It’s been nine weeks since I’ve physically been in Edge’s arms, which equates to a lot of minutes without being able to touch him, kiss him and do other things with him.
I miss him so much.
I’ve been living comfortably and without any drama or fear for my life in Slade’s beautiful five-bedroom 1990 Cape Cod style home in a suburb of San Diego called La Jolla, not far from Ocean Beach.
I’ve grown a lot as a person since being here, and everybody has been so good to me.
When we first arrived, Tucker found the key that was cleverly hidden on the property to open up Slade’s home to allow me to use the bathroom. I had a quick shower to freshen up and change my clothes.
Hazard, and I had been sitting quietly on the wooden bench on the front porch when Slade arrived before Phoenix in his beautiful, midnight-black Charger R/T. He is a man-mountain of a man and the car suited him.
Hazard had sat up straighter with what could only be described as alpha-male interest when the car rumbled down the driveway. On a soft whistle of appreciation, he started listing all the stats of this masculine car.
I was wearing my camouflage, a blonde, long-haired wig and black designer Posh Spice-style sunglasses that hid a lot of my face, which Hazard had picked up along the way.
I'd been cooped up for so long in the Winnebago. I needed to be outside in the crisp air. Alaska to San Diego was a significant change in temperature.
When Phoenix rode into the driveway several minutes later on her black Ducati motorcycle, to park behind Slade’s car, Hazard couldn’t help but whistle low again at how sexy she looked on her bike all dressed in black leather, before dismounting and all that dreadlocked hair spilled out of her helmet. I wouldn’t be surprised if under all that leather she's got one of those cool vintage T-shirts on she would wear around Ghost's home.
Slade had given him a fierce glare and Hazard had shrugged and commented along the lines that he wasn’t blind, but he also wasn’t stupid, meaning he knew Slade had claimed her. Phoenix just hadn’t agreed to it yet.
She stared open-mouthed up at the house, as though she’d never known Slade owned it. Then her eyes were drawn to the white picket fence surrounding the generous well landscaped front garden with a confused look on her face.
A house with a white picket fence didn’t seem like something a man like Slade would own. I had to agree with her confusion.
Slade shrugged off her confused look and muttered to us about it being his parents’ home. He’d rented it out up until recently, and he left it at that.
Before she could say anything, Tucker, who’d already introduced himself to Slade had shouted with enthusiasm ‘Sweetness!’ and waved to her with a put-on goofy grin just for her, like they knew each other.
It looked like he enjoyed getting a reaction from her when she rolled her eyes dramatically at Tucker. She certainly knew him, but I know she only has eyes for Slade, even if they are doing this awkward dance in front of everybody.
Slade had been sitting on the other side of me on the garden bench and growled a few choice words about Tucker being so familiar with Phoenix that he called her ‘sweetness’ before stalking over to meet her.
She wandered casually through the little white picket gate, tugging a purple bandana with white skulls from her pocket and wrapping it around her ash blonde dreadlocks as she made her way over to us, a smirk threatening to turn into a full-blown grin at Slade’s behavior. She was enjoying Slade’s discomfort a little too much.
Before she could reach the porch steps, Slade reached her with hands on his hips and words were exchanged quietly between the two of them.
Phoenix looked like she was losing her patience with Slade when she responded by throwing ‘Damn behemoth’ at him loudly. He then tossed ‘Damn woman’ right back at her, just as loud, before he prowled over to Tucker, pointed at Phoenix, leaned into Tucker’s ear and murmured low something only for Tucker’s ears. The guy laughed out loud, shook his head and clapped Slade on the shoulder. He was most amused at his reaction, which had Slade looking at him like he’d lost the plot.
Hasn’t stopped Tucker from being Tucker around her ever since, but Slade takes it with a grain of salt because he can see how it irks Phoenix and that seems to amuse him, rather than make him feel threatened. Tucker can’t seem to help his brand of humor.
Phoenix later told me she met him backstage at Coyote Cooter's Country & Rocker Bar several months back when she was visiting family for Thanksgiving, and there was a whole other story there. Tucker had flirted big time with her, and she had to teach him some manners.
