Erin

I was always a bit restless after doing something stupid. It wasn’t my fault. I knew it was my decision to test him. My therapist told me there were going to be days like this. I could have blamed it on the liquor. I had overindulged quite a bit meeting with an old friend. I should’ve known that I was tempting disaster. Those yearnings were hard to satiate for any length of time.

I lay there looking at the ceiling afraid to turn and see the mistake staring at me. The sex was explosive with the sheets shredded underneath me as evidence. He did know what he was doing. It was always like that when we got together. Nothing much had to be said before the clothes went flying in all directions. I was thankful I had home-field advantage.

I reveled in the moment, flying on the wings of too many orgasms to count, but it left me empty after. There was no emotional connection. I didn’t want him to be here. I felt trapped.

I was exhausted after 3 hours of marathon mattress tag. Each touch gave me this electrifying feeling making the hairs on the back of my arm stand up.

I could almost hear my grandmother’s voice ringing in my ears.

“Erin, I want you to be happy, but what you’re doing is destructive. This life you are leading is going nowhere. Enrique is not good for you. You both deserve better. Someone has to break the chain of repeating the same mistake over again.” She could see through me with transparency even when I didn’t say one single word.

I told her it was only for fun, but I wasn’t even sure that I believed it. It wasn’t just Enrique. I fought the natural urge to jump into bed almost every day.

Being a struggling writer made me live hand to mouth. I found hardship to be an inspiration and the animalistic sex to be the reward.

I was still feeling the effects. Clutching the blanket to my chest was the only way to retrieve some of my dignity. I could see my clothes making a straight line from the bedroom door all the way over to the bed. It was mingled with his. The skimpy black underwear didn’t hide any of his natural attributes. 8 inches and it was plainly hungry from the moment the head emerged salivating at the eye.

“I have been responsible for your care since your parents died in that tragic car accident when you were barely in your teens. You had this chip on your shoulder, but I managed to make you live with your moral compass pointed true north.” She was a wealth of information and dispensed her advice without a filter.

I got up slowly to a sitting position and looked at Enrique breathing deeply under the black silk sheet. The flash of memories of crying out with my toes pointed to the ceiling was making me reach for him. I had to literally slap my hand to chastise myself like a petulant child.

My laptop was still on across the room with barely the first chapter completed on my novel. It was a good thing I had a day job of writing for a restaurant blog. It was the only thing keeping a roof over my head.

“I know you’re watching me. It’s a little creepy.” He had his eyes closed with a whisper of his dark hair covering one eye. I adored the combination of his baritone voice and Argentinean accent, oh so irresistible.

He did know how to look at me in just the right way to have me clawing at his buttons. The tattoos adorning his body were my Achilles Heel. The intricacy of the ink was spellbinding.

“In the cold light of reality, I’m starting to realize a destructive pattern. We always have the same talk and nothing is settled. I doubt grandma Eugenia would approve of us being together. I never want to disappoint her.” She was my guiding hand and the reason why I didn’t go down a different path of least resistance.

“I told you this many times, but maybe you need me to continually repeat it. We fight like cats and dogs. We may never have the same opinions on anything, but we fit together like puzzle pieces.” It was true, the make up sex was guaranteed to be mind blowing. Enrique had known me for years. We met in college and I found him irresistibly attractive. He was the one who proposed a strictly no strings attached friends with benefits.

“You’re always the one I can count on when those feelings are too much for me to handle in the middle of the night. I sent you a text message and you never even hesitated. I don’t look forward to the day when you’re no longer available to satisfy my needs. Some lucky girl is going to have a man who has a roadmap of the female anatomy.” I didn’t want to lose him. I wasn’t even sure if he was attached that I would be able to control myself. He never denied me anything.

The way he could move to the rhythm of my body had become a guilty pleasure. I knew exactly what I was getting. It was always enough to keep me coming back for more. He worked tirelessly to please me in every way and never gave up until he heard the shrill sound of my voice echoing from the pleasure.

“I’ve never found anybody matching your hypersexuality. You have a wild and untamed spirit. I’m ruined for other girls because of you. They never are able to match my expectations. Being with you is like walking into a storm and knowing there’s the possibility of getting struck by lightning.” He was capable of some amazing feats in the bedroom, but our activities were not limited to the mattress.

