ONE MORNING—almost ten months to the day after Aiden had first brought me to the court—I went in search of Aiden.

It had been a while since we’d shared a quiet moment together alone. In the weeks prior, he’d been taking me out of the court more frequently, but we were so busy seeing the sights of Manhattan that we didn’t have a chance to just enjoy one another’s company. I figured a lunch date could change that.

When I reached his room, I knocked softly on the barely-latched door. Even though I had only struck the door gently, it was enough to make it silently swing open.

My gaze was instantly drawn to the other side of the room. The sight that greeted me held me captive. Against the wall, Aiden’s body was entwined tightly with one of the fairy maidens. She was a beautiful thing with vivid spring-green wings.

I recognized her as the one who had doted on him during our trip to the healing quarters all those months ago. Standing upright, his chest met hers as he held her against his bedroom wall.

In the seconds before I was able to turn away, I watched as his hands roamed her body and his lips caressed her skin. Beneath him, the girl tipped her head back with a sigh of pleasure. Behind her, apple-green wings spread wide against the pale blue wall. Her legs circled firmly around his waist as he bucked against her.

Although Aiden had always been honest about the possibility of him being with others, the reality of seeing it with my own eyes was a shock. Despite the initial blow of seeing the two fae wrapped tightly in one another’s embrace, my first thought wasn’t one of anger or jealousy. Instead, my initial thoughts had been that the way the girl’s wings were splayed beneath her was somewhat beautiful—almost reminiscent of a butterfly pinned to a board in a museum. In my heart of hearts, I honestly didn’t care that Aiden was with someone else.

If anything, I was relieved he wasn’t in love with me to the exclusion of all others.

I thought about a witty statement to let them know that I was there, something like, “Well, I can see you’re busy, so I’ll come back later,” but decided there was no need for it. I’d walk away silently because there was nothing to be gained by acting out against the pair of them. I wasn’t the jealous girlfriend, and I didn’t have it in me to pretend to play that role. Instead, I backed out of the room without a word or letting either of them see me.

Walking back to my room, I couldn’t shake the image of Aiden with his fae lover from my mind. The longer the image stuck with me, the more it concerned me, but not for the reasons I expected.

In my mind, the vision morphed. I no longer saw Aiden and Willow. Rather, Clay took the fae’s place in my head. In that instant, it was Clay’s hands roaming over the soft expanse of someone else’s skin. His lips caressing another’s throat. As that image assaulted me, jealousy built in my chest. I choked as my soul ached from the weight of the “what ifs” the horrid fantasy inspired. My heart thudded heavily against my ribcage as I did my best to fight the images.

Is he out there doing the same things I am—settling for any warm body pressed tightly against his? Or worse, could he have actually fallen in love with someone else while I’ve wasted my time at the court?

Even though the possibility of “one day” had always seemed so remote, in that moment I understood how desperately I wanted it. I wasn’t actually living with the fae. I was merely filling in time. My time with Aiden had been an interlude. As if someone somewhere had pushed a giant pause button on the reality of my life. But to what end?

My mind reeled as I walked down the hallways of the court back to my room. I owed it to myself to find the answers to all of my questions. Not only that, but I owed it to Clay—and to myself—to give up Aiden.

So long as I burned with jealousy over Clay with another girl, I couldn’t continue to take comfort from another set of arms. I was settling for second best and wasting the opportunity Clay had secured for me when he’d saved my life by walking away. By the time I reached my bedroom, my plan was set.

Nothing could change my mind.

I sat reading on my bed while I waited in my room during the nightly feast. When he discovered I was absent, Aiden would come to find me. After the time for dinner had passed, my wait grew anxious.

A soft knock told me he’d arrived. “Lynnie?” he called through the closed door.

“Come in,” I said, bracing myself for the conversation to follow.

“Is there something the matter?”

“Please sit.” I invited him to rest beside me by patting my bed. I needed to say everything I had to before I lost my nerve.

He sat next to me, placing his hands in his lap. His eyebrows knitted tightly together in concentration and confusion.

“Do you love me?” I asked, knowing that it wouldn’t change my decision either way, but it might change the approach I took to breaking the news to him.

