Mixed Signals
I sat down on the swing, and listened as Mikael’s motorcycle traversed the road leading out of the pack lands. A part of me wished I was on it with him. The stretch between the pack’s land and downtown was all open road, and it meant he’d be able to really let loose with the bike out there if he wanted to. One day, I was going to have to get him to pick me up out here. I felt my phone go off in my back pocket again, and pulled it out.
The latest text was from Ashley. She was worried about me, and I was about to give her a lot more to worry about when we had that conversation to fill each other in on everything that had been happening. I didn’t bother responding to her yet though. Instead, I scrolled past and got to the texts from Evan.
Hey, we need to talk. How about we do it over breakfast?
Then, when I didn’t respond, he sent something else.
Okay, so, you’re apparently really pissed off at me. I’m heading out there. We can talk, and not have breakfast if that makes you feel better.
The last text from him was after he’d made it to my house.
Well, I guess we’re not going to get that talk in this morning. Mikael’s bike is here, the Jeep is too, and neither of you are around. I assume you went for a run. Guess you’re making up for all that lost date time with him.
I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the texts, wishing things were easier than they were. I felt horrible for making either of them hurt. I also didn’t want to prolong the ache, so I hit the call button, and waited for Evan to pick up. His cell rang, and kept ringing for a while. Just when I was about to hang up, I heard someone pick up.
“Hey, sorry I didn’t see your texts before I went out to run this morning.”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t text you or care if you were running.” A woman’s voice spoke into the phone. Then she was giggling on the other end.
“Oh. I’m sorry, I must have gotten the wrong number.”
“Must have,” she said, then hung up.
I looked at my contacts list this time, making sure I got the right one, and hit dial. “Evan De’ Lune’s phone,” the woman’s voice said as she answered again.
“Where is Evan?” I took a testy tone with her this time, and didn’t care who I was pissing off.
“Excuse me? Who is this?”
“I called Evan, not whoever you are. So, how about you get him on the phone for me, and don’t bother asking questions that aren’t any of your business.” She laughed, and oddly enough, panted a little.
“Ev, some little twit is on the phone demanding to speak to you.”
“Clarissa, you know I’m very busy right now.” I heard his voice ring out, and then she giggled again, and came back on the line. “He’s busy sweetie. Tell you what, I’m in a really good mood.” I swear I heard her moan a little then. “I’ll take a message.”
“Yeah, tell him Jess called.”
“Jess, got it. I’ll let him know.”
“Give me the phone, damn it.” I heard Evan say, but I hung up instead. I was not imagining things. I knew, after today with Mikael I had no business being upset about anything. Somewhere inside, I knew that I had no business expecting either of them not to see someone else. It’s not like I wanted to be dating two men. Their father was making me do it, but since I was, I guess I shouldn’t have had expectations of monogamy on either of their parts. Still, it hurt. No matter how many ways I told myself it was only fair, it stung like crazy to know that there was someone else. All this time, I was feeling bad about all the shit Evan was going through, even though he was making me out to be the bad guy, and he was seeing someone else. Not just seeing someone else, having sex with her, or whatever they were doing. And suddenly, the hurt inside me turned to anger, and I ignored his call.
Instead, I texted Ashley and let her know I was coming over so we could finally catch up. She said Asi was out doing something anyway. When I got my bag, keys, and made it to the Jeep a thought occurred to me, and I just had to know. I texted Mikael.
I have a question.
Shoot. He responded.
Considering our predicament, I was wondering if you’re seeing anyone else. You know, other than me?
I waited a few minutes, and didn’t get a response, so I started the Jeep and got ready to take off for Ashley’s. My mom popped her head out the door when she heard the Jeep start. “I’m heading to Ashley’s for a while, mom.”
“Okay, you be careful, please. Call when you get there.”
“I will.” As soon as I reassured her, she walked back in the house, and shut the door. I threw the Jeep in gear and my phone started ringing. I put the Jeep back in park, and answered, not even looking to see who it was.
“Hello?”
“No, there’s no one else, Jess. I wanted you to hear me say that, and not read it in a text.”
“Thank you. I know it’s not fair, because I can’t say the same, so if you…”
“Stop.” He spoke softly, but it caught my attention more than if he had yelled it. “You were the one put in this crazy situation, Jess. I chose to be here knowing what that entailed. That means that it was my choice to try to be the one you’re eventually going to pick. It’s my duty, and my honor, to take that seriously. Otherwise, I’m not worthy mate material anyway. Do you understand?”
