Chapter Three
Elijah
I set up the crib in the living room, taking Hannah up on the offer of crashing on the couch so I didn't have to do this parenting gig alone. It was just a portable bassinet, nothing fancy, but it would do for the night. There was so much we didn't have for little Aubree and my mind was spinning just thinking about it all. We had enough diapers and formula to last until tomorrow, but then what?
I barely made enough money to pay my rent and my own bills, but now I'd have to factor bottles, diapers and a hell of a lot more into the equation? I had no idea how in the hell I was going to manage it.
I sat on the couch, just staring at the sleeping child in the bassinet, my head hurting from everything that was piling on top of me. Hannah had stepped away to shower and get ready for bed, leaving me alone with my daughter. Yes, if Shawna was telling me the truth, I had a daughter. Looking at Aubree, I could see a resemblance, somewhat, but it was so hard to tell with babies sometimes. Yet, somewhere deep inside of me, I knew she was mine. I could just somehow feel it.
“Still feeling shell-shocked, huh?”
Hannah's voice piped up from her bedroom door. She stood there, drying her hair off with a towel. She was wearing a silky purple robe that hung down a little low in front and barely reached her knees. She was my stepsister – I shouldn't stare at the cleavage poking out the top, but I couldn't help it. Hannah always had a nice rack. Seeing them naked was a real treat, and I knew that from personal experience.
“Yeah,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair, “you can say that again.”
Hannah's blonde hair was still damp, and droplets ran down her forehead. Even without makeup, her complexion was perfect. She walked over to the couch and sat down beside me, the robe riding up high on her thigh. My hand itched to reach out and stroke the soft flesh, but I cracked my knuckles instead. Resisting the urge was hard sometimes, especially since I could remember every curve of her body by heart.
“I'm sure it'll get easier, Eli,” she said.
“I think I'm more surprised that you're being nice to me,” I said.
While I was mostly taunting her, there was some truth to my words. Hannah and I might have hooked up, at one time, but that only seemed to make her harsher toward me. Almost like she'd resented what we'd done. Guilt could do terrible things, but I hated what it had done to our relationship.
Hannah playfully punched me in the shoulder.
“Ah, there's the old Hannah back. Beating me up, just like old times,” I said.
“Oh, shut up, Eli,” she laughed. “Just because you'd never hit a girl. That was the only reason I ever won anything.”
“You say that like it's a bad thing,” I said.
“Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean you have to go easy on me,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You and dad both seem to act like I'm a fragile, delicate china doll or something. You keep secrets from me, you act like you're protecting me from shit without letting me decide for myself –”
“Whoa there, Hannah Banana, if I didn't know better, I'd say this is about more than just you kicking my ass when we were kids,” I said, standing up and putting my hands up in surrender. “No, I don't believe in hitting girls, and it has nothing to do with your gender. It's because I'm at least a foot taller than you and about two, maybe even three times your weight.”
Hannah stood up and walked toward me, a look of pure determination on her face. I couldn't tell if she was amused or simply looking for a fight. After everything we'd been through today, the last thing I wanted was to fight with her. She was the only person who offered to help me. As much as it pained me to admit, I needed her. Not to mention the fact that I cared about her and hated to see that look of hatred turned toward me.
“So you're saying, if I was as big and tall as you, female or not, you'd punch me back?”
I shrugged. I couldn't really say for sure, but if it made her happy, I could lie. “Sure. It's nothing to do with you being a girl,” I said.
“So you gonna teach Aubree there how to fight, not treat her like a delicate little flower?” Hannah said.
I shrugged again. “If she wants to, sure, and if I'm around to see her grow up.”
Hannah punched me in the chest, this time, she wasn't holding back.
“What do you mean if you're around to see her grow up? Shit, Eli, you can't still be thinking about putting her into the system,” she said. “Are you?”
“I don't know what I'm thinking, okay!” I shouted, a little too loudly.
Aubree started screaming in her crib, and I pushed past Hannah to get to her. The baby's face was contorted into a pissed off expression that would rival even my stepsister on her grumpiest day. I picked the child up in my arms and cradled her, trying my best to talk soothingly to her.
Hannah shook her head. “Unbelievable.”
“What?” I asked.
“That you could look at your child, your flesh and blood, and still consider turning your back on her,” Hannah said.
She stormed through the living and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her, leaving me alone with Aubree. The child continued crying, and I tried my best to calm her down. It felt hopeless. The more she cried, the more upset I became. Not at Aubree, but at myself. I was a failure. I wasn't cut out for this fatherhood shit, why couldn't Hannah see that?
I rocked Aubree, talked to her, tried everything I could think of – to no avail. The crying continued for at least fifteen minutes before Aubree quieted down and fell asleep in my arms, sucking on her fist. Her hands were so tiny, and everything about her just felt fragile. I was so big and bulky, and she was so small. I feared I could break her so easily by moving the wrong way or dropping her. There were so many ways to accidentally hurt a child, and I was sure that left to my own devices, this little girl would end up hurt or worse.
If only Hannah could see that. If only she could see what a disaster I'd be as a father.
