Two precious little hearts are beating to their own tune.
My heart skips with joy and relief as I let out the breath I have been holding in—the little nugget is alive, but now he or she has company. There are two tiny beating hearts sharing their small space inside me.
And then reality sets in.
My brain short-circuits.
On the inside, I am starting to freak out.
They are now more real to me than before because they were only two blue lines on a stick and a lot of nausea then—and now they are life.
These two heartbeats are my future.
They are relying on me to keep them safe, alive and healthy.
I am a survivor. I can handle bringing new life into the world times two and raising them without being hurt and abused, shot and stolen. I can do that—can’t I?
There are so many fears swimming about in my head; I don't know how to react. If I weren't already lying down, I would be swaying back and forth with the weight of them.
I can't look at Edge who sits on a chair beside the bed. How does he feel knowing there are two babies? We haven't even discussed the one baby I thought I was carrying.
I don’t know the man beside me, but we have this unspoken attraction. His mere presence does things to me, makes me want far more than a platonic relationship with this man.
I was attracted to him at Boxer’s bar. My gut told me to enjoy myself that night. It’s why I allowed myself the freedom to act like other girls my age and left all my inhibitions at the door. Something unlocks inside me and becomes wild and free around him.
He’s the key.
He was a flame that ignited me, and now there are two little candles inside me flickering away. They are fragile, and I won't let anything happen to those little lights, which warm my heart.
Has Dr. Castille told Boxer and Miss Catherine there are two babies? I want to talk to them, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and blessed at the same time.
I feel like there is too much, too soon in my life, but at the same time, I don’t think I could survive if the two little candles inside me blew out.
And then there is Edge, the man who came for me and who has stayed with me until I had to tell him to give me some breathing space because I needed it. I had to test my emotions and see if I could separate them from pregnancy hormones.
I gently got him to leave me alone for a couple of hours each day. He often used that time in Ghost’s home gym with the other men. I missed him when he was gone. I didn’t know I could feel this emotion for this man until these past few days.
He's protective of me, and that makes me feel safe. He’s patient and a source of strength, which I now realize I needed. He has my back, but he doesn’t control me.
My best friend, Lincoln, has been there for me. He was always ready to step in as chief-bucket-holder while Edge was gone. They had come to an understanding. I would curl up next to Lincoln and watch a movie—just like old times. It was like nothing had changed between us…but it had. We just didn’t want to address what we both knew was a rapidly transforming new life for me and that ‘easy’ we shared was no longer as carefree. There was now another man who wanted to share time with me, who had my attention.
Lincoln’s been trying to keep everything as normal with us as possible, inserting himself into conversations and being my best friend. It’s not a tug of war for my friendship.
I know his leg is bothering him, but every time I would bring it up, asking how he was, he would brush it off. Joel had told me he was going to have a slight limp the rest of his life. The sledgehammer used on him did what it set out to do. He wasn't expected to live, so it didn't matter to Jonathan Boothe. I’m so glad that man is dead.
God! It feels so long ago that I had my best friend by my side doing friend things like taking a ride on Boxer’s Harley to feel free, even though I stayed close to Miss Catherine’s home or Boxer’s bar. I felt safe with Linc. Things were so naturally comfortable with him.
When I would hear Edge arrive back at Ghost’s home, my body and soul wanted him close again to me. There was this magnetic pull when Edge reappeared. My eyes would drift towards the direction his voice was coming from—waiting. When he stepped into the room, our eyes would connect and there almost seemed like hope and relief were reflected back at me from them. I didn't want to believe in what I thought I saw, because I could have been wrong and that would hurt. To find a man that cared for me and wanted me safe, a man who would want me on an intimate level; who would never beat me; who would love his children and protect them—who would die for them—didn't seem possible for me.
But here he was, my prince who came to rescue me from the evil villain.
I know my mind is fucked-up when it comes to trust and men, but my body doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo. It responds to him in a way that I can't ignore.
My heart wants, but I still can’t allow it to believe that something easy and uncomplicated could be in my future with this man.
We’ve already done complicated. Maybe now it’s time for easy?
Boxer was never too far away, and I know he was busy fielding any questions regarding what went down with his contact and making sure he knew as much as he could about the safety of the other women. He also watched the news reports. The media had made a circus of it all, and I had remained invisible in their reports. The women were all safe and unharmed physically, but there was the mental scarring they would live with.
Boxer had once again kept my privacy safe from the world. I was one of those women, but the world didn't know that. None of the sentinels lived to tell the world about me, and none of the women knew of me. I was once again a secret to be kept by my family and now by Edge and his loyal brothers. I feel safe here inside Ghost's home. Nobody is out to hurt me anymore.
We won—but we lost Rose. Her death weighs heavily on my conscience and in my dreams. She sacrificed herself to stop Cezar, and that is a debt I can't repay.
Mathias and Nicu/Adam are alive and well and getting the rest and time off they deserve. I am eager to meet Mathias again tomorrow on Christmas Day. There is so much I want to talk about to him. I’m not sure how I feel about Nicu/Adam. I didn’t have the same contact with him that I had with Rose and Mathias, but I understand his sister was stolen and he put himself through so much for her, only to find out she was dead. I would like a chance to talk with him because he would have seen and done things to keep his cover. I needed him to know I understood he had to do what was commanded of him because nobody can say no to a man like Cezar and not pay the price. Without Adam’s help, Boxer wouldn't have known where Cezar’s event was going to be held or gotten tickets for Edge and Ghost to get inside. He helped save me, too.
I lie here with Edge sitting by my side with a pile of thoughts spiralling through my mind because the reality is my babies would be dead if these men and Phoenix hadn’t come to help me. I would’ve been dead soon enough and so would the rest of the women. Boxer has explained enough to me for me to know this was a village-sized operation to save us and so many things could have gone wrong.
My mind is crashing. My hormones are all messed up, which doesn't help. I want to show an average woman's emotion to finding out she is carrying twins, but I haven't lived an average life. Even the man beside me has not been a fixture in my life. We have technically only been under the same roof for a few days.
I don’t understand who I am to him.