“Yes, I do.” I said as I put the phone on speaker, and started to head to Ashley’s.
“You sound like you’re driving?”
“I am on the way to hang out with Ashley for a bit.”
“So, no reading for you then?”
“The book will be here when I get back. Ash was worried this morning when she couldn’t get a hold of me, and we have some things to talk about.”
“Well, have fun, and stay out of trouble. No kidnappings, attempted murders, or crazy witches, because I do worry about you. And if I’m being honest, I’ve never really had to worry about anyone else before like this, so it’s really stressful.” I couldn’t help it, I laughed at his admission. It was sweet, and funny all at the same time.
“I will try my best, although I can’t vouch for what others attempt to do to me…”
I heard Mikael growl through the phone and realized how that sounded.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said to him.
“Be good, Jess.” His words trailed into a sigh as he hung up.
I hit speed dial for Ashley then. “Do I need to stop for ice cream, or do you have some there?”
“I just stocked up this morning. We’re all good here, just bring your stories, and I will trade ya.”
When I got there, Ashley answered the door with ice cream in hand and a couple spoons. “There’s a reason you’re my best friend!”
She looked at me innocently, “it’s because I have ice cream isn’t it?”
“Of course!” I took a spoon, and dove in, before we even left the doorway. “What else could it be?” I uttered through the cold, creamy, deliciousness in my mouth.
“Well, you got me. I’m a horrid person. That’s why I keep stocked up.” She shrugged, and then held the ice cream container out in front of her as she backed away to the couch.
“Anyone ever tell you this is the equivalent of tying a pork chop around a child to get the dog to play with them?”
“Yeah, but it’s okay. I enjoy my delusions!” She giggled. “Come play with me, Jessica!”
We both laughed, then sat, and enjoyed ice cream in silence for a bit. “Thanks. I needed to just sit for a minute.”
“I know.” Ashley got up and put the container away, and took our spoons to the sink, then sat back down beside me. She turned so she was angled towards me, with her feet kicked up underneath her. “So, spill your guts, girl. Oh, and you might as well start from the date you had with Mikael the other day, because we haven’t really gotten to talk since then.”
“Okay.” I told her all about the date, and she just smiled, and nodded, and asked questions here and there, until I got to the part about not being able to get to my Jeep keys because of her Banshee-like wailing from inside the apartment.
“Sorry about that.” Ash looked thoughtful for a minute before she added, “actually, I’m not, because on my end…” She mock-moaned out loud.
“You know, I kind of got that picture from the audio track!”
“Okay, so what happened after you left here?”
“We went back to Mikael’s place, and you know, totally not what I was expecting.”
“What do you mean? Does he live in a dump?”
“No. I was just expecting something close by, more urban, maybe an apartment or one of the houses in the city. He lives out in the county, in an older house with a giant wrap-around porch. He barely has furniture in it yet, but what he does have is comfortable, homey, inviting.”
“Hmmm, I can kind of see that after what you said about the dogs.”
“Yeah. It fits him. I guess I just didn’t care to really know anything about him before.” I shrugged. “I mean, I was angry with him about hurting you.”
“Was?”
I smiled at Ashley then. “I’m getting to that. It’s part of today’s story, so just wait.”
“So, Evan has been a wishy-washy mess with all of this. One minute he’s apologizing for overreacting, like with the phone incident the other day. Then when he sees me texting Mikael to let him know I’m okay, but that the witch was back, Evan’s blowing up again. I mean, was I not supposed to tell Mikael I was okay? He was there the first time?”
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s best if Mikael knows anyway, that way he can be extra alert when he’s with you.”
“Anyway, after we left the club yesterday, Mikael took me to get my Jeep at school, and then he followed me home to be sure I got there okay. He made me sit down with my parents and explain what was going on to them too. It was sweet. He wanted to make sure it got done so that people were looking out for me when he or Evan couldn’t.” Ashley just nodded her head, and smiled at me.
“Yes, so what happened then? Clearly he was still there in the morning!”
“No. He left after the talk with my parents. I woke up this morning, and went for a run out to the hot springs and thermal pool in the caves at the edge of the pack’s land.”
“Oh! Hey! I still haven’t been there!” Ashley was pouting a little bit now.
“We could go tomorrow, so I can show you where it is, and then you and can Asi can head out there together. It’s definitely a good place to just go relax or whatever.”
“Is it now?” Ashley looked at me knowingly, because she saw the blush creep up my face and into my ears. “It’s my job to blush, so tell me what happened at the caves today, missy!”
“Well, Mikael showed up, not long after I got in.”
