.” She leans to the side, pulls my chin around, so I face her and she gives me a peck on the mouth, her eyes giving me the encouragement to stay put. “Listening costs nothing. Boxer wouldn’t let you be hurt if she was lying.”
Well, fuck!
Mathias takes his mother’s hand and gently tugs her down onto the low coffee table that has been moved closer to Whisper’s couch for her convenience.
“Edge… Mathias is your younger brother, and Lily is your mother, and that is worth understanding.” I turn my head to look at her. Whisper’s soft words are trying to cement what this woman has said to me as the gospel truth. "Boxer has already confirmed. Doc Evelyn has tested their DNA and yours." Whisper curls her hand over mine. I'm thrown a life buoy for me to grab hold of. "Boxer explained to me he took hair and toothbrush samples for your DNA," she says sheepishly. "He wanted to protect you, just in case it was a false claim." Her brown eyes are urging me to believe her. "Joel helped out too by digging into Lily's life to make sure she was safe for you to get to know. Boxer didn't want you to get hurt. Lily's a good woman who raised Mathias by herself, and you need to listen to her side of the story. She never wanted to lose you. You were never intentionally abandoned. She lost you as much as you lost her."
"I thought you said you didn't know anything?" I question Whisper because I'm out of my depth with this one.
"Boxer told me just enough for me to know you are surrounded by people who care about you and wouldn't let a false claim hurt you. I needed to know that much from Boxer. Joel knows a little more than me, but Boxer and Mathias are the only ones who know the whole story from cover to cover. Sitting opposite you is a mother who has had to live without her child for a long time. You've lived without your biological mother for a long time, and now against all the odds, the opportunity is here for that to change, if you are willing to listen. Can you do that?"
Well… fuck!
I look around the room for any help, but there is nobody else in the room but the four of us.
I ain’t got nothing. My brain has short-circuited.
I swing my eyes back to the Norwegian and Lily.
What the fuck?
How?
Where has she been?
What the ever-loving fuck?!
Why did she step out on me?
“Explain!” I roar because it’s all I can muster.
I don’t want to feel this hope that has bubbled up inside me. I could have a biological mother alive and well sitting opposite me, and at the same time, I’m at war with how the fuck she could leave me with that evil fucker. The one thing I’ve learned out of this thing with Whisper is not to jump to conclusions, but to hear all the words first before I start sparking off and making assumptions.
Lesson fucking learned.
My heart is belting out a beat so hard my ribs are vibrating in my chest.
This woman is my mother.
Mathias is my brother.
My emotions are tangled. I don’t know if I’m supposed to jump up and down for joy or feel fucked-off they were not present in my life. My heart has steeled itself against these people because I don't fucking know what to do with this knowledge at the moment. I'm wary, I need answers, I have pain that I've kept locked down, and I'm not ready to release it and welcome them with—well, I don’t even know that yet. Do we hug it out?
“Edge, she has a story to tell you if you’ll listen to her,” Mathias pipes up.
I bet she fucking has.
"How long have you known we are related?" I ask Mathias, choosing not to give into this DNA thing easily.
“Confirmed? Less than twenty-four hours. I've had to keep mom from coming over here until we had the DNA results, which we got yesterday. Boxer called to let us know. Mom’s been doing it tough knowing you were close enough for her to touch. It’s been very hard for her.”
Mom. Referring to this woman in that term feels so foreign.
This is all new to him, too. He believes his mother. My eyes swing back to Lily, and I can see how much she wants to launch herself at me, but I won't allow that—not yet.
Whisper squeezes my arm enough to get my attention. I look down into her anxious big browns. "I wasn't deliberately keeping it from you; it simply wasn't my place to tell you something so amazing and important. It was your mother's place. I know no more than she's your biological mother and that Mathias is your brother. Please, I'm not used to a family, and this was—"
“It’s okay, babe,” I hush her sealing my reply with my lips over hers. I’m okay with her decision.
I want to give this woman opposite me a softer place to put her ass because the coffee table doesn't seem the right place for her to sit, but I need to stay anchored to Whisper, and I need to hear the reasons she has for leaving me alone to be abused over and over.
I've never feared much in life, but I'm scared shitless to hear what Lily has to say. I need more than anything to know she didn't just grab Mathias and walk away from me for a better life.