Who is this man? I know so little about him. We’ve avoided the elephant in the room because I needed time. He tries to make me smile. He’s gentle and caring; he hasn’t pressured me for a thing. He guards me, having probably less sleep than me.
I see the fear in his eyes when I’m so sick.
Boxer is reserved—torn. He’s afraid he will lose me, but he doesn’t realize how much my family means to me, more than ever now. There was a time I thought I could one day spread my wings and leave Connard to discover the world. Now I need the people I trust by my side.
But where will Edge be?
His father initially connected us, but now I have moved past being shot. Now I am going to be a mother, and he is going to be a father, bringing us back to complicated.
I’m on auto-pilot when Dr. Castille helps me to clean up. I know she’s been chatting away, but I haven’t heard much of what she was saying. A lot of it has been white noise. I did pick up on her telling me the drug used on me shouldn't harm the babies, if it was the same one the girl, Joy, who was nearly taken in Fort Worth, one of Billy's friends, was going to be given as Billy managed to get a sample tested at the time. I have to hold on to that information and hope they are healthy.
Dr. Castille’s now leaving us alone to do what? Talk about this news excitedly like we really know each other? Hug it out?
Is our connection strong enough for a relationship?
I move my body until I’m in a seated position facing Edge and take a moment to summon enough courage to open up to him, but the words are having trouble leaving me.
“What’s on your mind?” he prompts me waiting patiently for me to respond.
“What am I to you, Edge?” I blurt out. Not exactly what I wanted to say at this moment.
I watch his ruggedly handsome face transform from worried to desire.
“Babe… you are my obsession,” he says with so much emotion, I know his words aren’t a lie.
He curls his hand round the back of my neck while his other hand gently covers my abdomen, resting there protectively. I like that he is acknowledging the babies in my womb without uttering a word.
His head dips, those lips that have been so intimate with my body reach for mine with a wisp of space separating them from connecting.
I want more.
I want to feel him.
I’m his obsession.
My body takes over, and then I can't seem to get enough. My lips are smashing into Edge's, and I'm leaning further into his touch. I'm greedy for this moment. I've been starved of this type of contact with a man—with Edge—only Edge.
I'm climbing onto his lap, and Edge is helping me to straddle him. His arms wrap around me while our lips stay connected the whole time, our bodies craving the intimate contact.
Our breaths come in short pants as we make enough room for little gasps of air to get sucked back into our lungs.
All my fears float away, and all I can think about is how Edge made me feel laid out naked on his bike with him inside me in the back car lot of Boxer's bar all those weeks ago. I want more of that.
He’s rock hard beneath me. My body voluntarily shifts until I can connect with the bulge in his jeans. I'm rubbing myself against him, and it feels so good. I hear the throaty moans I’m making, and I can't seem to care that I sound so wanton—so wild.
His lips ease away from mine. "Even though I'm fucking loving having you in my arms and especially the contact down south"—he emphasises his words by grinding hard against me—"it's probably not good timing, because there's a house full of people and you've been too sick to even think about letting your wild side free.”
“Edge…” I plead. I feel like a hunger consumes me and I want so much more than I’m probably ready for from this man.
“Fuck, babe…” he growls. His lips are back on mine with a fierce hunger, which I reciprocate while rocking my narrow hips against his bulging jeans. My breaths are jagged because who has time to breathe when a man can kiss like Edge.
The match has ignited.
His hands move to my ass drawing me even closer while my lightly-bandaged hands are gliding all over his back, wanting more, wanting one thing to lead to another and fast!
Schnell! Schnell!
I don’t know why I resorted to the only words I know in German, but I want more.
Faster.
Harder.
And then we lose the lip connection as Edge curses under his breath followed by a long, deep sound of regret as he halts my rocking motion with firm hands on my hips before shifting me back from his hard mound.
With his breathing heavy, he whispers in my ear, “Can’t behave myself if you are doing that to me with your wet pussy’s scent getting all up in my head.” He sucks on my earlobe, which has me tilting my head to the side exposing more of my neck, a moan parting my lips. Feather soft kisses flutter there before he returns to my ear. “Can’t blame a guy for needing a little distance, babe. You know I’m rock hard for you, but let me respect you as well because that family of yours is no doubt close by.”
I’m being slid off his lap with firm hands fixed onto my waist and placed back on the bed.
The distance is too great.
It’s like he feels it too and moves closer to my body, both our desires battling for release.
"I know, Whisper. I hear every word you aren't saying out loud, but we need to talk. Before you were a girl in a bar named Sara and we had a good time. Believe me, babe, I can't think of anything I would rather be doing right now than sliding inside you. I want to give you the release I can see from the look on your face is burning you up inside, but you're still healing, and I would be a total dick pulling that move." I drop my eyes to the small space between us where his jeans are so tight they must be hurting him. "You mean more to me than that. How ‘bout we talk a little now, and you tell me how you're feeling about two babes inside you."
I feel embarrassed for my behavior, which is like a bucket of cold water hitting me in the face. Edge is right. We have much to discuss, and I decided to throw myself at him.
I fiddle with my dress, scrunching the material and letting it go, my bowed head trying to hide the color I know has shaded my skin to buy me some time before I answer him.
"Hey!" he says softly. My head rolls up because my chin has a finger attached to it and is lifting it. "What happened just now was mutual. I wanted it as much as you, and that's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm more than attracted to you, but I don't want to give you all that now. You've been held captive and hurt. You need time to let your emotions settle so you can sort through them. Any guy would be a total dick after the past you've had and most recent events if they took advantage of that. We've got time to explore each other and not when there is a house full of people itching to burst through the bedroom door and congratulate you."
“And congratulate you,” I say softly.
“Yes… and me. My brothers will be clapping me on the back and giving me all sorts of smug comments.”
I take a deep breath. “I was feeling protective of one baby inside me and barely used to the idea…and now I have two to protect. That’s just one more than one. Right?” I let out a little shaky laugh, and then I decide to be very honest. "I'll be fine. It just seems to be all happening fast. I'd planned to one day maybe get an education of some sort and travel, but now these two have taken me in a different direction, and I’m ready for what is ahead, no matter what happens…" I let that sentence trail off. What I wanted to say was ‘between us.' Edge's eyes narrow as though he knows what words were left unsaid. I quickly ask, "Um… how are you with this news?"
