The next few days are brutal for Reid and me.
As if dealing with an infant with a double ear infection isn’t bad enough, Rhys has sent at least one message every day since I left Tallahassee. Each of them going unanswered.
By Wednesday, Reid finally starts feeling marginally better and starts being less fussy. Zoey’s also back in town so she stops by to join the two of us for lunch.
I would truly be lost without her in my life.
She’s the friend I can always count on to give it to me straight. She has my back, even when I’m wrong – but she won’t hesitate to tell me I’m wrong either. Which is what she’s currently doing as I take a bite of the sandwich she picked up from our favorite local deli on her way over.
“If you could have seen his face though Kels. He was crushed. And I still say he has a right to know. Especially since he explained his feelings and you know now that he didn’t run away last March after all.”
I lean my head back and sigh, squeezing my eyes shut. “I don’t need to hear about how devastated he was by my leaving. Seriously. As for telling him about Reid, yeah, I probably should have, but come on Zoey. Do you really think that a man like Rhys is ready to be tied down with a child and baby mama drama?”
“Baby momma drama? Are you serious? You’re the least dramatic person I know – except when it comes to the words you write. Your need to avoid drama is a large part of why you’ve kept quiet all this time. Now though, things are different, and I think you should give him a call. Tell him the truth and let him decide what happens from there.”
Did I mention that Zoey’s right a lot of times?
“Look, I hear you. I’m not saying I shouldn’t. I’m saying I don’t know that I want . I have my reasons, most of them are probably selfish on my part, but I’m not telling him.”
“And if he keeps texting and calling?”
“He’ll eventually get bored and move on. I’m not worried about that at all. Soon enough, he’ll find someone prettier, sexier, and he’ll forget all about me. He’s got women falling at his feet, I’ve seen the social media comments. He’ll be just fine.”
Zoey takes a sip of her soda and shakes her head, “You’re unbelievable. Whatever you want to do. I’ll support you, doesn’t mean I approve of it.”
“Noted. Now, can we talk about something else? Like maybe about what’s up with you and Officer Jerk Face.”
“First of all,” Zoey’s eyes twinkle, and I have to fight back a laugh. “His name is Dylan, Dylan Smith – hence why your guy calls him Smitty.”
That earns her an eye roll from me. “He’s not my guy. Not by a long shot. Stop deflecting.”
“Nothing more to tell really. The photo shoot was hot. He’ll look good in the proofs, I’m sure. I fucked him before I came home. He told me to call him next time I’m in town, and if he ever makes it this far west, he’ll look me up.”
“Zoey…” I trail off. “Are you ever going to settle down?”
She shoots me a mean glare, “You really want to have that conversation with me?”
“Touché. Forget I said anything.”
“Forgotten. Writing session before I go home? I’ve got some time to kill?”
I check the clock and the baby monitor. Reid will be asleep for at least an hour. “Yeah, let’s do this. You mind giving what I have a read over between tonight and tomorrow?”
“Hell yes! I’m dying to read more, you better send it to me biatch!”
With Reid being sick, I haven’t had much time or energy to write since I got home. Sprinting with Zoey is exactly what I need to get back on track. Even when she heads home after cuddling her favorite nephew for a while, I’m able to work on my story more.
I wish I could say that Rhys doesn’t cross my mind, but that would be a lie.
And when he finally stops calling by the end of the week – I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed.
* * *
Sitting in the doctor’s office Friday afternoon for Reid’s follow up appointment, I watch silently as a Dad cradles his newborn daughter – smiling proudly as they wait to be seen.
Not for the first time since having Reid, my heart aches.
I think about Zoey’s advice and how she’s always pushed for me to tell Rhys about his son. Would he want to be involved or would he push us away? Neither of us planned for this to happen when we hooked up – which is why I didn’t try harder to find him when I found out I was pregnant. It’s why I didn’t reach out when I stumbled across a post on Facebook when his picture went viral. I can only imagine how he would have felt then. Would he have thought I was only coming out of the woodwork because of his new-found fame?
God, what would he have said if I told him a week ago when he tossed me over his shoulder and carried me back to my hotel room?
Would he have confessed his feelings for me still? Would he demand some kind of proof that Reid was his? Or, would he want so much more? Could I handle it if he wanted to share Reid, or worse, if he fought for full custody of him?
It shouldn’t hurt this bad, imagine how different things would be if Rhys was here. My mind wanders a thousand different directions, envisioning a different side of the confident and sexy man I met a year ago. Truth is, I would give a lot to be raising Reid in a family unit. But the uncertainty of it all is more than enough to keep me on the path of least resistance. The one where I stay silent and hope that I’m right and Rhys does move on. Even if I know in my heart, it may very well be the wrong choice to make.
Pulling my phone from the diaper bag with a sigh, I log into my Facebook account. And like a fool, I search Rhys’ name to see what he’s been up to. The first post that pops up is like a direct hit to my heart.