“I’m sure you weren’t wearing a bathing suit, since you had to run there as a wolf?”
“No, I was naked.” I looked down, but Ashley sat up straighter, clapped her hands together, and looked like a kid in a candy shop.
“Finally, some good stuff! Spill it, girl!”
I told her about everything that transpired in the cave, and Ashley was smiling and giddy school girl clapping the whole time.
“Oh wow! That is hot. You almost… Were you going to let him?”
“Honestly? I don’t think I would have stopped it if we hadn’t been interrupted. I may have regretted it later though, you know, because of Evan and everything being up in the air. So, in a way, I’m glad we were interrupted.”
“And in another way?”
“Ashley, it was perfect. I wasn’t all in my head, like normal, I was just lost in the moment. It felt right. I wasn’t thinking about all the other complications, just how normal I felt, and well even that only came afterwards. The only thing going through my head was need and want.”
“Then I think it’s a shame those kids showed up, because times like those are when it turns out absolutely perfect.”
I thought about that for a minute. “He apologized for losing control and taking it so far.”
“Really?” Ashley seemed surprised by that.
“Really. At first, I was kind of offended that he thought he had to say sorry for something that seemed, you know, perfect. But I understood. He didn’t want to make things harder on me.”
“So, what happened when you got back to the house, because you were upset when you called me?”
“Well, we both got dressed, separately. Then we said our goodbyes. And my mom told me that Evan had stopped by earlier. I checked my messages, saw the ones from you, and then these from Evan.” I showed her the texts he’d left on my phone. “So, I tried to call him back.” That sick feeling hit my stomach again like a ton of bricks.
“And, let me guess, he was pissy!”
“No. He didn’t answer. A woman did.” I told her about the phone calls, and what I was hearing in the background. Ashley was clutching the throw pillow in her lap tightly, and her face was turning red, while her eyes were narrowing.
“That son of a bitch!”
“I felt like that at first, but it’s not like he’s the only person I am seeing.” I couldn’t even look at Ashley as I said it.
“OH, hell no. First of all-he knows that you are seeing someone else. You’re being honest about it. He didn’t bother saying a word to you! Secondly, you were forced into it, and he knows that too. And thirdly, you chose him, and if it weren’t for his shitty attitude you wouldn’t be changing your mind about that decision.” I looked up at Ashley then, stunned. She was right, of course, but it was the first time anyone had said it out loud. My mind was changing, and he was the biggest part of the reason for it. “Hang on,” Ashley said as she grabbed her phone off of the coffee table, tapped on it, and then put it up to her ear. “Hey baby, I just wanted to see if you were going to be a while?”
“I’m working on something at De ‘Lune’s for Evan. It might take a while, why?” I could hear Asi just fine, even though it wasn’t on speakerphone. His deep voice resonated through the speaker naturally.
“I was going to hang out with Jess for a bit. Maybe we could bring you guys some lunch.” Ashley was slick. She was pumping him for information about Evan without Asi ever knowing it.
“It’s just me and the staff here. Evan’s out. I’m not sure when he’ll be back, but I wouldn’t turn down lunch if you want to come anyway.”
“Okay, I’ll text you in a bit, hon.” Ashley hung up and looked at Jess. “It doesn’t necessarily mean anything…”
“It doesn’t matter anyway. Seriously, how is what I’m doing with Mikael any different, especially after what happened, well, what almost happened at the cave?”
“We already went over why that is different. I know you Jess. I know why you feel guilty, and I’m sorry that you have to. What Evan is doing, possibly doing, that’s different though. He’s being sneaky about shit. You are beyond open about what’s going on with you, and why! Besides, after all the crap he’s giving you about Mikael, making you feel horrible, and making you hate yourself… worse, you’ve tried to do it his way, and ended up nearly giving yourself an aneurism. Besides, anything that has happened between you and Mikael is his damn fault too. He’s been pushing you away with all this bullshit, and Mikael has been the one there, steady, not asking more than you can give. Mikael is being understanding of the situation. What did he expect you to do? Did he think he was so wonderful you’d keep right on loving him while he treated you like shit for something beyond your control? He knows how the wolf world works. We don’t always get choices. I’m just saying, he has a lot of nerve to do some sketchy shit behind your back after all that.”
“Tell me how you really feel!” I threw a pillow at her to break the tension. “I get all that, Ashley. I do. I just don’t know how to process everything right now.”
“I know.” Ashley reached over and hugged me. “It’s too much for those of us sitting on the sidelines. I can’t imagine having to be you. Honestly, I envied you at first, but I’m definitely happier with how things worked out for Asi and me.”