"I'm good; not at all prepared," he says with a shrug and a smile to try to lighten the moment. "I'm not going anywhere, and we will figure all that out as we go. If you haven't already worked out, you mean a lot to me and these babes mean as much to me as you do." And then he kisses me again like he can't help himself.
God, I love the way he kisses.
I fall right back into the kiss, but my mind stays busy.
There is so much we need to talk about. There are two unborn lives, two futures cementing our lives together, but my home is in Connard, and his home is elsewhere. I don’t even know where he lives.
He knows so much more about me; I don’t even know the basics. He knows I’m nearly twenty-two, but I don’t know how old he is or when his birthday is. He's seen me naked. I've only ever seen him half naked.
And then our lips are no longer connected.
“Babe, you’re frowning while kissing me. Either I'm a bad kisser, or you're thinking too hard about how you know so little about me.” He uses his thumbs to smooth out my frown. “There are so many questions flipping through your mind like a Rolodex, I can almost see them. You’re safe”—he touches my stomach—“they’re safe.” His beautiful gunmetal eyes tell me not to worry so much.
“I’m nearly thirty-two.” My eyes widen. “Yeah… that’s ten years older than you. I believe we share a birthday, twenty-eighth of February.” I let out a little-surprised sound. Not at his age, but we share the same birthday! Edge shakes his head humorously at me. “What… do you think I’m too old for you?” he says half joking and half serious.
“No!” Heat washes over me. “You’re birthday is the same day as mine. What are the odds?” Is what I was thinking.
“William’s sick joke for himself—no doubt. He would not have known your real birthday, so he gave you mine." He sounds like he does believe his theory. I guess I will never know. “Give yourself a few more days to recover before I flood you with my backstory. You've just discovered you're carrying twins and I want you to talk to a therapist sooner than later. You need to give yourself that gift. I've spoken with Doc, and she knows a female therapist in New Orleans who could be a good match for you. Somebody, you will feel comfortable talking to and can be trusted to keep your secrets. Hell, even I need to talk to somebody about William. If you want to know more things right now, I’m happy to address them, or we can talk about it all after Christmas.”
“I can wait. I won’t say I’m not curious to know more about your life now, but I want to kiss you more,” I told him boldly.
His eyes crinkle with amusement at my honesty.
“Babe, I’ll be happy to accommodate, but what I need you to understand right now is… I’m yours if you will have me and we can work through everything together. I won’t control you, we’re a team, but I won’t hesitate to protect you and the little nuggets if I think you are in danger.”
My mouth makes an ‘O’ as it gapes open. He is mine if I will have him. “I… um…” I don’t know what to say to this forward declaration.
“I will be putting a ring on your finger in the future. I know this to be true, but for now, I will walk beside you and earn your love.”
The thing is I think I am on my way already to loving this man if this is what I feel for him. But I don't trust my feelings to misguide me. I love Boxer, Miss Catherine, and Lincoln, but theirs is a different kind of love I allow myself to feel. I need to sort my head out first before I can trust my heart to know what it’s doing with this man.
He’s an enforcer who kills. Shouldn’t I want to run as far away as I can from him?
Edge stands and gently guides my body back towards the pillow, his hands moving to cradle my head and back. He looks at me as though he can see right into my soul.
“Whisper, I’m so sorry for shooting you. I know words of apology are not enough, but I plan in the future to show you with my actions. I was wrong, so fucking wrong and I can’t take it back. I’ll regret what I did to you for the rest of my—”
I cut his words off with a deep kiss. I like kissing this man. I love doing so much more than kissing this man. While I'm feeling okay, I want to spend this time with him, doing these things, away from watchful eyes, and I want to keep touching him and getting to know each other.
I want to be wild and free with him—notwithstanding two babies in my belly and a case of ‘hyperemesis gravidarum’ which I refer to as HG—terrible morning sickness.
My hands paw at his body as I wriggle beneath him, wanting him closer—wanting to be more intimate. Kissing doesn't seem enough. I want him to touch me in places that will make me moan and cry out.
I still want Edge inside me, even if he will only allow kissing, doesn’t stop the urgency my body is feeling. I can’t seem to switch it off.
A loud cough cuts off any more sexy thoughts followed up by a long clearing of a throat, which has me jumping in his arms, startled by the interruption, successfully dousing the flames inside me.
Edge’s body stiffens at the interruption and then smiles at me before pulling away enough to help me up and back into a seated position. He doesn’t appear at all embarrassed by being caught with me intimately.
"I did knock, but neither of you responded. Then I knocked again, figured Doc Evelyn hadn't been gone that long for you two to have gotten anything started up, so I walked in," Hazard said without apology. "Everybody wants to say goodbye before they leave to catch their flights. Just making sure you both are presentable." He looks at me. "I hear congratulations are in order, and Edge is gonna be a daddy twice over,” he says with what Edge would call a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.
He comes towards us and shakes Edge’s hand with a firm grip and gives him a bear hug. He leans forward and gives me a soft kiss on the forehead.
"I would hug you too, but Edge gets a bit prickly when one of us enters his territory. Be looking forward to seeing you at the compound in Albuquerque one of these days." The man is straightforward.
I can feel my face heating up again because my plans are for Connard. I—
"Quieten that mind of yours, babe. We got no plans at the moment. Let's take one step at a time, and we will figure it out as we go."
Hazard shoots his thick eyebrows up into his head at Edge’s comment. Edge eyes him with a look that tells him to drop it. Hazard holds his palms up.
"If you two can keep your hands off each other long enough, there's a bunch of guys and Phoenix who want to say hello and goodbye." Hazard is a fierce man to look at, but he's been nothing but kind to me, but I wouldn't want to be on his wrong side.
I knew everybody was packing up to leave soon and spend time with their loved ones for Christmas, and I am so grateful for the time they took out of their lives to be here; something I can't ever repay.
