Chapter 23

Will

Sitting at my desk these days was almost like torture. I had enough stuff to keep me busy, but my mind was stuck on my life at home. I wanted to focus. My business was important. But so much had been happening with Ella coming back that I could barely concentrate when someone was sitting right in front of me. I was sure I had read the same e-mail ten times and still hadn’t responded to it yet. I hadn’t talked to Ella in a few days, ever since the bathroom incident at the restaurant. I had read things all wrong. I had thought if I reminded Ella of how hot things used to be, she would want to rekindle that romance. I should have known from the way she’d been acting that it wasn’t going to be that easy. I was starting to be reckless when it came to her. Taking her into the bathroom in the middle of the day with a client sitting out on the floor had been dumb of me.

Her response to my advances had started to get me thinking. As soon as she had stormed out of the bathroom, I had realized I had hurt her far worse than I’d thought. My previous behavior toward her wasn’t something she could forgive me for, nor was my way of trying to make it up to her. I was going to have to change my strategy. Coming on to her wasn’t working and trying to talk to her alone was also backfiring on me. Even though I knew my behavior was a big reason she was pushing away from me, I sensed that maybe something else was going on with her. I couldn’t be sure because she was refusing to talk to me rationally about anything.

I needed to sit down with her and really talk. I wanted her to feel comfortable talking to me, like she had when we were texting and Skyping before. I needed her to open up to me again, because besides the fact that her attitude was impeding my attempts to get her back in my life, I was starting to worry there was something wrong that she wasn’t telling me.

I stared out the office window, wondering what the best approach would be. I didn’t have the luxury of time on my side since every day brought us closer to when she would return to school. I needed to be bold, direct, and show her that I cared about what was going on in her life. I needed to be candid with her as well, showing her that I was willing to open up to her, maybe gain some of that trust back that I had lost along the way. I picked up the phone and dialed Ella’s number, deciding that this couldn’t wait.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Ella, it’s Will,” I said.

“I assumed so since your name came up on my screen,” she replied sarcastically.

“Right,” I said, shaking my head. “I was calling to see if you would meet me later so that we can sit down and talk seriously about everything.”

“I’m not sure what else you think there is to say,” she replied. “I told you how I felt about our situation. I told you how I felt about my life and how busy I am.”

“Yes,” I replied. “You told me a lot, but I never had the chance to tell you anything.”

“I don’t know,” she said with a sigh. “I just don’t think it’s going to do anything but drag this out more than it should be.”

“Please,” I said. “I just need to talk.”

“You just needed to talk before and you told me I was distraction.”

“I know I did,” I said shamefully. “And it was terrible of me, but at the same time, it wasn’t taken the way I meant it.”

She groaned. “Fine. I will meet you, but only for a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” I said. “How about we meet before the party on Saturday? Avery will be with his grandmother, so we can talk openly.”

“All right,” she said. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

When we hung up, I already felt better because I was going to be able to sit down with Ella and talk to her face to face. This time, though, unlike the day she got back, I wasn’t going to let her rule the conversation. I was going to be assertive in letting her know what I was feeling and how things could be changed. Before I could think about it anymore, there was a knock on my office door. I looked up and nodded my head, seeing Brian standing there looking in at me. I had completely forgotten we had a meeting scheduled.

“Hey,” I said, standing up and shaking his hand. “Please, sit down.”

“You okay?”

“Huh?”

“I can see it written all over your face,” Brian said as he sat down. “There’s something going on with you. It’s like you’ve taken distracted to a whole new level. Even when I saw you yesterday, it was like you were on a completely different planet.”

I sighed. “Yeah. I guess I’m more than a little distracted right now. I’m sorry. I know you guys need me to be focused and on my game when I’m here.”

“Work aside,” he said, “you’re not normally the kind of guy to be distracted. What is going on with you?”

“Nothing, man.” I sighed, straightening the papers on my desk.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he said. “Come on, tell me what’s up.”

“Ella is back in town,” I said, shaking my head.

“That’s a good thing, right?” He laughed. “”I mean, you can at least get laid.”

