CHAPTER FOUR
“Hey, kiddo,” Dad greets as Leanne and I stroll into the sandwich shop. He gives me a bright smile as he shuffles up to us. Kissing Leanne on the cheek, he greets her as well, “Hello to you, too.”
Leanne giggles like a schoolgirl, hugging my dad. It’s strange to watch a couple acting in such a loving way toward each other. It isn’t something I’m used to, but it’s wonderful to witness.
“Would you mind ordering for us while Riley and I grab a table?” Dad asks Leanne, his eyes scanning the long line and busy restaurant. “I don’t want to miss out on a place to sit.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Leanne agrees. “Riley, what type of sandwich do you like?”
“U-u-um.” My gaze shoots to the menu board, and I scan it quickly. “I-I-I’m not sure.”
“Would you like me to pick something for you?” she asks softly.
Nodding in relief, my shoulders sag slightly. “P-p-please.”
“Just your usual, Mark?” she asks my father, slowly backing away from us and toward the line.
He nods. “You know me so well.”
“Coming right up, you two.” She spins around and strolls the rest of the way to the line.
Dad leads me to an empty table in the corner, and we take our seats. His fingers drum on the fake wooden tabletop as we sit in silence for a few moments.
“Did you have fun with Leanne?” Dad finally speaks first.
My only reply is a simple nod. He appears to be waiting for more information, but unsure of what to say, I stay silent.
“I’m told Cassie wants to take you shopping soon as well.” He fidgets with the salt and pepper shakers on the table. “That reminds me, Jaxon checked the mail yesterday and told me your cards came. I’ll have him give those to you tonight.”
I’m about to ask what he’s talking about, but the buzzing of his phone on the table distracts us both. He glances down at the caller ID and whoops loudly. He picks it up and slides the answer bar. “Hello, darling, what can I do for you?”
His endearment shocks me, and my head spins to search for Leanne, wondering who he would be talking to like that when Leanne is here. When I spot her, it takes me a second to realize she’s on her phone as well, looking in this direction.
“Leanne would like to know what you want to drink,” Dad addresses me, still holding his phone to his ear.
My attention shifts from Leanne, back to my dad. “U-u-uh.” It takes my brain a moment to catch up and realize dad and Leanne are on the phone with each other. “W-w-water, please.”
“She wants water,” he informs Leanne. She says something else to him, and he grins. “Yes, I’d like my usual soda.”
Soon after, he hangs up with her, bringing his focus back to me. His eyes turn serious as he watches me. “How are you liking it here, Riley?”
“I-I-it’s nice,” I admit quietly. “D-d-different.”
He nods his agreement. “I’m sure it’s totally different than what you’re used to. I hope that’s a good thing.”
“It i-i-is,” I assure him.
He lets out a long sigh as he runs a frustrated hand down his face. “Your mom, Angie, she never told me. I never knew about you.”
“I-I-I know.” I nod, remembering social services mentioned my father’s surprise when he heard about me.
“I wish she’d have told me,” he murmurs, his expression forlorn. “We weren’t together long. It sounds horrible, but we were never in a serious relationship. When she took off, telling me she wanted to move on, I wasn’t surprised. We’d only been dating for two months. I never thought she was hiding a pregnancy from me.”
“S-s-she told me once that y-y-you didn’t want k-k-kids.” I think back to a time when I was about five, and I asked her about my father. She’d informed me he would have wanted me even less than she did.
He reels back in surprise, immediately shaking his head in denial. “We never once talked about kids. We’d only started dating when she left. I met Leanne about six months later, and she already had Jaxon. I fell in love with both of them right away. Within a year, Leanne and I were engaged, and the adoption papers for Jaxon were being filed. I was excited to adopt him. I would have been just as excited about you if I’d been told about you.”
My mind drifts to what life might have been like if my dad knew about me. Maybe I could have lived with him from the start. My mother often told me she never wanted me. I may be naive, but I’m not stupid. I know her reasoning for keeping me around was the money and benefits that having a child brought her. Maybe my father would have wanted me simply because I was his child, rather than for the government assistance and handouts he could get with me.
“I really wish I could change the past, Riley,” Dad assures me, grabbing my attention again. “But since I can’t, I’d like it if you’d give me the chance to change the future. I want you here, we all do. I hope you know that.”
Before I manage to answer him, Leanne comes up to the table with her arms full of food and drinks. Dad and I stand and help her before she drops anything.
She chuckles at us. “Thanks. Riley, I got you the turkey club. It’s the same thing your dad gets. If you don’t like it, we can get something different.”
“T-t-thank you.” Awkwardly sitting back down, I take the sandwich she hands to me.
Dad and Leanne talk about how busy the restaurant is while they eat. I follow their lead, eating my sandwich in small bites. At first, they try to pull me into the conversation, but I’m not sure what to add. Eventually, they seem to realize I’m most comfortable sitting and observing.
“Alright, ladies.” Dad sighs, standing and stretching. “As fun as our lunch date has been, I have to get back to the office before they fire me.”
If not for Leanne rolling her eyes and guffawing at him, I would be concerned for his job. Hopefully, her reaction means he’s only joking. Before he leaves, he gives her a kiss on the cheek and me a slow, awkward hug. His movements around me always seem to be unhurried, which I appreciate.
