Chapter 22
Ella
Having spent the night in Slick’s bed, where I slept surprisingly well, I awake feeling nicely refreshed this morning. Slick had dressed and before he’d left he’d placed another chaste kiss on my lips. When he’d I’d laid my fingers against my mouth like a giddy young girl, leaving them there for a moment while thinking how unexpectedly tender such a rugged biker could be.
When I returned to our room I’d just finished showering and dressing as Jayden started stirring. Noticing her eyes looked clearer than the day before, I feel relief that the drugs and alcohol now seem to be out of her system.
“How you doing, Jayden?”
She sits up in bed, making herself comfortable before she replies, “I’m feeling fine, Ella. My headache’s gone at last.”
Going over, I sit beside her, taking one of her hands in mine. At least now it feels warm to the touch. I tap my finger to her forehead. “How you doing in there?”
She looks down to where our hands are clasped, and I give hers a squeeze. “I don’t feel like a kid anymore.”
That one sentence makes me want to cry. She’s fourteen-years-old for fuck’s sake, still only a child. Yet her innocence has been taken away.
“We’ll get you some help to put this behind you.”
Now she’s looking at me, her eyes wide and scared. “I don’t want to live with Mom again. She leaves me alone so much. I’m scared. What if they come after me?”
“You won’t have to,” I say firmly. “You can live with me.” But how am I going to support her when I can’t even support myself? My job at the bar—if I haven’t lost that already—barely provides enough to support one.
“Do I have to go back to school?”
“You’re only fourteen, sweetie. Of course you have to go back. But not for a while. We have to stay here for now, remember?”
She frowns, and her teeth worry her lip. “How long for, Ella? I mean, I don’t mind it here. Everyone’s been so nice. But I can’t have a normal life while I’m here.”
As I explain I have no idea, I consider again how her view of the compound is so different than mine. She sees protective men when she looks at the bikers wearing their cuts. I see monsters. Then I think of Slick holding me through the night, and a voice at the back of my head asks whether I’m wrong not to even give them a chance?
“I’m hungry.”
As if in an answer my own stomach growls. We both look at each other and giggle. If I text Slick I’m sure he’d get a prospect to come up with something to eat. Or… Conscious I need to make an effort, I come to a decision. “Go have a shower and freshen up, then we’ll go to the clubhouse. See what we can find to feed us.”
Someone’s left us some magazines, and I flick through the glossy pages while waiting for her to get ready. When she finally appears, pulling her blonde hair into a messy bun, I stop reading gossip about celebrities I don’t give a damn about and stand.
“Ready?”
We step outside into the sunshine, and I breathe in the fresh air.
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it? I didn’t take much notice yesterday.” Standing beside me, Jayden looks in wonder at the scenery. Living in the city we don’t appreciate the area we live in as much as we probably should. “You know, seeing the desert around us makes me think of something I’ve always wanted to do?”
“What’s that, hun?”
“Go to the Arizona-Sonara Desert Museum. They’ve got fossils and rocks, as well as the animals there. Oooh. And snakes!”
Snakes I can live without. “You’ve never been?” I went once, but way back when.
She jerks her head side to side. “No, Mom couldn’t afford it when my class went.”
She sounds like an enthusiastic child. “You like fossils, huh?”
Now she’s nodding.
“Tell you what, as soon as we can, I’ll take you. Okay?”
As she jumps up and down in excitement I realise Jayden’s not completely lost, just that the lines have been blurred.
“Come on, let’s go eat.” I take her hand, trying to keep up as she skips along beside me.
“Ella! Wait up!”
Surprised I turn around, pulling Jayden to a halt. It’s Jill trying to catch up with us. But instead of anything anywhere near approaching a friendly greeting, she narrows her eyes and gestures back at the building we’ve just come from.
“What are you doing back at the compound? And why you stayin’ with Slick? And what’s she fuckin’ doing here?”
Taken aback by her vehemence, I wonder how to explain. “Jayden’s my sister, the club’s giving her protection.”
“She’s too young to be here. I don’t know what Drummer is thinkin’ lettin’ her stay. And you, what you doing with Slick? You’re not his old lady anymore. You ran away and left him. He won’t be taking you back. I had to comfort him when you disappeared.”
