Sue woke up in a dark room. She had clearly fallen drunkenly asleep a while ago. She sat up on the couch and wiped the crusted dribble from her mouth. Drawing the folds of her cardigan around her, she stood up from the couch, drawn towards the bright light from the computer screen. She didn’t have to check her watch to know that it was very late, way past midnight.
She sat down on the armchair again and saw her email inbox open on the screen. She had no recollection of her actions, after she had discovered Gerard’s news article. As her eyes adjusted to the glaring brightness of the screen, her heart stopped. The first unread email in her inbox was from the username Gerard.T. Panicked thoughts raced through her mind as she tried desperately to recall what she had emailed him. She could see her hands shaking as she clicked on the email and instead of reading his response, she scrolled down directly to her initial message to him.
Dear Gerard,
I have only recently discovered your immense success and would like to congratulate you on it. We should meet up!
Best wishes,
Sue
A soft moan escaped her lips as she read the message all over again, cringing the whole time. The fact that she was embarrassed by it, was to say the least. She used her fingers to roughly massage her throbbing temples as she scrolled up to read his response. He had apparently emailed her back in half an hour’s time. Polite and punctual as ever.
Dear Sue,
Great to hear from you after ages. Thank you for your well wishes. Yes, I would love to catch up. Friday at 5PM at Queen of Tarts?
Regards,
Gerard
Regards? Regards! The word seeped into her consciousness like poison. His entire message embarrassed her; she wondered if he could tell that she had written to him in a fit of rage and loneliness. That it had been a message of spite? Then again, she couldn’t be sure what her sentiments had been when she had emailed him. She shook her head and shut her eyes tightly. This was going to be a disaster, she was convinced of it. An ex-lover flaunting his success and happiness in her face was the opposite of what she needed in these lonely times and she was the one to blame for having brought this upon herself.
She hurriedly switched the computer off and caught a quick parting glimpse of their vacation photograph. She nearly spat on Vincent’s digital face.
•••
Sue was early, thankfully. This gave her a chance to survey the place and try to grow comfortable in her surroundings before Gerard joined her. She had spent the last three days trying to distract herself from the impending meeting. She tried to coach herself in front of the mirror to deliver the most casual and nonchalant greeting when she would finally meet him, but she knew she wasn’t prepared. How could she be prepared for this? They hadn’t met in twenty years, they had parted ways on unfriendly terms and now, she had foolishly gone and invited him for a meeting during the worst phase of her life. She was convinced she would make a fool of herself.
She had chosen a simple lilac knee-length dress after much deliberation. A dark purple shawl, the color of blackcurrants, was wrapped around her shoulders as she sat at a corner table, overlooking the fountain in the square. Her hair was still fawn, but she usually pinned it up in a chignon these days, instead of letting it fall loosely around her shoulders as she used to. She sat with her legs crossed, her hands on her lap while her black strappy sandals peeped out from the sides of the tablecloth.
She had ordered a Chai Latte already, but she let it grow lukewarm as it remained untouched on the table before her. She regretted it, she regretted all of it. She wished she had replied to his email and made an excuse for not meeting him. The last thing she wanted was to feel any more feelings.
She heard someone clear his throat close to her and Sue jerked her head away from the French windows to find Gerard standing beside her. The smile on his face appeared to be despondent, rather than enthusiastic.
“Hello, Sue” His voice surprised her. It was exactly the way she remembered it; boyish and jovial. He looked the way he did in the photograph she had seen of him recently. His dark head of hair was graying, especially around his temples. His clean white shirt hung from his square shoulders and she noticed how he wasn’t as skinny as before. The same Rolex watch peeped out from the hem of his cuffs as he walked over to the chair opposite her and sat down noiselessly. She noticed how he had traded his usual Khaki pants for finely tailored trousers. She had only smiled at him weakly, without having verbally responded to his greeting earlier.
“How are you, Sue?” he asked her, the smile disappeared from his face.
“I’m well, Gerard. And you?” She smiled at him awkwardly. Surprisingly, he still smelled of coffee and it had a powerful nostalgic effect on her, which she couldn’t escape.
He nodded his head in response and turned to catch a waiter’s eye. They both sat in silence till the waiter appeared and Gerard ordered a black coffee and a Tuna sandwich for himself.
“Would you like something to eat, Sue?” He turned to her, but she shook her head at the waiter, even though she could feel her stomach rumbling with hunger.
“Long time, huh?” he laughed awkwardly and steepled his hands on the table. Sue smiled at him and dropped her gaze immediately. She knew she was blushing, but couldn’t stop herself. It reminded her of the first time they had met, at the Fresher’s party in college. She had spilled an entire bottle of beer on his clothes by accident and when their eyes met, they were both blushing.
“Congratulations, again,” she said stupidly. She regretted saying it the moment the words left her mouth. “I mean, for making the Forbes list,” she over-explained and hated herself for it.
“Thank you, again,” he said and looked away from her. He wasn’t smiling anymore.
“What have you been up to?” he asked suddenly and caught her off guard. He didn’t seem nervous at all, even though he had been slightly awkward initially, he seemed to have regained his composure at the expense of her embarrassment.
Sue struggled with the words. “I taught ballet for years, till I gave it up recently,” she managed to say and watched as he raised his eyebrows.
“Why did you do that?” he asked her and also thanked the waiter curtly as he placed the coffee and sandwich before Gerard. Sue looked around the cafe for support, refusing to meet his eyes directly.
“I lost interest,” she said bluntly and he raised his brows again.
“I don’t buy that,” he said as he stirred a cube of sugar into his coffee and picked up the cup.
“I just didn’t want to do it anymore.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“When I knew you, ballet was your lifeblood. What the hell happened?” He took a measured sip of the coffee and looked at her directly. Sue dropped her gaze again and was now fiddling with the fabric of her dress on her lap. Whatever she did, she knew she couldn’t paint a sad and depressing picture of her life to him. She couldn’t afford him the joy of victory.
“I just lost interest,” she asserted again and decided to meet his gaze, as confidently as she could. Besides, what gave him the right to believe he knew her well, that he still knew her well? Gerard smiled suddenly, even after twenty years, she could tell the smile was put-on, too polite.
“That’s too bad,” he said and took a bite of his sandwich. “Why aren’t you eating anything? You’re as skinny as ever.” He looked at her like he was making a joke.
“I had a late lunch,” she said defensively and looked away from him. So far, their meeting after twenty years was not the way she imagined such meetings to go.
“So what do you do now? After ballet?” he asked, dabbling the corners of his mouth with the folded napkin under his plate.
“I have a few things in the pipeline, haven’t settled on one,” she said and the defensive tone in her voice was open and naked for him to hear. He raised his eyebrow again and grinned, and she was worried he thought she begrudged his success.
“I worked with my husband for several years as his PR agent, but now he’s my ex-husband.” She tried to sound chirpy and neutral.
“Vincent and you are divorced now?” he asked, his eyes widened. Sue’s heart leapt out of her chest, Gerard knows Vincent?