Julius and Anna met by chance a few days later when she and Freddie were starting off for a walk from their flat and he had come out of the office after seeing Tessa and Nell.
‘Hi, you two, going out before it gets too cold, could even be snow coming, it’s there in other parts of the country after all,’ he greeted them cheerfully.
‘Yes, we saw it on the news, I hope it comes here,’ Freddie said. ‘We’re going to find some dandelion leaves for Ozzie; they are his favourite. I’m going to look here.’ He ran towards the grass lawn in front of them.
Julius laughed and turned to her. ‘So what about that supper, Anna? Would you like to come out tomorrow night? Do you think Freddie could go to Lucy?’
‘I’ll ask her if she can have him… that would be great, thank you.’ Inside she felt shy, unsure and yet it would be churlish to turn him down and what reason could she give? This would be the first time she had gone out alone with a single man since Gary’s death, the others had been part of a group socialising together. Though Julius might not be single, she must not forget that.
‘Good, look forward to it, just let me know and I’ll pick you up about eight?’ His look was warm, his eyes lingering on her face and she warned herself not to read too much into his invitation, it was just a thank you for catching the thief and for not making a fuss over Cathie’s ham-fisted effort of getting her away from Simon.
In ten days they’d be gone, Philly and Sidney would return and the life here would slot back to how it had been before this Christmas and she and Freddie would be just a memory.
Later, in the village, they saw Lucy talking with a builder in her shop; she called Anna in and asked what she thought about a few new ideas she had to make the shop run more efficiently. When the builder had taken notes and left, Anna asked Lucy if she’d mind having Freddie on Tuesday night.
‘Julius feels so badly about Cathie accusing me of stealing the silver, he’s insisted on taking me out to supper in some new restaurant nearby.’ She hoped she sounded nonchalant as if it were no matter if she went or not. Freddie waited with bated breath, always happy to be with Benny.
‘Sure,’ Lucy had a rather annoying smile playing on her lips.
‘We won’t be late, I could pick him up on the way back,’ Anna said.
‘No, you must at least stay until after breakfast, mustn’t you, Freddie?’ Lucy put her arm round his shoulders. ‘And Benny goes back to school on Monday, so we won’t be able to see you so much then.’
‘Oh yes… please,’ Freddie enthused, and Anna had to agree, though it added to her anxiety of going out with Julius. She would not be able to use the excuse of having to collect Freddie. But why was she stressing about it? She was hardly a teenager on her first date.
But she had no idea of dating today, not that this was a date she tried to remind herself. It had been so long since she’d been out with anyone but Gary. Was this supper just a thank you for saving the castle untold lawyers’ fees and the general drama over accusing a woman of theft, or did he hope for more, and how much more? If only Daisy were here, she could ask her, she who was always dating, falling for someone. She didn’t like to ask Lucy, who was happily married. She must muddle along on her own, and anyway she was probably imagining such nonsense, Julius was surely hooked up with someone.
Julius picked her up at eight o’clock in a vintage Jensen-Healey. He laughed when he saw her expression. ‘Did you think I’d turn up in the Land Rover and in my wellies?’
‘I didn’t think about it, but this car is beautiful.’ She admired the slim lines of it lit up by the lights dotted round the quadrangle.
As he drove her away from the castle and out into the countryside, she forced herself not to think of this as a romantic interlude. She felt exhilarated to be here, driving in the dark in this beautiful car with Julius, and yet she told herself he was only asking her out because he felt indebted to her or even guilty for believing Cathie’s accusation.
They arrived at a long cottage with a thatched roof that had been transformed into a restaurant. There were baskets of evergreens and red berries lit up with coloured lights hanging outside. Inside, it was warm and intimate, with a few tables far enough apart to allow people to talk in peace.
Julius was obviously well known here, and Anna scolded herself for feeling a tinge of jealousy, wondering who else he had brought here. He had been so kind and welcoming to her and Freddie, but she must not forget he had his own life and once they’d returned to London, he’d slip back into it.
When they were settled, a bottle of wine open between them, Julius said, ‘So how have you and Freddie liked the change of being here in the country, away from London?’
