Kady

 

Except for a few toiletries I’d taken out to use this morning, my bags are packed and ready to go by the door, waiting for my departure.

A numbness takes over as I slowly and silently roll out of bed. I’m careful not to disturb Gavin, who lays naked on his stomach, the sheet barely covering the swell of his perfect ass. I stand there a few moments admiring his athletically fit body. His back is a work of art. The corded, ropey muscles flexing even in his sleep as one arm is pulled up over his head haphazardly, the other down by his hip.

My eyes trail down the valley of the trim and tapered V of his waist and the curving slope of his ass. I smile to myself when I see that his butt cheeks are still a little red from where I clawed and grabbed last night in my impatience to get off.

He’d been on top of me at the time, teasing me in a way that was both infuriating and a turn on. I’d cursed him for taking his time, as he slowly entered me, inch by incredible inch.

“Goddamn you, Gavin. Stop teasing and fuck me,” I’d wailed, my nails digging into the taut flesh of his ass.

But he just smiled cockily, taking his own sweet time and toying with me every step of the way.

That’s what I like most about Gavin. He shows the world a bad boy image with his cocky swagger and tatted body. But on the inside, and when you get close to him, you find out he’s a teddy bear at the core. He gets along with everyone, has an easy-going manner and he cares deeply.

Which scares me, especially when he got close to saying those words last night.

Maybe it was all in my head. But he’d turned so serious when we were dancing together. When he brought my hand to his chest – his heart – my throat swelled tight and I could barely swallow.

I just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t open myself up to him like he wanted me to. So, I did what I do best. I diverted his attention with physical love.

And that worked for a little while, until we were curled up in bed, the warmth of his chest cocooning me inside his arms. He whispered sweet, endearing nothings in my ear, telling me how beautiful I was. How much he would miss me. How lucky he was that he answered Cade’s call a week before.

Honestly, I didn’t expect it would be this hard to leave. It feels like a crack in my chest, an open wound that pulses and throbs with raw pain. Because I’m weak and pathetic, and know I won’t be able to keep myself from falling apart, I’ve made the decision to leave before he wakes up.

I’ve convinced myself it will be best for both of us. To avoid the awkward goodbyes. Or worse, the promises he’d make to keep in touch with me. I know my heart couldn’t handle that. It’s already too exposed as it is.

In fact, at one point last night, he’d begun discussing the future. How the season would be over soon and that he’d be working with his agent to get drafted back in the states. And if he gets picked up as a free agent on a team, then we’d work out a way to see each other.

It prickled across my skin like nettles. Not because I was scared, but because I wanted to believe him. I want it to happen, even though I know it’s impossible. It’s an unrealistic and unattainable pipe dream. 

The problem is, I’ve fallen for Gavin.

Somehow over the last week, his calming force has tamed the wild and free spirit within me. Gavin’s presence quieted and stilled the tumultuous waters that always break within me.

I don’t want to be tethered, do I?

This plan to leave unnoticed was much easier to implement in my head, though. It should be such a simple endeavor to say goodbye and walk away. But now as I stand at the edge of the bed, the crack of morning light streaming through the heavy drapes, my legs quiver and my breath is ragged.

A part of me wants nothing more than to get into bed and snuggle underneath the covers with him. To listen to his soft snores, punctuated by deep, heavy sighs, waiting until he awakes from sleep - groggy and drugged from his dreams - his body hard. To open myself for him to move over me, slaking his morning need by using my body, as he pushes deep inside me while I squirm for release.

Instead, I worry my lip and dig my nails into my palm to hold myself back. Decision made, I move to the bedside table and begin to write him a note. It’s short, to the point, and leaves no room for argument. I’m determined that once I’m gone – out of sight, out of mind – he’ll move on. He has plenty going for him and doesn’t need me to complicate things for him.

Moving toward the door, I pick up my bags and turn to look at him one more time. Everything about him in this moment is etched into my memory bank. Why is it that every man looks so damn sweet and lovable when they sleep? Gavin is no exception. Maybe it’s the vulnerability – his features soft, yet still masculine – while in slumber.

I blink back a tear and take a composed breath, opening the door as quietly as possible. And then, before I can think twice about it, I pull out my phone and turn to take a photo of Gavin in his sleeping state. I have plenty of pictures of him from our time together, but this one will remind me of what I left behind.

