Chapter 14
Ella
Sometimes I wish I could control the way my mind works. It’s confusing, even to me. One moment I’m regretting telling Slick to stay away, and the next I’m wishing he was here. He’s kept in touch by phone, but I can’t help but wonder whether there’s things he’s not telling me. If he was here I’d be able to see if he was holding anything back.
I’m so worried about Jayden, distressed at what’s been going on in her life. Feeling so useless there’s nothing I can do. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own misery I might have noticed something was wrong and been able to put a stop to it before it had gone so far.
And when I start thinking down that route I’m glad I told Slick to give me some space. I never meant to tell anyone about what had happened to me, now having disclosed my nightmare I’ve got to come to terms with it all over again.
I’d appreciated Slick taking some of the blame, but at the end of the day, either of us could have stopped it but didn’t. And the result was to expose me to animalistic behaviour that I didn’t even know humans were capable off, my body used totally out of my control. That I got out with my sanity is a miracle, the level of abuse forced upon me unbelievable. I’m torn into pieces, and I’m not sure it’s going to be possible to put myself back together.
Because I’d walked voluntarily, if not knowingly into the situation, I’d been believing I deserved what happened to me. But Slick’s reaction has at least made me put that first foot on the road toward considering maybe I wasn’t asking for the treatment I’d received. And it certainly doesn’t hurt knowing the vast majority of my abusers are dead and will never be able to molest any woman ever again. That fact allowing me to sleep easier in my bed. An extreme punishment, but one I deem fitting. They’re gone, they don’t deserve to have a place even in my nightmares. My conscious brain knows it, but I’ve still got to convince myself in my sleep.
This space away from Slick has been necessary to start to process what happened and permit myself to begin to move forward. Will I ever get over it? That’s the million-dollar question, and there’s no way of knowing. But hiding away, trying to cope on my own hasn’t helped much. Perhaps Slick’s right, and I should try counselling. For the first time since it happened I’m making a conscious decision that while I can’t wipe the slate clean, I can try and work past it. Maybe talking with a professional could facilitate that.
Whichever way I look at it, while I’m taking the first step, it’s one hell of a long road I’ll be having to travel. And while he says he will now, how much time will it take before Slick gets impatient and gives up? Slick’s a man with needs I can’t fulfil.
Being left alone has been useful. I’ve started looking to a future where I can deal with my past. That is, when I’m not worrying about Jayden.
When I went around to see her my heart had fallen. If anything, she looked even worse than the last time I’d seen her. She was sullen and non-communicative, and now I had evidence it’s not just a teenage phase. I felt so sorry and useless.
It was easy to drop the tiny bug Road had delivered to me into her purse, far harder not to divulge I knew anything about what is going on. At several points during our conversations I had to bite my tongue, knowing Slick’s right. If I let on that I know who she’s meeting she’ll only clam up. And if they’re holding threats over her she certainly wouldn’t be admitting it. Limiting myself to gentle probes, I hoped she’d let something escape on her own, but I got little more than grunts out of her.
I wish to God I could lock her away, keep her safe so she never has to see them again. It kills me I’ve got to let her continue with whatever her plans are for seeing this man one more time so the Devils can do what they do best and deal with the problem in a permanent way.
I manage to hide my distress while I’m speaking to her, but as soon as I leave I stagger as the emotion hits me, and walk home with the tears running down my face. Oh Jayden, why did you have to get involved in something like this? How is it possible this Sy and Diego managed to corrupt such a sweet girl? Such things shouldn’t happen—it’s something you read about, something that happens to somebody else, not a member of your own family. Just how did they manage to reel her in?
Slick listened to me cry on the phone after I’d come back from seeing Jayden, not saying a word as I let it all out. Strangely his silent support gave me strength to go on.
