Daddy Issues
I woke up drenched in sweat, breathing hard, and worried beyond reason about Jack. All week, since he’d left to go hunt for Zach, I’d been having strange dreams, and this one hadn’t been so much strange as worrisome. It took me a minute to fully become aware when I woke up from the vision-like dreams. I was shocked to find my dad standing at the end of my bed looking worried.
“Dad? What the hell are you doing in here?”
“Did you have another dream?”
“Are you watching me sleep now? Because that’s just weird.”
“No, Jess, I am not watching you sleep. I came up to tell you that the King is here to see you, but you seemed to be having a nightmare. I wasn’t sure if I should wake you or not, but you sat up on your own.”
“The king?”
“Yes, Antoine is downstairs, requesting an audience.” My father’s words were dripping with sarcasm. If he ever held any respect for the Ancient royalty, it was lost when their supreme ruler took away my free will and ordered me to date two of his sons at once. Thankfully, that debacle was over now that I had chosen one of them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t use that choice to piss off Antoine, because he had gotten what he wanted. I was with a son from his first bonding. I looked over at my clock then.
“It’s only seven in the morning! Who shows up at someone’s house, unannounced, at seven o’clock in the morning?”
“Kings do, Jess. He does as he pleases, and we must not question it.” My dad added, “right now,” under his breath.
“Fine. Whatever. I need a shower first. I’m all sweaty, and since he didn’t call ahead, he’ll have to wait, King or not!” My tone was haughty, and I probably sounded like a spoiled brat, but I didn’t care. I didn’t like Antoine one bit, and just because he was the King of the werewolves didn’t mean I had to play the good, devoted commoner for him. We both knew that one day, being the white wolf meant that I was going to be above Antoine in the chain of command. Maybe, he should get used to it sooner, rather than later.
“Jessica, you’re treading dangerous ground.” My father seemed worried, but there was an undercurrent of pride in his tone as he spoke. He was sick of Antoine pushing me around too.
“Seriously, dad, do you think if I piss him off he’s going to make me date the other son too? I am tired of his bullshit. Also, I smell. I’m taking a shower, and he can wait. Oh, and we need to talk about the dream I just had, but not with him here.”
“Okay, I’ll go entertain some more while we wait for you.” My dad looked back over his shoulder before he left the room, “please, hurry.”
Before I ran and jumped in the shower, I texted Mikael.
Your dad is at my house for some reason, requesting an audience. I’m showering and getting dressed, slowly, if you want to speed your way here before I talk to him.
I hit send, and then thought about why I had been hiding myself away from Mikael for the past week, and added, I’m all better now, I swear! I hoped that was true, as there hadn’t been any sign of my heat for two days now, but I was worried about tempting fate. I figured with Antoine here to piss me off, even if my heat cycle wasn’t completely over, my anger would be enough to keep my hormones in check.
I took my time in the shower, shaved my legs, and applied ample amounts of lotion on them afterwards before getting dressed. Mikael hadn’t responded to my texts while I was showering so I wasn’t sure if he’d make it here or not. Without anything else to stall my going downstairs, I finally pulled on my clothing, and bounced down each of the steps, like I used to do as a kid.
“Ah, I see you finally decided to grace us with your presence, Jessica.” Antoine hadn’t even let me get to the bottom step before he started running his mouth. This was going to be an awesome visit. “You do know that you aren’t actually the white wolf leader of legend yet, don’t you? You are still under my rule. I will forgive your testing of my patience this once though, since I have news to deliver.”
“What news?” I asked, not really caring what he had to say to me.
“Well, it seems you are to be mated to Mikael, after all! Congratulations!”
I knew what I had decided. I knew that Mikael and I were going to have a serious conversation, and soon, about becoming a bonded pair, especially after he managed to bring on my first real heat cycle. I wasn’t exactly sure what Antoine was getting at by announcing it though. “Excuse me?” I finally questioned him.
“Yes, well, a little birdie told me that Evan was about to let you off the hook, so to speak. Since his old flame is back in town and unattached, his eye has wandered. I hear they are making travel plans.”
