Chase:
I feel the cool air hit my face as I take off on my bike, heading home. I hear the tires squeal and then everything goes blurry as I hit the ground. Every sound is drowned out by the screaming voices surrounding me. “Someone call nine-one-one!”
I rub my eyes to clear my thoughts. Memories from last year have been running through my mind all week. I don’t know if it’s because I’m stressing about starting my music career back up or just because it’s been almost a year since it happened, but I just can’t stop replaying that night over in my head. I’m hanging out at home, just spending these last few days relaxing before tour starts and I am trying to ignore my phone going off five million times a minute. Ever since it was announced I was coming back things have been crazy. I would just shut it off, but as there are people who actually need to get ahold of me - that’s not really an option.
I always wanted this attention; not for the girls, I mean that is a plus, but because someone recognizes talent and appreciates mine. I’m young, but this is something I’ve known I would always do. I’ve never focused on anything else. I was given these talents for a reason and survived the challenges I did for a reason. It was to make this a reality. I’m not wasting my life doing something else.
I sit back and grab my phone, scrolling past the collection of messages and comments to check my page. About twenty-five more followers today, that's good, but I want that number to grow twenty times more than that. As I exit out another message pops up, some girl, yeah she’s hot, but the message is the same as the other hundred I have. “Thanks for accepting my request! How are you, sexy?”
I am tempted to reply - I mean, I am single, and she is hot as hell – but no. I don’t want a girlfriend. They don't even really know me, they just know what they see on social media. All they want me for is the fame and status, I am not even there yet myself and if I let myself get distracted by them I will lose this before it's even started. Plus they get pissed when I stop replying. They’re all the same and I get bored. Tossing my phone on the end of the couch, I close my eyes and think about where my life was only a few short years ago.
I was on the way to making it pretty big in the music industry, but I let my partying get the best of me. I shudder a bit as I recall the damage to my body. The countless days in the hospital, being told I may never walk again… my life almost ended in more ways than one.
I am lucky to be alive, well and have the second chance at my career, so I am not letting anything get in the way this time. Tomorrow we have our first show in Toronto and I need to get my head right. We have a new assistant starting, so there will be a little less organization at first, meaning the band has to be on top of its game. I text my manager and the guys, making sure we are all meeting at the same spot, then head to my room to pack.
***
I have everything packed and ready to go for tomorrow. I have to be up at two a.m. to catch the flight to Toronto, in order to get things all set up. The first show is always the rockiest. Also, this is my first show in a year and I’ll be touring with some of the biggest names in the alternative rock genre. I’m fucking lucky, that’s for sure. I can’t believe my life is here after everything that happened last year. I have to focus on using this tour as the footstool it is. This could launch me even farther than I was before the wreck.
I grab my phone off the nightstand and type my name into the internet search bar, something I haven’t done in months. A ton of links pop up and memories flash in my mind as I read through the articles. The wet roads, cool air and the moment everything changed.
A chill runs down my spine and I raise a hand to feel the scars on my chest. For the rest of my life I have a constant reminder of what I have gone through, there’s no forgetting it.
I sigh, plug my phone into the charger and try to sleep. I only have a few hours until I have to leave.
CHAPTER 2
Hope:
Yesterday flew by, I spent most of it packing and just hanging out with my family. Before I knew it, it was midnight and I needed to sleep. Today is the day, the day I have been so excited for. I have been talking about it for months, waiting for it and now that it’s here I am overwhelmed. I am lying in bed staring at the ceiling, trying to collect my thoughts before I get up. Everyone is going to be emotional today and I have to stay strong. Once I grab all of my bags and look around my bedroom, making sure I’m not forgetting anything. I know I am not fully moving yet, but this is the last time I will be here for three months and when I come back it will only be for a very short time. I am hoping this job becomes permanent or that it opens up another opportunity for me after this summer. I don’t plan on living here any longer. I grab my clothes and shower stuff, throw my bag over my shoulder and grab my roll along. I glance back, taking one last look at my room. Starting today this Hope is gone, although she will always be a part of me; she will no longer be the same scared, shy, naive girl she was. In her place will be a brave, strong and independent woman. She will put herself first and no longer settle for anything less than extraordinary in life.