“I care about you,” he replied, it was clear each word was selected with careful intent. “And we certainly have fun together. But love? I can’t really say. What is love exactly? How on Earth are you supposed to know if you’re in love?”

“I think if you need to ask, you’re not in love.”

He shrugged casually in response as if my answer made perfect sense to him. “Then I guess not,” he said. “Why do you ask? Does it change anything?”

I shook my head. “Not really.”

“What brought this on?”

“I saw you today, with Willow.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “Have you changed your mind since our conversation about monogamy? If so, you should have brought it to my attention. I would do most anything to avoid hurting you. Wait . . . Are you in love?” he queried. It almost sounded like he was a little concerned that I might say yes.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I am . . .”

His eyes seemed to widen slightly.

“But not with you.” My heart was in my throat as I added the second part. I hated to hurt him, which I was about to do. Love or no, he enjoyed my company. I needed him to know the truth though. I dropped my gaze away from his piercing eyes and stared pointedly at my hands, twisting them against each other in my discomfort.

“Then who with?” His question was filled with a quiet curiosity seemingly more related to the timing of the statement than the actual declaration.

“A boy I knew a lifetime ago.” The words didn’t come close to encompassing what Clay and I had, but I said it to remind myself how little I actually knew about Clay’s life since I’d last seen him. He could be living anywhere.

Hunting anything.

Screwing anyone.

“If it was long ago, why do you believe that you are in love with him?”

“It’s this feeling I get whenever I think about him,” I admitted quietly. “And an ache in my chest whenever he’s not near. It’s like every day that I have to spend apart from him is harder than the last, rather than easier.”

“Does his touch leave a lingering presence on your skin?”

I nodded, wondering how he could possibly know that.

“What you are describing is impossible, Lynnie.”

“Why?”

“It sounds stronger than any human version of love I have ever heard of, at least from your side. It is almost reminiscent of our legends of an entwined aura.”

“What’s that?”

“The special union I mentioned when you first arrived. Once in a blue moon, two fae are entwined. Their fates are wrought together, leading them to one another until they connect. When they meet, their auras will entwine. This joins them together in a bond stronger than any other force.”

“That sounds nice,” I murmured as I thought about how wonderful it would be if the union between Clay and me were that easy. “I wish it was that simple for us. Fate has never brought us together though. It has only ever ripped us apart.” I hung my head at the thought.

“I said almost reminiscent. Entwining only happens among the fae. However, you are probably correct to call it love.” He paused for a moment, before asking, “When you kissed me, were you thinking of him?”

I hung my head in shame as I nodded again.

“Then he is indeed a fortunate man.”

Despite the weight on my heart, I chuckled.

“Am I right to assume that you are planning to leave the court to search for him?” he asked sadly.

Meeting his eyes again, I blinked back tears that I didn’t deserve to cry and nodded. “I can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, but I can’t stay. I have someone out there who I love and who might still love me—I owe it to myself to find him and see what happens.”

“I was not untruthful when I said I cared for you, Lynnie. I really do want your happiness. If this boy is what it will take to give you joy, then I will support you whole-heartedly. I will even give you what assistance I can.” Aiden reached his hands out for mine. “However, I am going to dearly miss you.”

I wanted to say I would miss him too—but I wasn’t certain what the world held for me once I turned my back on the fae. I would always have fond memories of my time in the court, even if other things buried them over time.

“I’m sorry.” The statement was entirely too inadequate to sum up everything I wanted to say, but it was all I had.

“Maybe you can tell me a little about him? If he is what you need to find happiness, I would like to assist you in your search.”

I coughed out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. “You’ll think I’m an idiot if I tell you about him.”

“Maybe I think you are an idiot anyway?” Aiden joked.

Choking back a laugh, I swatted him playfully before lifting my gaze to stare at a spot on the ceiling. “He’s Rain,” I admitted in a whisper.

He froze in place. “Rain?” he asked quietly. He seemed solemn for a moment as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “If he is Rain then you are an idiot,” he said finally.

The tears I’d been holding back fell as a bark of laughter left me. “Probably! But I can’t help the way I feel. I’ve been haunted by what-ifs ever since he left me.”

“What happened?”

I told Aiden the basics of my reunion with Clay, how happy we’d been until it all went wrong, and how he’d saved my life by distracting his family at the critical time.