I smile at Hazard. "Thank you. We can come out and say goodbye to everyone."
"Stay!" he insists, taking a step forward as to punctuate his command. "You two look like you need some alone time, although any second now they should be storming their way in here. You'll be safer on the bed," he rumbles out, with a slight tilt to one corner of his mouth, proving he had a dimple, which only seemed to make the man look softer.
At the sound of feet thumping their way closer, it disappears, and the President of the Soulless Bastards was back and he’s a fierce looking male.
Viper and Blueblood are both trying to fit through the door at once, which looks a little humorous except for the determination on their faces. The push was coming to shove, which had Edge looking towards the ceiling, as though asking for patience. He moves his body across mine in a way that protects me if these two burst through with momentum and barrelled towards the bed.
“Fuck’s sake you two, calm the fuck down. There’s no gold ribbon awarded to the winner who makes it through the door first, and if one of you fuckers lands on Whisper, you won’t want to know what I will do to you,” Edge warns, a smile twitching his lips.
They both stop pushing and shoving and Blueblood bows sweeping his arm forward for Viper to take the lead, which only adds to me thinking he looks like one of the Three Musketeers. They are like two young boys with silly grins plastered on their faces as they announce in unison, "Congratulations on the double trouble!" They approach giving Edge an awkward, rough man hug because he's not getting up off the bed.
"We would both kiss you, but Edge will probably growl like a bear," Blueblood says, while giving my arm an awkward pat.
Viper waggles his eyebrows and hooks a thumb at Blueblood. “What he said.”
Once the doorway is free, everybody dribbles through, congratulating the both of us one after the other, each having a smart-ass comment for Edge—all in good humor. I notice Boxer and Dr. Castille haven’t arrived.
I smile hard, because although these men are from a motorcycle club and they are strong, dangerous men, there is another side to them… just like Edge.
I've only met two types of men before, those that were flat out evil or scary enough to keep me under control with just words, or like Boxer and Lincoln, kind and generous and loving towards me. Then there are these men, capable of clowning around one moment, like boys, and then the next, anything is possible. They will kill and torture to protect what is theirs or who does them wrong. They are a brotherhood of men who fight for what they think is right without hesitation, without a lot of regard for the law.
But I am alive because of their help.
I am free because of their help.
The Soulless Bastards' men all have a similar comment to Hazard's about seeing me at the compound. I smile, my poker face painted on because I don't know what is in my future with Edge. I have never had a future to plan.
Now I'm going to have a calendar that will be filled in with appointments and milestone dates for my babies' futures. My life is no longer in limbo, and I don't need to hide from the world outside of Connard anymore.
“Comin’ through.” Miss Catherine makes her way parting the sea of men to the front with Phoenix by her side.
She holds my shoulders and kisses my forehead with such tenderness. When she eases herself away her eyes glisten. Her face is healing, the bruises still visible, but they don't seem to worry her. I love this woman. She's so kind and wise.
“Whisper, you be doin’ me proud with two grandbabies to be fawnin' over." She looks positively happy with herself. "Dr. Evelyn's been tellin' Boxer and me all about dem little heartbeats. Dem bones of mine be tellin’ me you and dem babies be all right. No harm been done to dem, but Dr. Evelyn is goin’ to be checkin’ up on you all the time and doin’ all the right tests and things. But I know dem babies are healthy and strong," she tells me with such confidence, believing it to be true in her mind. I hope she's right. I can't help trusting and believing in dem bones of hers.
“Thank you, Miss Catherine. I hope so too.”
“I know so,” she says, having total belief in her words.
I move to stand up to hug her and get a side look from Edge. I appease his worry for my feet and compromise with kneeling on the bed.
“Stubborn,” he mumbles under his breath. “Beautiful and fucking stubborn.” I try hard not to smile at his words because some little battles are worth winning.
“Compromise,” I say under my breath.
“Babe…”
My heart falls over itself when he calls me that.
I give Miss Catherine a hug that shows her how much her words mean to me and whisper, “I love you so much.”
“Chile, I be there for you," she murmurs against my cheek. "Don't you be worryin’ none. You be strong and beautiful inside and out. I be lovin’ you with all my heart.” She kisses my cheek.
Tears well up in my eyes because it is the first time she has uttered those words to me. I knew she loved me, but she held back on voicing those three important words to me—just like I did for her.
"I know you do Miss Catherine, and I love you so much, too. You have been there for me when I most needed it, and it's something I can't repay, but I do love you with all my heart," I whisper back with fierce confidence, a ball of emotion sweeping over me in a fast current.
I've been through so many lows in my life where I refused to cry and built walls of steel around my mind to survive, mentally. These new highs blast these walls into tiny pieces, bringing me to tears so easily. My soul thaws and allows me these small reprieves. I have to get used to the fact; nobody is out to kill or hurt me anymore. I can live without fear.
Miss Catherine releases her hold on me, and she steps aside for Phoenix.
I bend a little and pat the bed coverings next to me for her to sit down. She’s still recovering from all her injuries.
Phoenix grabs me folding me into a gentle hug for a few seconds with such sincerity. “Congratulations chickie, two bubs to love and cherish.” She eases back keeping hold of my waist. She’s such a beautiful woman, inside and out. I’m going to miss her a lot.
"Phoenix, you are my first girlfriend, and I hope we can stay in touch. Thank you for everything you have done for me," I tell her, turning my head and kissing her on her cheek.
Edge and Slade both growl out something unintelligible that sounds pissed off. I pull back looking over Phoenix’s shoulder to see all Edge’s brothers looking about with smirks on their faces.
Phoenix is shaking her head, trying not to laugh. “Boys,” she says, rolling her eyes at me. “They may look like big hulking men, but underneath they have the minds of pubescent little boys,” she explains, which has them all roaring with laughter, including Edge and Slade at her verbal retaliation. “Chickie, you look after yourself and the two little ones. I expect to receive belly-selfie updates and messages often. You have my number, so I want you to use it. You are my friend too, and I don't want to lose this connection we have. Any time of the day or night, don't hesitate if you would like to chat. I may be on the job, but I will reply as soon as I can. Edge is a good man, he will treat you right and if he doesn't…" She lets the sentence evaporate, an unspoken threat lingering in the air. Edge gives her a sharp nod, approving the intent of her words.