When Slade gave us a tour of the house, Hazard insisted on carrying me around on Edge’s orders because my feet hadn’t fully healed.
I found the home fully furnished in an era long gone as though his parents had vacated the place, the décor left as is. Nothing changed. It wasn’t furnished like I would think a man like Slade would keep it.
It felt like a lot of love had lived here once, but now from the strained look I caught on Slade’s face, there was only hurt attached to it for him. I can only think his parents have passed away, but that is just my assumption. I feel like it pains him to be here, but he keeps it under wraps. It makes me like him even more that he’s putting his heart on a spear to be here for me.
I’ve caught Phoenix stealing glances when he doesn’t know. She sees what I see. He has a past that hurts him.
Slade wanted me to have the master bedroom upstairs, but I couldn’t. It was a different story renting his family’s home out to strangers and not being present to see them living in it and me accepting his parents’ bedroom. In the end, I’m not sure if I offended him by not taking their room as he was so insistent.
Slade explained the bed was new as he was thinking of staying over and doing some work on the home to get it ready for sale, up until this latest turn of events, but I strongly felt it was wrong of me to take that room, no matter what Slade said. I suggested he give it to Phoenix instead, which was more appropriate.
I took the only other bedroom on the same floor, which has an ensuite, allowing me privacy. The men would sleep in the three bedrooms downstairs and be closer to the front and back doors for security, even though a guy named Harley Madden had fitted the home out with a top security system, another friend of Slade and Phoenix’s.
I loved my bedroom mainly because I could hear the ocean from my open window. Hazard had politely warned me for security reasons I should keep it closed, but I liked the sound of the waves, it gave me a sense of peace.
The first week I stayed on the grounds of Slade’s home. This city was BIG. It wasn’t little like Connard, population four hundred-ish. San Diego was a major city, and I needed to ease my mind into how big the world was outside of Connard.
Tucker and Hazard have been amazing looking after me. Edge was a little hard on Tucker; the guy is hilarious and a real sweetheart. His humor helps me to smile while separated from my man. Hazard does a lot of eye rolling around Tucker, but I can tell he likes the guy.
Slade manages a bar called Joe’s Bar in Ocean Beach most nights, but he’s here during the day.
Phoenix has been splitting time during the day between her private investigator job at Mack and Cooper Investigations and spending time with me and introducing me to all her friends, just like she told me in Ghost’s bathroom, all those weeks ago.
At first, I was too shy to talk freely, but Phoenix’s friends: Faith Reed, Hope Walker, and Joy Parker allowed me to come out of my shell at my own pace until I was able to go places with them, with my discreet bodyguards shadowing us.
Tucker always waves his arm vigorously in the air when it came to ‘Mechanic's 101 for Ladies' night’ with Joy. She can strip a car down and build it from the ground up, and she can do the same for a motorbike. I really love going to her garage and joining the other girls for our mechanic lessons.
I make sure always to wear the wig and sunglasses outside Slade's home; they also helped to give me the courage to feel stronger as a person.
Birdie Evans I’m going to be meeting in a couple of days. She’s the girl who’s also pregnant with twins. She’s an interior decorator, and in love with Phoenix’s brother, Retro. Phoenix suggested I pick her brain for nursery ideas. I might be able to do that. I’ve been getting braver and braver each day.
I've begun to feel safe here with these men and Phoenix guarding me. My walls were coming down. It feels good to not live in fear. My concern was reserved for Edge and Mathias and my family in Connard, but by all accounts that was quiet too.
I now sit on the comfortable love seat in my bedroom in front of the open window, the cool breeze softly blowing my hair. I'm holding a framed copy of the sonogram in my hands, taken two weeks ago.
Whisper De Ville and Dallas Masson were a little over fifteen weeks pregnant, and my baby bump is pronounced. I can't stop looking at the images of my little nuggets.
Edge got to see the babies in my womb via real-time from Miss C’s home in Connard. It was the closest we could get to him being here and sharing the moment with me.
Even though Edge and I talk regularly by phone or we can see each other using real-time, this milestone is something we should’ve been free to share together. I craved having him by my side, but Phoenix stepped in, holding my hand for support, and I had my very excited chickie friends sat out in the waiting room.