Lily swipes a shaking hand across her face, wiping the tears away and then she sits up a little straighter as though to give herself a backbone and to get through what she has to say without falling in a heap along the way.
“Your father… William”—she takes a deep breath, this story is going to be very hard for her to repeat—“and I were only seventeen when we first met. Both homeless, and living life on the streets of Virginia, doing what we needed to do to survive. He was a runaway, closely guarding his reasons and I fled the Foster Care system. I felt safer on the streets.” She takes another deep breath, her voice has been steady, but her manner unsure of my reaction. I have a poker face as I sit here listening. I was doing okay in life until she came along.
“William looked out for me. It wasn’t until much later I learned disturbing things about what he did to keep us fed and alive. There was another side to William, one he kept well hidden.” I bet the fucker kept it well hidden.
“We fell in love—or what I thought was love.” She lowers her eyes to her hands, which are clenched tightly in her lap. “He was my protector, but William had a wild side, and I kept making excuses for it because he was all I had. We were both wild, but I had my limits. He never laid a finger on me, but he knew how to fight and keep us safe and he wouldn’t hesitate to knock a man down. He could be very violent at times.”
She closes her eyes tight.
“Go on Mom,” Mathias encourages her, his eyes glued to me. He’s already heard this story; instead, he chooses to watch for my reactions. I’ll give them nothing because I don’t know how to react until I know more. This woman left me in the clutches of a monster, and in time the evil monster was able to abuse Whisper for the longest time. She deserves nothing from me until I hear it all.
“We had saved up some money, had a small rental, but everything we did to survive was illegal. We were thieves—lawbreakers. I found out I was pregnant with you, Dallas, when I was twenty-years-old, and William appeared happy he was going to be a father. He had just turned twenty-one.
“We were doing so well for ourselves that William thought it would be a good idea to travel abroad. We could now afford a grand adventure. We would move our thievery to Europe, never staying in one place or country too long. I didn't need much convincing. Both our lives had been hard, but now we were in charge. I was so excited to travel the world. We had money, and there was Europe to plunder.
“We were very successful thieves, often using disguises to aid us in our sweep across Europe. We kept off the beaten track, living and traveling in our van. I thought I was living the dream.
“The least amount of contact we had with people, the better. Back then it was much easier not to leave a paper trail of our lives, getting away with so much.
"During that time I felt so alive around William, breaking the law and stealing small fortunes, or at least it felt like so much at the time. I could do anything. He was a risk taker. He was creative, and he knew how to hide our tracks.
“You see, I wanted to believe in him. He was my hope for the future, for our baby’s future. I wanted to give my child what I didn’t have. I wanted to be happy and have a family and be financially sound. He made me believe every word he was selling me.
“I gave birth in that van with no complications and William appeared so proud he had a son. I had no physical proof you even existed. Your delivery was off the record and that I realize now was very deliberate.
"As a young man, William was a pro at being the con-man. He knew how to manipulate, and I didn't see coming what he had in store for me.
“I especially didn't see the monster lying dormant inside the boy I thought I’d loved and thought had loved me back—until it was too late.
"I believed in our future because it was all I had to hold onto after the hard life I had lived before I met William. I could put up with his odd outbursts because he hadn't stepped that far over the line yet…but eventually he did."
My stony face won’t crack. Lily sounds like she idolized the motherfucker.
The next words to leave her mouth almost shatter my poker face and make me swallow those harsh words of mine.
“Five months after you were born, William killed you—or so he had me believe.” Her voice rises in panic like she’s seeing it for the first time again.
Whisper lets out a gasp of horror, her hand protecting her belly. I’m a statue, unable to move. My father was the fucking devil himself. I barely register Whisper’s thin arm circling my back, her head resting on my shoulder. She wants to comfort a rock because that’s all I am as I listen.
"I had left you, Dallas, with William while I took the bicycle we hitched to the back of the van and rode to the nearest town to fill out a grocery list he had made up. I didn't think twice about leaving my baby with his father. We camped at the back of a disused dilapidated barn on a quiet stretch of country road in France. The barn was a good shield against prying eyes. I had been gone nearly two hours because I had a fair distance to ride to reach the small town," she tells us as though she needs us to understand why she was gone so long.