Well, he hadn’t heard that I made a choice first, but it was still a punch in the gut to hear that Evan was going to go away, and more importantly that he was going away with Clarissa. It made me sick to my stomach, mostly, because he had never been a real contender for my heart. I’d been a second place trophy for him when he didn’t think he could have his grand prize. It made me wonder if, after Mikael showed up unattached, Evan just stuck it out with me because he found out what I was. That just made the betrayal I felt sting all the worse. I tried not to show any of what I was feeling outwardly though.
Instead, I offered Antoine a shrug and my explanation. “Well, last week I told Evan that he lost his chance with me, so he’s free to go wherever he wants with whomever he chooses.”
Antoine looked positively taken aback. He thought Mikael was winning by default, and that I would be forced to do his bidding anyway. “Is that so?” He questioned as he collected himself.
“Yes, that is so. I suppose you thought you were doing me a favor in coming to tell me, instead of letting Evan tell me himself. It’s unfortunate that Evan didn’t explain to you that I already made a decision, otherwise you would have known it was a wasted trip. I appreciate the fact that you thought so much of me to come all the way out here though.” I was surprised that I sounded so sincere as I spoke. “Was there anything else? Can I get you some tea or something?”
Even my parents were astounded by my reaction. I saw, from the corner of my eye, as my mom’s jaw dropped before she checked herself and got it together.
Antoine picked up his glass and held it out for me to see the brown liquid that was still in it. “Your mother already took care of the hospitalities while we waited on you to clean yourself up.” It seemed he was done squirming. “So, do tell, since it seems I am slightly behind on the times, what plans do you and Mikael have?”
“I haven’t seen Mikael for the better part of a week, so we haven’t really made any plans.” I shrugged making it seem like I was completely indifferent on the matter. I figured if Antoine was in the dark about me making a choice, then he didn’t know about my self-imposed isolation after his son got my motor running a little too hard last week.
“Maybe I’m not understanding. I thought you picked Mikael?”
“True, but after dealing with Evan, I’m doing things differently this time. You never really know who a person is until you get to spend some serious time with them, or apart from them, as the case may be.”
Antoine narrowed his eyes at me then, realizing, no doubt, that I was screwing with him. “Jessica, I gave you an order to pick one of my sons. Now, if neither of them are for you, I could always free up my oldest, and beyond that, you have no choices.” I heard a sharp intake of breath that alerted me to the fact that Antoine hadn’t come alone. Sitting off in the corner of the couch was Malachai and Annabelle. For his part, Malachai actually managed to look intrigued by the idea, while Annabelle had gone deathly pale.
“You’re a real dick, you know that?”
“Jess!” My dad hissed at me, from across the room. “Maybe you need a minute to compose yourself.”
“Like hell I do!” Somewhere in the back of mind, I registered the fact that a motorcycle had pulled up and the engine died, but I didn’t wait to see Mikael come in the door. I let my temper fly. “Your daughter-n-law sits right there, and you threaten to give me to her mate? You dare think that shit is going to fly again? I will not be told who to date, or put on anyone else’s time table again. If you think you have the juice, you try to make me, and I promise you this…” I was livid and breathing heavy at this point. “Even if I can’t break free of your command at first, I will eventually. But before that happens, I will find a loophole and take it. I’ll be damned if I have you push me around and muck up my life, or anyone else’s. And while we’re on the subject, you owe Annabelle an apology.”
“I owe no one anything! I am King here!” Antoine was on his feet, and he wasn’t entirely in control of himself. He was shaking. At first, I thought he was just shaking with anger, and then I realized he was focusing on me too hard for that. He was trying to break my will.
I popped my hip out, put my hand on it, and gave him the most impertinent look I could, “how’s that working out for you?”
Mikael was there, by my side then, having crossed the room while Antoine and I were having our little battle of wills. “What the hell is going on here?” Mikael looked from me to his father then, “and please tell me I didn’t hear that correctly. Tell me you didn’t suggest that Malachai…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He just got a big dose of what Evan got a few months ago, and he didn’t look at all happy with that.
“Mikael, so good of you to join us, uninvited.” Antoine noted how his son had placed himself slightly in front of me, and gave him an approving look. “It was only months ago Evan was standing protectively in front of this one. She must have a skill other than being a mouthy little girl then…” I was well aware that he was alluding to the fact that he thought I had slept with both of his sons. The bastard.
“You’re crossing lines here, today, that I don’t think you’ll be able to come back from down the road, father.” Mikael growled through clenched teeth.
