It Matters
We walked out the back door, around the corner, and climbed into my Jeep. My hand was shaking so bad that Asi took the keys from me and asked if he could drive me instead. I agreed, handed them over, and climbed into the backseat with Ashley. Asi walked around the Jeep and got in the driver’s side. “Back to the apartment, then?”
“Yes, please.” I answered, and then no one spoke for the remainder of the ride. Ashley kept glancing at me with pride and wonder written all over her delicate features. It didn’t take long to get there, and still no one spoke as we opened the door and went inside. As soon as the door was closed though, I think Asi must have felt a little more comfortable, because he nearly collapsed right there.
“For the love of all that we are and will ever be…” Asi started reciting the beginning of one of the old werewolf creeds, akin to a prayer humans would say to their god. “Do you have a care for your own safety, Jess?”
“Of course I do, Asi. I just, well, I freaking snapped okay? I’ve had enough of this whole situation. It hasn’t been that long since Marcus, and I can’t keep doing this. Maybe I’m flawed. Maybe being the white wolf makes me not want to bow down to anyone. I don’t know. I just couldn’t.”
“Don’t apologize, Jess.” Ashley said to me, as she sat on the couch.
“I understand how you feel, Jess, but maybe have a care for those around you. Ashley is a new wolf. Guilt by association could cost her a lot when you force her to walk away with you.”
“I didn’t force her…” I started.
Asi held his hands up in protest. “I know she went willingly, but your friendship is a bond I have never seen the likes of before. You would both eagerly walk through fire for one another. I’m just asking that you think about how openly defying Antoine, before you’re ready, could backfire. He will hit you where it hurts. You would hurt for Ashley, and he knows it.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I will be more careful. I just couldn’t deal with any more crap from that family today.” With the thought of Clarissa sharp in my mind now, I turned to Asi, eyes narrowed and asked the question that I had been wanting to ask since we left De’ Lune’s. “Did you know?”
“I didn’t know they were going to be there for a meeting, Jess. No one told me.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
“I don’t understand.” Asi seemed sincere in that, but I wasn’t sure.
“Clarissa. Did you know about her and Evan?”
“Jess, I didn’t know Clarissa was in town until a few minutes ago when she walked in with Evan. I haven’t seen her at all. I swear that to you. I owe Evan my fealty, but I would never stand by an action that would humiliate you. You have no choice in what is happening with the brothers. He has every choice. Please, believe that I wouldn’t condone it.” His dark eyes were shining, as if covered in a sheen of moisture as he spoke. “I will get to the bottom of that situation, and pull the truth from him, if you request it of me.”
“Don’t worry, Asi. I wouldn’t ask that of you. I just wanted to know if you knew.”
“Maybe she just got here, and he was escorting her to his father?” Asi offered hopefully.
“Not according to what I heard on his phone earlier.” I hissed, not meaning to.
“What exactly did you hear?”
“You know what? I need a drink. Ashley, you can fill him in if you want.” I wandered into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vanilla rum I kept there, along with some coke from the fridge, and started mixing. I was pouring the rum in a glass, and ended up with probably three shots worth in it before I added the coke. Yeah, it was that kind of day. I stirred twice, picked the glass up, and knocked it back. Then I made another. I grabbed the glass, the rum, and some more coke, and headed back into the living room.
“Jess, I want to apologize again,” Asi said when I came back into the living room. “I wish I had known. I would never have told you guys to come. Honestly, I was hoping Evan would drop by, so you two could work some things out. I didn’t have any clue that something else might be going on.”
“It’s not your fault, Asi. It really isn’t. I can’t stop going places and being with my friends for fear of what I might see when I’m there. And honestly, if I have to fear seeing things like I did today, then I’m walking down the wrong path anyway.” I took a big swig of my drink. “I am so not that girl.”
“Evan is my brother, Jess, and I will never speak ill of him, but damn if I haven’t tried talking some sense into him where you’re concerned.” Asi started. “If I had known Clarissa was involved, I would have told you though. Evan be damned for his dumb ass choices.”
“Who is Clarissa anyway? All of you seemed to know her, so I assume she’s one of your pack.”
It was hard to read the look that crossed over Asriel’s face then, but what he had to say caught me completely off guard. “She was the wolf Antoine paired with Mikael.”