Understanding what she’s insinuating, which, for some stupid reason makes me feel sick to my stomach, I pull myself up to my full height, which is only an inch taller than hers, and retort, “Whatever he is or isn’t is nothing to do with you.” And I’d once thought she was my friend?
As her head shakes it’s clear she doesn’t believe me. “I know what went on. It’s all the brothers are talking about. How you went to another club ended up pulling a train. Fuck, Ella. You were going to come here and be one of us. That happens here too, you know. If you couldn’t hack it you should have stayed well away.” She looks at me and sneers.
My newfound confidence starts to ebb fast. For one thing, she’s being far too blunt in front of Jayden, and I’m hoping my sister won’t understand. Luckily, perceiving the tension between us, she’s stepped away and seems fascinated by a lizard sunning itself. And secondly, Jill apparently sees nothing wrong in what the Rock Demons had done. And the bikers force the girls like that here? Rapidly I’m rethinking my decision to go down to the clubhouse.
Jill’s face curves into a cruel smile, but as she opens her mouth, presumably to do more damage, a male voice butts in.
“Jill, get lost. Don’t think Slick wants you talkin’ to his woman.”
“His woman?” The sweet butt’s voice is shrill. “She fuckin’ left him. She’s not his ol’ lady.”
“Yeah, she is his ol’ lady. So scat.”
Paladin might only have been patched for a day, but there’s no doubt he’s given her an instruction she can’t disobey. Throwing daggers at me, she resumes her way, her hips swinging in an exaggerated swagger down the incline.
“Ella, don’t pay her no mind. I heard what she said. Ain’t one of us here would force ourselves on a woman.”
He’s young, what does he know? But he’s been here a year or more, which is a longer than I’ve spent in the club.
“And Slick wouldn’t let anyone else near you. You know that, don’t you?” He stares at me intensely until he sees some of my tension leave. Then his attention switches to Jayden, and he steps over to her. “Hi little one. How you feelin’ today?”
I notice she’d abandoned the lizard and has been watching him instead. She gives a tremulous smile and answers, “Okay.” Then she points at me. “Ella and I are going to the Desert Museum when we’re allowed to go out.”
“Hey, that’s great.” He grins back. “I might tag along. I hear they’ve got Gila monsters there.”
“Yeah, and mountain lions. There’s a huge collection of fossils as well.”
As she starts animatedly discussing rocks again, I’m grateful that Paladin came along. Especially when he expresses an interest too.
Still feeling unnerved, my previous confidence rapidly ebbing, I follow the young pair down to the clubhouse and force myself to step inside, immediately noticing it’s heaving with bodies. My hand goes to my chest to try to slow my fast beating heart, and I’m finding it hard to draw in air. Curious eyes seem to stare at me from every direction. I didn’t expect to find all the men around. Why aren’t they out working, doing whatever bikers do? It’s the middle of the day.
Paladin has his arm around Jayden and is pulling her into the throng, stopping me from escaping back with her to our suite. I put my hand out to hold onto the wall for support. There’s too many of them.
And when someone touches me. I jump out of my skin.
“Only me, darlin’. I’m pleased you’ve come down.” Looking up at Slick, he must see the panic in my eyes. “No one’s gonna hurt ya here, darlin’.” He glances around the room. “We’ve just had a meetin’, that’s why everyone’s around. I think you know most of them from last time, don’t you?”
I give a small nod. I recognise the majority, though probably can’t remember their names. I’d tried to keep well out of the way last time I was here.
He puts his arm around my shoulders and brings me further into the room, stopping by a couple of men. “Ella, this is Joker and Lady. Don’t think you’d have seen them before. They recently transferred from Vegas. And,” he taps another man on his shoulder, “Marvel. Marvel’s only just come too, from SoCal. Guys, this is my ol’ lady.”
“Marvel ‘cos I’m a marvel.”
“Don’t believe a word of it, sweetheart. Marvel likes fuckin’ comics. Fuckin’ kid.” The man introduced as Joker laughs and then steps back smartly to put himself out of reach of a playful fist from the comic-loving man.
After the thirty-something kid mock-places a light punch on his friend, he looks down to me. “Pleased to meet ya, Ella.”
I want to summon up the courage to ask about Lady’s handle, but as I can only manage a squeak of acknowledgement at the introductions, I’ll have to remain in ignorance for now. He’s certainly a pretty man though, with the type of defined facial features any woman would be grateful to have.