We didn’t want to know the sex of the babies, we automatically agreed on that, without hesitation. We wanted to be surprised.
It’s so surreal how my life has changed, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. These babies have my heart, and I could see how emotional Edge was, he tried to hide it, but I saw the love he had for them.
My family in Connard gave Edge his privacy, but once the sonogram had finished, we got to share it with them all. Miss Catherine cried, which made me cry, and Boxer got so choked up he had to walk out of the camera’s view. Lincoln and Joel were probably off planning more things to buy.
I received a bunch of Calla Lilies not long after from Edge and more bunches of flowers from everybody else making me feel special and loved.
All my bodyguards were getting used to the flower delivery guy, who in turn was always smiling when he brought yet another bunch of beautiful flowers to Slade’s front door. I think it quietly amuses him that I’m his most consistent customer. Flowers from Edge get dropped off every couple of days by the happy delivery guy. They decorate tables and sideboards downstairs. It's beginning to look like a florist, and I love looking at them and smelling them.
My best friend, Lincoln, has been catching up with me every few days. Stephanie, my doppelganger always likes to talk to me. I'm trying not to be jealous of her because she's spending time with my family and Edge. She is quite lovely and always asks about my health and comments on my clothes and hairstyles. It's hard not to like her.
Tucker usually finds that moment to appear so he can chat her up which has me giggling and Stephanie rolling her eyes, but she does look like she's interested in his brand of humor and that leads Tucker to dial up the charm and makes me leave them to it.
My good friend nausea has all but disappeared in this past week which I am so grateful for it's been a long time since I've felt honestly good.
Dr. Castille’s father, Fernando, has been taking good care of me and he’s happy with my progress. He introduced me to a kind therapist, Sally May, a trusted friend of Dr. Castille’s. She’s an older lady who came to Slade’s home the second week, and now I venture out to her offices in Ocean Beach. The burden is getting lighter, but I know I have a lot more sessions to undertake.
I’ve made two new friends in Slade’s next door neighbors. They are a happily married black couple in their late seventies. Annie and her husband Theodore, who is in a wheelchair, are such good people.
Slade’s known them since he was a kid. They either come over and we play Scrabble, with one of the guys using a make-shift ramp Theodore can motor on up, or I go over to their place with one of my guards making up a fourth player.
I see the understanding in their eyes. They know something is up and they can see how protective the guys and Phoenix are of me. Theodore used to be in the military, he might be in a wheelchair, but he’s got a good head on his shoulders, and he’s very observant—they both are.
Annie and Theodore told me Slade is like a son to them as they were unable to have children and have no family members alive. Slade would stop by a few times a month to check up on them. He let them know if they ever needed help with anything around their house, to call him or if they were under threat and couldn't dial OOO then all they had to do was text him the letters OB, and he would come running. I thought that was such a great idea.
My days have been so busy, that I fall asleep quickly from the constant stimulation all my friends provide me.
Nobody is allowing me to wallow in misery over being separated from Edge. I miss him and my family, so much, but I also don’t need to distract them with worry for the job they are trying to complete.
We’re still separated because Filip has gone silent.
Too silent.
I’m so worried about Edge and Mathias and everybody I care about, but there’s been nothing.
Filip’s deliberately torturing them all with the unknown.
And I hate him even more for it.
I want him dead!
It's my twenty-second birthday today, and I should be happy. I've had the best morning and lunch with my new friends.
We had manicures and pedicures, and I got my hair cut and highlights put through it. I had to wear the wig when we were out, but Phoenix didn't think there was anything wrong with exposing myself in a private booking where they closed the salon down for us for a few hours while we all had a pampered morning.
I could have stayed with them all day to keep my mind off not being able to see Edge for his birthday and my family, but they all had places to be this afternoon, so we came back here.
Sitting here looking at my little nuggets can always bring me back to the reality of why I'm in San Diego away from everybody I love. Phoenix and the guys can usually keep my mind on good things when my thoughts turn dark, and I want to physically murder a man who has helped hurt and kill so many.
I sigh and get up from the love seat and put the frame back on the bedside table.
I need to find Phoenix; she'll brighten me up.