I head up stairs and my family is already at the kitchen table. I smile say good morning, put my bags by the door and pour some coffee. My mom has biscuits and gravy made, one of my favorites. I make a plate and join my family at the table.
“Thanks for breakfast mom, it’s delicious.” I say between bites.
She smiles and says, “You’re welcome hun, I figured one of your favorites was appropriate for today.” She looks sad, I see tears start to form, but she quickly looks down and takes a bite.
“I can’t believe this is here already,” I say, looking into my coffee. “These last few months went so fast. I am excited, but it’s going to be weird being gone.”
“It’s only for around three months for now Hope. If you don’t like it you can always come home early. You always have the option to stay here.” My dad says encouragingly.
“That’s right babe, no matter how far away you go, how old you get and no matter where life takes you, this will always be home. You will always be able to come back here.” My mom says, reaching over to grab my hand.
“Thank you guys. I know this is what is right, for right now. I need to do this or I will regret it my whole life. This is a chance to make my dreams come true. I also need to grow as a person and move on from some things I went through here. I need to leave some things behind and find myself, find the Hope I was meant to be. It’s just scary and sad to leave you all and everything I’ve ever known.”
My mom comes over and hugs me and all the tears I have been holding in the past few days flow freely. My heart is aching but at the same time I feel relieved to tell them how I really feel. Then my mom clears her throat, releases her grip and says, “Okay, pull it together. Hope, you have a plane to catch and a job to do. Go get ready, I’ll clean this up.”
My sister gets up and follows me to the bathroom to get ready. I hear my mom whispering to something my dad said,
“I know Leo, I am scared too, but we always told our children to chase their dreams. She is brave, we have to be for her too. She is smart and strong, she can do this. We will be waiting for her if she ever needs us.”
I close my eyes and smile knowing she has some faith in me. My sister and I finish getting ready. She does my hair, pulling it back in a tight fishtail braid and puts on my makeup.
“There!” She exclaims, “Now you look cute, but functional. It’ll be hot out there, and you’ll be in a hurry when you get off the plane. You can just go right to work.”
“Thanks Tay,” I say smiling, she’s so much better at this beauty thing than I am. I was always a girly girl, but stayed pretty natural as far as makeup and hair. “Who is going to do my hair and makeup in hurry now!? I have to look good but I will be so busy, ugh what will I do without you!?”
I get up and squeeze her tight. We have fought our whole lives, but leaving my little sister is hardest of all. She is my confident, protector and best friend. This is the hardest goodbye.
“Um, look like a homeless person all the time obviously.” She says laughing at our inside joke of our favorite movie Something Borrowed. “I’m just kidding Hope, you’re gorgeous and you will be just fine. I sure will miss you though, it’s me who doesn't know what I will do without you. You’re always there when I need you. Who will I bring with me on my late night trips to the store? Who will be there when I’m bored. I’m so used to being able to just go down the road and see you. This is going to be hard.”
I look at my sister in the eyes, admiring the strong young woman she has become. “We will be perfectly fine Taylor Michelle. You are so strong don’t you wimp out on me now. Okay!? We will talk every day, video chat, text, phone calls. Whatever necessary and I’ll be back before you know it! Now we need to hurry, my plane leaves in two and a half hours and it’s thirty minutes to the airport.”
Once we get everything loaded in the car, my family drives me to the airport. We all make small talk discussing everything but my leaving. We seem to avoid that topic, and I am thankful. I am enjoying the light hearted conversations and all the laughs.
Once we arrive to the airport, find my gate and my family walks me as far as they can, my dad hugs me tight and says, “Go get em’ kiddo. I believe in you and I am so proud of you. I am here whenever, no matter what time it is. Call if you need me. I love you.”
I squeeze him tight and reply, “I love you too dad, thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. Thank you for always encouraging me to follow my dreams. I love you so much! I’ll see you soon.”
My mom walks up and squeezes me so hard I can barely breathe. “If you want to come home at any time you can okay?”
I reply my face squished close to hers, “I know mom, thank you.”