"When I arrived back with the groceries, I couldn't find William and my baby. The van was locked, and William had the key. I didn't have cause for panic, because the van was parked in the same place. I decided William was probably taking a little walk with you. I would often walk you up and down a quiet road to get you to fall asleep in my arms. William would get very angry when you cried. I would do everything I could to ensure you cried as little as possible around him. I didn't understand the depths of his hatred for your natural baby noises.
"William finally, appeared from inside the barn and called out to me, but you weren't in his arms. I still did not have reason to panic, even though something inside me set off warning bells and I ran the short distance to get to him.
"He had a wicked smile on his face that I didn't understand. He opened the barn door, which was on its last hinges and dramatically waved me forward. I entered the barn; the smell was horrible. I didn't understand what I was seeing and smelling at first." Lily pauses her story; her distraught eyes hold mine prisoner. "It took me a moment to realize he was showing me the charred remains of an infant.
"He'd lead me to believe he'd burned you to death. His reason for your death; you cried too much. He'd snapped, or what appeared to have been the case and he silenced you for good. That moment haunted me every day of my life. The grief has been almost unbearable to carry around with me silently." Her eyes glaze over. "I can still see your little body burned beyond recognition," she says in a voice filled with the kind of pain that never goes away.
"I now know William had staged a most heinous lie that I immediately accepted as truth. My heart now bleeds for the anonymous infant whose remains lay within those ashes. I have so many unanswered questions. I can only think you were asleep in the van the whole time."
Jesus. The reality of what Lily has gone through hits with a crushing force to my heart. I love these babies already, and they're only each the size of a pea.
Whisper gasps beside me, her hand cupping her mouth.
I hold my hand up to Lily to stop talking, but she’s in another place, her memories holding her captive. My attention is on my girl. “Do you feel sick? Is it the babies?”
Whisper drops her hand. "I'm fine… they're fine, but your poor mother. Her eyes glisten with the unshed tears threatening to fall before she blinks rapidly trying to banish them. "What she must have been put through," she adds softly. "If anything happened to our babies, I don't think I could survive that loss, and she did."
I know how Whisper feels.
“Babies?” Mathias asks, distracted from his mother’s story, his eyes go all Manga round.
"Yes…," she replies to both their stunned looks. They've obviously not been brought up to speed.
“You have babies?” Mathias mutters and points to Whisper's stomach. "In there? Plural?" And then he starts doing the math, and his body stiffens. He thinks she was raped.
Whisper rubs her belly. "I'm pregnant with twins, and they are Edge's." She answers the mixture of emotions and silent questions playing across the both of their faces.
Mathias’s eyes swing to mine, and I nod my head. He blows out a puff of air in relief she wasn’t raped. Lily looks like she’s about to bust a water pipe.
"Mathias, we have a few things to talk about later, but Rose was never pregnant. You assumed wrong, and we let you believe it was her, but it was always me," Whisper says softly.
At the sound of Rose's name, Mathias's eyes darken. Her death has been a hard blow he's still fighting his conscience over.
"Mathias, Rose kept Whisper safe," I remind him. "She was fiercely brave to have survived that life, and she's now got her peace. You have to let her have that. She knew what she was doing when she took Cezar out. It was her revenge." I don't know why, but the big guy's emotional pain affects me. I can’t be distracted by his feelings for Rose. “Mathias, did you not ever hear the name William Dupré when you worked for Cezar?”
"No. The name never came up around me and even if it had it would have meant nothing to me. I only knew my father left my mother when she was pregnant with me. I didn't know I had an older brother. I didn't even know my father's name. As far as I was concerned, if a man leaves his pregnant woman to fend for herself in Europe, then I was not yet at a place in my life that I cared to know more and I also knew Mom didn't talk about any of it. This information had only been released to me a few days ago, but I hold nothing against my mother. I knew she had her demons, but I never knew how far they crawled over this earth and her heart."
Lily bows her head, as though in shame and clasps her hands tightly. "I now understand, from what Boxer has explained, the wheels I set in motion from the day I met that seventeen-year-old-boy and the repercussions to both your lives. For that, I have no words for what you and Whisper have been put through." She raises her head to look at both of us. "I am so truly sorry for what William has done to the both of you. I had no idea. I never looked for the man. I’m guilty of staying as hidden from his evil as I could and living my life in Norway. I’m guilty of not reporting your alleged death to the police. I was frightened for Mathias’ life because William did not know I was pregnant with a second child.”
