Reap and Sow
Mikael and I spent a few hours just enjoying being together, alone, where there weren’t any interruptions, no one listening in, or finding evidence of our interactions. When I fell asleep that night, I was completely content with my life. I was still worried about the Zach situation, coming out to the wolf-world as the fated white wolf ruler, and dealing with Antoine. Those things were dancing at the periphery of my mind, but with Mikael’s arm wrapped around me, snuggled up, and breathing gently behind me, I was lulled to sleep despite everything that should have been keeping me awake.
“Congratulations on the true bond, Jessica St. Marks. It glows from within you, so that we may see.” The conglomeration of white wolves past was speaking in that eerie echoing voice they used.
“About that…” I stood before them in the cave with the dais at its center, as I always did in these dreams. “We bonded, but then something else happened afterward with so much white light, and we glowed…”
“Yes, this is the sign of a true bond. It is rarely seen anymore, and even when it happens, the light has faded for many people. We hoped you’d be the one to bring it back to our people. Now, all true bonds can experience it for themselves too.”
“So, this is something that has happened before?”
“Yes. When the white wolf finds a true bond, the ability renews itself in our people. Some of us were not as fortunate as you were, and it has been lost to our kind for some time now. This is why mates became chosen by packs instead of by hearts. This is what weakens our people. The true bond, it breeds stronger wolves, and should be cultivated. The true bonding is a soul-share. A piece of each goes into the other. It is what lights you up so brightly for one another. That is where the immense connection comes from. Do you understand, that you are two pieces made whole only when you are with your mate?”
I nodded at the white wolves. Everything they were describing made sense. It explained the intensity for what I felt when I was in Mikael’s presence, and the awareness I had of him when I wasn’t. What struck me was that I had already thought about what packs choosing mates for their people was doing to our kind. Being paired with Zach in the beginning had given me a clarity into the situation that I was thankful for. It would have been a disaster had I been forced into that union. Luckily, my father was already taking steps to dissolve chosen mates for those who weren’t already bonded. He was giving everyone a choice. I wanted to take it a step further and make sure all packs had the same choice, and that they got to intermingle, because I didn’t believe everyone’s perfect bond existed under their own roof so to speak. That certainly hadn’t been the case for me.
“Is there a way for us to hide the bond, until the solstice? I have this feeling,” my hand was clutched tight over my stomach, “deep inside that it is imperative, but we are doing a miserable job of it so far.”
The women who were cycling through the white wolf persona on the dais smiled down upon me. “Such a problem to have. Some of us wish we had been as lucky as you. When you approach Antoine, he will see what you want him to see. All you have to do is use your voice, and tell him.”
“You mean influence him with power?”
“Indeed. You are more powerful than he is, now. You can take your place when you see fit.”
“When Mikael is gone from me, I feel like I know where he is. That’s not just me imagining things is it?”
“No, that is part of the true bond. It allows you to locate one another in times of need. You will also be attuned to each other in ways most are not familiar with. These are things you will discover along the way though.”
“We have to deal with a rogue wolf who is causing trouble before we deal with Antoine or figure anything else out.”
“Yes, we see that too. He has help. We cannot get a clear picture though. There is a block on the one you seek.”
“It’s okay, I think I know where he can be found.”
“But you do not know who helps this rogue, yet?”
“We’ll find out soon enough, I think.”
“Be wary, young wolf, there are those who do not want to see another of our kind. There are more still who fight to keep us from a true bond.”
“I understand.” The world started to go fuzzy around the edges, as the dream began to slip away from underneath me.
“You are blessed, Jessica St. Marks De’ Lune. Go with the blessing of the white wolves, carry forth our legacy, give birth to our future, be the conduit for the prosperity of our kind. This is what you were born for, blessed with, we honor you, and our faith has been placed within.”
The dream faded out before I could respond to their blessing. I felt every word, there was a heat in it that began to course through my veins, and settle deep within my bones. It was also the first time I had been called by my mate’s name. That part thrilled me to no end. As the haze of the dream spilled away from me I found myself waking up, still in Mikael’s arms. I shimmied my body a little closer, and his arm flexed tighter around me for a minute. I felt deliciously full in that moment. He was mine, I loved him, and every new thing I learned about him just intensified that feeling. This was absolutely where I was supposed to be, by his side.
I allowed myself a little time to revel in the feel of him pressed up against my back, arm holding me securely, his even breaths lulling me back into a quiet comfortable place. Before long I was back in the dream world. When I first became aware of what was happening, I was in the caves near the pack lands, the one where Mikael and I had bonded. As usual, with my dreams, I couldn’t hear anything. I could sense that I wasn’t alone though. When I turned around the witch was there.