“And you call me every day. Call when you land, get to the festival, and check into your hotel okay? I want to know you’re safe. I’m so proud of you Hope. I love you.”
I nod and say, “I promise mom. I promise and I love you too, thank you so much for everything. I’ll call as soon as I land.”
My sister walks me to my gate while my parents hang back waiting for her. I look back towards them and my dad wraps his arm around my mom, squeezing her to him as he gives me an encouraging smile. Once Taylor and I reach my gate, she hugs me tight, then holds out her hand.
“Squeeze times three,” she says as we grip hands and do our shake from high school.”
“Squeeze times three.” I say, “Be safe, smart, don’t piss of the rents and call me whenever you need okay!? I don’t care what time it is, and Tay?”
“Yeah?” She says looking up at me.
“You're so strong, smart and can do anything you want. I hope you know that! I don't know how I would've survived without you the last twenty two years. I know we fight a lot, but you’re my best friend. Just follow your heart and go be happy woman. Call me if you ever need anything, and if you want, come move with me. You always have a place with me. That being said though, no matter how far apart we are, you will always, always be my sister and most importantly my best friend.”
With that we both start crying and she says,
“Now stop, you will mess up my masterpiece that I did on your face.”
I laugh, “Okay, okay, go take care of our parents. They’re probably a wreck. I'll text when I board and call when I land. I love you.”
“I love you too”, she says and hugs me one final time before turning to meet our parents.
I take a deep breath, adjust my carryon bag slung across my shoulder, grab my luggage and take one last look at my family. My emotions are a mixture of excitement and sadness, but I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes and head to the waiting area.
I have an hour until my plane boards and although it’s only noon I grab a drink at the bar. I sip on my Red’s Apple Ale and search the bands that I will be working with. I will be all over the tour, but mainly working with Chase Franklin. I have only just started listening to him, he just got back to work after a long break apparently. I love alternative rock and metal music, but I haven’t really heard of him. So I search him online.
Random links to his social media accounts, and links to download his music appear. I click on the images tab and see a man with dark brown hair, blue eyes and just enough facial hair. I have been avoiding looking him up since I found out a few days ago that I’d be working closest with him. To be honest I’d been avoiding searching anything about the tour. I didn’t want to find one thing that would deter me from taking this chance. I was already struggling with the feelings I still harbor for Josh, even though they aren’t reciprocated. I didn’t need another reason to not go.
He sure is attractive, that is a fact. After scrolling through a few more pictures I click the news tab. Immediately links pop up and they all have one thing in common. Accident. I shake my head, confused. The voice over the speaker reminds me that I have thirty minutes until boarding.
I finish my drink, pay the bartender and head to sit at the gate. Once I am situated, I put my headphones in and scroll through the links.
“Rock Musician Chase Franklin In Life Threatening Accident”
“Motorcycle Accident Nearly Claims Life Of Up And Coming Musician”
“Chase Franklin Back To The Music After Wreck”
I click on the first one and there is a video. I can barely watch as it was taken at the scene clearly. I see what I assume is his bike on the road, ambulances and people surrounding the body on the pavement. I cringe as I see his body lifted onto the gurney and loaded into the ambulance.
I close the browser and try to remember that it was a year ago and he clearly is better now. Yet, the image of his blood covered face is burned in my memory. I text my sister and parents that I am about to board and sit and stare out the window as I wait for my row to be called.
***
I pull up to the designated area for the bands and tour workers, park my rental car and glance at myself in the mirror. I am full of nerves, but also this is the most excitement I have ever felt, in my life. This is it, I am about to get a taste of what will hopefully be the best chapter in my life.
I throw my shades on, take out my braid & run my fingers through my loose waves and get out of the car. I glance down, making sure my shorts aren’t all rolled up. That’d be something, walking up to meet my boss and the Rising Aggression members with half of my ass hanging out. I could only imagine what message that would bring across.
I tug at my lucky, extremely faded, Of Mice and Men tank. Not caring if people judge, I needed the comfort today and I think it’s appropriate given the music genre I am working with here. Locking my car I take one last look back and start towards the tent. This is a rush and I’m trying to take it all in, people everywhere setting up the stages and it’s pretty crazy that I have a VIP badge on and I’m able to walk in when the grounds are still closed.. The next thing I know, I trip over who fucking knows what and face plant the grass right in front of the Rising Aggression tent.