“What the fuck happened then? Did he just walk away from you? Did he try to kill—”
“Yes.” That one word cuts me deep.
"What happened?" I say with less force.
“I really don't want to go into that now, it's Christmas," she says softly, hopeful I'll let it drop.
Not a chance.
"Why stop now, let's hear the whole sordid tale." If a rock could speak, this is the voice I would hear coming out of it. I know I'm not behaving compassionately, but I'm having trouble holding back my anger for what my fath… William led Lily to believe he did to me.
“I was hysterical,” Lily carries on. “My mind couldn't fathom the charred remains were my baby boy. I looked around for a weapon and found a hunting knife hanging from the barn wall. I snatched it up and tried to stab him wherever I could on his body. I was a wild animal out to kill the monster who had taken from me, but I was no match for his strength. He grabbed my weapon away from me, shoved me backward, knocking me down and stabbing me through the shoulder with it. Before I lost consciousness, he told me if I went to the police or came after him he would finish off the job.” She looks at me in the hope I’ll understand. “I couldn’t lose another child to this evil man.”
She undoes the first three buttons on her blouse and reveals the scar just below her collarbone on the right side. “I’m guilty of believing his words and wanting to keep the secret I was carrying inside me, safe. He had proven to me how insane he was and what he was capable of doing. He had shown me a charred little body, and I did not doubt what he was showing me was you… Dallas.” She shivers even though the great room is comfortably warm. "The grief I've carried around with me for thirty-one years has been great. They say time helps, but that's a load of shit.
"When I regained consciousness, the charred little body had vanished. I thought I'd been dreaming until the pain registered in my chest. William had removed any evidence of the burned little body and the knife in my chest and taken the van with the bike and all the money. He'd left me my fake passport under the name I was traveling under at the time.
"It was coming up close to nightfall. I remember pushing to my feet and walking for many miles until a car pulled up beside me. An old French couple with enough English under their belts to communicate with me came to my rescue. Luck was on my side; his brother was a doctor. I was in shock and not making a lot of sense, but they understood I feared for my life and could not go to a hospital. They thought I had been hitchhiking and escaped my attacker.
"I stayed with them for two weeks until I was well enough to travel. They gave me a little money, and I lied and told them I'd made contact with my parents and they'd organized a flight for me back home. I think they knew I was bullshitting.
"I feared going back to America, so I started using my thievery skills again. It was the only thing I thought I was any good at. I'd only ever been a thief, it was what I knew, and I'm not ashamed to admit it got me back on my feet. In a nutshell, after four months of moving about, I made my way to Norway, and that is where I stayed.
“I eventually met a man, Bjørn, who helped me to get on the straight and narrow before Mathias was born. He was like a father to me, and I’m eternally grateful for everything he did for Mathias and me.
"Lily Schenk is not my birth name, nor any of the names I was using while traveling with William; it was my new identity I was going to keep for the rest of my life. I was a ghost in the system in America and Europe; a new adult was born. Back then it was easier to fall off the face of the earth and reappear as somebody else.
“I soon discovered with encouragement, I was an intelligent person who could indeed make something of herself, and I would eventually study and pass the bar. Now I’m a highly respected lawyer in Norway. I look after the people who need it most, and I also take on high paying jobs so I can help support the families that need me the most. I have tried to give back, to even the scales, but I know they forever tip on the downslope, but every day I want to make a difference—I want to help people like Bjørn helped me. He was a good man. He has since passed, but he gave me a safe life and Mathias had a strong male figure in his life he respected and loved. I wish you could have met him… Dallas," she says sadly. ”
I can’t keep quiet any longer. "My name is Edge. If you had died that day, Mathias would have also died, and that man would have still abused us. That didn't stop any of the chain of events happening." What I'm not saying out loud is I was the weak link there. Whisper would've been living another life if I had stayed with William. "He abandoned you, and that was the best thing he could have done. I knew evil William for over ten years, and I'm glad he abandoned you or else you would probably be dead. I'm however sorry he took me from you and left you to believe the worst thing a mother can.” Fuck, that must have been hard not being able to hunt him down. Another thing he got off lightly for. "He let you live because he wanted you to suffer for the rest of your life and live in fear. If you were dead, there was no pain and suffering."