“I feel the same way about you. We don’t get caught up in the game of seduction. We are drawn to each other like magnets.” My dark hair was fanned across the pillowcase with my scent on his body.

“Erin, you are my sunshine in my darkest days. What am I going to do without you?” I didn’t think that was true.

He had confessed during a moment of weakness how he could fall for me. I didn’t feel the same way. I wanted to, but I didn’t. It made me feel that I was taking advantage of him.

My breasts were modest, but underneath the sheet, they appeared bigger than they seemed. My 5’4 frame was a little disconcerting to those who found me overwhelming. I did keep in shape and I could tell Enrique was of the same mindset.

“Erin, Enrique is a nice young man, but you don’t feel the same way he does. I don’t like the way you string him along for obvious reasons. I know how you can get lost in his eyes. It’s unhealthy and I wish there was some way I could help you.” There were times talking to my grandmother where I would find solace in her words. She could lift me up when I was feeling down.

“I don’t normally allow anybody to stay until morning. I hope you’re not expecting breakfast in bed.” I didn’t believe in romantic gestures especially this wasn’t a romantic relationship to begin with. I would think this arrangement benefited the both of us. We both got what we wanted with the strings cut on our sexual puppets. We didn’t get caught up in conventional thinking. I was trying to cement the bond of a physical pursuit of pleasures. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

“Erin, I’m well aware of what this is between us. I’ve never complained in the past. It’s a simpatico kind of relationship. You can show up anytime and I am more than willing to take your hand to put the look of euphoria on your face. I have never turned you away and vice versa.” I was trying to turn over a new leaf. Jumping any available man was dangerous in this day and age. I found something that worked for me and I was reluctant to let it go.

“Enrique, we have been doing this dance for a few years and the steps get even better over time. We’ve gotten to know each other’s bodies. We always tend to surprise one another and that’s not always easy.” He threw off the blanket and showed me what men called morning wood. It was a healthy specimen. He smiled while glancing over his shoulder on the way to the bathroom.

“I might need some help reaching those tough to reach areas. Would there perhaps be a volunteer for those services?” I was biting my lip. There was no way I was going to miss out on these kinds of morning calisthenics. It was a good way to burn off some calories.

I gave him one finger to indicate I was going to need some time to check my messages. It wouldn’t be long before I was curling my legs around his waist. I wanted to feel the cold black tile pressed up against my back.

The man had a way of making me drop my guard. There was never a dull moment. I always had to replace a few pieces of furniture, but that was a small price to pay considering the smile on my face. I might have walked alone, but at least I had the necessary real-life toy in my possession to alleviate the frequently felt sexual frustration.

“The water isn’t going to remain hot forever. I might have to take matters into my own hands.” I thought of what a waste that would be.

It was sacrilege to think of him doing what I could do for him. He had already told me in confidence there was no better feeling than my mouth satisfying his oral curiosity.

“Keep your pants on and I will be there in a moment.” He was already naked underneath the hot spray and I could see the steam from underneath the door.

I had turned off my phone with plans of not being interrupted during those moments of complete bliss. He had done the same thing. We had shut out the world entirely to immerse into the pleasures we could find in each other’s arms.

I was feeling relaxed and inspiration was right there at my fingertips. I was ready to tackle my book with a familiar theme. The main character was addicted to sex.

I turned my attention to my messages, turning on my phone and finding one from my publisher begging for a sneak peek. She was just going to have to wait until I polished up a few details. Patience was not one of her strong suits. It was one of the reasons why we worked well together.

There were times I hated her for how easily she could take apart my manuscript with many unnecessary red lines crossing through the text. I came to the painful realization it was nothing personal. She wanted me to capture the same lightning in a bottle. My first book had a cult following. It didn’t make a lot of money, but enough to give my publisher ideas for a sequel.

The next message made me stop in my tracks. My grandmother had suffered a heart attack and was barely clinging to life. I didn’t even think about it, getting dressed quickly and running out the door without any explanation to my disappearance.

I bumped into Paige my sassy redheaded roommate from college. She made me stop and give her the details of the reason why I was going off the handle. She lived across the hall where I could hear her extracurricular activities. The walls were thin and she was quite vocal. She made no excuses for her jump from one man to another.

She found male entertainment flying from one country to the next as a flight attendant.

She decided to go with me to the hospital. I was going to need all the moral support I could get.