“Don’t worry son, I have my affairs in order. Besides,” Antoine looked down on me smugly, “I’m not worried, in the least.”
I noticed that Annabelle was heading out the door then, and she still looked shaken. I stepped back, and decided to go out after her to let her know I had no intentions of going along with Antoine’s craziness.
“Leaving so soon, Jessica?” Antoine called out to me.
“I’m going to smooth over the mess you just made. Feel free to carry on with your decrees while I’m gone. I’ll be sure to follow the ones I want to when I get back.” I looked at each of the men in the room then. My father was startled by my outbursts, Malachai looked like he was appraising a juicy steak in a display window, and Mikael’s lips thinned as he tried not to laugh, probably in disbelief, as I told his father exactly what I thought of him and his rules. When he didn’t have anything else to say to that, I turned my back on Antoine, and followed Annabelle outside.
I found her standing close to my Jeep, by an old Oak tree. “Annabelle, I just want you to know, he just said that to hurt me. It’s not going to happen.”
“Oh, it will happen if he sees fit. I have no doubt.” She spat the words at me, as if I had set this grand plan into motion. “I knew, from the moment he tested your resolve to be with Evan that he would eventually try to put you with the eldest son. He dissolved his own bond. He wouldn’t think twice about arranging that for his son too.”
“First of all, I’m not out here to coddle you, and since you want to take attitude with me over words I never spoke, let me break this down for you…” I huffed and then went right back to it. “My resolve to be with Evan was never tested. Evan is the reason I changed my mind about things. He was an asshole, and blaming me for his father’s doings, kind of like what you’re doing now. I didn’t have the ability to deny Antoine then, I have since gained the ability. But then, Evan took things a step further, lied, and cheated on me too. So, his was the only resolve tested and found wanting.”
Annabelle was beyond shocked. “He was with Clarissa before you denied him?”
“Yes. I found out the day I told him it was done.”
“I am so sorry, Jessica.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. Well, maybe your attitude towards me, but it’s understandable considering your bond was just threatened.”
“You don’t understand, Clarissa is my sister. I am the reason she was here to begin with. I thought she could alleviate some of the boredom I felt being trapped in this place. When we’re back home, I have much more freedom to move about than I do in this place.” Her disgust, as she gazed out over our little wolf town, was evident.
“Then you did me a favor. If she hadn’t come, I would have kept clinging to the whole fantasy that first love is supposed to be forever. Evan and I… we weren’t right for one another. We could have been, in another life, maybe. He had too many things going on inside his head that he couldn’t move past, one of them being what happened with your sister in the past. So, yes, you did me a favor. I was able to see Evan for what he was and what he wasn’t. While that was happening, I also got a different glimpse at Mikael.”
“That’s what concerns me. What if you get a glimpse at Malachai, and like what you see there too?”
“Do you know why that would never be a concern?” When she shook her head no, I continued on. “I grew up being taught to value the bond above all else. The only thing greater, is the bond formed when a child is born, and even then, that should only serve to strengthen what is between a mated pair.” The minute Malachai would forsake you, his bonded mate, for another… I would lose any and all respect for him. So, you see, you have nothing to fear from me.”
Surprise colored Annabelle’s face. “You will be a great leader one day.”
“Thanks.” I offered her a hand up, from where she’d sat down at the base of the tree.
“I’m going to stay here until Malachai is ready to leave, if you don’t mind. I need some distance from that family once in a while.”
I smiled at her, “I completely understand that.” I turned to walk away. “I’ll try to leave Antoine in a good mood since you have to ride back with him.”
“Thank you, although, I doubt anything you have to say at this point will help.”
I opened the front door to Malachai pushing Mikael away from Antoine. Part of me wondered what I had just missed, but I was sure that Mikael would fill me in later. “Okay,” I said as I closed the distance and went to stand next to Mikael. “Since you came here misinformed, or at the very least, under informed, I am going to fill you in o the state of things. Mikael can correct me as I go, if I misspeak.” He had taken my hand in his when I walked up, and I gave it a little squeeze before I went on. “A little over a week ago, I let Evan know that I was tired of putting up with his shit. I told Mikael that I wanted to continue dating him, but that I wasn’t in a rush to push forward too soon. Clearly, that didn’t work out too well last time. I want the opportunity to get to know Mikael better before I agree to a bonding. On that note, bonding is something I take seriously, I feel it’s something sacred and not to be broken. Threatening to make me date your other son, who is already bonded is a moot point. It will never happen. Not only does it go against everything I believe in, I would never be able to respect Malachai, a bond would not be viable for us. Beyond my own personal sensibilities, the white wolf legacy is not one I am willing to put to a test. The white wolf was never meant to be anyone’s second mate. We all know that. So, here’s what’s going to happen. I am going to continue to date Mikael for as long as he will put up with me, and the two of us will decided if, and when, a bonding is the right thing for us. No one else will interfere with that, or I will literally disappear, do things my way anyway, and come back with a vengeance and a list of people who pissed me off.”