“So, what has been going on between the two of you? Has the shock set in, or hell, worn off yet?”
“He’s been great, Jess. Asi makes me happy, and he wants to be sure he’s doing a good job at it. I don’t know how I ever managed to drift through all the morons I did over the past few years. I keep asking myself what the hell I was thinking. None of them could even come close to what I have with Asi.” Ashley was glowing as she spoke.
“I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know it worked out for you. I worried when you turned and bonded within hours…” I sighed. “I’ve never heard of that happening before. Even your pain-in-the-ass brother waited a few lunar cycles after his transition to be with Sierra.”
“Well, there you have it. I must out do Jack at every turn. We’ll blame him!” Her red locks bobbed around her shoulders as she laughed. “Speaking of Jack, he’s been trying to convince me that living with the pack would be beneficial. Technically, I’m not part of your pack though, so I suppose I would have to what? Petition your dad or something?” I nodded as she continued on. “But Asi would never do that, because he’s loyal only to Evan and the royal Ancients. So, I’m honestly not sure how that would work. Do I have to be part of their pack since Mikael turned me, and I’m mated to Asi? Am I even allowed to be since I was a human who was turned? I have so many questions, and my one pet peeve about Asi is that he always tells me we’ll figure it out when we need to, but he won’t sit down and tell me anything.”
“Wow, so I guess I’m not the only one who has been missing out on the girl talk.” I smiled at her. “You can petition my father, and the pack to become a member. You know they’ve all been expecting it anyway. I think you’re right about the royal Ancients though. You can’t belong to them because you were human. You’d be nothing more than a servant in their eyes, unless things changed. You’re also probably right in assuming Asriel would never willingly swear fealty to my pack. He is of the Ancients too. I don’t see him giving that up. I also don’t see Antoine allowing it.”
“But does that ever happen? I mean, a mated pair from two different packs?” Ashley looked worried, and I wished I could alleviate her fears.
“I’ve never seen it done, but I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule anywhere that says you must both belong to the same pack.”
“That’s good.” Ashley commented absent-mindedly, and then she was staring off into space for a while. I sat quietly, trying to figure out how to help her, when I saw her wince.
“Are you still there, Ash?”
“Yeah,” she turned her attention back to me. “Sorry. I just got lost in thought for a minute.”
“Understandable.” I put my hand on top of hers. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to my dad about it. You’re more than welcome to come talk to him too. You know he loves you like his own daughter.”
“I know.” She exhaled a big breath, allowing the tension to roll out of her shoulders, and let it all go, just like that.
“I wish I could do that.”
“Do what?”
“You just, breathed it all out, and let go right then. I could see it happening.”
“Yeah, well, years of yoga and meditation had to teach me something, right?” She laughed softly. “Now, what are you going to do about Evan and this mystery woman? Jess, you can forgive a lot, but you’ll never be able to forget that. Knowing you, there won’t be any getting past it either.”
“I know. How do you work through and move past something like that? I keep trying to figure it out in my head, but then, I wonder if that isn’t the point. Maybe, I’m not supposed to.”
Ashley shrugged, “The only advice I am going to give you is that you have to go with where you find the most peace in your life. You have enough struggles. You need to be with a person who is going to lessen the burden, not add to it.”
“I never would have thought that you, of all people, would be rooting for Mikael.”
“Hey, I’m not telling you who I am rooting for. I don’t want to put my opinion on you after what the witch said. You’re trapped already in so many ways. I don’t want you pinned down by what you think I want for you too. I’m just saying, if you can get past it, and Evan will do better, then pick him. If not, Mikael seems to be doing a good job of handling things. That’s all.”
“Gee, thanks for the help!” I let my sarcasm sit for moment as I pulled at my shirt nervously. “Seriously, thanks for trying to not add to any of the crap I have going on.”
“Jess, I’m always going to be on your side, no matter what your choices are.”
“I know. I love you too!”
“Hey, now! I never said I love you.”
“Yes you did, you just didn’t realize it!”
“Whatever.” She reached over and hugged me again, and this time we both held on for a good long while.
“I guess we better go get Asi some lunch, since you promised and all. Hopefully, Evan will stay put wherever he is. I don’t think I can deal with seeing him right now.” I sighed, and got up off the couch to grab my bag.
“No matter what you end up choosing, I really would like to punch him in the mouth one good time, at least. If the opportunity ever arises, I’m taking it.”
I smiled over at Ashley then. “Good, add a little extra oomph for me!”