As we walk on through, I get nods and greetings from the men I do recognise, even if I can’t put names to the all the faces. Jill’s sitting with the other sweet butts, who seem to have increased their ranks from the last time I was here. If looks could kill, I reckon I’d be dead about now.
When we reach a clear space, Slick turns me to face him. “I really am fuckin’ glad to see you here, Ella. What made you pluck up the courage?”
“Hunger forced us down. Jayden needs feeding.”
“Well if that’s the case, let’s go get you somethin’.” He spins around and whistles. “Paladin, get Jayden over ‘ere. She needs somethin’ to eat.” He heads into the kitchen where Carmen is busying herself with pots and pans.
“Got anythin’ edible?” he jokes. “My girls need food.”
“There’s still some bacon and waffles? I can do you some eggs?”
“Don’t go to any trouble,” I say at the same time as Jayden licks her lips and says, “Yes, please.”
Carmen laughs and waves a pan toward Slick. “Shoo, I’ve got this. Ella and Jayden can visit awhile.”
After a glance down to make sure I’m going to be okay, and my tentative smile showing I’ll try, he moves his lips over the top of my head, then heads back to join the rest of the men.
Within moments my sister and I are tucking into plates piled high with food and drinking cups of very welcome coffee. Carmen stops what she’s doing and sits down beside us, taking the opportunity to have a break.
“Slick’s a good man, Ella. I’m glad you’ve come back. It destroyed him when you left.”
Jayden’s eyes are wide open. “You’ve been here before?”
Briefly I give her the PG story and bring her up to date. Then turn to Carmen. “I didn’t think he meant it. Didn’t realise he’d miss me. We didn’t even…”
As my voice trails off she barks an incredulous laugh and she completes my sentence in her head, then indicates my empty plate and that Jayden’s still eating. She gestures with her head. Getting her meaning I stand up and walk to the rear of the kitchen. “You didn’t fuck him?” she whispers.
I shoot a quick apologetic glance toward Jayden, glad she doesn’t seem to have overheard. I try to explain, “I wasn’t ready.”
“And now you are?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be.” I say the old refrain. But part of me wonders whether that’s still true. By taking things so slowly, Slick may be wearing down my defences.
Carmen’s kind eyes soften. “Give him time,” she says. “I’ve known Slick years and I’d trust him with my life. And that goes for the rest of the men here. Sure, they can be rowdy and rough with the sweet butts, but you won’t hear any of them complain. Ella, Bullet’s told me you did something important for the club. No one here is going to hurt you. They wouldn’t anyway, but seeing as they owe you, that makes you special.”
Our conversation’s interrupted by Slick entering with a man I haven’t seen before. They sit at the table and Slick pulls a piece of paper out of his cut.
“This is what I want, Horse.” He starts to sketch.
Jayden leans over to watch—well, she always was nosy.
“That’s not what you asked for before,” the man Slick addressed as Horse comments in a very English voice. “But there’s no problem changing the design.”
Intrigued, I walk over—well, if my sister can look I can too. Without consciously realising what I’m doing, my hand rests on Slick’s shoulder. Reaching up his, he covers my fingers with his own, and turns his head. “Horse here’s an artist. He’s gonna paint a design on my bike.”
I stare at the paper. I think I know what it is, but…
Without being asked he gives me the confirmation. “It’s a phoenix risin’ from the ashes.” He pushes back from the table and indicates his lap, a question in his eyes. Without giving it a second thought, I slide onto him.
“You and me, our relationship, and Jayden too. Buildin’ somethin’ better from our past.”
Placing my lips on his, for the first ever time I initiate a chaste kiss, and a warm feeling lights me from the inside. As the man with the English accent and Slick continue their conversation, I relax back in Slick’s arms, the feeling creeping over me how right it feels to be here like this. I feel safe and protected, and know it’s more than that. Soft voices wash over me, Slick’s fingers squeeze gently from time to time, giving tactile encouragement even while he’s focused on the other man’s words.
Secure in my cocoon, I let my mind wander, going over what he said, the design linking him, me, and my sister together, planning for it permanently to be marked on his bike. This isn’t fleeting, this isn’t sympathy or misplaced guilt. Slick is offering me the real thing. From beneath lowered eyelids I sneak a peek at this beautiful man, finally understanding and accepting that there’s one thing I can be sure of. Slick would never hurt me.