It’s Thursday today, getting near the end of the week, and I’m a complete mess. Contemplation of my own problems has become overshadowed with fear for my sister. Nervous anticipation has me hanging by the phone wondering whether this will be the day when their plan to save Jayden is put into action. Now the worry revolves around my dread that something will go wrong and she’ll end up getting hurt. I desperately want to call the whole thing off, but Slick is adamant. Their plan, he’s told me, is the only way to get her out cleanly and give her a chance at a normal life.
As usual I dress in jeans to walk to work, only changing into the clothes my boss provides for his staff when I get there. Entering the bar I see it’s already busy—there’s a stag party in, never a good sign. I take a deep breath as I approach their table and, not totally unexpected, as I stand with my tray full of drinks a man tries to grope me, his hand going up under my too short skirt. I jump back in horror, and glasses and bottles go smashing to the ground.
“For fuck’s sake, Ella! How many more times?” Of course the owner of the bar has to be in tonight, doesn’t he? He continues to shout, “Get this mess cleaned up and then go behind the fuckin’ bar. If you can’t pull yourself together and serve customers properly you’re fired.”
As I crouch down to sweep up the fragments of glass and then mop up the liquid, lewd comments fly at me from the already drunk men. I try to ignore them, concentrating on doing the job that I hate. Though I’ve been trying to find different work for weeks, there’s nothing else out there. If I lose my position at the bar I won’t be able to afford to live.
“Nice rack there, babe.” I’m bent over with a dustpan and brush and can do nothing about the amount of cleavage on display. My cheeks redden and my hands start shaking.
“Nice ass too. Fancy giving me a lap dance?” Please shut up.
“What time d’ya get off, sweetheart? Wanna party with us?” I can’t even respond. My vision feels blurry, I’m finding it hard to breathe. Don’t let me pass out. But I can’t help it, my legs start trembling…
“Back off. She’s under our protection.” I hear a deep voice full of menace speaking from behind me. Twisting around I see Road, his face full of concern as he reaches out his hand and helps me to my feet. “Reckon it’s time for your break, darlin’.”
Throwing a pointed look toward my boss, I dismiss his suggestion. “I’ve got to clean this up, Road. I’ll be fired if I don’t. It was my fault I dropped the glasses…”
“It wasn’t your fault. It was the fuckers at this table. And now they’re gonna clean up the mess that they caused.”
The men laugh loudly as if he’s made a joke. Road flexes his impressive muscles and reaches out to grab the collar of the nearest man, coincidentally the one who’d first groped me. Pulling him out of his seat and easily forcing him to his knees, he indicates the floor. “I said, you’re gonna clean up this shit. Understand?”
The man’s shirt is bunched round his neck and as his eyes rise to meet Road’s, the prospect prompts, “Well? We gonna have a problem? Or are you gonna get busy?” He pulls the dustpan out of my hands and throws it down in front of the man kneeling on the ground.
The other men sit stunned. Compared to Road they’re scrawny. It takes a few seconds, but then there’s a collective nod. As Road releases him the man picks up the brush and starts sweeping.
“What the fuck’s going on?” The bar owner has had his eyes on me the whole time, and now comes over. He looks as angry as hell.
“Road, my job…”
His eyes softening as they meet mine, the prospect gives me a little nudge, “Just go take your break, honey. You can leave him to me.”
I don’t need much encouragement. While the table of men have quieted and most of them are watching their friend at work, one is openly staring and almost raping me with his eyes with an expression there I’ve seen before. It promises retribution, and of the kind I wouldn’t enjoy.
With Road having my back, making myself scarce suddenly seems a very good idea. Feeling decidedly woozy, I make my way out back, sitting at the table in the break room and putting my head in my hands. This isn’t how I used to be. Men such as them never use to faze me. I’d normally have a good comeback to hand when men came onto me. I wouldn’t have survived in this job for long if I hadn’t. But since going into the Rock Demons’ clubhouse, all that has changed, and now my reaction is to panic instead of being able to brush off their approaches. I’d found out what happened when you stood up to a man.
