Aurora 

It was my goal to walk out of the hospital on my own steam. I had also handpicked a date to strive for. Nina might have thought it was unreasonable, but I was determined to make it happen. December 20th was my forgotten anniversary and in three days I was going to make my presence known.

“Aurora, I’m not just saying this to give you false confidence, but you have been very strong through all of this. I don’t know if I could have weathered the storm of what you found out when you woke up.” The halo of her perfume was pungent, but it was obviously laced with a sexual pheromone to attract the attention of the opposite sex.

“Anger was my number one motivator and it worked to my advantage. I was angry for so long, but I’ve had some time to think about it. I always thought my husband was strong. Mentally, he didn’t sign up to take care of me and one year isn’t enough to make the bond we had unbreakable.” Nina was guiding me as I began the slow walk with my hands on the bars to balance my weight.

“You don’t have to make excuses for him. You are entitled to your feelings. You had every right to be angry for what had happened.” I kept thinking about the day it happened and I remembered feeling nauseous with everything spinning.

“I have no right to expect the impossible from him. It had to be very hard to see me like that. Dr. Benton made it quite clear my brain activity was minimal. It was still functioning, but he left very little hope of finding a way to bring me out of the coma. I can’t blame him for moving on with his life.” It was one thing for him to move on but another thing entirely when he did it with my sister.

“In my opinion, you’re being far too understanding. This idea that you have of confronting them without giving them fair warning is justified.” She had on a purple leather skirt with nude stockings and a white argyle sweater. It had to be a gift and there was no way her sense of style would allow her to wear something with no flair for the dramatic.

“Do you know what I have finally realized? I’ve been too self-absorbed to ask you about yourself.” Nina was more than my physical therapist and she had become somebody I could rely on to say anything without judgment.

“My life is boring compared to yours. I do have a new relationship.”

“And?” Nina’s eyes lit up.

“He’s great, relaxed and easy going. He’s just fun in and out of the bedroom. But he does have this way of sending mixed signals. I found his little black book and I got angry at the possibility of him still using it. I asked him to get rid of it and he has been reluctant.” I could shed some light on her current problem by using what I had heard from Travis.

He was quite vocal about his past experiences and what signs to be aware of. It was as if I was getting the male perspective about what it took to survive in a relationship. A man had vast amounts of testosterone running through their veins.

“You probably already know this but he’s keeping the black book to keep his options open. Tell me more about him.”

Nina proceeded to tell about how they met, their first couple dates, and what he did for a living. From that I gathered some clues as to why he felt the need to keep his black book.

“A man believes he has to be the provider and protector of the family. I don’t know what your current financial situation is. I will say men are easily intimidated by women who make more money than they do. The one thing you have to be very careful about is touching on the raw nerve of their male ego.” She also told me her new boyfriend was a self-proclaimed womanizer in therapy.

“Kenneth is not my usual type, but I’ve always been attracted to the bad boy. It’s a vicious cycle and one that I was willing to break for the right man. The one place we do excel in is in the bedroom. He introduced me to all sorts of new toys, I meant things in the bedroom.” I didn’t need her to go into vivid detail, but I was hoping she was going to.

“There’s nothing for you to complain about. Put yourself in my shoes. The last time I felt truly satisfied was some time ago. Actually a LONG time ago.” It felt like forever since I had an orgasm of any kind.

I no longer had to wear the backless hospital gown, it gave me the illusion that I already had one foot out the door. I hadn’t seen Travis in over 48 hours. I was worried about how far he was willing to go for the easy score. He revealed his time behind bars and I could sense he was not the same man as the one that went in. I didn’t have any reference except for the longing gaze in his eyes.

“You can’t say you don’t have a potential suitor. Travis sounds like the kinda guy who would gladly make you forget about all the rest.”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s too soon to start a relationship? He seems to be very complicated. I don’t know what to think when it comes to him.”