“Yeah, except when she showed up, she was completely iced over toward me,” I said. “Like stone cold, not wanting anything to do with me, icing me out.”

“Wow. What made her do that? I mean, you aren’t the most charming guy in the world, but hasn’t she been away at school?”

“Yeah,” I said. “But the last time we were together, she had somewhat called it off right before she went back to college. It was this whole thing after we had sex. I said something stupid like I tend to do. I mean, she was pissed, but at the same time, I didn’t think it was really that big of a deal. I thought she was trying to keep things under control while she was away. From the way she’s acting, though, you would think I killed her cat and then pushed her down a flight of stairs. I’ve heard of the cold shoulder before, but it’s bad, like really bad.”

“Okay,” Brian said, shrugging his shoulders. “So go out to the bar, pick up a chick, and get laid. I don’t really understand what the problem is.”

I realized that I hadn’t been completely honest with Brian. I hadn’t wanted him to see me as weak or incapable of having a casual relationship. However, by painting that picture, I was now stuck in a position where I couldn’t tell him why it was bothering me so much. I couldn’t tell him that I had tried sleeping with someone else and hadn’t been able to get Ella off my mind. I couldn’t be vulnerable with my own best friend because I had been such an asshole from the beginning with the whole Ella situation. Now I was stuck looking like a complete idiot with no explanation to give Brian.

“Look, dude, you had your fun,” he said. “You got to screw this hot little college student for quite a long time, and without getting latched down in a relationship. Now, you have the ability to move on to the next girl. I mean, you landed the dream of every guy our age: a hot, sexy college girl fucking your brains out every time she comes to town and then icing you just when it could get awkward, setting you free into the world. Like, this is literally no muss, no fuss here, dude. You should be thanking the universe for handing you the perfect single-man scenario on a silver platter. If you start digging now, you’re just going to ruin it with drama and emotions.”

“Yeah, I feel you,” I said, shaking my head.

“You know, it could also be a testament to your sexual prowess,” Brian said.

“How?”

“Dude, you’re the older guy. You probably showed her things she had never experienced before. I mean, it really depends on how sexually active this girl was before you met her, but you probably really opened her eyes and got her blood pumping. It’s a possibility that she took all that hot sex she learned and found herself a man back at Harvard. This is just the only way she knows how to keep herself from sleeping with you again.”

I sat there thinking about what he had said, and I didn’t like it. Immediately, a strong sense of jealousy flowed through me at thinking about Ella sleeping with anyone else. Besides, she was a headstrong girl. I was almost positive that if that had been the case, she would have just told me the truth. I took in a deep breath and let it back out, shaking my head. I really hated the fact that I had to think about this at all. It was fucking exhausting.

“I do have to say, though, you seem a lot more upset about all this than you should be,” Brian said, sitting forward. “It makes me think there’s more to this than you’re letting on. I mean, you didn’t go and fall in love with this girl, did you? It’s not a classic switch-up where the girl gets icy and the guy is pining away, is it? I mean, I’m not judging. You can tell me.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t fall in love. There’s no pining for her. I just think it’s strange the way she is acting, and I wanted to know what was going on with her. If it really is nothing or she is in a relationship or whatever, I don’t give a damn. I guess I just want to make sure she’s okay, no hard feelings and no crazy psycho tendencies.”

I was lying my ass off, knowing full well that she was not okay, there were plenty of hard feelings, and she was in no way a crazy psycho. However, sitting there in front of Brian, I just made shit up, trying to appease him since I knew he didn’t think highly of women right now. I wished I had someone to talk to about this whole situation, but it looked like I was going to have to go it alone.

“Yes, you do care,” Brian said, rolling his eyes. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be so worried about what was going on with her. But anyway, this is your thing, man. It’s okay if you aren’t a woman hater. You have no reason to be.”

Brian and I changed the subject to work and went through our meeting. When he was gone, I sat back in my chair and thought about the conversation we’d had. If I allegedly didn’t care about any kind of future with Ella, then why was I so obsessed with the whole thing? Maybe Brian was right. I cared a lot more for this girl than I was allowing myself to admit.