Great… what a grand fucking entrance….I just lost any cool points I had and let’s just say I didn’t have many. A security guard runs over and helps me up. If my face is as red as it feels then it probably looks like a giant tomato.
I look up and see a man who seems to be in his late twenties, early thirties and smile.
“Thanks. I apparently haven’t outgrown being a klutz. Um.. I am here to meet Rising Aggression and Ariel, I think her name is? I am the new assistant, Hope Richards.” I say, trying to hide my embarrassment and pull out the email I printed off from Ignite Records .
He gives me a warm smile and says,
“I’m Mike, nice to meet you Hope. You’ll be seeing me a lot around tour so if you need anything let me know. They are through the tent there.” He gestures to the small opening a few feet over.
“Thank you. Let’s just hope next time we meet it’s not like that. I just prayed to every God there is, that no one else saw that little mishap.” I laugh and walk through the opening.
As I am walking in, a short, petite framed woman with blonde hair comes half skipping up to me. She is definitely full of energy.
“Hey! Are you Hope?” She smiles brightly.
I nod and smile, extending my hand. “Um, yes that's me. Are you my boss?”
She waives me off, “Psh, technically yes, but as we will both be doing just as much work, we can just skip the technicalities. I’m Ariel.”
My nerves are going crazy, but I am also so excited I can’t contain it. Orrr it may be the three iced coffees I drank on the way here. What can I say, I’m a coffee addict and I wanted to make sure I had energy.
“Sounds great. I will admit I’m nervous, but this is a dream come true for me - literally. I will do whatever I can to make sure I succeed.”
She embraces me in a hug,
“That’s what I like to hear. You’re what? Twenty-four, twenty-five? I read your application, but it’s been a bit. I’m twenty five.”
I nod, “I’m twenty-four.”
She smiles, “Great! Thanks for coming a day early to meet me. I just thought it would be good for you to watch the guys without all the madness at first. I’m excited you’re here, we will have some fun for sure, but for now it’s down to business. We are pretty much set up, so we can head back stage, they’re about to go on. I would introduce you to everyone, but they have a quick meet and greet after the show and you probably want to get checked into your hotel for the night, because tomorrow you will be on your bus. As much as I love this life, trust me you will learn to appreciate the occasional hotel nights. Anyway, we’re here for two days, so tomorrow will be the real deal.”
We get back stage and all I can hear are the chants from the crowd.
“Chase! Chase! Chase!”
Ariel looks at me with a grin across her face.
“Not sure if you did research or listen to RA, but this is Chase’s first show back after a long stint off. The fans are pretty excited as you can tell. We decided to do a small show for a VIP section today. To give select fans a first look and to let Chase get back in the groove before performing in front of the big crowd tomorrow. That's why we're here two days.”
I nod, “I saw something about that. I did a bit of research. I am a metal head so I am just excited to be here all around. That sounds like a good thing for him though, not just throwing him in. ”
She looks as she wants to say something, but I’m sure she is deciding it’s probably not her business to tell.
“Okay good. Well, we're all pumped for this tour. I’m so glad to have someone who loves this stuff as much as I do working with me. The show’s about to start, so headphones on and phone on silent.”
She smiles and motions me to the side of the stage. I make sure my phone is on vibrate and move to where I can see the stage. Then the crowd goes silent. I hear the faint sound of voices and look across the stage and see four guys stretching and loosening up for the show. That must be Rising Aggression.
Three of them go on stage, going behind the drums and two guitars. As they prep, I closely watch the fourth member. He seems to be collecting himself and I can’t tell whether he is excited or nervous, but it suddenly hits me that it’s Chase. This is his moment before his first show back. The first show of the tour. Even though he is a ways from me I can see the picture online didn’t do him justice. With his tattooed arms, dark hair and distinct jaw line, someone would have to be blind to not think this man is attractive. Butterflies are going crazy in my stomach and I am not sure whether it's just all the excitement or because the man across from me is fucking gorgeous.