The first selfie Gavin and I took together was the day we went to the armory. Colorful flags waving in the air behind us, cheesy smiles across our faces. Gavin’s eyes were cross-eyed as he smiled goofily at me. My tongue is stuck out in direct opposition to his sweet playfulness.

God, that was a good day.

I’m certain if I stayed with Gavin longer, we’d have plenty more good days together. But I know myself. I would’ve found a way to ruin it eventually. I always do. My personality and Sagittarius zodiac sign dictates that I have a tendency to burn relationships at both ends. Burn ‘em and churn ‘em.

It’s for the best, I reason. I’m saving Gavin from having to experience the emotional drain and fatigue that I surely would have given him. Truthfully, sometimes I even tire myself out.

“Hey beautiful,” comes the sound of his raspy, sleep-tinged voice. “I hope you’re just sneaking out to go get us some coffee and you’re not leaving without saying goodbye.”

Oh crappity-crap-crap-crap.

Slowly turning to face him, I try to erase my guilty expression, but it’s a useless endeavor.

I shrug. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Gavin throws back the sheets, climbing out of bed and walking toward me. I glance away until he stands in front of me, naked and beautiful, his morning wood a glorious feature that I can’t ignore. I peek down but look away fast, for fear I’ll do something I’ll regret.

“You were going to leave, weren’t you?”

Busted. “Yeah, I thought it would be easier.”

I try to keep my distance from him, but he moves in and wraps his arms around me, his chin dropping to the top of my head.

He speaks softly. Achingly soft. But it’s a chainsaw to my steely exterior.

“I didn’t take you for a coward.”

Ouch.

“Don’t do this to me, Gavin. Just let me go.”

I grab my roller bag handle to keep me upright. My nerves are shot and unsteady. I didn’t want this to turn into an ugly departure. I just wanted to get out unscathed with my heart intact.

Something flashes through his dark eyes. A hint of sorrow mixed with resolve.

“Okay, listen. I won’t make this any more uncomfortable than it already is. But just know this,” he murmurs. “This isn’t goodbye for good. I promise, I’m going to call you and stay in touch. I’ll basically hound you until I see you again. And trust me when I say, I will see you again.”

He emphasizes those last five words and I want to believe him. I want to so hard. I want there to be truth in his words. For the man I’ve come to care so much for to come chasing after me. To love me like he promised to do.

My eyes water and I flick away an errant tear. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Gavin.”

“I promised to show you a good time and I did, right? So, this is no different. I keep my word.”

I laugh when his hands land on my ribs and he tickles me in my most sensitive spot.

“Stop it…you’re trying to divert my attention. It won’t work,” I say defiantly, lifting my chin and pushing against his chest. His warm, bare chest that I’ve had my hands all over the last week.

“If I wanted to shift your attention, all I really have to do is this…”

His mouth lands on mine, confirming his masterful and magical skills of making all my worries disappear.

It’s a wonder I ever made it to the airport on time.

****

The short flight to Madrid was on a small prop plane that flew directly over the Mediterranean Sea that divides the two countries. But I don’t remember much of it. My head and thoughts were on Gavin. And his promise to stay in touch with me.

My sister is the optimistic one, always looking on the bright side of things. Me, I’m the pessimist. Regardless of Gavin’s adamant claims and promises to stay in contact, I know it’s a lie. Perhaps it’s unintentional, but given the time and distance, Gavin will soon lose interest and forget all about me. For that, I’m certain.

I need to put him out of my mind as fast as possible and start figuring out what I want to do next.

It appears that I’m not the only one who’s interested in my future plans. The minute I landed, I had several incoming texts from my dad. And the first one brought all my fun times in Europe crashing to a grinding halt.

I know where you are, young lady and if you don’t get back within the next three days, I will come drag you back home.

Oh shit.

Enjoy the next few days of your freedom, Kadence. It’ll be your last until school starts again.

Yep, that’s my dad. He bestows on me the same love and affection that he gives his criminal clients. Everything is my fault, I’m guilty and he never wants to hear the excuse.

I guess the jig is up. He’s found out where I am and the party is over. It’ll be a hundred times worse when he finds out that I’m not going back to school. It’s possible World War III will erupt in our small Scottsdale neighborhood.

And at that point, it really won’t matter or not if Gavin does follow through on his promise, because I’ll be held captive in my home for the rest of my life.