“Have a good day, dear,” Leanne calls playfully as Dad leaves the restaurant.
Leanne and I wrap up the leftovers before heading back to the house.
Once home, I spend some time putting my new clothes away. With the price tags still on some of them, I’m finally able to check the numbers. The prices have me choking on air. It’s going to take me forever to come up with a way to pay Leanne back for these things.
It isn’t long after I finish hanging the last shirt before Cassie knocks on my door, asking to go through the things I bought today and her presence distracts me from my internal panic about my lack of funds.
~
The rest of the week goes by without incident. Leanne spends her days chatting with me, telling me stories about Jaxon, Cassie, and Caleb. Growing up, they got themselves into some hairy situations together. She talks about the time Jaxon snuck out of the house and hid in Caleb's room because he was mad at his mom.
They called the police and everything to search for him before Cassie told on them.
I also hear about an incident where Caleb was certain he could skateboard down a steep hill backward as long as Jaxon and Cassie put their mattresses at the bottom of the hill and ended up with a broken arm and had to use his allowance to buy everyone new mattresses.
She giggles through a story about Cassie cooking breakfast for Jaxon when they were in elementary school, catching a dishtowel on fire and nearly the entire kitchen. Caleb had to save her and the house with the fire extinguisher.
My evenings through the week are spent doing whatever is asked of me. Sometimes it’s watching movies in the game room or sitting in the living room and talking to my father. He went back to work after my first full day of being here, but he spends his evenings with his family. It’s interesting to witness the affection he holds for them all. If everyone seems busy, I spend my evenings in my room or the game room, reading. It keeps me out of everyone’s way.
I haven’t slept since my first night here, four days ago, and it’s catching up to me. I’m more jumpy and anxious than usual, which always happens when I haven’t slept.
Around two in the morning on Friday night, Caleb, Cassie, and Jaxon come home from a party they attended. With my door cracked, I notice Caleb as he passes by on his way to his room. He stops in front of my door and taps on it. My hands shake as I wonder what he may want, but I tell him to come in anyway. I don’t want to be rude.
He pushes the door open and leans against the frame. “Hey, I saw your light on. What are you doing up?”
I’m surprised he doesn’t appear drunk or high. Isn’t that what people do at parties? It’s what my mom and her husband did with their friends.
It takes me a second to realize he’s waiting for some sort of response. “C-c-couldn’t sleep.” I set my book down next to me.
He nods in understanding, then stands there silently for a minute, biting his thumbnail. Finally, he comes to some sort of decision. “Want to watch a movie or something?”
“Um…” I glance down at my new pajamas. A black tank top with gray cotton shorts. The outfit feels modest enough to wear around Caleb, but I quickly debate changing into my day clothes.
“Riley?”
Startled from my thoughts, my eyes dart to look up at Caleb. “Oh!” I squeak, realizing I ignored his offer to watch a movie. “I’d l-l-like that.”
“Cool.” He breathes, his shoulders relaxing like he’s relieved I didn’t turn him down. It’s a crazy thought because it’s only a movie. He can’t really care what I decide.
We head up to the game room, and he tells me to pick a movie while he changes clothes. He doesn't give me time to change mine, but doesn't seem to care I'm in my pajamas. I decide on a comedy movie that I’ve heard of but never seen, hoping he doesn’t mind. He comes back after only a few moments in blue drawstring pajama pants and a white t-shirt.
Holding up the DVD, I wait until he’s read the title before talking. “Is this o-o-okay?”
With a shrug, he takes the movie from me. “I don’t mind. It’s a good movie.”
He pops it into the player.
Once the opening trailers start, we settle on the couch. I sit with my feet tucked under me, and on the back of the couch, his arm drapes behind me while his feet rest on the coffee table in front of us. He sits closer than I expected him to, and my spine straightens as he settles in. I don’t want to move away from him, but I’m uneasy having him this close to me.
Normally, I feel threatened when someone is this close to me physically, but with Caleb, the uneasiness comes from not knowing how to handle the feelings his nearness cause. Usually, Cassie and Jaxon sit or lay right on each other and Caleb’s on the other side of the sectional. I always sit in the middle, alone. This is different, though, and it has my mind and stomach all twisted up. It takes some time for me to relax enough to figure out what’s going on in the movie.
The longer I sit beside Caleb, the more relaxed I become. About halfway through the movie, my eyes become heavy. I shift to try to wake myself up and realize I won’t make it another night without sleep. A twinge of panic fills my belly. I can’t focus on the rest of the movie as I force myself to stay awake. When the end credits finally roll, I jump to my feet, surprising Caleb.
His eyes crinkle with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Y-y-yeah.” I bite my bottom lip while I try to steady my breathing. “I’m j-j-just going t-t-to head t-t-to bed, if t-t-that’s okay?”
His eyes widen, and his mouth pops open in surprise, but nods slowly like he isn’t sure how to really respond. I race to my room before he has a chance to ask questions. It’s pointless to try and stay up any longer, knowing I won’t be able to.
Getting ready for bed, I drag myself under the covers and pull them up to my chin.
Maybe, I won’t dream tonight.
Maybe, this time will be different.
Maybe, not.