I hope the devil is enjoying himself with that Hell’s bastard.
“Maybe, but I was also a coward and didn't go to the authorities. William gave me a chance to survive, knowing I was in too deep with breaking the law. If he went down for murder, I went down for stealing. We'd used fake identification all over Europe. I could not risk going to prison and losing the child growing inside me. It was a very painful lesson meeting William. I was still in a prison of sorts living out a life sentence of grief for the infant I had lost.
"I loved you so much. I hope you can allow me in some small way into your life. I don't expect much, but a little contact would be nice. I know it's a lot to absorb and—"
“You believed I was dead.” I find myself trying to lessen her guilt. But I don’t know how to respond to her need for contact with me.
“I did, but I could have tried to find William years later, but I didn’t. I could have—”
“No you fucking couldn’t have,” I interrupt her. “You stayed hidden for my brother's sake. You had already lost one child most horrifically, by an evil fucker, as you were led to believe, and you were terrified for both your lives.” I want to lessen her burden, but I know it’s not as easy as hearing ‘I forgive you.’ You have to believe it yourself.
"I was naïve to think he wouldn't harm another child.” Lily's voice breaks. Her walls are starting to crumble. I know how strong you need to be to keep yourself together. Whisper knows it too. We've all been hurt in the worst possible ways with mind games or torture or both. You change because you have to survive and get through each night when the nightmares come. Some days are good, some days are bad, but you never let the pain swallow you up, you do what you gotta do to keep living and moving forward. And then you survive the best way you know how.
Lily kept Mathias alive and made a life for herself. In turn, we have now reunited against great odds. But it happened.
Whisper was saved and is now in my life. I’m going to be a father. Life can be good; you just have to wait patiently for all the bad shit to finally leave you the fuck alone.
Lily has made a stable life for her and Mathias, and in turn, he went on to fight the good fight. He helped save a lot of women. He kept Whisper alive after I nearly ended her life. Good shit finds its way through all the bad… eventually.
“William got away with no punishment, but we can only hope Hell will devour him and make him pay for eternity,” I tell her. And I’m not a praying man, but I pray that motherfucker is feeling excruciating pain every second of his eternity in Hell. I have to believe that for Whisper’s sake and for that baby he quite possibly killed. Something we will never know. “Was a baby reported kidnapped at the time?”
“Nothing I’d heard about,” Lily answers.
Knowing that sick fuck, even at that age, he could have planned ahead and paid a funeral parlor for the body of an infant which was due for cremation. Money talks, it always has. It would stay in line with keeping himself under the radar. A young grieving mother will believe what is presented to her and not question it. I bet he was biding his time and steering them towards a town close to where an infant was deceased. If William could get mixed up with Jonathan Boothe and in turn Cezar—then anything is possible. Evil does what evil sets out to do, and it makes it happen. Evil manipulates people and doesn't want to get caught. The man I knew was capable of anything.
"It's been a lot to take in these past few days. I was coming to spend Christmas with my son who I haven't seen in so long, because he wasn't allowed to leave this country until he was cleared to, and I have in return been given the most precious gift. Mathias has now gained a brother. I know there is so much that has gone unsaid and I know you will still have so many questions. There is no pressure from Mathias or me, if you don't want to know us, I can understand this is maybe too much thrown at you today. I'm happy knowing you've grown into a good man." Well, I don’t know how good I am, but I don’t kill innocence. "You have this beautiful girl by your side." Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. She’s never once said she wants to live with me. "I know you two have a lot to talk about, Boxer has explained enough, but I won't pry. I won't even ask for a hug. I don't even know what I expected to come out of this meet, but if you don't mind us being here today, I would be honored to sit at the same table as you.”
Ah hell. She's gonna make me feel things I'm not sure I'm ready to explore right now.
Mathias has been sitting quietly, patiently observing me. I can smell lunch is almost ready, and I don't want to be the fucking Grinch and ruin this day for Whisper. I've wondered about my mother for so long. I tried to forget her because it hurt she wasn't in my life. William told me she'd left me, but she hadn't. The fucker had lied. I've got this second chance, but I need time to process. I believe the DNA results are the truth. I know Boxer would have done all the homework and Joel-the-genius is a wizard on the computer, so she is who she says she is.
"Here." Lily holds two gift bags out to me that had sat forgotten at her feet.