“You are not safe,” she told me urgently.
“Of course I’m not. How did you know about this place? Are you the one secretly helping Zach?”
“I am not, but I know the one who is. She is a formidable opponent on her own, but she too is being aided in her endeavors.”
“You are not Estella Sophia Marquez!”
“No, I am not. I used my sister’s name, because it is known, and it would generate interest from those around you. My apologies for the deception. The fact remains that Sophia is a great threat to you and your line.”
“Great! I don’t suppose you know when your sister plans on killing me then?”
“You are mistaken. They don’t want you dead. They want you broken. You’re far more of a symbol to them broken than just gone. Gone, you become a martyr. Broken, they show that they can take down the strongest, and not bat an eye.” She looked closely at me then, “You’ve bonded though. I can feel the magic in this place. Worry not, they don’t know. Sophia can no longer feel the kind of magic that comes with a true bonding. She lost that ability when she got into the business of breaking bonds.”
“Wait, you’re telling me she has no way of knowing?”
“Indeed. Trouble is coming. You need to heed the dreams, and learn from them tonight.”
“Oh, trust me, I am learning a lot already.” My hackles were still raised as I spoke with the witch, but my gut was telling me she wasn’t the one I had to be concerned with. I felt the truth in her words when she spoke.
“Jessica,” she seemed almost sad as she said my name. “Use everything at your disposal to make it right.”
“To make what right?” I asked, but was not answered as the vision blurred and faded to something else. I was launched into another dream vision, far removed from this one.
I was standing near the lake, but it was years ago. Jack was there, and he’d recently undergone the change to become a wolf. He was smiling up at me, but I realized it wasn’t me he was looking at. I turned to see Sierra standing there, and she actually looked almost shy as she approached him.
They were speaking to one another, but I couldn’t hear anything again. Jack was luminous. He radiated light as they came together, and then Sierra caught fire in white light too. She wasn’t burning, she was just glowing, all over. A true bond, I realized. They may not have seen the light the way I was seeing it now, but it had been there. This was when they bonded, and I wondered briefly why I was seeing what seemed like a very personal memory belonging to Jack and Sierra. Then the blissful look on Jack’s face was replaced by one of aching pain and sorrow. He was hurting, and I couldn’t see why or hear anything. He wasn’t near the lake anymore. At some point the place where we were shifted, and there were others coming close. But before they did, I saw a silver wolf with a black stripe down its back and another wolf, a black one, hidden back in the shadows, watching momentarily, then taking off again.
“NO!” I screamed in the dream. No one around me was affected by the sound I made, but I willed the dream to change. “Show me from the beginning,” I demanded. To my surprise, I stood still as the world shifted around me, and recreated itself. When it did, I was standing there amongst Avery Daniels, Jack, and Andy. They were together with a couple other men I couldn’t identify, and Daniels was talking. “I need to hear them.” I shouted out loud to no one in particular.
The volume turned on in my dream, for once, and I was listening in as Daniels gave directions to the men. “Mike picked up the scent we’ve been looking for out by the caves. It seems running through the tunnels earlier flushed the little shit out. We’re going to go in with caution. Andy, Jack, you’re both with me. I promised a little white wolf you’d be coming home safe and sound. I intend to keep that promise.” Andy simply nodded, but Jack looked slightly pissed.
“We don’t need a babysitter. Jessica knows that.”
“You already lost one member of your pack. I will be with you this time, to aid if needed. Mike, Drew, and Ian you three flush them out of the tree line by the river bank. Bring them back in this way,” he was pointing down at a map. “We’ll come at them from over here, and herd them straight to the pit.” The pit appeared to be an old pond that was no longer filled with water. The men all took off then, having gotten their orders. I stayed with Jack and Andy as they ran. Avery dropped back a couple paces behind them, taking up a rear guard position, as he watched the tree line intently. A howl went up from somewhere off to the east, and they all glanced that way, but continued on to their destination. Once they were near the tree line, Andy picked up the scent, and then Jack caught it a second after. “Got him!” Jack yelled, and shifted on the spot to wolf so he could better track his subject. Jack was a natural, and the others followed suit in order to keep up.