‘Freddie loves it,’ Anna said, ‘all this open space, and Simon and Luke… and you too are so kind letting him help them with their work. He loves the freedom of the country; the open spaces, and I’ve all but decided to move closer to my brother, who lives in the country outside Bristol. Freddie looks on him as a sort of father figure.’ Why had she said this to Julius and why should he be interested?
‘It must be so difficult for you bringing him up alone while mourning his father,’ Julius said gently. ‘He is growing up now, so it’s only natural he misses a father, so perhaps it is a good idea if you moved near your brother.’
‘I think it is the best idea for us. I’ll have to stay where I am until the end of the summer term, I can’t let my pupils down and anyway it would be hard for Freddie to start a new school midway through the year,’ she explained.
‘Sounds good,’ he smiled, though she thought she detected a slight disappointment in his expression, before he changed the conversation, asking her what she wanted to eat, describing some of the dishes.
‘You seem to know the place well,’ she said.
‘Yes, it belongs to a friend, but he’s away today. It’s been open four months now and doing well.’
The wine and food were delicious, the ambience warm and romantic. Their eyes kept meeting and holding, and their hands touching as they lifted their glasses or stretched for the salt. Anna felt drawn to him, her body so frozen after Gary’s death now slowly thawing as if Julius held a flame and she was being lured towards it. She felt she knew him, though of course she did not, but she’d let this evening run as it was, not think of a future. The time was here and now.
As the evening progressed, Anna felt she must ask Julius more about himself. ‘And you?’ she said. ‘Are you married, close to someone?’
His face clouded, he looked down at his plate, ‘No, I had a long relationship, but it petered out. I think… although we don’t always want to face it, that romantic relationships have a shelf life. In a few fortunate people, it lasts a lifetime, but, after all, things happen, people change and not always together.’ He smiled at her, ‘Do you not think that?’
‘My marriage was so short but sometimes now I wonder how long it would have lasted. Gary was wonderful fun, but I do wonder if… though I know he would have loved Freddie, especially now as he’s such a good companion – he might have found having a baby annoying if … I was not completely free to drop everything whenever he wanted.’
‘I understand that, it’s right that people put their children first, especially in the beginning, but it does mean that you do lose some freedom, the ability to rush off together on some whim, though I think that’s a small price to pay for having a child.’ He stretched out and took her hand, holding it gently in his own. She liked the warmth of it, the feeling of connection.
‘Looking back, I don’t think that Gary was ready for that commitment, but Freddie is the best thing in my life and got me through those terrible times after Gary’s death.’ She realised she was telling Julius things she’d only discussed with a very few girlfriends. It must be the intimate ambience of the place that made her feel so comfortable with him.
‘He’s a great boy, you should be very proud of him, but I understand how he wants a father, so moving close to your brother might solve that. What about Gary’s family, has he any brothers?’ He still held her hand and she felt soothed by it, the pain she carried so long from losing Gary seeping away.
‘No, one sister living in Switzerland with their parents, his mother disappeared when he was young, though he has a lovely stepmother. They are very kind when I see them and help support us; they gave us a flat in London for a wedding present, where Freddie and I still live.’
He let go of her hand and paid the bill and they went out together to his car. To their amazement it was snowing, the ground quite covered and snowflakes swirling round them.
‘Freddie will love this, I hope it’s still here in the morning.’ She turned to him eager as a child herself.
He laughed, putting his arm round her and pulling her close, ‘It’s beautiful, but hell if you have to work outside. But I hope there’s enough for Freddie to build a snowman in the courtyard, in the morning.’
The cold crept through her coat with icy fingers, snatching away the intimacy that had coursed through her in that warm and intimate room.
They drove back through the pitch-black countryside, the headlights catching the dancing snowflakes in their beam. They sat in silence, each deep in their own thoughts. Anna felt a growing sadness that she was leaving here so soon, where both she and Freddie had been happy. She loved London, her job and her friends, but there was a magic here in the country she was reluctant to let go of and it wasn’t just this evening, the delicious dinner in a congenial place with Julius who she suddenly realised she cared for with feelings deeper than friendship.
They reached the castle and Julius turned off the engine outside the flat and they both sat there a moment, the dim beam of the outside lamp throwing soft shadows on their faces. And all of a sudden, he said, ‘I’m falling in love with you, Anna, I feel I’ve got to know you well while you’ve been here. I’ll understand if it’s not what you want. You’ve only got a few more days here, so I don’t want to start anything, much though I’d like to.’ He turned, smiling at her, taking her hand and holding it against his cheek.