I stare at the bags offered, feeling awkward until Whisper squeezes my arm.
"What have you got to lose?" Whisper says in my ear. "Your first gifts from your mother; don't blow this moment." I look back at Lily. Shit. The hope in her eyes is enough to make me reach for the bags and peer inside the first one. There's a little navy blue box in the bottom. Curious I pull it out and open it. There's a silver ring with Nordic symbols embedded on it inside.
“Bjørn passed while Mathias was in service undercover and I brought with me some of his jewelry items he left to Mathias,” she explains as a reason this ring is in my hand.
"I thought it would be something you might like to keep," Mathias speaks up. "It's ancient and rare. I have a different ring"—he holds his hand out for me to look at—"but I would like you to have this one. I know it's very presumptuous of me to assume you would accept this ring, but it's a gift I would like you to have, even if you never wear it."
“It’s a cool ring, thank you.” My words come out a little hoarse, so I clear my throat and close the box because I’m feeling more than I want to when it comes to these two and how they’re trying to include me in their little Christmas. I know I’m not ready just yet to wear a man’s ring I’ve never met, even if it is a kind gesture from Mathias… my…um… brother.
I look at Mathias and really see him for the first time. We've got a similar build; my hair is a little lighter, but when I had my full beard… there's a resemblance for sure. I see the small symbol tattooed beside his right eye. It looks Nordic. It's a diamond shape with two legs.
“That tattoo is the rune, Othila. Means separation, among other things,” Mathias answers my curiosity. “I see you too. We are alike except for the eyes.” He knows I’m looking a little closer at him now.
I grunt, agreeing.
“Whisper told me you kept her alive on the flight to Alaska after I had shot her and the delivery boys had hurt her. You kept her safe from the scarred one.”
He nods his head.
“She’s a fighter. She let on a man had held her against her will for twenty years. I knew nothing of the name William Dupré. I knew nothing of the abuse she suffered, but I saw the scars on her back. I knew I was going to do the best I could to keep her alive, but I also had a job to do. Her wound was infected. I made sure she met with the doctor before I had to take her to Cezar. He probably would have thought her not worth his time if he had seen the condition she was really in. Then she escaped, and if Kane hadn't been with me, I would have let her go, and I would have still been able to do my job, but luck wasn't on her side." He looks at Whisper. "You're one strong woman; I'm truly sorry for what I could not change for you inside The Pen."
“Little rabbit,” Whisper says softly beside me.
Mathias grimaces. "Yes, you were my little rabbit, and I was your fox. I chased you down. If I'd known you were pregnant—"
"I didn't even know. You did what you could for me, and I can see that now. You helped save all those girls." She's giving the Norwegian her forgiveness.
Mathias rubs a hand over his jaw. “I lost Rose. I had to stand by and watch her get the word PET cut into her back. She never once screamed. I held her hands to keep her still. The whole time Cezar was cutting her flesh I was praying she would stay quiet. When Whisper had caned me on Cezar’s orders, Rose looked after me. She tended my wounds. I wanted to give her a chance to live a better life by killing Cez—”
I cut him off. "She'd made up her mind when she picked up that Samurai sword. It was her choice, something she'd been denied for all those months. He'd done too much to her. It was her vengeance," I remind him. Fuck that! All of a sudden I feel protective of Mathias. “She won. Do you remember telling me you were meant to have finished Cezar?”
Whisper and Lily both gasp in surprise.
"Yeah. I'd put that sword there for me to use. If it hadn't been there, Rose wouldn't have had a weapon. The headspace I was in at the time, after everything I'd done… I wanted to put a stop to that man for good. My mind had been made up."
“You would have died seconds later,” I state the obvious, my hands tightly balled. “Everything your mother had done to give you a good life, would have been wasted. You did the right thing staying alive. Rose no doubt had already made up her mind she wasn’t leaving that place alive. She would have done something to seek her vengeance. You just made it a little easier for her.”
Mathias ignores my comment. “Whisper, when you were forced to cane me, I took that as penance for having held you down. I'm very sorry for what I did to you." He looks me in the eye. "I held Whisper down so Rose could follow her orders and cut Whisper's tongue. I was supposed to be keeping her safe, and I was allowing her to be hurt. It's a lot to swallow and even more so now knowing she's pregnant and she's yours."