“Well it’s clear that you have some feelings for him. At least your body does.  He literally woke you up from a coma with a single chaste little kiss. Imagine what he would do to you when he gets into your pants!?” We both laughed, but what Nina did have a point. I wondered what kind of lover would be.

“Listen if this thing with Ken doesn’t work out. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, I would totally jump Travis in a heartbeat. He’s got a handsome face, hot body, his muscles look so good on his massive frame. Like he should be an action movie star or something. I would totally sink my teeth into him.” I got a little jealous of how she was talking about him. He was mine, damn it!

“Sounds like you are giving up on Kenneth…”

“No, at least not yet.  All I am saying is that I might be attached, but I’m not blind. Travis is mega hot. Open your eyes and most importantly your heart. If he didn’t have feelings for you, he wouldn’t be visiting you the way he does.”  

The only thing missing was to show that intimacy physically. It had become something of an obsession on the borderline of being unhealthy. Every time he was around, my skin would flush and my pulse would race. For the most part, I was able to hide my infatuation with inane chitchat about nothing and everything at the same time.

I was able to put one foot in front of the other and there was very little tremble in my muscles. They were getting stronger by the day. My confidence was growing and my self-esteem was becoming rock solid.

“I can’t or I shouldn’t even think about Travis. Asking him to stay during this fiasco is asking for a lot.”

“If it’s a lot for him, then let him decide that and he’s big boy, he knows how to say no.”

“That’s the thing. He wants to fix things, and he has a tendency to say yes to his friends.” I could tell it was killing him to see me suffer in silence.

“He’s not just a friend. By the way, I know about your late night activities. I have an understanding with the janitorial staff. I get the chance to use my native tongue when we meet for coffee in the morning. I think you are ready for crutches. Don’t get used to them. You won’t be using them for long.” I was still trying to think about the day it happened and there was something there I was intentionally blocking out.

“Finally! I earn my crutches. This place is making me go stir crazy. My trip to the roof allowed me to see the world differently.”

“I too go up to the roof top, your secret is safe with me.”

“I might’ve been trapped in my body, but the world continued to revolve. I missed a lot. I was rather surprised to learn Donald Trump is the president.” The very mention of his name made her shake her head in disbelief.

“Don’t even get me started on that subject. My boyfriend and I have had ongoing debates about him and his actions. I have to say when we do get heated under the collar, things get rather physical. I think the best sex comes from jockeying for the superior position on that topic. There are no losers.” She was blushing. I looked at her and couldn’t imagine being her friend in any other circumstance.

Nina and I were different in so many ways and yet she was the type of friend that I needed especially during this time of my life. She didn’t care about what other people thought and went by the beat of her own drum. I could definitely consider taking a page from her book to always challenge myself to do something different every day.

“It’s time to get out of this stuffy room and this building. I know it might be scary, but I’m not taking no for an answer.” She helped me with the crutches and she was with me to make sure I wasn’t going to have an unfortunate accident.

I was exerting a reasonable amount of effort and had to lean back against the elevator to gather my strength. The good news was that it wasn’t as difficult or as clumsy as I thought I would be. The door opened on the lobby and I followed at my own pace. I looked around at the décor. It was modern and tastefully decorated. It was no wonder Travis was thinking about doing something illegal to pay for his mother’s care and accommodations.

I stopped at the revolving door and looked out the wall of glass to see people talking and enjoying the warmth of the sun hitting their face. I was frozen in place unable to move. I was petrified of what the real world consisted of.

“You can take a few minutes, but we don’t have to go out there if you don’t feel ready.” I was still weak at the knees and it had nothing to do with some man causing butterflies to fly around in my stomach.

“I don’t know why I’m acting this way. This is exactly what I wanted. Why is it so hard to take the next step?” I was having a small panic attack with my heart pounding hard in my chest.

There were other patients doing the exact same thing Nina was attempting to do with me. They were getting out and I wondered if they had the same problem.