His words surprised yet thrilled her and she answered hesitantly, ‘I don’t know what to say, I feel the same way about you and yet I’m afraid that it’s just a passing whim all tied up in the romance of this place, and when Freddie and I are back home, it will fizzle out… for both of us.’
‘For me it is more than a passing attraction,’ he said quietly, ‘I realised how much I cared for you when I saw that Jeep Wagoner outside the flat, such a masculine car so I assumed it belonged to a boyfriend.’ He smiled. ‘I felt so jealous and then so relieved when I saw it was Grania’s’
‘It belongs to her husband, he has masses of cars,’ she said, her heart lifting. ’But soon we’ll be gone,’ she reminded him, ‘and it will be difficult to see each other.’
‘It’s not as if you are going to the other side of the world. To be honest, I want to come in with you now, make love to you all night, but I don’t think it right for us to start anything that won’t end in a proper, long lasting relationship. We are not just two people who can indulge ourselves, take a gamble of where that leads, there’s Freddie and he wants a dad and I would love to be that for him, so I want to take this slowly, to be sure it would work for all of us.’
She laid her head on his shoulder. ‘You’re right,’ she said. Her body was primed for love and yet he spoke the truth, this relationship must be nurtured to include Freddie. There was nothing lonelier, she knew from her friends, as a bout of passion that ended in nothing.
‘I hate to leave you, but I want this to work,’ he kissed her face and they clung together passionately until he pulled himself away reluctantly, opened the door to the car and they both got out, the snowy air like a bolt of icy water on their passion. He unlocked the door for her and with one last kiss she went into the flat, her heart singing.
She slept well and when she woke she felt filled with a great sense of peace and happiness.
Julius rang her, his voice slightly hesitant as though the magic of the night might have evaporated in the morning.
‘How are you?’ he asked.
‘Very well, and you?’
‘Good, thanks. Are you collecting Freddie soon?’
‘Yes… and I’ll tell him about us,’ Anna said, a pang of doubt now squeezing at her. What if Freddie disagreed, wanted one of the other men, or none of them, to be his dad?
‘Let me know when you have and tell me what he says and we’ll go from there,’ Julius said, his voice flat now as though this was a business arrangement they were discussing, not a love story. He went on to say that if Freddie didn’t want him as a father they’d meet up another time, and she knew that would mean they must say goodbye.
When she was dressed, she went down to Lucy’s to fetch Freddie. It had stopped snowing now, but it lay quite heavily on the ground, perfect to build a snowman. The quadrangle was pristine white, except for tiny footsteps of a bird like stitches in the snow. She walked slowly down the hill, needing to think. Since Gary’s death she’d often been tortured by imagining his body, cold and dead, mangled in a car crash. Just occasionally she imagined him, as he must have been just before he died, standing tall full of life with the joy of the sun and sea. That is how she would always remember him, how he would have wanted it. If she could see him one more time to ask him whether or not she and Freddie should make their life with Julius, she was sure he’d say, ‘go for it, babe.’ She could almost hear his voice. She and Freddie had mourned him long enough, they would never forget him but it was time to move on.
She reached Wildwood House and rang the bell. Colin opened the door, he was rather harassed, the electrician had called Lucy to the shop, as the changes she wanted would not be right for the space and Benny and Freddie had rushed out to play in the snow in the garden without proper clothes on.
Anna was relieved that Lucy wasn’t here; she’d known she was having supper with Julius and she didn’t want to be quizzed on her evening. She guessed Lucy, like Daisy, Francy and Grania would instantly suss out it had been a romantic affair and bombard her with questions, but it was too soon, and she didn’t want it to be common knowledge if Freddie refused to accept Julius as a father or the spark she’d felt between them burnt out in a moment.
She managed to extract Freddie with a promise to have Benny up at the flat later to build a snowman in the castle walls. She took him for a walk along the banks of the now quiet river, though the water was still high. He ran here and there, throwing snowballs in the icy water, running in circles, leaving his footprints, or poking about in the bank until she called him to her.