“What?” Ashley and I both yelped out in stereo. Then I added, “okay, what happened with that?”
“I’m not sure, because when it happened Evan was angry, and at the time I thought it was because he realized there were no other Ancient Clan women to be had. We left, traveling around to see if we could find rogues or perhaps a lesser that was appealing enough. Word reached us long after the fact that Mikael denied Clarissa for some reason.”
Ashley’s stomach growling interrupted the little chat we were starting to have. She looked a little embarrassed, but then just went with it. “Our Chinese is still sitting in De ‘Lune’s. I’m going to order a pizza, because it will get here fastest. Besides,” she looked at me then, as I finished off another rum and coke. “Jess is going to need something to absorb all that alcohol.”
I just tipped my glass up to her and smiled. It was a half-hearted smile at best, maybe more of a grimace that I intended to be more. At any rate I started re-filling my glass as Asi picked up the conversation where we had left it. “I don’t know what to tell you about Clarissa, Jess, except to be careful around that one.”
“She seems like she’d be happy with either of them.” I mused, then took a sip.
“Honestly, it seemed she fancied Evan before she was paired, but she jumped at the chance to be with Mikael when it was offered instead. I’m sure Evan told you that his position, while coveted by some, is a stigma with others. There’s no taint being associated with Mikael among our kind though. I think that’s why Evan’s been such an ass about the situation you’re in. It’s like history is repeating itself. Big brother is swooping in and taking his woman in his eyes.”
“But I made it clear where I stood. His attitude is just driving me away, Asi. If I were to choose Mikael, Evan would have no one to blame but himself.”
“I know. I’ve tried to tell him. He hears nothing.” He looked at me then, and asked his question. “You said earlier that the witch, Sophia, told you one of them would destroy you. When did she tell you that?” He looked worried. “Recently?”
“I haven’t seen her again, if that’s what you’re asking. She said it that day at the school. Please, don’t be mad at Ash for not telling you. I asked her not to. I didn’t want it to be one more thing the guys used against each other in their fights over me.”
“I understand. Was there anything else?”
“She told me the red wolf would know who I should be with.”
“Ashley?” He looked confused.
“Yes, she meant Ashley.” We both looked at her then, and she just shrugged. “She doesn’t really want to give me advice on the matter though, because Ashley thinks I have too many people telling me what to do already.” I smiled at her. It was a genuine smile this time. “That is why I love her.”
“Me too!” Asi agreed, and Ashley’s face took on a crimson hue. “I do believe Ashley has been pushing you to give Mikael a fair shot lately though.” Asi appeared rather pensive, as if he was thinking over everything Ashley had been telling him lately.
“Yes, she has.” I agreed. While Ashley hadn’t told me one way or another what she thought I should do, she had made her choice clear in other ways.
“It’s because Evan has proven himself to be weaker, in her eyes, every time he has walked away from you, or treated you poorly because of what his father is forcing on you.”
“I know.” Ashley was watching both of us as we talked it out, but she never said a word. She never nodded, or agreed in any way with her body language. Her word meant a lot to her, and she was going to stick by her decision not to influence me anymore than she already had.
“You do understand that part of Evan giving you a hard time is because he sees you as more. He thinks you should be able to get past his father’s will, the way he does.”
“I didn’t get that at first, but I do now. He has never understood how stuck I was by his father’s demands. Until today, I couldn’t resist Antoine’s influence.”
“And now you can?” Asi asked, sitting forward with interest. Someone knocked on Ashley’s front door then, and she jumped up to get it, palming the money for the pizza that was being delivered.
“Today, of all days, I find Evan with an old flame after he was a complete ass to me the day before too…” I paused for a moment, shaking my head. “I was able to refuse his father, and break Antoine’s hold on me today. Had the ability come a week ago, or even a day sooner, maybe things would have been different.”
“So, it’s Mikael then?” Asi asked, his voice a little sad.
“If you had asked me when I woke up this morning, I might have been a little conflicted still, but it seems like so much happened between then and now to change how I see things. I guess, more to the point, to clarify what I was already starting to see. Then, with Clarissa here, and both Evan and Mikael seeming very interested in that fact, I guess maybe my decision no longer matters anyway.”
“It matters,” came the deep voice from the doorway. It was a bit gravely and thick with emotion, but there was no mistaking who had spoken.