“Funny, because that sounds an awful lot like what my son just had to say before you came in.” Antoine smiled, “maybe you two are a good match after all.” Malachai didn’t even bother hiding his disappointment, while Antoine seemed very happy with himself. “You can thank me later. I do hope you will get on with it and have the bonding ceremony by the solstice so that we will still be here to witness it, without having to prolong our stay. As lovely as your little city and pack lands are, I am ready to get back to the comforts of my own home.”
“Feel free to go, we can always send an invitation at a later date. Or we can just send pictures or something.”
“How thoughtful of you,” Antoine snipped. “I think we’ll stay and be sure to be involved with all the planning.”
“Well, Mikael and I have somewhere to be, so if that is all?” I questioned, and felt my hand being squeezed. I knew I was overstepping, presuming too much by basically dismissing Antoine, and I was sure he would find a way to make me pay for all my slights against him, but I was also hard headed, and he’d pissed me off enough by telling me who I could be with. “I’m sorry,” I added at the last minute. “I thought you were done here, and ready to go, you know, since you’re both standing.”
Antoine was watching me carefully, measuring every bit of my body language, lingering on the fact that I was still hand in hand with his son. The one he’d chosen for me. “Actually, there is one more thing.” He said as he turned to walk to the door. “You may finish out this semester of school, since you’re already in finals week, but after that, you may not go back.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’ve already talked this over with your father, and he agreed.” Fortunately, for him, my father was no longer present. My parents had probably been dismissed when the De’ Lune men got into their little squabble while I was outside.
“It’s not just you, Jessica. I won’t tolerate any of the wolves going to human schools. Asriel has already petitioned for Ashely to be able to finish her last semester, since she’s just lacking a couple classes to graduate. I have not told him my answer yet.” Antoine was by the front door now, with a sick smile on his face. “If you cooperate, I will make an exception for your friend, this once.”
Damn it, they had all been right. Asi had been right. I put Ashley directly on Antoine’s radar by being so obstinate with him. He was going to go after my friend to bend my will, since he couldn’t do it with pure power. “Ashley, and the skills she obtained from her time in college, are far more important than anything I will do there. Of course, I will bow out for her.” Mentally, I was ticking off another reason to see Antoine suffer one day.
The minute the door shut behind him, I went and collapsed on the couch. Mikael stayed right beside me the whole way, and pulled me close to him as we sat there in silence, listening for the sounds that would alert us that Antoine’s car had pulled away. When we were sure he was no longer able to overhear us, the conversation began.
“Jess, you can’t do that. I know my father can’t force you anymore, but that doesn’t mean he can’t hurt you, or everyone else around you, to make a point.”
“Yeah, I got that message loud and clear with the college thing.”
“That’s nothing compared to what he could do though. You know that, don’t you?”
“I guess I do, in theory. I just keep hoping that the people in power aren’t as bad as the examples I’ve seen. First, there was Marcus, and now your dad. Why in the hell have the werewolves put up with it?”
“Power corrupts sometimes, Jess. They don’t always start out that way. Besides, you know how the pack system works. The top dog fights for his spot, and then he fights to keep it. That does things to a person.” He leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “You know, I’m scared shitless for you when you stand up to him, but at the same time…” his voice trailed off, and was tinged in reverence. “I am awed by you.”
“Don’t be. I just had to spend a week away from you, because I couldn’t control myself. I’m pretty sure I have my own weaknesses.”
Mikael laughed so hard, his whole chest shook, and I had to lift my head off of him to avoid being battered to death. “Even in that, you have a lot more will power than I ever have. One word, and I would have been here. Hell, I found myself driving out here a couple times to get to you.”