As they rounded a ridge in the side of the mountain, and came upon the wooded area the others were supposed to be flushing their prey out of, a dark wolf pounced, taking Jack down with a thundering roar as it went. Jack came up, teeth gnashing, and claws at the ready, but another wolf flew out of the trees then. A great, big, silver wolf with teeth the likes of which I had never seen before. Zach’s wolf zipped past at the same time, and Andy took off after him while Avery stayed to help Jack. Avery sent up a howl, but it would be too late. The silver wolf bent forward in a swift motion and ripped those gnarly teeth right through Jack’s neck, ripping a chunk away as he flew off to the side, rounding on Avery, who had made his way into the fray. The black wolf, the original attacker, had already slunk back into the woods, but the silver one stood with two paws over Jack, refusing to let Avery get to him. Avery hesitated, not sure if Jack was going to be able to survive his wound, but unsure if advancing would get him maimed even more. He roared out a loud growl. It was one answered in kind by the silver wolf, before he leaped over Jack completely, barreled into Avery, knocking him onto his back, and ran out of sight, through the woods beyond. Avery shook off whatever the impact had done to him, and transformed back into a man. Unfortunately, Jack had transformed too. If he had kept his wolf form, he might have been able to heal fast enough to overcome the blood that was steadily pumping free from his neck wound. Avery leaned in and applied pressure to it, screaming for the other wolves to join him. Only Andy came back.
“I lost him. He dissolved into some kind of weird mist.” Andy was talking, before he realized that Avery was plugging the gaping wound in Jack’s neck. “Oh, God, no! What happened to him? What the hell?”
Jack’s face was angled toward me, where I stood observing everything. I watched as the light went out in his eyes. I couldn’t do anything else, but bear witness to what was happening. For me, this was a vision, and nothing more.
“Make sure they have my ceremony out by the lake, instead of the meeting area, okay? I like it there. It’s where Sierra and I bonded.” I turned slightly to see another version of Jack standing there beside me.
“Jack,” I whispered. “Oh, God, Jack.”
“Don’t cry, Jessie.”
I hadn’t realized tears were already streaming down my cheeks. “Jack, I couldn’t do anything. For me, it’s just a vision.”
“It’s okay. I get it, Jess. I’m glad you weren’t here in person. Honestly, I wish you hadn’t been here to see that at all. We were ambushed, and that wasn’t a normal wolf.” Jack was looking off in the direction the two wolves had traveled.
“No, it wasn’t.” I looked back and forth between the body that Jack had once inhabited, and the figure that stood before me. “Oh God, what do I tell Ashley? Sierra? Your parents?”
“Tell them all how much I loved them, Jessie. Just tell them that.” He was looking off over my shoulder then. “I have to go, and so do you. Make sure they know I said I love them, and Jess…” his voice was growing distant and the world was beginning to fade away before me. “The wolf, he smelled like…”
“Jess! Your phone keeps ringing.” Mikael complained from behind me. I was wide awake, and sat straight up in the bed swiping at the tears that were fresh on my cheeks as I moved. “Jess?” Mikael was fully awake now, and watching me. “What’s going on?”
“I just had a dream or a vision, and Jack…” My gut clenched tight, as if a fist had just found its mark there. “Jack’s gone, Mikael. I watched as… Oh God!” I was shaking all over as my sobs tore free from my body in violent waves, spilling all my grief out in every available way.
Mikael grabbed hold of me, and pulled me close as I cried, and when my phone started ringing again, he leaned over, not letting go of me, and grabbed it off the bed-side table. “Hello?”
“Mikael, I need Jess back home. We just got a call from Avery.” I could hear my dad’s voice on the other end.
“We know.” Mikael cleared his throat a bit. “Jess was there in a vision.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” My father’s voice boomed into the phone. “Tell me she didn’t see it happen!”
“I can’t do that sir. She’s pretty shaken right now, but I will have her there as soon as I can, Jameson.”
“I’m going to call Asi and Ashley in too. You be careful getting her here. There were at least two other wolves working with Zach. They took Jack out with little effort.” I heard my father’s voice break as he said Jack’s name. “I don’t need for you guys to run astray of the rogues.”
“We’ll be careful,” Mikael told him as he hung up.
“Come on, Jess.” Mikael lifted me up, off the bed, and held me there for a minute until I could stand on my own two feet. “We need to get you back to the pack. Ashley’s going to need you there.”
I hiccupped back another horrible sensation. “How do I tell her? I saw it. I talked to him after…” My voice trailed away as I remembered the conversation with Jack. Fresh tears poured heavy down my face again.
“You spoke to Jack? In the vision?” I just nodded my head, and he didn’t press for any more information then, which was good. I wasn’t sure I could talk about it just yet. I needed to save that for Ashley and Sierra.