Whatever Road says, after tonight it’s probably a certainty I’ll no longer even have this job. A tear escapes and I wipe it away, angry at the fuck up I’ve become. That one night was all that was needed to take my self-confidence away. I’m as much of a mess as the drinks that I’d spilled.
Deep in my self-recrimination, the vibration in my pocket takes a second to register. Shit, it’s my phone. Taking it out I see it’s Slick calling, and my now still hands start to shake once again. He knows I’m at work. He wouldn’t be ringing now, unless… Could this be it?
“Hi.” My greeting sounds tremulous.
And then I’m on my feet as he tells me without any preamble. “We’ve got Jayden. We’re takin’ her to the clubhouse.”
“You’ve got her?” That’s fantastic. And then his second statement sinks in. “Why there? Slick, just take her home and I’ll meet you. Or bring her to my place, that’s the best idea. You can’t take her to your club.” Not with bikers. Hasn’t she been through enough?
“Babe, look, she’s in a bad way. Don’t think she’s hurt, but she’s drunk and possibly drugged. We’re gettin’ Doc to come in and take a look at her.”
No! Oh, Jayden! What’s happened to you? But whatever it is, “Slick, I can look after her. I’ll make sure she’s alright. Bring her to me.”
“El, you’re going to be lookin’ after her, but back at the club. You’re not gonna win this, so don’t even try arguin’. There’s very good reason why she can’t go home. I know this is hard for you, darlin’, but you want to keep her safe, don’t you?”
I bite my lip. The thought of being surrounded by bikers chills me, especially after tonight when I couldn’t even cope with one table of men. How could I even consider it? But Jayden’s going to be there. I can’t leave her alone. Not in a place like that!
I breathe deeply, unable to think of any alternative. He’s basically kidnapped her and is holding it over my head. I need to be with her. After a moment I tell him, “Okay, but just for tonight.” I’ll bring her home in the morning. Then the practicalities hit. “But Slick, I’ve got no transport.”
“Can you get Tilly’s car?”
I very much doubt she’d deign to give me the time of day right now. “I don’t think so.”
There’s a pause, then, “Fuck, I don’t want to do this, but okay, give me a moment.”
He ends the call and I’m left staring at the phone wondering what’s going on, the overriding desire to get to my sister as soon as I possibly can taking hold.
It’s only minutes later that the door to the break room bursts open and Road’s standing there. “Come, hon. Slick wants me to give you a ride to the clubhouse.”
He means on his bike. I’ve only ridden with Slick, and only the one time. I’m nervous about being behind someone else, having to hold onto another man. “I’ve not ridden much,” I tell him, explaining my reluctance. “I can get a taxi.” But I can’t afford it…
“Sweetheart, the quickest way is to come with me. You’ll be perfectly safe. I ride in competition. You can trust me.” He looks at me earnestly. “Your sister needs you.”
Those four words are the right ones to get me moving. Without delaying further, I grab my purse and jacket and we go out into the night. Dressed in my short waitress uniform, I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, but I get on behind him, hitching up my skirt and trying to anchor it under my butt. He pauses to tell me, “Don’t have a helmet for you, Ella, just hold onto me tight.”
It seems strange to put my arms around a man I don’t know, but awkwardly I do so, trying to keep nothing but thoughts of Jayden in my head as we travel through Tucson and head out into the desert. Road goes slower than Slick does, cornering with care, and soon I relax, feeling I’m in good hands. I don’t enjoy the ride. It’s not like being behind Slick, and I’m overly conscious that my ass is slipping against, and my breasts are pressing into, the back of a relative stranger.
But Road does nothing to upset me. As he pauses for the gates to the compound to open he reaches back and pats my thigh, a non-sexual touch of comfort. And then we’re inside. I slide off, trying hard not to flash anyone who could be looking as the prospect parks up his bike. Then with the comforting presence of the big man at my side remembering how he stood up for me earlier tonight, I approach the clubhouse.