I look at Whisper, my brows arched, sending her a silent message. I didn’t know he held you down.
She nods in reply.
"Mathias had no choice." Her eyes plead with me to understand. "Rose never had any choices. You did what Cezar ordered, first time or you got punished or worse. An undercover agent has to do what they have to do. Mathias didn't know about Nicu/Adam. He had no support in there. I don't blame him. I understand what it's like to be forced to hurt another. If Mathias hadn't followed his orders, he would be dead. Lily would have lost another child. I've survived a lot worse than my tongue cut." She looks at Mathias. "You're here now because of Rose; she's a hero. She ended Cezar, and your mother didn't lose another son. A lot of good came from all the pain."
Fuck, she's right. I can't blame Mathias; he did what he needed to do. He kept her alive after I'd shot her. He hasn't thrown that in my face. I hurt her more than he ever had to. I could have harmed my babies. I fucked-up worse and I had nobody holding a gun to my head when I decided to shoot her. It was all me.
Lily decides now is a good time to change the subject gently. "Dall… Edge, open the other gift bag." I'm not sure how I feel about her calling me by my birth name. It only meant pain when I lived with William. I’m glad she listened to my protest ealier.
The next gift bag contains a photo album. I pull it out and open it.
"I had the images sent through to Mathias's computer, and I got them printed off for you," she explains. "I um… thought you might want… well, it might be a mistake. If you don't want to look at it, then that is okay. Or you might want to look later in private, but I thought you might have some photos of yourself at a young age and you could see Mathias at the same age—or not," she's all nervous chatter, which makes my heart constrict.
I open the first page and see a picture of a much younger Lily with a round stomach and shit starts to get real.
I take a moment to think how I would react if a Hell's bastard had fabricated my kid's death and I quite by accident discovered my kid was alive thirty-one years later. I would be fucking wrecked. Lily's holding up well, considering. Mathias never knew he'd lost a brother, but this is still very confronting for him.
"That's me pregnant with Mathias. I'm sorry I don't have any of you. William took everything." I flip the pages and see a house in Norway; Mathias growing up; Lily getting older; Mathias' birthday cakes' over the years. She's a good mother to him, everything I missed out on as a little boy.
"I didn't get my first birthday cake until I was twelve," I mutter, feeling a sharp, angry pang of jealousy towards Mathias, which I tamp down straight-the-fuck-away because it's no fault of his.
I slam the book shut. My emotions are getting the better of me. “I need to take some time,” I tell them both gruffly.
"It's okay, Edge, my head's still swimming with it all too, and I've had more time to let it soak in," Mathias tells me as he leans forward and rests a hand on my shoulder and then squeezes it. "We're going to be around for a few more days, or as long as you need us before I get the all clear to head back to Norway, but I would like to come back and maybe spend some time with you and Whisper. I know you're new as a couple and working stuff out, but I would like to reach out to you in the future." Well, shit, the Norwegian has his own boat of getting-to-know-your-brother emotions to row. It's just not me floating about trying to get a grip on it all.
Miss Catherine must be feeling it in dem bones of hers because she comes back into the room. She eyes up the four of us and sees we all appear to be holding up, but there’s worry in her eyes.
“Miss C, your bones sending you messages?” I ask her.
“Not sure, Edge. Something be makin’ me tense. I’m not sure if it be all this news you people be havin’ to swallow, or it be somethin’ else. Lunch be already on the table, so let’s be enjoyin’ it just in case dem bones of mine be sendin’ me mixed messages,” she replies, but I can see she’s not overly comfortable with the signals she’s receiving.
I pull my arm away from Whisper's grip so I can stand. "Babe, I might get some fresh air outside for a few minutes and then I'll come back. Mathias can help you to the table." An olive branch is extended, my way of telling Mathias I think he’s an okay guy, even if I can’t yet call him ‘brother.’
"You do what you need to do, but I'll go upstairs to my room. The rich, delicious smells are already starting to play havoc with my nausea. I'll be there when you come back inside," she tells me confidently. She’s made a decision that is all hers and she’s sticking by it.
I lean down and curl a hand around the back of her neck, drawing her mouth to mine. I don't give a fuck who's watching. I let her know how much I want her in that kiss and then I’m moving toward the mudroom to grab my jacket and boots.