I continued staring down at Aubree long after she fell asleep, and despite myself, felt a smile forming on my lips. It was hard not to smile at a sleeping baby in your arms, especially after you managed to comfort them enough for them to fall asleep in the first place. I guess you'd consider that one small victory.
The sound of soft clapping pulled my gaze away from Aubree. Hannah stood in the doorway between the bedroom and living room, lightly tapping her hands together. She was smiling at me, a grin that made my heart skip a beat.
Her robe hung off one shoulder, giving me a glimpse of her bare, smooth skin. I felt a stirring in my crotch as Hannah and I stared at one another. For that brief moment, I forgot about everything but her. I was focused on nothing but her standing there, with a skimpy robe, and a smile on her beautiful face.
Aubree moved, and I feared she was waking up, but she was just shifting. I carefully placed her back in the crib, and she remained sleeping. Somehow, I'd managed to not wake her. Points for me.
Hannah had quietly moved over to me and placed an arm around my shoulders. Leaning close enough that I felt her breath on my cheek, she whispered in my ear.
“See? I knew you could do it, Eli.”
“I think you put too much faith in me,” I said, making sure to speak low enough as to not wake the baby.
Hannah motioned for me to follow her into the bedroom, and who was I to turn down such an offer? I followed her into the room and she shut the door behind us. From the look on her face, I knew she wasn't inviting me into her room to fool around, but rather talk. Which was disappointing.
She patted the bed beside her, and I sat down.
“Figured we could talk better in here,” she said.
I couldn't help myself. The old me slipped out. “We could do more than just talk,” I said. “Maybe relive the old days a bit.”
Hannah smacked me across the face. Not very hard, more like a tab, but I winced just the same. I rubbed my cheek, and looked at her.
“What the hell was that for?”
“Because it's so typical of you. We can't be in the same room together for long before you mention the past,” she said, shaking her head. “And we have bigger issues here, Eli. You need to focus on your child and stop thinking with your dick. It's the reason you're in this mess to begin with.”
I couldn't help it, I smirked. “You used to like when I thought with my dick –”
Another slap. Harder that time, but I was expecting it. I prepared and grabbed her hand before she could pull it away. Holding onto her wrist, I stared deep into her eyes.
“Come on, Hannah, don't kid yourself,” I said, my smirk growing wider. “You want me as badly as I want you. This attitude you've had with me ever since you got to town is just an act. I know you better than anyone, remember?”
She didn't pull her hand away, and something flashed in her eyes. Lust. I'd only guessed that she still wanted me, was hoping I was right all this time, but that one look said it all.
She wanted me every bit as much as I wanted her. She bit her lip and stared at the closed door.
“Your daughter is literally sleeping in the next room,” she said, yanking her hand free.
“Is that the only reason you won't fuck me?” I asked because I was genuinely curious.
When we were stupid, horny kids, yeah, we'd experimented a lot. But, it was more than just that. At one time, we were crazy enough to think we might be in love. That only lasted the summer though, and then she went back to Seattle and her prep school. Probably had a chance to think about the fact that I was her stepbrother. Not that we grew up together or anything. But, because we were technically family, she insisted it was wrong anyway, and that was that.
“Eli –” she stammered. “You know we can't be together. Not like that.”
“Why not?” I said, sliding closer to her on the bed. “Because your dad married my mom, suddenly we're related and that's wrong?”
“Eli, stop!” she said.
I stopped. I allowed her to scoot away from me. That wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want her to fear me – I wanted her to want me. Not that now was the right time. She was right, I was thinking with my dick.
“Fine. I've stopped,” I muttered. “What did you want to talk about?”
She looked uncertain, but eventually started talking. “You can stay here, on the couch, for as long as you need,” she said. “I have to work tomorrow night, so you'll be on your own, but –”
“I have to work too,” I said. “Until closing tomorrow.”
“Guess you're going to call in,” she said with a shrug. “Anyway, stay here. I'm happy to help, but if you even think about trying to sneak into my bed or trying to seduce me, you'll be out on your ass. You hear me?”
“Come on, we both know you wouldn't do that –”
I stopped speaking when she raised both her eyebrows and threatened me with a “try me” look on her face. I chuckled softly before continuing my thought.
“I mean, you wouldn't do that to Aubree,” I said. “She needs you, Hannah, I can't do this alone.”
Hannah nodded. “You're right. You need me. So better not fuck this up, Eli,” she said.
She stood up and walked to the bedroom door. She opened it and motioned for me to leave. Hannah just stood there, staring at me with a serious, threatening look on her face.
One thing about my stepsister was that she wasn't one to bluff. I didn't want to chance caring for a child alone, so I left her room without a fight. Still, I'd seen the look in her eyes. She still wanted me, the way I wanted her. She was just better at fighting back the urges.
One thing I realized was that Hannah wasn't just doing this for Aubree, as much as she wanted me to believe that she was. Somewhere, deep inside, she still cared about me too. It would just be nearly impossible for her to admit it.
Stubborn as shit, just like her dad.