Edge stands and gives Phoenix a quick, firm hug. “Darlin', you won't need to be worrying about me. You got your own man to be sorting out." She lets out a little huff, which sets her face to coloring a deep shade of red.
I look over at Slade who is standing tall a few meters back with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“You and Slade… huh?” I whisper.
“Whatever,” Phoenix replies nonchalantly, swatting a hand through the air as she tries to roll the comments off her shoulders and deflect any further comment. “Nothing to say, because nothing is happening.”
"He's beautiful, and so are you," I reply, finding it easy talking girl-talk with Phoenix.
“Well, the behemoth of a man certainly isn’t ugly.” She reluctantly admits to me, with an off-the-cuff shrug, not realizing the man himself has come up behind her with an amused look on his face.
“Why thank you, Firebird,” Slade interrupts our quiet conversation in that deep voice of his and gets rewarded with a groan of annoyance from Phoenix.
“Now he’s going to get a bigger head than what is already sitting on top of his mountain-sized shoulders,” she grumbles huskily.
"You two are inevitable." Edge has his arms crossed and shaking his head smirking at Phoenix. Without removing his eyes from her, he says, "Just let me know when it finally happens, Slade. The suspense is fucking killing me."
Slade snorts and tries to cover it up with a cough.
Phoenix ignores them except for the little shake of her head. “Remember, I’m only a phone call away if you need anything. I’ll do my best to accommodate. That’s what friends do for each other.”
I nod and am genuinely touched she is willing to give this much of herself to me.
"If there is anything I can do for you, which I doubt, but I am here for you, too," I tell her. Not thinking of anything I could ever do for such a confident, strong woman.
She gives me another quick hug. “Remember what I said when I was giving you a bath—”
Groans and mutterings from the peanut gallery who are more funny than offensive cut Phoenix off.
“—that I would introduce you to my lady crew and I can set you up with a cool tattooist friend of mine if you want to go down that track and get some ink.” She again ignores these men. Her confidence as a female around them is a new thing for me to witness. I can see why Slade is attracted to her.
“Fuck’s sake! I’m going to fucking throw you all out of this room if you keep that shit up. Whisper is mine, and you can show some fucking respect and stop dicking about!” Edge is glaring at Viper in particular who finds Edge very amusing from the smirk on his rugged face, but even he can’t hold eye contact, realizing the anger rippling off of Edge isn’t worth his wrath. These men are obviously used to paying each other out with no consequences.
Billy is the last to come forward with his words of congratulations carrying a large red gift box with a gold bow on the top.
"Phoenix and the men all chipped in, and we got you a little something for"—he points to my belly—"the little ones for their first Christmas, even though they're still in there." Billy is such a teddy bear. You wouldn't think it on first impressions. The man is a tank, and Phoenix told me he used to wear a ZZ Top long beard but cut it to rescue me. He's older than Edge, maybe late thirties. He's been nothing but a sweetheart around me, and now he's been nominated the spokesperson.
“Thank you, everybody, this is so kind of you all.” I search the room and note Lincoln and Joel are noticeably absent. I go to take the box from Billy’s out-stretched hands.
“Babe… how ‘bout I hold it for you because I doubt I’m going to get you to sit on the bed and open it.”
I nod. “Okay.”
Edge holds the box while I stare at it.
“Should I open it now?” It’s only Christmas Eve, but I can’t help feeling excited to open my first Christmas gift—ever.
“Do whatever you want to do, chickie,” Phoenix says, the smile on her face convincing me to open it.
I look to Edge, not for permission, but for encouragement. It was a big thing for me. I felt like I didn't want to rush it. I also felt like a little girl, my excitement was boiling over inside me, and then I realized I hadn't bought anything for Edge's friends. Phoenix had helped me with my family's gifts, but…
"Babe, wipe that look off your face. It's your first Christmas. None of these men expected a gift from you." How does he do that?
"Shit, Whisper! Don't you go thinking about us," Hazard says. Several of the men nod their heads agreeing with him. "Just be spoiled for once and enjoy the moment."
“Okay.” Damn pregnancy hormones are making my eyes water. I start blinking rapidly, my head lowering trying to dry my wet lashes.
“Jesus,” somebody mutters. It sounded like Torque. My emotional state has not gone unnoticed.
“I’ll open it now,” I say quietly, a little choked up. “Thank you again.”
I keep my head bowed and shut my eyes and carefully lift the lid.
“Babe, I know you got your eyes shut, so I’m gonna take that lid from you.” Edge knows this is a special moment for me. I doubt William would have given him much in life and I can’t wait to give him the gifts I have for him. I feel Miss Catherine’s stillness next to me; she's excited for me to see what's inside.
“Okay.”
I reach inside the box to feel tissue paper, and my fingers play with it until I can peel it back. I can now touch what is inside, it's so soft. I open my eyes curling my fingers around the most adorable cashmere knitted, pale gray, elephant. "Oh, how sweet, the babies first gift." I hold it against my face and feel how soft it is on my cheek.
“Babe… there’s more,” Edge murmurs.
More?
I peer into the box, and there is a matching cashmere baby blanket in matching gray with pink and yellow stripes edging it. I hand over the elephant to Miss Catherine, noticing the twinkle of moisture in her eyes.
“Oh, my.” I pick it up. I've heard of cashmere blankets but didn't realize how soft they were," I say to myself. I look up to the room. "Thank you for these beautiful gifts; they are so special."
“Ahh… babe, there’s more in the box.”
“More?” I peer inside the box again, surprised, because there is more. Miss Catherine gently tugs the blanket from my hands with an emotional smile.
She leans her head towards me, saying softly, “You deserve this, chile.”
There is a thick silver envelope. I open it up and find five gift cards inside and a pretty card with cute baby animals and flowers on it. I open the card made out to both Edge and myself and read it quietly. Everybody has signed with comments ranging from humorous to simply ‘Congratulations,' which had Torque's name beneath it. The gift cards are for various stores. I let out a little gasp when I notice the amount on each card.
