I hate February. All the lovey dovey shite makes me sick, and being single sucks this time of year. Everywhere I look there is romance, love and hearts. I can’t even escape it at work.

The past few weeks I’ve had to do research, and an interview of an elderly couple who are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary on Valentine’s Day.

They were so sweet together, obviously still in love; even after all these years. Their love story was amazing, it would warm even the coldest of hearts, mine included. The love and devotion on Cathleen’s face when she told me about the struggles she went through when Patrick was away fighting for our country, will stay with me forever. I teared up a little seeing the look of utter devastation on her face as she described the day she was informed that he was in the hospital somewhere across the world, where she couldn’t be. They even let me read a few of their letters to one another.

It made me feel sad sitting there reading love letters from two people so deeply in love that it survived fifty years and a long distance marriage. It made me hopeful that maybe one day I will have someone look at me the way Patrick did Cathleen.

It’s the first time writing for the magazine has been fun, hearing about their trials and triumphs was incredible. As a writer, I thrive on the twists and turns of a story, how the characters, people in this case, grow and overcome the things thrown at them. So, I was definitely drawn in listening as Patrick described their good and bad times.

I have been so busy with this story I have barely spoken to Leo. There has been the odd text and a quick call, but with the time difference we keep missing each other. I was so shocked when he told me about his ex. For him to be honest with me is major points in his favor, but I still can’t shake the feeling that he is hiding something from me; I hope it isn’t something to do with his ex. What if he’s still with her and lying to me? My mind throws doubts at me, constantly playing on my insecurities.

Secrets and lies have made me the jaded person I am today. Shane ensured trusting a man wouldn’t be easy. Lying is one of my biggest peeves in life, second only to cheating. I do not tolerate it and I won’t put myself through that again. If Shane can lie to my face every day, why can’t Leo? Lying on Facebook is so much easier, people do it daily.

The genuine emotion that came through when he told me about his past tells me he is a good man, and the man I have gotten to know tells me I can trust him. To give him a chance, but my head is screaming at me to be careful who I bare my heart and soul to.

According to Brooke I need to forget about what happened in the past and open myself up to the chance I’ve been handed. I know she’s right, but the unknown is scary. And I don’t want to be hurt again.

Hmm, speaking of Brooke she still hasn’t given me the dirty deets on her mystery man. Every time I’ve brought it up she’s changed the subject or evaded my questions. Normally she tells me every detail, and when I say every detail I mean every. Single. Detail. I cringe remembering the last “date” she described in full technicolor, that is one visual I did not need. Me being a writer and having a vivid imagination is a curse sometimes and that was one of them.

Needing a distraction from thoughts of the creeper that couldn’t go deeper. I laugh at the name Brooke came up with and grab my phone.

Me: So, when are you ever going to give up the deets on ya mystery man?

Brooke: I have no idea what you’re talking about…

Hmm, evasion again. She definitely likes this chap if she is unwilling to share.

Me: You know what I’m on about. The hottie that you couldn’t keep your hands off.

Brooke: Hmm, I tell you what. You tell me all about your convo’s with the Italian Stallion and I’ll tell you about my one nighter.

Me: That’s not going to happen…

Brooke: Oh well…

Me: But you are normally dying to tell me every sweaty little detail.

Brooke: Hmm, well things change, I guess.

Me: You must like this one if you won’t talk.

Brooke: Maybe…

Mr, Willy Shakespaw meows and nudges my leg, I scratch his head and get up to feed him, before he gets moody. Bloody cat has more mood swings than me. As I stroke Mr. Willy my mind goes back to Leo and our first private conversation, I laugh remembering how I teased him about my pussy.

Grabbing my phone I open messenger and click on Leo’s name, I pause thinking of what to say.

Me: Hey, just wanted to see how you were.

I delete it and stare at the cursor.

Me: How are you?

I groan and click send, that’s all I can think of to send, pathetic.

Leo: Hey beautiful, long time no…Text?

I laugh, because that is what happens every time Leo messages me.

Me: Hey, Mr, DeLuca. It’s been a while…

Leo: Has it really? Maybe we should remedy that.

I groan and laugh, I walked right into that one.

Me: Maybe you should.

I click send before I can rethink it and hold my breath.

Leo: I will get on that the first chance I get.

Me: When will that be exactly?

Leo: Whenever you want me.

I squeal, my belly fluttering at the thought of having Leo here in person.

Me: Is now too soon?

Leo: I wish it were possible…

Me: Me too.

Leo: Soon…

Me: Promise?

Leo: Abso-fucking-lutely.

I shift in my seat, my body is heated, waiting and excited for him to come through on that promise.

Me: What are you doing on Vday?

I know I’m prying but I want to know.

Leo: Probably working, what about you?

Me: Nothing, sitting in my living room watching the shite that they put on T.V.

Leo: I wish I could be there…

I read and re-read the message and I gather the courage to ask him something I've been dying to for long.

Me: Have you ever thought of us meeting IRL?

Leo: Yes

His quick answer makes me giddy and I smile like an eejit.

Me: Do you think there's a chance of us really meeting?

Leo: Yes.

That’s all I get? Yes? Really?...

Leo: We will meet Kaitlyn, I promise and when we do we will be doing a lot of exploring…

Me: Oh, I love exploring. If you were here I would show you all my favourite places, Ireland is a beautiful country.

Leo: Not the kind of exploring I had in mind but I think we could squeeze a little tourism in too.

My face burns bright red. How the feck did I miss that innuendo?

Me: Oh… That sounds nice too.

Leo: It will be anything but nice. Hot, sweaty, long, hard and mind-blowing. Are a few words that come to mind.

Me: Mmm, when did you say you were coming?

Leo: In about a minute if we keep this up.

I laugh, this is what I love about Leo he can make me go from laughing to hot and back again with just a few words.

Wait, what? Love? Do I love Leo? Can I love a person I’ve never even seen or met in person?

I sit frozen in my seat having a little freak out.

Leo: Too much?

Me: No, just got distracted.

Leo: Thinking about me?

Me: Always.

Leo: I hate to do this but I have to go. Speak to you soon, gorgeous.

Me: Okay, bye.

I put the phone down, blow out a breath and let my head fall onto the table. I can’t believe it, all this time I have been enjoying the back and forth PMing, the laughs and flirting and I didn’t even see it happening.

My cat jumps on the table and nudges my head. I stroke his fur not lifting my head. “How did I not see it Mr. Willy?” I ask him. He looks at me like I have lost my mind. “Well, all I can do now is pray he is who he says and he doesn’t rip my heart out,” I mutter getting up.

Grabbing my laptop, I head for the stairs, I need my bed and to kill someone off.