“You didn’t need to do any of this,” Estelle said quietly.
She had barely even looked at him since they’d gotten in the jet, and Blaine sighed in agitation. He hadn’t gone all chivalrous on her only to be told he hadn’t had to do it. Of course, he didn’t have to do it! That’s why it was called being chivalrous and not being a typical asshole.
“Well no shit,” Blaine said, pursing his lips at her.
Somehow, that made her smile, and Blaine relaxed. The poor girl had been through a lot. She couldn’t hide that from him. He had known from the moment she’d brought it up that it had been a mistake to go back there, but it didn’t seem to make much of a difference to her. She was going to do whatever she wanted to do, and that was the end of the story.
“I’m just so embarrassed,” Estelle admitted, looking suddenly at him with those sensual baby blues of hers. “You would never understand what it feels like to be completely hopeless like this. I bet nothing has ever made you feel weak in your life.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Blaine said with a soft laugh. “I’ve had my downfall.”
Estelle quirked her brow at him, her full lips drawn into a skeptical frown. “What, did you lose a fight once or something?”
Blaine laughed a little louder than he meant to and shook his head. It was weird being around someone who could make him smile so easily. He hadn’t done that in a long time.
“Kind of?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Estelle’s eyes were boring into his, and Blaine shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t used to telling the story, but he supposed it would come up one way or another. And besides. It was just Estelle. Somehow, he didn’t feel like she would laugh at him for being a weak, pathetic asshole like other people would have. Especially the other miners.
“Jack, you know the repairman, right?”
“Yeah?”
“He’s always talking about how I’ve changed, you know. Like I didn’t used to be such a hard ass. And I think he’s right. Something changed.”
“Why did you change?” Estelle asked, her frown deepening.
“Sometimes, love changes you.”
“Love?”
Blaine sighed. He wasn’t liking this sharing thing too much. But it was a little bit too late to go back now. The girl was already listening, damn it.
“I fell for a girl once,” he began, kicking himself even as the words began to spill from his lips. “Right out of school, I knew that she was the one for me. Well, as much as a stupid kid knows anything anyway.”
Estelle smiled sadly and nodded.
“Anyway, I bent over backwards for that girl. Spent every second of my life trying to make her happy; trying to do whatever it was that I could do for her. But somehow it was never enough. She kept on wanting more and more from me. Finally, we got married, but that was just the beginning of my problems. I couldn’t do a fuckin’ thing right for her. I became a shadow of my former self; a person who just couldn’t do anything except focus on this woman who just wasn’t worth it.”
He was ashamed of himself for it, and found it difficult to look at Estelle as he spoke. She reached across the table and stroked his hand, and finally he took a deep breath. He might as well continue. Finish the damned story and get her off his back about it.
“So, one day, she goes off on me out of the blue. I had been working all day and came home, forgot to bring the laundry detergent or some shit like that, and she explodes. Tells me what a good for nothing I am. Tells me how she’s been sick of me since day one and started cheating on me with the neighbor. She wants a divorce.”
“What the hell is wrong with her?” Estelle asked, her brow contorted in anger. “Why do people think they can get away with treating others like shit?”
Blaine shrugged. “Some people will never be happy, so they just want to make everyone else feel the same way they do, I guess.”
“That’s so wrong,” Estelle growled. “So, what did you do? I hope you kicked her ass.”
Blaine raised his brow at her. “I’d never lay a hand on a woman.”
Estelle’s cheeks reddened and she looked away quickly, but not quickly enough that Blaine was oblivious to the surge of heat that coursed through her body. It perked the bear inside of him right up, demanded he stake his claim on her once again. For real this time. For good. But he couldn’t do that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She was just too damned young for him. It wasn’t truly what she wanted. And even if it was, he knew they would never work. They were from two different worlds.
“Well what I did was shut down. I watched her carry on for another few minutes and then leave the house I had built for us to live in. I moved to the cabin and she took off with the neighbor guy; at least she tried to. I beat him close to death. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. And ever since then, the only feeling I’ve really had was anger…”
“You poor man,” Estelle whispered, coming close to her.
The words agitated him – there was nothing poor about him – but before he could tell her off about it, Estelle’s arms were around him and he found himself being embraced for the first time since his wife had left him. Nothing had managed to feel good since then, and the only thing that had given him any comfort, his anger, began to melt away.
Finally, Estelle broke the embrace and they stared at each other, unsure of what to do next. They knew they couldn’t be together. It just wasn’t practical. She was a young woman with everything ahead of her, and he was working overtime to discover the portals before the bear shifter’s ancient calendar pointed toward the equinox. They just weren’t compatible. They just had too much going against them for his claim to go anywhere.
But the bear wasn’t happy with that, and it took everything he had to keep from reaching out to Estelle and making her his own, right then and there.
“You deserve so much more…” Estelle said, studying him, her beautiful blue eyes shimmering as she touched Blaine’s cheek. “I can’t imagine what that stupid woman was thinking.”
“She only ever thought of herself, and it was my mistake to deal with it for that long.”
Blaine stood abruptly, knowing that if he looked at Estelle for even just one more moment, he wouldn’t be able to tame the bear within. He would make his claim and neither of them would know what had hit them. He just couldn’t be responsible for that. Not right now. Especially not when they were so close to finding the portal on Oak Mountain.
“I don’t think that’s the only mistake you’ve made,” Estelle said.
Blaine cringed, the scent of her arousal filling the small cabin of his jet. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. How could he refuse that? The bear was awake, aware, and grabbing for control. But he just couldn’t let it happen. Not this time. He had to be stronger than that.
“Maybe not,” Blaine said, turning a sharp eye on her. “But I know better than to make the same mistake twice.”
He immediately knew that facing her was a mistake. There was righteous anger on her face; she knew he was being a coward; hiding from his claim. Not only because it just wasn’t realistic, but because he was afraid of being vulnerable to a woman. The way it had ended the last time had been scarring, and he refused to make himself a slave to love. Not even if that meant finally being able to take what had so consumed his thoughts for all this time. He just wasn’t going to do it. And that made her angry. He could tell just from the way she stared him down.
“Whatever you say, sir,” Estelle said pointedly. She stood from her seat and marched to the back bedroom, where Blaine had told her she could retire if she felt the need.
Blaine sighed heavily and sank down into an armchair, taking a long swig from the bottle of whisky on the table beside him. He hadn’t had a choice, had he? He just couldn’t bring himself to jeopardize everything he had been working for just so he could gratify himself with the way too young intern. He needed to be in work mode right now, not stupid lovesick mode. And that was all there was to it.
Whether they liked it or not, the BBT Mining Company had work to do. And without Estelle in the office, safe and sound, and Blaine’s mind focused on the job, they just weren’t going to reach the portal by the equinox, and everything they had been working for would go to shit.
Blaine would never let himself be ruled by a woman again. Especially not when it counted so much to have his head screwed on straight. And nothing would ever change his mind.