Anna slept badly, the combination of good food and wine and the general revelry and the music from the previous evening now kept her awake in the silence of the flat. But far more potent than any of this was her kiss with Julius. It meant nothing, she told herself firmly, and it was New Year, when feelings and desires became exaggerated. It was a time people got caught up in the swing of it, a new year, a new start. They set themselves new sights, signed up for the gym, learnt a new language, travelled further afield, altogether set on improving themselves, perhaps also to fall in love or even end a long affair going nowhere.
They’d kissed, so what? Tomorrow, after the night’s revelries, everyone would feel jaded and a little sheepish.
She tossed and turned stressing about everything, the pressures of a new year and a fresh slate overwhelming her. Should she up sticks and move close to Robert, though how could she leave the children she taught? Perhaps it would be best if she left the castle now, she was stabbed with an intense feeling of homesickness. She had been told the most important part to cover for Philly and Sidney was the Christmas and New Year time, but after that, when the holiday period was over and everyone was back at work, it would surely be easy enough for someone else to step in? If she and Freddie stayed another three days or so, surely people could be found for the last two weeks?
But what would Freddie think of her decision? He loved the freedom here, being able to run out and play in the quadrangle, which only had the occasional car coming up, unlike London with its constant flow of traffic; though there’d surely be much more activity to prepare for the wedding in a few days’ time, so he’d have to take care. The wedding – hadn’t she promised Julius she’d join them to mingle about among the guests to keep an eye out for any trouble? Would it really matter if she weren’t there?
She got up, dressed and drank copious cups of coffee. She and Freddie were the only people here on the hill in this vast castle and now, in the mood she was in, it all seemed too quiet. She was so used to living in a street with the constant hum of the traffic and the planes overhead that the silence here unsettled her. Her head was buzzing, overly caffeinated and consumed with indecision. She was relieved when Freddie woke up and trailed into the living room, his hair on end.
‘I didn’t need to come back, I could have stayed with Benny,’ he greeted her, grumpy and overtired. He threw himself on to the sofa and reached for the remote control.
‘It was very kind of Julius to bring us back, and Benny’s family are probably exhausted after the party. Shall I boil you an egg for breakfast?’ She tried to sound cheerful not wanting to provoke an argument or indeed have television so early.
There was a slight row over that, but at last she got him to sit down and have some toast.
Lucy rang an hour or so later and said would they like to join a few of them for a walk before it got dark, Benny was coming and possibly his sisters, so he hoped Freddie would be there too. Anna agreed, which perked up Freddie, and they went down to the village, all meeting up outside Lucy’s shop, which looked damp and sad with the paintwork peeling and one of the windows cracked.
Anna wondered if Julius would be there and how he would greet her. She’d decided on the walk down that she’d behave as if nothing more than a New Year’s kiss had happened and would not happen again, though she was probably making too much of it, anyway. It was the first passionate kiss she’d had since Gary’s death, so she was bound to think it more important than it was. But Julius was not there.
Apart from Lucy, Colin and their children, the girls grumbling and moaning against the cold, there was Tessa and Nell and, to Freddie’s delight, Simon with Rusty on a lead, who he handed over to him, and Gail, her blond hair escaping from her fur hat, who said she was looking for interesting berries and leaves for her floral displays for the wedding.
‘Might you get a dog, Freddie seems to love them,’ Simon asked Anna as they found themselves walking side by side across some fields in a neighbouring farm where there were no signs of flooding. The earth beneath their feet was hard-ridged like corrugated iron.
‘It’s difficult in London as I’m out all day teaching, but maybe we will move away, perhaps to the country, this year,’ she said.
‘So you’re leaving London?’
‘I’m seriously thinking of moving near my brother. Freddie is so happy here in the open air,’ She watched him leading Rusty and running round with Benny, his face shining with happiness. Her morbid thoughts of scurrying home before the month was up were now firmly behind her. ‘Have you any children?’ she asked Simon, feeling she’d said enough about her own life.