“This is one of many obstacles standing in your way. It’s not the end of the world. Just one foot after the other.” Her words were the encouragement I was looking for to bolster my courage to step into the light. I got out the door. “Baby steps. That’s right, easy does it.”

I was so proud of myself.

“Looking good stranger!”

I looked up and it was Travis. I couldn’t help but smiled ear to ear.

“Hey, you!” I was so surprised and excited to see him. He was wearing a light blue shirt with his motorcycle jacket. He couldn’t look anymore handsome than he already did.

“I have to say you look taller standing than you did lying down,” I was surprised to see Travis and this wasn’t his usual visiting hour, “I would be glad to take you the rest of the way. Put your hand in mine and I promise I won’t let you fall.” Travis put the crutches to the side, leaning them against the wall.

“Let me guess, a little birdie wearing a purple leather skirt gave you a call.” I wasn’t sure if I should be angry with Nina or thank her for bringing him back into my life.

“Aurora, I see some people I want to talk to. I’m sure you are in more than capable hands. I won’t be too far away. Take this time to enjoy this moment of freedom. It’s a small taste before you fly free after your broken wings have healed.” It was an interesting analogy and I did feel broken when I first opened up my eyes. Nina winked at me before she left us alone.

“Thank you.” I mouthed to her, she gave me a smirk in return.

“I was happy to get the call from Nina. This is an exciting day for you. You have graduated to crutches.”

“Thank you for visiting me.”

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to make it, but I juggled a few things around. I would do anything for you.” It was a bold claim to make.

“I really appreciate you coming here. Don’t get me wrong, I love having you around, but I sometimes feel I’m inconveniencing you.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, you are not inconveniencing me.” He paused and looked deep into my eyes and said, “I want to be around you.” 

“I also think it’s also unfair to make you think there is a future with me. I can’t even think about that no matter how much I want to.” I lost my balance, but he was right there to hold me back up.

“We both have our fair share of baggage. I’ve been trying to clean the slate.  I may regret telling you this, but there is an old girlfriend back in the picture. I don’t get the same thrill seeing her as I did in the past. Anyways either of us can foresee the future, so why don’t we focus on the present and sort out our lives first.” He had me upset but then he awakened a little bit of hope.

“You are right. I was probably getting ahead of myself.”

“I hope you don’t think that I’m rejecting you. We both have a lot on our plates that’s all.”

Travis was a complicated men, one second he would tell me that he wanted to be around me, then another second he would switch to let’s not raise any expectation given that we were busy with our baggage. Perhaps I was making things up in my head, maybe I was one of his few close friends and that was all. Friends wanted to hang out and spend time together, and friends didn’t expect too much from each other. That must be it. I was perfectly fine with having a good male friend who was attractive and one I would fantasize about.

“Since you are one of my closer friends and I don’t even know why I feel that you would be the right person for the job. I have a favor to ask of you. I thought I was strong enough, but I need somebody to lean on.” I was beating around the bush with him somewhat perplexed.

“Aurora, what is it?”

“It’s ok if you don’t feel comfortable doing it, it won’t hurt my feelings.”

“Come on, out with it. I’m not a mind reader. If it’s in my power then I will bend over backward to make it happen.” He didn’t even ask what the favor was.

“I want you to come with me to see my ex-husband and my sister. I know it’s a lot to ask and I have no right to impose on you like this.” I figured the only way to get closure was to see this happy family with my own eyes.

“Absolutely I’ll be there for you. You don’t even have to ask. Name the time and the place. I will be there.” Travis was too kind.

“Thank you so much, Travis, you have no idea how much it means to me.” He gave my hand a squeeze.

“Just don’t expect me to stand there and let you take any kind of abuse - verbal or physical. He says one wrong word to make you cry and I will make him pay for it.”

I suddenly recalled falling and reaching out to see Jemma smiling like she didn’t have a care in the world.

She was holding an apple with a bite out of it.