My head shoots up, and I look around the room.
“You buy what you need for the little nuggets,” Phoenix proudly states.
"I don't know what to say. It’s far too generous." I look at Edge, my mouth open. There are five different gift cards with one thousand dollars on each to spend at five different stores. He isn't helping standing there with a huge grin on his face like this is a typical thing people do.
My head whips back around to my audience. "This is too generous. Thank you all, but it's too generous. I've never… I don't know… It's too much, truly. Such beautiful, thoughtful gifts, but it's simply too much you've all spent." I feel myself getting anxious, my heart speeding up.
“Shit! Edge, she’s starting to lose it,” Ghost’s deep voice penetrates my haze.
“Fuck!”
I’m being swept sideways into strong arms I know are Edges and gently placed onto his lap. His arms cocoon me while my breathing is coming in short pants and sounds too loud and shaky.
It's too much. They spent way too much money on these gifts.
“Breathe, babe. In… and out. Keep those beautiful brown peepers on me." I do as he says and he helps me to calm my breathing. "They didn't do anything they didn't want to do. Nobody forced them to spend their money on you. They wanted to. You are special to me, and they wanted to convey that by giving you a little happiness. Let them enjoy themselves. They are good people who care about me, and that means you, too. And that means the babies in your belly." I hear him through my wave of anxiety and follow his lead until I can see through the haze and realize I've got a room full of serious faces. "You are my queen, and you deserve to be spoiled and respected."
"Sorry. I'm having a little trouble with anxiety at the moment. It comes and goes. Your generosity tricked my brain into panicking about what I would have to do in return"—I pretend to shrug it off—"too many years of being conditioned by a monster." I try to make light of my episode, but all I get is soft cursing in response echoing about the room. "This is a lot to take in and have my mind accept kindness for what it is—simply that. I don't have to trade for it. You've already done way too much for me. You saved me." My hand moves to my belly. "You saved them. That is the best gift of all, worth all the Christmas and birthdays for the rest of my life." I'm not used to this sort of attention, and I feel awkward for being difficult and looking needy. "Triggers set my mind off."
Billy swiftly changes the topic, saving me from further verbal diarrhea. "Doll-face, I just wanted to take this moment to tell you I have a good friend who I would love you to connect with. Her name is Joy Parker, and with your permission, I would like to give her your number and you two can talk if you want to. She can be given a code that will let you know it's her and if you don't feel up to talking, you can ignore her. You might even meet her one of these days anyway, because she was hitting up Ocean Beach to see her new beau, Levi, who is a friend of this big guy's"—he tosses his thumb backwards in the direction of Slade who nods his head agreeing—"she's a hottie who has had it a little tough in life, and she’s just started making some chick friend’s herself.” Drill, Viking, and Viper are nodding their heads enthusiastically and mumbling how hot, intelligent and friendly she is. “I wouldn’t recommend her as a possible chick friend if I didn’t think you two would hit it off. What do you say? Big step I know, but sometimes a leap of faith is worth it,” he says with a wink at me. “But if you like Phoenix, you will like Joy. She’s a mechanic and can work a motorcycle from the ground up,” he says so proudly.
"She's my employee, although I doubt very much I still have her working for me. No doubt she's set up house with Levi in La Jolla by now," he half says to himself, a small frown creasing his forehead like the thought just hit him.
“Billy is right,” Torque pipes up. “Known the woman near on a year now and she’s got my respect. Lost her mother to cancer, works a job in a male-dominated field with pride and she’s earned all our respect,” he says that last bit as though directed at me, personally.
Torque isn't a man to speak much directly to me. I find him observing me more, almost like he's waiting for me to show him something that can displease him. He doesn't make me uncomfortable, because I understand he is looking out for Edge and his brothers. He isn't a man who trusts quickly, but once you are in his fold, he will hold you tight. It's like there are a lot of layers to the man. He hides it well enough around his brothers, but I can see through him. I have to prove myself more to this man for him to fully accept me. I don't take offense to it. I admire his loyalty to his brothers. They are family, and he is their president. It doesn't matter that Edge is a member of a different club. He respects Edge enough to care. Regardless of Edge seeking me out under the impression of me being his father's whore, I still have to prove loyalty to Edge—to their clubs—in his eyes.
In turn, I treat Torque with the same uncertainty as he treats me. We are on the same playing field. All the other men, even Hazard have made it clear, if Edge likes me, then that is enough.
“Darlin', Levi is a very good friend of mine, even though I haven't yet met Joy, because I've been away since just before Thanksgiving," Slade speaks up. "Phoenix has met her, and she's had nothing but good things to say about Joy. Phoenix and I checked in with all of our crew recently, letting them know we will be arriving in Cedar Hills for a couple of days and then onto Ocean Beach. Levi and Joy have been doing just fine. He knows a good woman when he meets her. I did let them know a little about you and what has been going down with Boxer's permission. They only know the basics, because we all have our own stories and secrets we choose to share when we are ready. They know you are Edge's woman and if Phoenix has her way, I reckon we will be seeing you in San Diego sooner than later for a visit. I know Phoenix's female friends, and you will fit in very nicely with that lot. Joy is now a new member, and she's teaching a few of the girls the mechanics of cars, and by all accounts, this impresses their men."
I can’t help feeling a little wistful at how easy it all sounds to have good friends.
A phone rings loudly among the crowd in the room. I see Drill breaking away and moving several feet towards the bedroom door as he answers it. His attention is drawn back around to Edge. Everybody has simmered down as though also curious to who would be calling when nobody should know they are here, but their clubs.
Drill looks a little sheepish in my direction. “Edge, you have a call from Cyn. She wants to thank you for the money for her and the kid."
My back stiffens.
Cyn?
The kid?
At Drill's words, my mind swiftly changes course and wanders down an alley that is full of naked women these men would have access to in their clubs.
I can’t help the fear running like a fast stream through me. What if I am one of many females’ that Edge has on tap?
