I stare at my phone dumbfounded. My Ma who I haven’t even spoken to in…I search my memory shocked to realize I can’t remember the last time. It’s not like she will ever forgive me for not doing as I was told. My hand shakes as I open the message on my fb of all places.

Ráichéal O’Roarke: Kaitlyn, I would just like to say I am so disappointed in you for being so spiteful and upsetting your sister. How you could say that to your own blood I do not know. She is your baby sister for heaven sake.

That’s it? No, how are you? Or I miss you? Seriously? I’m spitting mad, not only at me ma but Brianna for running straight to her.

Kaitlyn O’Roarke: Hello Mother, nice to see you unblocked me just to send this message. I’m fine by the way. Healthy and happy no thanks to you or the rest of the tribe. As for what I did or didn’t say to Brianna and Shane is none of your concern. You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me when I threw away that piece of shite you call a son in law, so please do not contact me again.

Clicking send I place my phone on the worktop and take a deep calming breath. My chest feels like someone is sitting on it, I gasp for air as the emotions I locked away all these years crash around me. I slide to the floor as sobs rack my body.

* * *

I open my gritty eyes, I’m cold and hungry. Looking at the kitchen clock I’m shocked to see it’s already twelve o’clock. No wonder I’m hungry I slept for another six hours. Getting up I wince as my stiff muscles protest.

I cringe remembering my run in with Brianna and Shane then the unexpected message from my mother. I can’t believe they still have the power to hurt me like this. I thought I had gotten over it and moved on.

“Ah, shite,” I shout, realising I forgot to message Leo. “Probably thinks you’re a flake now,” I sigh and busy myself putting away my groceries from this morning and deciding on what to have for dinner. I settle on Irish stew and dumplings.

Standing at the stove, I pour my five star meal into the saucepan. Dinner from a can is so luxurious.

My phone pings, I smile seeing it’s from Brooke to say her time zone is behind mine by a few hours she always PM’s me around this time. The woman does not sleep.

Brooke: Why have I not heard from you all day?

I laugh at the sticker of a dog tapping its paw with its eyebrow cocked. I tap out a quick response keeping an eye on my dinner.

Kaitlyn: Had some major shite to deal with this morning then I fell asleep on the kitchen floor.

Brooke: What is it with you and falling asleep on things and places you shouldn’t? Are you okay though?

Shaking my head I chuckle. Yeah, I’m starting to think she’s right about me and falling asleep where I shouldn’t.

Kaitlyn: Yeah, just family shite. How are you?

Brooke: Good, busy, meant to be working… So far behind.

Kaitlyn: You been procrastinating on fb again?

Brooke: Ugh, you got me. I just can’t seem to help myself. I’m thinking I need to ban myself like you did, just to be able to get some work done.

Rolling my eyes, I move the pan off the heat quickly before it bubbles over and reply.

Kaitlyn: You should, you spend more time on there than I do.

Brooke: At least I people occasionally.

Kaitlyn: It’s not my fault people annoy the shite outta me. Besides most don’t like my sarcasm or my dark side.

Brooke: That darkness is contagious.

Kaitlyn: Don’t underestimate the power of the dark side.

I laugh when a Yoda sticker pops up. We go back and forth having a Star Wars sticker war, I laugh when one of Superman pops up.

Kaitlyn: All out of SW stickers?

Brooke: FB needs to make more.

Kaitlyn: Agreed. I have to go eat and maybe clean if I can find the motivation…

Brooke: If you clean I will let up on the cereal bashing.

Kaitlyn: Deal. Speak later.

Brooke: Bye… Have fun.

I don’t even dignify that one with an answer. I imagine her laughing at my non answer.

Dishing up I settle on the sofa and flip on the T.V and click on my recorded programmes. A little Arrow will banish all thoughts of unwanted douchebags. Oliver Queen, yum.

I watch as Stephen Amell does a set of salmon lifts, his body ripples with every movement. I squirm in my seat, barely containing my drool.

“Jesus, I need to get laid,” I mutter pressing pause and taking my now empty dish into the kitchen. Running the cold water, I splash my face and neck trying to cool off. I can’t believe I just got that hot over a T.V show, I laugh at myself as I wash my bowl.

I do a quick clean up and lose myself in my book for a while, I channel my anger from this morning and the words just seem to flow. It’s therapeutic, freeing getting it all out.

The vibration of my phone breaks my flow and I reluctantly drag myself from the dark scene I was minutes away from finishing. I grab my phone ready to yell at whoever broke my concentration, I grin when I see it’s Brooke letting me know she’ll be out late and not to wait up. I laugh, at least someone is getting laid.

Looking at the clock I’m shocked to see it’s nearly four a.m. I haven’t even moved for a drink in hours. Getting up I stretch, groaning gratefully as my muscles release.

I head for the kitchen, needing a hot cuppa to wake me up. Grabbing my smallest saucepan, I fill it with enough water and put it on the stove to heat up. I can’t wait to get my new kettle.

As I wait, my thoughts go back to my conversation with Leo yesterday and his voice…

Leo: Well, we’ve become friends, haven’t we? And that’s what friends do.

I literally swoon as my heart flutters. Can this really be true? Is he this way in real life? Or is it just for show? I chew my nail as old insecurities niggle at me. Can I really do this?

“Hey,” he finally replies and I breath a silent sigh of relief. “It’s so nice to finally hear your voice.” His voice drops coming out like a sexy growl, I shiver. I laugh to cover my nervousness and arousal from his growl.

“Are you trying to use your seductive voice on me?” I ask, and wince as my hair gets stuck around my finger.

Shite, stop acting like a fuckin child.

I haven’t twiddled my hair in years.

“Is it working?” He asks, stopping my internal scolding.

“Nope,” I giggle.

Did I really just fuckin giggle?

I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, taking a chance on the unknown. I hope he’s for real because I haven’t been this interested in a bloke in…well, forever.

“Well, damn. I’m losing my touch,” he sighs.

“You have a hot voice,” I blurt breathlessly.

“And yours is sexy as fuck.”

My insides turn to mush hearing him say that. I love that I have that effect on him, even though we’ve never seen each other face to face and he is a world away, the connection is there and it scares the living shite outta me.

“Think of me, Tesoro.”

I fan myself as his Italian accent comes through the phone, I have no idea what the word meant but it was as sexy as hell. I want to ask him to keep talking, to whisper more sexy words in my ear but I know he has to go.

“After hearing your voice,” he sounds out of breath, I grin thankful that it’s not just me that’s affected. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

Sizzling from the pan has me rushing to take it off the heat. “Holy fuckin’ shiteballs,” I yell, dropping the pan and clutching my hand. I always forget that pan has a metal handle and gets really hot…How the hell I managed to burn water is beyond me.

After running my hand under freezing cold water until it’s numb I go and collect my first aid box and gingerly apply antiseptic cream and wrap my hand in a bandage. I hope it doesn’t blister, I was finally on a roll with my writing.

“Well, looks like writing is out of the question now,” I sigh. Fuckin’ talking to myself again. Shaking my head I decide to call it a night instead.