“Wait. Repeat that last part . . . he saved your life?”

I nodded.

“And he’s in the Rain? The Rain? As in the organization consisting of humans who are all hell-bent on destroying every other in existence?” Aiden asked in disbelief. “That Rain?”

I sobbed in response to his words. They were a sobering reminder of both the reality that might be waiting if I actually succeeded in finding Clay and of all the reasons he’d left me. Back then he might have been able to overlook his nature for me. Could he still?

Aiden wrapped his arm around me as I nodded again. “Do you believe that he loves you in return?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered as I nestled into his shoulder and allowed my tears to flow freely. “When he first left, I would have said yes without a doubt. He told me so often enough. But now . . . it’s been more than two years. What might have changed in that time?”

“Is he the reason you’d given up when I found you?”

Shaking my head, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. “He was the reason I lasted as long as I did before I gave up.”

Aiden asked a few more questions about Clay, showing a genuine interest in finding out more about the boy who’d stolen my heart. Aiden asked about Clay’s family and about the reason behind our separation. It seemed as though he wanted to help me reunite with Clay.

“I brought this for you from the kitchen,” Aiden said, holding up a bagged sandwich. “I had thought you might have been hungry after skipping dinner. Of course, I was not aware then that you intended to say goodbye. You should still have it though. Who knows when your next meal might be otherwise?”

He held it out to me, and I shook my head. “I can’t take that. If I’m leaving here, I need to have a clear head. I can’t have any more enchanted food.”

“When did you last eat?” he asked.

“Breakfast.”

“Then you probably only have a few hours’ worth of enchantment left at most,” he said, sounding worried by the prospect.

“I know.” After the first time the enchantments had worn off, on North Brothers Island, I’d conducted some experiments. Since then, I’d come to learn exactly how long I could go between eating enchanted food. I actually had less time than he thought. Because of the energy it took to keep my body heated, my fast metabolism burned through the enchantments quicker than most. I would be lucky to make it through the conversation and get back outside before the effects wore off entirely.

“Take this with you,” he said, pulling a smooth stone with a small hole in the middle from his pocket and pressing it into my palm.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It is a seeing stone. It is infused with fae magic, if you look through it, you will be able to see our world.”

“Why didn’t you just give this to me when we first met?”

“You can only see the world, you cannot join it like you are able to with the enchantments in our food. Take the stone. If you change your mind in the next few weeks, you will be able to find your way back home to us.”

Shaking my head, I placed the cool, smooth stone onto my bed. “I’ve enjoyed my time here, I really have. It’s helped me to heal in ways I never imagined possible. But it was never really my home,” I said softly. “And I won’t be coming back.”

Although I couldn’t explain my logic to Aiden, I was certain I was saying a permanent goodbye. Once I left, I would hunt for Clay until I found him. If he still loved me in return, if there wasn’t already a wife, kids, god knows what else with someone else, we could start our life together. If he didn’t . . . well, I probably wouldn’t survive long enough to return to the court anyway.

Standing, I pulled my bag from the side of the bed where it was resting, already packed and ready to go.

Aiden stood in front of me, blocking my path for a moment. “Are you confident about this course?” he asked quietly.

Reaching my hand up, I stroked his cheek gently. I honestly owed him more thanks than I was offering him, but there was nothing that could stop me from leaving any longer. My self-delusion that I could be happy with Aiden had run its course. All that remained was hope for a reunion with Clay. I was stronger now than I had been before. I could only hope Clay would be too. Together, maybe we could stand a chance against the world.

Rubbing my thumb gently along Aiden’s cheekbone, I pressed my mouth against his in one final goodbye kiss.

Unlike the goodbye kisses Clay and I had shared, there were no tears of regret or sorrow. No hint of promises to come. Rather than lingering as neither person was willing to be the first to give up, it was a proper goodbye kiss: swift and sure. Over almost before it started. I stepped away from Aiden and swept from the room—and from the court—before I could second-guess my judgment.

By the time I reached the street and turned back to look at the fae building resting on the East Meadow of Central Park, the last of the fairy enchantments were wearing off. Standing on the pathway facing what had been my shelter from the world for just over ten months, I watched as it faded away from my vision.