I can feel Edge’s eyes on me, burning me with their intensity. What if he wants more than just me?
“Babe…” My fears are dancing about in my head making it hard for me to look at him. “Whisper!” His voice commands me to twist my head up and look at him. “Only you. We will talk when everybody has left, but it is only you. I thought I had at least made that clear.”
“No. It wasn’t clear,” I reply, a spike of jealousy spearing me. A new emotion I don't care for.
“Do you think Boxer or Lincoln would trust me with you if they thought anything else? Do you think Miss C would be pleased to know I was the type of man to treat you any less than my queen?” His words ring true.
“I…” How do I explain what is running through my mind to the son of the man who did such terrible things to me? My insecurities over Edge are a new emotion for me to deal with. Of course, Edge would have a lot of female admirers, even lovers or one-night stands. He’s a biker. Their clubs are notorious for whores and parties. Does this child belong to Edge?
“Babe, I’m gonna take this call quickly with you in my arms, and I need you to let it ride until I can explain. You trust me to be honest and tell you it all?" He cocks his left eyebrow, waiting for my answer.
The thing is I do. My gut tells me I should. I might not like what I hear, but I am new to Edge. He had a life before me, but I believe he will be honest with me no matter how bad the truth is.
I bow my head. “Yes.”
“Don’t hide from me, Whisper.”
I raise my head, and I know there is a look of defiance on my face. I can't help it. A wall has slammed into place. “Yes,” I repeat and realize how tense I sound.
He sighs. “You don’t need that wall pushed up.”
I can hear movement as everybody fades out of the room.
“Is she a lover of yours?” Shit! I’m acting jealous.
Edge slowly blinks, and that is enough for me. I try to push away from him, but his arm slides underneath my breasts carefully holding me back against his chest.
He swears under his breath.
"Give me a couple of minutes with Cyn, that’s all I ask.”
“Is the child yours?” I can’t seem to stop my fears leaking out of me.
"No." His chin rests against my head. "Babe… we need to talk. She doesn't know about you, and I'm about to explain it to her, as much as I'm willing. She's not my girlfriend, never has been. We have an arrangement—had! She's an ex-lover, and she already knows that as of a few days ago. I never loved her; it was an arrangement. You able to give me these couple minutes with Cyn?”
“Yes.” It hurts to say that one word, but I had no claim on his life before now. What claim do I have on it now?
An arrangement?
And then he’s kissing me, trying to pry my lips open with his tongue, almost desperate for me to respond. The scruff on his face is long enough to rub coarsely against my skin. Something I find I like.
He takes a breath, his eyes locked on mine. "Stubborn. Babe, open up for me."
His words pull a small moan from me as his mouth falls back onto mine. I can't hold back anymore. My mouth invites him inside, and then we are getting lost in each other's arms, our lips locked in a slow, sensual dance.
“He’ll call you back, Cyn,” Drill tells her, sounding distracted.
Then the bedroom door shuts.
There is a female wanting to talk to Edge, and he's making her wait while he reminds me of what is between us before Drill got the call.
My body is moving of its own free will until I’m straddling Edge on the bed, and he’s sliding backward to accommodate both our bodies more comfortably our lips still locked together.
Desire sweeps through me. I want this man.
“Edge…” I pant out moving until I find the connection down south that makes me want so much more, his hard erection a promise. All I want is to feel the pleasure this friction will give me against my panties. Cyn is almost forgotten as desire crashes into the both of us and I only have tunnel vision for the man in front of me.
"Wild… babe, you're so fucking wild," he murmurs against my lips, "we aren't discussing Cyn like we’re supposed to be.” He knows how much I want him and he likes it. Talking about Cyn is the last thing he wants to do now.
I know it’s not appropriate now to want this from Edge, but I can’t seem to reason with myself. Anybody could walk in on us, but my body is craving his. I’m having trouble convincing myself this is not good timing.
"Babe, you're going to make me come in my pants if you keep this up," he moans into my mouth, which sets me on fire more.
The thing is I want to come; I want to so badly. I want his erection out of its cage, and my panties slid to the side. I ache for Edge, and I know it’s wrong with this unfinished conversation about Cyn and with everybody so close.
Edge rests his forehead on mine. “If you want this now between us, Drill will keep everybody away from the door, but you need to keep those sexy noises you make on the quiet side.”
Do I make sexy noises?
I nod against his forehead.
"Fuck, you're so hot right now, and you've got no idea how hot you are. If you feel sick or I hurt you, tell me, and we'll stop. Yes?"
I nod impatiently. I want Edge to be quiet and kiss me again.
"Jesus, babe, I can't even deny you the way you are looking at me with those big browns, and then his hands slip up under my dress and grip my bottom. He's helping me to grind down on his bulge while our kisses grow more frantic. One finger slides inside of my panties, and that's when I lose sanity.
My head falls back, lost to the feelings Edge is evoking in me. All I want is to have an orgasm ripped from me.
“More…” I pant out. I need so much more.
“I want to turn you over onto your knees and fuck you raw.”
I moan and grind myself harder against the second finger he's slipped inside me. Our kisses are not enough. His fingers are not enough. I'm mad with need. "I want your mouth in other places," I hear myself demanding.
“Christ! Babe, you’re so wild and innocent. I want to mouth fuck you and have you begging for more.” He’s drowning in arousal like I am.
“Do it,” I plead.
“Can’t... Too many people close by.”
“I need you inside me,” I counter offer. I’m almost frantic with arousal.
“Ride my fingers. I’ll get you off. Later I’ll mouth fuck you until you scream your orgasm into a pillow.”
I want him inside me.
We’re both working me hard on his fingers and his erection is poking me in another place, which is adding a whole new sensation I don’t quite understand, but it feels good.
“That’s it darlin’, get yourself off,” he’s growling against my lips, “only you, Whisper. You’re mine.” I want nothing more than to be set free. “Come for me.”
I don’t just want his fingers.
"Fuck, Edge," I hear Drill roar like a wild animal from across the room, and then he coughs loudly to hide his words.
My face flames red. Drill hasn’t left the room? Has he been watching us the whole time?