‘I want to ask you something, Freddie, something very important.’ She took his hand, studied his face lifted to hers, now serious as he waited. ‘You said you wanted a dad for Christmas.’
‘Yes, I want one of my own. I like Uncle Robert, but it’s not the same.’
‘No, well what would you think if… Julius wanted to be your dad?’
‘Julius and Felix?’ He stared up at her, his eyes wide, hope on his face.
‘Yes, he told me he loves us both and would love to be your dad.’ She waited, her nerves stretched, what if he said he preferred Luke or Simon?
Freddie jumped up and down. ‘Yes, yes, when can he be my dad, how long will it take?”
‘We must tell him first,’ she said, deeply relieved that the idea pleased him. She pushed aside the thought that he might have reacted the same way if Simon or Luke had been the one.
‘So when will that be?’ he asked eagerly. ‘Will it be today?’
‘I don’t know, but I’ll text him when we get back or leave a message and he’ll come to see us when he can.’
Freddie was silent for a moment. They were walking back now towards the castle. A cold wind bit through them and she hurried him along, longing to be back in their snug little flat and to absorb this new development in their lives, though she expected his more immediate thought would be to build a snowman.
‘Will Julius and Felix come and live with us in London?’ he asked.
‘We haven’t made plans yet, but Julius has his job here and I have mine in London.’ She wondered now herself how it would all pan out. She’d stressed so much about telling Freddie that she hadn’t worked out how they could live together. Neither she nor Julius could up sticks and leave their jobs straight away and it would not be good for Freddie to change schools just as the new term was starting, and anyway there might not be a place for him in one here.
They’d reached the top of the hill now and the castle stood before them, the snow sparkling on the battlements. Freddie let go her hand and ran over the drawbridge laughing, as he loved the way it creaked and shuddered when people or cars went over it. She followed him and he ran through the small tunnel and out into the quadrangle now covered in its blanket of snow. She heard him shout and she hurried after him.
‘Wait, Freddie,’ she called as she saw all three Land Rovers parked by the main door of the castle and a long ladder up to the roof and Julius, Luke and Simon standing around looking upwards. Nell and Tessa were there too.
Freddie ran up to them, Anna close behind.
‘Julius is going to be my dad, my very own dad,’ Freddie called out excitedly, running to him and hugging his knees.
‘What? What do you mean, Freddie?’ Simon asked him.
Julius bent down and stroked his head. Anna arrived beside them, out of breath. He looked up and caught her eyes, his face wreathed in smiles. Felix, alerted by the commotion, appeared from somewhere and barked and wagged his tail, and Rusty, who was allowed out at last, caught the mood and skittered about barking as well.
‘Sorry, I didn’t know you’d all be here, has something happened?’ Anna said, anxiously.
Nell said, ‘There’s a large crack in that drainpipe, caused by the cold I suppose. You see that lump of ice round it. It’s probably been gently leaking for ages, we noticed a damp patch in our office a couple of days ago. But it seems something more important has happened, are congratulations on the cards?’ Nell said, taking in the scene.
Julius reached out and clasped her hand, pulling her to him. ‘Meet my new family,’ he said. ‘I’m the luckiest man alive to have Anna and Freddie in my life.’
‘Wonderful news, so you’ll have to stay here,’ Luke said, his face wreathed in smiles. ‘Or will you move to London?’ he said with less excitement, turning to Julius.
Freddie looked confused. ‘I’d like to live here,’ he said, ‘with all of you and we could go to London sometimes and see my friends and all my godmothers.’
Julius said, ‘It’s early days and plans must be made that suit all of us.’
‘Well you can help me build a snowman now,’ Freddie pulled on his arm. ‘That’s what dads do.’
‘Go on, Dad, build a snowman, we can do without you here,’ Luke teased him, ‘though I’d like to build one too.’
‘So would I,’ Simon said, ‘let’s see how quickly we can do it and then we’ll mend your pipe, Nell, it won’t take us long.’
There was much laughter and ragging about and the dogs joined in.
Anna watched them, all enclosed by this great castle, parts of which dated back forever. A castle for Christmas, she thought, as she watched Freddie excitedly building a snowman alongside his ‘Dad’, had brought her the best present ever.
We hope you enjoyed this book.
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