Jayden. Just think of Jayden. My heart’s in my mouth as I take that first step inside, flashbacks returning of walking into the Rock Demons’ club. But the difference is immediately apparent as I step into what seems like organised chaos. There’s men standing around, but they’re not fucking or partying. Their voices sound angry.
Before I can begin to process the sight in front of me, a woman rushes over.
“Hi, I’m Sam. I’m Drummer’s old lady. We haven’t met before. Come, you must be anxious to see your sister. Hey, you douchebags, shift yourselves and give her some space.”
I flinch, fearing what I expect to happen when a woman speaks sharply to these already riled leather-clad men. But she seems to have no problem keeping the raucous bikers away. At her instruction they part, clearing a path with good natured grunts. Quickly I follow her, trying to tamp my own fear down, focusing on Jayden as it’s her who matters now.
Overly conscious that the waitress uniform my boss makes me wear is so short it’s all but indecent, I put down my skirt as far as it will go and wait for the leers and crude comments, or the hands reaching out to touch. But as I go through the throng I survive unmolested. Still, my breathing comes easier when we leave the men behind.
Following Sam, I pass the crash rooms where, from my previous time here I know member’s sleep or fuck when they can’t make it back to their own rooms. Sam stops by a door, her hand on the handle. “Jayden needs you now, Ella. You can sit with her until she wakes up.”
She’s not awake?
Stepping inside, frightened of what I might find, I waste no time rushing over to my young sister who’s lying on a bed. The prospect, Marsh, I remember, is hovering, his face anxious, and Doc’s setting up some sort of IV.
“Ella.” He offers a quick smile of recognition, but it quickly turns to a frown.
“How is she, Doc? What’s the matter with her? Why isn’t she conscious?” My words tumble out.
Patiently he explains, “Your sister was barely with it when they found her, and she passed out in the truck. As far as I can tell she’s been plied with too much alcohol and probably drugged with some sort of date rape drug. I’m givin’ her saline to help rehydrate her, and a glucose solution too. She’s gonna be fine, but will probably have one fuck of a hangover when she wakes up.”
My voice catches in my throat. “Has she been…?”
His eyes go cold. “I’ve taken some samples to see what we’re dealin’ with. But I’d say yes. I’m testin’ for pregnancy and STDs.”
Oh Jayden. It’s not fair. She’s so young. Doc steps back as I move to the bed and take hold of her hand. It’s feels cold and her breathing seems shallow. As I touch her arm the sheet falls away.
“She’s almost naked!” All she’s got on is a torn top.
“I was on my way to get her some clothes when you arrived. I’ll go grab something now.” Then wasting no more time, Sam disappears out of the room.
I look toward Doc. “Are you sure she’ll be alright?” It comes out as a hoarse whisper.
Placing a hand on my shoulder, he gives what comfort he can. “As far as I can tell, physically she just needs to sleep it off. But I ain’t gonna lie. Something like what she’s been through? That would hit anyone hard.” His eyes narrow. “I reckon ya know a bit about that.”
My cheeks redden as I realise he knows from when he had to visit me at home.
He sees my look of consternation. “Slick’s worried about ya. He’s spoken to me about gettin’ ya professional help.” Then he gestures toward Jayden. “Think about counsellin’, Ella. She’s gonna need it. And if you go too, it might make it easier for her.”
And Jayden’s the important one now.
Telling me he’ll be back later to check up on her, Doc leaves the room. The prospect Marsh is still here, and I’m not sure why he’s stayed. As my head tilts he interprets my action.
He coughs and looks embarrassed. “I brought her back,” he starts to explain. “She’s the same age as my young sister.” He breaks off. His hands go up to rest on the top of his head, his fingers interlinked. “If you don’t mind, Ella, I’d like to stay to make sure she’s okay. Fuck, no one, especially not a young girl, should have to fuckin’ suffer like this.” His eyes fall on Jayden again. “It broke my fuckin’ heart to know what she went through there.”