My head snaps around to where he’s standing my eyes drift down to the front of his pants where he’s readjusting himself. His grass-green eyes have turned the color of a burnt countryside. His eyes lock on me with renewed interest. Edge hasn't stopped pulsing his fingers inside me, while I move against them.
I can’t stop the orgasm that is starting release.
The last thing I see before my eyes shut and my body erupts with an orgasm, is Drill prowling towards me.
“Drill!” Edge snaps out on a groan. “Not. Gonna. Happen! I won’t share Whisper!”
I am confused as to why he said that to Drill, but I can’t seem to care as I catch my breath and watch Edge suck on his wet fingers he’s pulled out of me.
But very soon I would understand.
“Jesus, Edge. Can’t blame a guy when you’re all over each other, practically screwing,” he growls back before thrusting the phone into my hand and stomping out of the room.
My head collapses onto Edge’s chest as I let my heart slow itself back down to a steady paced trot.
My face flushed from the orgasm, and knowing Drill was watching the whole time has added extra heat.
Edge curses under his breath.
"I shouldn't have let this get out of hand. I want to make love to you slowly, carefully, tonight when we are alone. Did I hurt you? I shouldn't have let it go this far; you've been sick and hurt badly." His steel-gray eyes search mine for the truth.
“I’m not hurt. I wanted this, please don’t stress about anything. It’s been too long since the bar.”
"Babe, that night, you were incredible and you'd never fucked before. Now, you know what your body wants, and I aim to give you it all—every position. Don't be shy to tell me what you want. Sex is to be enjoyed and experimented with." He kisses me again, and I taste myself on his lips, but I can also feel his hard erection.
I want to say something. "Um…" It comes out as noise because he's still kissing me. "Edge," I manage to say when we come up for air.
“What’s up?” Funny he should word it like that.
"Um… do you need to"—I wave my hand in the air—"can I help you." I seemed to have lost my wildness and returned to innocence.
Edge throws his head back and belts out a laugh.
“So fucking innocent.” He smiles at me like he won first prize, even though he didn’t make it over the finish line. “Later,” he says, as he slides me off him and lays me down next to him. He leans over me, his gray eyes close to my face. “Too much temptation having your legs spread over me, babe. Need you away from my dick. It’s a little uncomfortable, but I can wait.”
My panties are very wet. I don't want anybody walking in when I'm like this. "I just need to go to the bathroom and tidy up." I did an excellent job of sounding in control, and I know he needs time to calm his body down.
"Whatever you want, you only have to ask me." He gets up off the bed, and I move so he can pick me up. "Babe, I love the way you smell when you’ve come." I don't know what to say in reply, so I say nothing. "I gather you'll need fresh panties as well?"
“That sounds like a plan.” I try not to sound like a total inexperienced goof as I look away trying to hide the color of my face.
"Look at me, Whisper." I look up into his beautiful eyes. "There's nothing we haven't done already that could make you need to get flustered over a pair of fresh panties. Those are soaked. Ain’t no need to be bashful about that. It's as sexy as all fuck being able to make my woman come as you do. Now let's scoop up a fresh pair on the way through, and you can be giving me those soaked ones for safe keeping." And then he winks at me.
My mouth gapes open.
“Babe, ain’t nothing wrong with that,” he says, desire turning his gunmetal eyes darker. “Better get used to my dirty talk,” he continues without apology.
Again… what do I say in reply?
“So fucking sweet and wild,” he murmurs against my hair as I stare straight ahead and we pick up a pair of knickers along the way.
Totally normal between a man and a woman, I remind myself as I finish up in the bathroom and then Edge is only a call away to come help me again. He takes the wet panties I’ve folded up neatly out of my hand with a mischievous glint in his eyes and pockets them before carrying me to the basin to wash up.
All very normal, I repeat to myself as we make it back to the bed and we lie down together.
Before I can feel awkward his arms pull me closer and he starts kissing me again. My left leg curls over his thigh because I have this need to be wrapped around him as I loop my hands around his neck. Lying down on the bed is making me lose control again as I think about what he's going to do with those wet panties I gave him.
“Whisper, you’re not playing fair,” he groans.
I can't seem to find the rule book. I sigh and then devour his mouth, our tongues dirty dancing.
“You took my wet panties,” I reply when I have a second to breathe.
He moans into my hair. "Jesus, babe, I want to do a lot more than sniff your panties, I want to taste you for real."
There's a sharp double knock on the door and before we have time to separate there's a loud, exaggerated cough and the door swings open.
My face is beet-red as I nearly give myself whiplash looking over my shoulder at Boxer. He’s a very handsome man, dressed casually in designer jeans and a gray long-sleeved T-shirt, his muscled biceps stretching the fabric, his hands fisted on each hip, a grimace on his partially down-turned face as he tries to hide how he feels about walking in on us, giving us time to move apart.
I hurry to roll over and sit up facing Boxer. I feel every inch of being caught with a boy in my room like a teenager would—except Edge is a fearless man. I managed to skip that part of my life until now.
“I hear congratulations are in order,” Boxer says as he moves into the room, sounding not at all concerned about interrupting us, although he would be hiding his displeasure at the position he found us in. “I would like a few words with my daughter.” His voice is stern as he emphasizes our relationship. He’s not asking for permission.
“I thought we were fucking past this shit,” Edge mumbles under his breath, one arm curled around my back. “Of course, Boxer.” Edge’s other arm reaches out, and his hand tames my stray hairs. “Babe, I’m going to wait downstairs for you. Boxer will bring you back down for me.” He’s making his point clear he doesn’t want me to take the stairs by myself. Edge has always been the one to carry me up and down the stairs. He’s made that also very clear.
I can get about, but it does hurt, and apparently, it is frowned upon by Dr. Castille. I feel kind of silly being carried everywhere whenever I want to move, but I don't make waves. The sooner my feet completely heal, the sooner I will have that part of my freedom back. For now, I am a doll who gets carried everywhere—albeit a damaged one.
He gets up, gives Boxer a sharp nod, and then he leaves the room taking a little piece of my heart with him.