‘Yes, I have a daughter,’ Simon said, to her surprise. ‘She’s only three and I go and visit when I can. Usual story,’ he smiled ruefully at her, ‘her mother and I probably should never have married, but she was pregnant and… well it didn’t last long. We’re great friends really as long as we don’t have to live together.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Does your daughter come here sometimes?’
‘No, not yet. I hope she’ll come and stay when she’s older, but just now it would be difficult keeping her safe while I work. It’s great for an older child, like Freddie, but she’s too young yet.’
‘I understand. So you didn’t see her at Christmas?’
‘No, she went with her mother to her grandparents in France, but we had an early Christmas together. But Freddie…’ he paused, ‘well, I’m so sorry about your story, his father being killed like that. But he’s a great lad and I see how he misses a father, or rather a close male figure, in his life now he is older, so moving near your brother sounds an ideal solution.’ They were walking together a short step from the others who seemed to be having a deep discussion – quite heated at times – about the flood damage and the incompetence of the local authority. His voice was gentle as he turned to face her. ‘What about you, do you have anyone special?’
‘No, I haven’t, I haven’t really thought about it with having Freddie to look after, juggling childcare with my job.’ She smiled, ‘But I feel so lucky to have Freddie, he is the most important thing in my life.’
Before Simon could respond, Julius and Luke appeared, walking fast in unison over the rutted ground.
‘Hi,’ Luke greeted them, ‘I feel better now, thought I must come out and hoped I’d find you all going this way. I felt so rough when I woke up.’
‘Not surprised the amount you put back,’ Simon joked and the moment for confidences between them was broken.
Julius smiled at her and made another joke about Luke and slotted in beside them, next to Simon, discussing some steps they should take with the council over the flood damage.
Freddie, closely followed by Benny, ran back to them with Rusty on the lead.
It was getting colder, the day drawing in, the sky pewter grey. They all decided to turn back.
‘’Bout time too, I’m almost frozen to the ground,’ one of Lucy’s girls grumbled, hunching into her coat, her hands deep in her pockets.
They walked down the other side of the field nearer to a bend in the river, the ground was muddy here and Anna almost slipped over. Simon caught her arm and even when she had righted herself he kept hold of it, linking it in his and they walked back together like that. It was a comforting feeling being so close to him, their steps in time with each other even on the rough ground. Perhaps he felt an affinity with her now he had told her about his daughter.
They took a shortcut back and reached a stile. Simon jumped over and stayed there ready to help her, then Tessa and Nell over, though they brushed him off being quite capable of getting over by themselves.
Rusty, not sure about the stile, excitedly broke free from Freddie, Benny jumped to catch him but failed and Rusty bolted away. Freddie shrieked and Simon jumped back over the stile, calling his dog back, but Rusty seemed not to hear and kept on running.
‘I didn’t mean to let him go,’ Freddie said in a shocked voice.
‘Don’t worry,’ Julius said to him, ‘Simon will get him back, he’ll soon learn to come when he’s called.’
Anna felt concerned that the little dog seemed to have no notion of obedience though the rest of the group went on without Simon and Rusty, and Luke went back to help him, telling Freddie who wanted to go back too not to worry, Rusty would soon be caught.
Freddie slipped his hand in Anna’s and walked back with her. The joy in the responsibility he’d felt leading Rusty now turned into tiredness and he dragged his feet until Benny said, ‘Race you,’ and the two boys sped off across the grassy field, through the trees, only stopping when they reached the road. Looking back, they were relieved to see Simon and Luke coming behind them with Rusty trotting beside them.
‘All this open space must be wonderful for him after London,’ Julius said, now walking beside her with Tessa on her other side. ‘Pity you can’t stay here.’
‘I’ve got to get back to my job, I’ve a classroom of small children waiting for me,’ she said to him.
‘We have plenty of schools here,’ Julius said lightly, his glance warm on her face, for a moment making her wish they could stay here with all the pleasant people they’d met and the beauty of the countryside, but that was just wishful thinking and their time was nearly up.