“You never made it though.”
“No, I never made it all the way, and the only things stopping me was knowing that you wanted to take things slow, and I wouldn’t have taken things slow if I got to you, and you were still, you know…” He shrugged then.
“It’s all your fault anyway, you started it.”
“What? How do you figure that?” He looked at me in all seriousness then, “you should have known when it would happen already. You could have warned me instead of inviting me for coffee and pancakes.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “You still owe me those pancakes by the way.”
“I do owe you pancakes,” I agreed as I stood and walked to the kitchen. “And it just so happens I haven’t eaten yet.”
“Jess…” I nearly ran to the kitchen trying to escape the question he was asking me. He was hot on my heels though, so I put the mixing bowl down that I had pulled out of the cabinet before he got there.
“It’s not a big deal, okay,” I offered as I turned my back again to look for a spoon.
“Jess?” Mikael grabbed my arm, and spun me around so that we were facing each other. “Was that your first?”
I closed my eyes, and sighed. “It’s never triggered before.” I’ve been kind of off schedule and odd with all my transitions. I never had a cycle, even after my last transition.” Once the third transition is completed in female wolves, they go into their first heat cycle. It’s almost like clockwork, within a week of transitioning it hits them, and lasts one to three weeks, before it fades again. Our heat cycles are much like those of actual wolves. They usually only happen once a year for a few weeks, although there have been notable exceptions, especially for the previous white wolves.
“What do you mean it’s never triggered before? I thought you were supposed to go through it right after your last transition?”
“Most do. Seriously, things never go that smoothly for me. This was no different. Maybe, we need to sit down for a minute.” I pushed past Mikael gently and sat at the table. I waited until he sat down too before I continued on. “Mikael, I spoke to the wolves in my visions about it. They said the white wolf doesn’t start her heat cycle until she finds her true mate.” He didn’t react, didn’t say anything, and just sat there watching me. “My mom read through the histories to be sure, it’s there. Some of the previous white wolves never had a heat cycle, the line was carried only because they had a sister who reproduced to carry on the family lines. All of the white wolves who did have it, well, their cycles never presented until they came in contact with the one they would be bound to.” I waited a minute for him to say anything, but he didn’t. He just sat there, watching me, and thinking.
“You don’t seem surprised by what I’m telling you.”
“I’m not surprised about the white wolf histories. I knew that part. I just always thought that Evan had already triggered it. I figured you didn’t understand what it meant that he did.” Now, emotion started breaking through whatever façade he had built up. “All this time, I thought I was just the second choice because Evan cheated, Jess. I thought he was supposed to be here, not me. I had no clue that you hadn’t… White wolves bond in two ways. First by triggering the heat cycle only for the mate they choose to be with, and then in an actual bonding the way the others do it.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been thinking you were just the runner-up all this time. Did I not do enough to let you know how I felt? Or why?” I stopped thinking then, and just acted. I slipped from my chair right over to Mikael’s lap, straddling his legs with my own, and leaned into him. My hands traced the features of his face, the pronounced jaw line that was always lined with a shadow of facial hair, the cheekbones, and just under them where dimples would appear when he smiled. He closed his eyes as I traced my fingers over each feature, and then moved my hands through his hair, to grasp the back of his head, and pull him closer to me. “Let me show you that you are the choice I made, not a consolation prize.” I kissed over his eyes and then his cheeks. Finally, my lips flickered, feather light over his. Then I brought them down harder. I worshiped his mouth with my own, and only broke away long enough to whisper in his ear. “You are my choice, because no one else shined as bright.” I kissed my way to his other ear then. “You are my choice, because you never walked away.” Again, I switched sides, moving slowly, trailing kisses as I went. “You are my choice, because I left my heart with you in a moment of weakness, and you cared for it, filled it, and freed it without asking for a thing in return.” I kissed him again, before whispering in his other ear. “There was no choice. There was only you. There is only you.” When I moved back in to kiss him again, I realized his cheek was wet.
“God, Jess.” His voice was thick with emotion as he spoke, and I kissed a tear away. It lingered, salty on my lips. “I am so in love with you.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond. This time, his lips were on mine, taking from me, everything I had to give. When we finally broke away again he whispered, “mine,” into my ear.
I put my hand over his heart, and whispered right back. “Mine.”
“Always.”