Mikael helped me dress, and put me in the Jeep to drive me to the pack’s lands. Numbness settled in a weighty embrace all around me. Cold crept into my bones and settled there too. Jack, my brother, my dear friend, was gone. There would be no more awkward, crushing hugs from him. The hugs I had come to love so much, even when I pretended they were ridiculous, were just gone now. All of it was wiped out with Jack, and I let some of the anger seep in as I saw the moment on repeat when the black wolf slammed into him, and then when the silver one ripped at his throat. I would find them, and I would make them pay. I hadn’t realized I was screaming my frustrations out loud until Mikael’s hand came to rest on my leg. “I will kill them. Every last one of them.” I let the venom slip out, lacing my words as another flood of hot tears blurred my vision. “He was a good man. The best…”
“I know, Jess. We’ll make it right.”
“We can never make it right, Mikael. Never.” Jack’s loss was a hole inside of me. Knowing I would have to tell Ashley, knowing how she would ache. It was another devastating blow, but having been inside Jack’s memory of his bonding… I couldn’t imagine how Sierra was fairing. She had to know already. Whether the pack had told her or not. I knew in my heart that she had already felt what happened. When we pulled up at my parent’s house, I gave it a cursory glance, as I got out of the Jeep, and I took off across the pack lands instead, heading for Sierra.
When she wasn’t at their house, I knew where she’d be without having to follow her scent, but I was aware that she had left a trail behind. She was headed to the lake, if she hadn’t already made it there. Mikael was hot on my trail, keeping watch, but also keeping his distance.
When I got to the lake, Sierra’s wolf was lying there by the bank, whining as she stared off into the woods on the other side. It was as if she were keeping watch, waiting for him to come home to her. He wouldn’t be coming home. I went to her side, and nuzzled up to her. I sat down, taking up a spot beside her, “Sierra…” I whispered. She lifted her muzzle enough to slip it onto my leg, and I wrapped my arms around her body, kneading my fingers into her fur. “I’m so sorry, Sierra.” The words spilled out with my tears. “I saw him in a vision.” She whimpered against my leg. “He told me to tell me he loved you.” Her whining then was pitiful and would have surely broken my heart if it hadn’t already cracked wide open. “His last memories… I was swept up in them when the vision hit. He was thinking of you here, in this spot. The two of you were bonding, and I could see a brilliant white light all around the both of you. That’s what he saw. That is what he was thinking of…” The keening noises coming from Sierra turned into howls, and soon I could hear those of the rest of the pack joining in, as the others were changing form and coming to be with their heartbroken pack mate. As I sat there, by the lake, with Sierra’s head in my lap, I honestly wasn’t sure she was going to make it. Her pain was a palpable thing, and while I had never witnessed it myself, our legends often told of bonded mates dying off because a part of them is no longer of this earth, and they cannot live without them.
I felt Ashley approach before I saw her. She was a bright red wolf, and stood out from the others as she moved forward, and took up a place on the other side of Sierra. Ashley stayed in her wolf form, offering heat and comfort to the other woman. I reached further over with my right hand, and ran my fingers through Ashley’s fur too. “He loved you both so much. He wanted you to know that.” I was speaking to Ashley now, because she hadn’t been here when I told Sierra that I had spoken to Jack in my vision. I would tell Ashley everything, one day, when her heart wasn’t so broken. There would be a day when she needed to hear it, but this wasn’t it. Her whimpers joined in with Sierra’s keening, as I sat there trying to send as much healing love through my touch as I could, for the both of them, and for myself.
Asi joined us, on the other side of Ashley, sitting next to her, and keeping watch. Mikael took up the space to my left, leaning in against me, holding on tight, and lending his strength to me. We were the only two sitting as humans. I hadn’t changed, because I had to tell Sierra what Jack wanted her to know, and once she put her head in my lap I refused to disturb her. I don’t know how long we all stayed there, by the lake, mourning Jack. I do know that when I had occasion to look back behind us, our pack was there, forming a semi-circle around us with the lake itself closing it out. They were all in their wolf form and they all sat quietly. This was the old way, I realized. We hadn’t done a sending off like this in my lifetime, though my mom told me she remembered being part of one as a girl. It had been one of the last.
As if by some magic I didn’t understand, the moon pulled free of the clouds above, reflecting down on the lake before us, and a mournful chorus of howls erupted from the pack. Both Ashley and Asi raised to their haunches, Mikael shifted and did the same. I was still sitting there, with Sierra’s head in my lap, so I stayed, and listened as the mournful howls rose and echoed across the land. The sound both filling and shattering my heart all at once. Our brother was gone, and on the heels of that, our pack was together as one.