I nod in astonishment, his behaviour not at all what I expected. His palpable concern for my sister means I give my permission. He takes the chair I vacate as I lie on the bed, holding Jayden as best I can while trying not to disturb the fluids running into her.
Shortly after, the door opens again. Marsh leaps up and goes to lean against the wall as Slick comes over and squeezes my arm. When I look up at him my eyes feel sore and must be red-rimmed from the tears that have been silently falling.
“She’s safe now.” He speaks gently, but his jaw is clenched as he looks at my sister.
I too glance at Jayden, my gut clenching as I again see the IV running into her arms and remember the tests Doc’s ordered. What she’s been through could break anyone. I lift my face back to Slick and say in despair, “How’s she going to deal with this, Slick?”
“With my help,” he says firmly. “Both of you are going to be fine. It might be a long journey, but I’ll get you there.” That he sounds so adamant and determined and without a glimmer of doubt, gives me a flicker of hope that he might be right.
I’m feeling uncomfortable, but hadn’t wanted to leave her. It’s embarrassing, but, “Slick, could you sit with her a moment. I need to…” I point to the adjacent bathroom.
“Yeah, I’ll watch her while you take a piss.” His mouth quirks.
But when I stand up, trying to pull that darn skirt down, his brow creases and he scowls. “Fuck woman, what are you wearin’?”
Realising he’s never seen me at work, I tell him, “It’s the uniform I have to wear at the bar.”
He closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them again he seems to be biting his tongue, so I rush in before he can say anything. “I’m trying to get another job, Slick, but…”
“I’ll find you somethin’. Maybe at the Wheel Inn. You’re not goin’ back there, El. And before you say anythin’ else, Road told me what happened with the fuckin’ stag party.” He sounds angry, but I’m not going to argue. It would be a weight off my mind if I didn’t have to go back. But if I lose that job before getting another, I won’t make my rent.
I look down at Jayden, her chest rising and falling, her body twitching in her uneasy sleep. “Let’s not argue this now, Slick. Please?”
He looks like he’s got more to say but swallows it back down. He glances around at Marsh, who’s stayed silent, his arms folded across his chest, his legs slightly apart. “You stay in here, Prospect. Don’t leave them alone for a moment. And keep any fuckin’ nosy douchebags away. Got it?”
The younger man gives a sharp nod. “Got it.”
Slick reaches out his hand. “Go do your business, El, and then I’ll have to leave ya for a bit. There’s somewhere I’m needed.” As his eyes land on Jayden his mouth tightens. I’m not stupid, it concerns her. “Oh, and ring yer mom. She’ll be wonderin’ where Jayden is. Can you tell her she’ll be stayin’ with you or a friend for a few days? We’d like to keep the both of you here until we know whether there’s gonna be any fallout.”
I huff a mirthless laugh. “That won’t be a problem. Mom probably won’t notice she’s gone.” Then I realise what he’s said. “Slick, the last thing I want is to stay here. Why can’t I take her home? She’ll be better off there.”
He fixes me with an intense stare. “El, I know how you feel about the club. Believe me, I’d let you go if I didn’t think there was any danger. But we can’t fuckin’ rule anythin’ out after tonight.” His eyes narrow when I start shaking my head. “Ella, listen to me. You know I can’t tell you what went down, but I can assure ya, you’ll be safe here. Both of you.” It’s said as a vow.
Hoping he’s right, and unable to delay any longer, I nod then disappear into the bathroom, do the necessary as quickly as I can, and hurry back. As I return the door opens and Sam steps in carrying a bundle. She spares a sympathetic glance for the girl on the bed and then looks at me. “I’ve got clothes for Jayden, and some for you too.” Her mouth twists as her eyes go to my skirt. “Thought you’d like a bit more covering.”
“Thank fuck for that!” Slick jerks his chin toward her, then turns to me. “I’m leavin’ you in safe hands, darlin’. And I’ll be back just as soon as I can.”
With Marsh standing sentry, and Sam looking like she’s going to keep me company too, I feel safer than expected in this rough biker club.