Ariel squeezes my arm and mouths, “Are you ready?”
I nod and look around the stage and to the crowd anxiously waiting for the show to start. I sure as hell am.
Then, the intro of the song starts playing. Softly at first, slowly getting louder and the crowd goes wild as Chase walks on stage clapping his hands above his head, wearing a smile so big it takes up his whole face.
I stand quietly as the sound of his voice fills the air. It is one of the most unique voices I have heard in a long time and I instantly fall in love with it.
“Cash me in, I’m checking out
Nothing left but falling down
I let them bleed me dry night after night,
I do it because I don’t have the fight
It’s the only thing I have left
That makes me feel alive
The lights dim and the music fades
And all I’m left with is
Feeling ashamed
There’s nothing left of me…
There’s nothing else I want to be…”
***
I wake up and realize everything around me is unfamiliar. The plain walls, generic decorating, and landline phone on the bedside table next to me. It takes me a second to remember I’m at a hotel. I hop out of bed at the speed of light and run to the window, open the blinds and let the bright sun in. I glance out over the city of Toronto. It is the most beautiful site I have ever seen. It’s still early and the sun is slowly rising. I sit and watch as the sky changes from oranges to pinks, slowly brightening, lighting up the city.
Then reality smacks me in the face and I can’t believe I actually did this. I recollect everything that happened yesterday; leaving home, saying goodbye to my family, flying to Toronto and seeing Rising Aggression. I can’t wait to see how the festival is when everyone is there and how much of a rush it will be. I go through an array of emotions within a matter of minutes. I’m shocked that I had the freakin’ guts to do this, me of all people, the girl who was scared to even take her driving test at seventeen for crying out loud. I am in a whole new country, I am traveling, What!? Damn Hope, you grew a pair. A tinge of sadness hits me because although I am ecstatic, I’ve never been hundreds of miles away from my family like this. All I can think about is what they are doing. Sleeping obviously, but soon they will wake and go about their day. Will they miss me?
With the thought of missing someone, Josh invades my thoughts and all those feelings of sadness, longing and heartache hit me so hard it physically hurts. I remember when he called me a few months after ending things, saying “he missed me”. Apparently he just missed having a female around, because that only lasted about two weeks. I sure as hell ran back to him though, I bitched at him for how he ended things and how bad he hurt me, but as soon as I got out all of my feelings...I caved. Well, not all of my feelings, I still haven’t told him I fell for him. I just was so happy to have him back in my life one way or another. Then, he broke me again, now there is nothing left of my heart. It's been so long and yet, when it's quiet and there is nothing to distract me from the thoughts of him and memories creep in. That's when the pain succumbs me and hits me like a punch in the stomach. Out of all wounds, broken hearts are the most painful. Will it ever fade, will I ever be able to remember him and it not feel like my heart is breaking all over again? Will I ever be able to smile at the memories without the tears immediately flowing? Nearly a year has passed and the pain still feels like it was minutes ago. I just want it to go away, but at the same time, I'm terrified to forget him.
I snap out of it realizing I am crying, wipe my tears and tell myself to be brave. This is all I ever wanted and it's happening. Screw that asshole. Deep down the pain reminds me that I love him still. So, I go to the mini fridge, grab the Irish cream I bought, make some coffee and pour a nice serving of cream in there. I take a sip and it calms me. I undress, hop in the shower and let the hot water relax my body.
Once I pull my shit together, I get out and grab a towel, nearly slipping on the wet floor as I try to hurry out of the bathroom. Today is my first REAL day, yesterday was more observing than working. It’s down to business now, this is my dream and I am not going to fail. No more sulking Hope, it’s time to make your life everything you want. I throw on some Too Close To Touch, one of my favorite bands currently. I turn it up just loud enough I don’t bother the other hotel guests and dance around in my bra and underwear, playing the air guitar as I get ready. I choose to wear black skinnies, my combat boots and a tank, something I will feel confident in, while being comfortable. After blow drying and straightening my hair and put on just enough makeup to make me look like I am not zombiefied from the lack of sleep I had. Then I grab my jean vest and head out the door. This is it, my first official day at work and I am going to kick ass at this job.